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Co-Worker - Does he like me?


OceanBlues132017

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OceanBlues132017

I can't express how frustrating dating can be in your early thirties. I find myself surrounded by coworkers more than anyone else on a daily basis, so go figure that's where I seem to find my attraction.

 

 

I'll start by saying this guy has been with the company longer than I have, but I just met him a few months ago as I helped train him into his new role in my department. I find out right away he is the department head's brother. Not a big deal, we get along fine, but it did worry me that if things were to ever go bad, it could be a big deal.

 

 

It's all started out friendly. Work questions, then having mutual work friends. We've gone out with groups outside of work for drinks and dinner. I can see how I could potentially like him as more than friends and want to know where we'd end up.

 

 

Here's the part that every woman seems to run into: mixed signals. I know that usually means he's just not that into you, or not into you at all, but still I'd love the advice.

 

 

So in hanging out multiple times we've always had a good time, laughed, joked. At work we've joked and even semi flirted ( joked about going on on a date when taking about planning dinner events or happy hours ). He's randomly messaged me to ask questions or just to suggest I might like things.

 

 

After an outside of work outing at a bar I got up to use the restroom and when I got back he switched chairs with a friend to sit next to me. We talked and shared information about ourselves. It was like a mini date inside a bigger group of people. That night on my way home he kept texting me. I got home and we were still chatting randomly about stuff. I got to the point where I was nice and said well I hope you have a good night... he asked what I was doing? Going to bed yet? I told him I was gonna watch tv and we kept texting for over an hour cause he seemed to want to keep chatting. I was excited and hopeful that he'd keep it up the next day or so. He didn't.

 

 

We've again gone out on a group outing since (2 weeks passed and we've been normal at work, just not super chatty since I backed off, I don't want to be the one to be too into him if he's not into me) and it was fun again. We again had a small side conversation, just the two of us. His brother was even with us this time. Afterwards I took the initiative to text him to say it was fun and I hope they enjoyed it too. He texted back right away (he always has, he's not one of those people that waits like 20 mins to text back cause he's playing it cool, and I love that about him) but it was polite and short. I could tell he wasn't trying to extend the texting like the previous time.

 

 

I'm not dumb, I can tell something is holding him back, but I just don't know if it's me or something else? I think we've hit it off and clicked, and want to know if it could be more. But maybe I am being blind? Is it just friends an that's it? A mutual friend has teased me about hanging out with him (this friend is his best friend) in a cute way... but it could have been him trying to say it's me into him or him into me. The reason behind his little comment wasn't clear. I know where his loyalties lie and they are with him, so I won't get an answer there.

 

 

I guess I just need some insight as to what to do next if anything. I don't want something potentially great slip away, but I also don't want to be that naïve girl that thinks something is there when it's not.

 

 

Guys? Girls? What are your thoughts? Leave it in his hands? Leave it alone? Just move on? I know we've all been through things like this and an outside perspective is not something we can ever give ourselves. Let me know!

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Don't do anything! Don't break the spell. He clearly likes you. But for whatever reason, he has not made his move. There's always a good reason why not, and it has nothing to do with you.

 

Just keep on being happy and busy, doing YOU, fabulous YOU, and don't focus on him. Men hate it when you zoom in on them. And they love it when you DON'T pay a lot of attention to them (i.e., be nice, but always be focused on something else). They want what they can't have. I have no clue why they are like this - it's so darn counterintuitive!! I just know that they ARE like this. They're like hunters in the forest - it's always the deer that is elusive and runs away from them that is the prize they want (in their eyes). The easy kills - the ones they don't have to chase down - don't do anything for them.

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Don't do anything! Don't break the spell. He clearly likes you. But for whatever reason, he has not made his move. There's always a good reason why not, and it has nothing to do with you.

 

Just keep on being happy and busy, doing YOU, fabulous YOU, and don't focus on him. Men hate it when you zoom in on them. And they love it when you DON'T pay a lot of attention to them (i.e., be nice, but always be focused on something else). They want what they can't have. I have no clue why they are like this - it's so darn counterintuitive!! I just know that they ARE like this. They're like hunters in the forest - it's always the deer that is elusive and runs away from them that is the prize they want (in their eyes). The easy kills - the ones they don't have to chase down - don't do anything for them.

 

Not true for this guy. I don't like effort - I like effortless. I love it when a woman makes it easy for me and it has no bearing on whether I will keep her long term or not.

 

But, speaking from a guy who is currently trying to land a coworker, he is likely cautious so he doesn't make an uncomfortable situation at work.

 

Be clear in that you like him and give him an open door to walk through.

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OceanBlues132017
They want what they can't have. I have no clue why they are like this - it's so darn counterintuitive!! I just know that they ARE like this. They're like hunters in the forest - it's always the deer that is elusive and runs away from them that is the prize they want (in their eyes). The easy kills - the ones they don't have to chase down - don't do anything for them.

 

 

 

This is so beyond true. Men always do want what they can't have. It's a game that's been played since the beginning of time. I'm just at the point where I'd love just find someone who is open and willing to just TRY. Take a chance, see where it goes... again, I'll say what I said at the beginning of my thread... it's beyond frustrating dating in your early thirties (or for any age really). I don't want to play hard to get to the point where things die because he thinks I don't like him at all. I guess that's why we are all here. To try and figure out this crazy thing called life... :)

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A few things needed....

 

1. What is the workplace rules on dating coworkers

2. How valuable are you looked at in your comoany?

 

He may have feelings for you but he may feel he puts his company and brother at risk of lawsuit.

 

I think he has interest in you

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OceanBlues132017
Not true for this guy. I don't like effort - I like effortless. I love it when a woman makes it easy for me and it has no bearing on whether I will keep her long term or not.

 

But, speaking from a guy who is currently trying to land a coworker, he is likely cautious so he doesn't make an uncomfortable situation at work.

 

Be clear in that you like him and give him an open door to walk through.

 

 

 

So question to a guy who is currently interested in a coworker who would like an open door to make the move... What can she do to let you know she likes you back in a nice subtle way as to NOT make things uncomfortable at work? I don't want to lose a chance at a great catch by being hard to get, but don't want to put myself out there 100% either. What would you want to see done/said to make it easier for you to step in and just go for it?

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OceanBlues132017
A few things needed....

 

1. What is the workplace rules on dating coworkers

2. How valuable are you looked at in your comoany?

 

He may have feelings for you but he may feel he puts his company and brother at risk of lawsuit.

 

I think he has interest in you

 

 

 

Love this!

1. Workplace dating is beyond a thing and my company is very lax

2. I am a valuable asset to the company and I know this, as does his brother (our site leader)... no lawsuit risk... the brother though... boss at work... boss in life? That I don't know....

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So question to a guy who is currently interested in a coworker who would like an open door to make the move... What can she do to let you know she likes you back in a nice subtle way as to NOT make things uncomfortable at work? I don't want to lose a chance at a great catch by being hard to get, but don't want to put myself out there 100% either. What would you want to see done/said to make it easier for you to step in and just go for it?

 

 

This would do it for me:

- Make excuses to see him, touch his arm when he makes a funny joke, smile at him more than you do others. Suggest doing an activity with just the two of you. Make it clear you don't have a bf.

 

Or just ask him out. I know you won't do that, most women wont, but it would surely give you your answer.

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This would do it for me:

- Make excuses to see him, touch his arm when he makes a funny joke, smile at him more than you do others. Suggest doing an activity with just the two of you. Make it clear you don't have a bf.

 

Or just ask him out. I know you won't do that, most women wont, but it would surely give you your answer.

 

 

 

I'll try and do those things to the point where if I don't get an equal response back, then I'd stop and take the hint. He knows I'm single and that I'm interesting in dating. But you're right I wouldn't ask him out. There are too many complications in my work situation to do that. It would be the best way to get my answer though. I appreciate your perspective and wish you luck with yours!

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I'll try and do those things to the point where if I don't get an equal response back, then I'd stop and take the hint. He knows I'm single and that I'm interesting in dating. But you're right I wouldn't ask him out. There are too many complications in my work situation to do that. It would be the best way to get my answer though. I appreciate your perspective and wish you luck with yours!

 

Although I find women have an infinity easier time in dating, there is one area that sucks: determining if a guy really likes you or just wants sex.

 

Men will have sex with women with no intention of a relationship.

 

Just be playful and open. If he doesn't bite he's either not interested or a whimp. Neither are good. But his texting you all the time and other behavior leads me to believe he is very interested.

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That night on my way home he kept texting me. I got home and we were still chatting randomly about stuff. I got to the point where I was nice and said well I hope you have a good night... he asked what I was doing? Going to bed yet? I told him I was gonna watch tv and we kept texting for over an hour cause he seemed to want to keep chatting. I was excited and hopeful that he'd keep it up the next day or so. He didn't.
It was late at night. He felt lonely. Probably he drank a bit too (but that's not indispensable). It looks like you filled the void as his fantasy booty call. That doesn't transfer to the next day.

 

We again had a small side conversation, just the two of us.
About what?

 

Afterwards I took the initiative to text him to say it was fun and I hope they enjoyed it too.
Hmm. Bad decision if you ask me.

 

I don't want something potentially great slip away
If he lets it slip away, too bad for him. It means he was not fully into you. So better drop the whole idea.

 

What are your thoughts?
When the next outing comes, go home. He'll be going and you won't be there. When the second outing comes, do the same. If he asks anything about you not showing up or trying to see if you'll attend, just tell him you prefer to date right now, as you're single, instead of seeing co-workers you already spend all day with. He'll get the hint. If he doesn't, he was just enjoying time with you as a friend. Avoid anything casual, because he'll always be there the next morning.

 

I know we've all been through things like this and an outside perspective is not something we can ever give ourselves. Let me know!
Well, it never happened to me as I've always worked with much older men. Or women. Though a colleague once wanted to ... me, but he was not single and 20+ years older.
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OceanBlues132017

 

When the next outing comes, go home. He'll be going and you won't be there. When the second outing comes, do the same. If he asks anything about you not showing up or trying to see if you'll attend, just tell him you prefer to date right now, as you're single, instead of seeing co-workers you already spend all day with. He'll get the hint. If he doesn't, he was just enjoying time with you as a friend. Avoid anything casual, because he'll always be there the next morning.

 

 

 

 

I think this is great advice actually. If someone does care enough to notice or say something about your absence, then there is no reason to give him your presence.

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I am a guy and I will second SevenCity's note about liking a direct approach from a woman.

 

IF I am really into a woman then the playing hard to get thing is just tiresome and I hate it.

 

That said, it does seem your coworker runs hot and cold. I've never dated coworkers and would be very concerned about dating someone in the same department. Too close for comfort for me.

 

Of course, I see it all the time at my company. People who've dated and even married, etc. So to each their own. I have probably really missed out on a lot of great opportunities in that regard.

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OceanBlues,

I'm going to be the party-pooper here and say that you shouldn't develop this any further.

 

Work relationships aren't a good idea and usually end in tears IME.

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He sounds interested to me, but we are talking about coworkers here, and we know what dangerous territory that can be. Another issue is his rank in the pecking order. Is he a superior? Is his relationship with his brother going to be an issue, even if you two are equals? Women easily get the reputation of sleeping their way to the top. Be careful here. It could be that he's pulling back because he's worried about the issue of dating a coworker. Good idea? Take a chance? Bad idea, don't take a chance? Do you feel the same about him? He's thinking the same way, "Does she like me?" Just enjoy it for what it is and maybe something will come of it or not.

 

What happens if you don't get along and break up? How will this affect your professional life? Will you still be able to work together? Will he or his brother make life a living hell for you?

 

I dated a coworker, and same department, so we saw each other. We were discreet - no one knew we were dating, and during the off times (it was back and forth), we were okay with each other - again, no one knew. So in that regard, it was fine, but it took a lot for me to pretend everything was fine. We weren't terribly close, like on for a few weeks, then off, so not like anything remotely long-term, which made the situation easier, point being, both parties have to keep professional, professional, regardless of what went down in your private lives.

 

I say just enjoy this little crush and maybe something will come about. Secret work crushes can be fun.

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