Leon20 Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 Hey Loveshack, So I am new to this forum, I had read some posts on here but decided to join because of all the great advice I had seen on this website! Background: I have known this girl (we’ll call her J) for about 3 years. She is 25 and I just turned 24. we were good friends in college and met playing basketball at the gym together. I broke up with my ex around last June 2017 after 5 years (she cheated on me multiple times), and month or so after that (around September), I felt like I was ready to at least start talking to other girls (not dating seriously because didn’t want to rebound somebody). So J and I started hanging out, talking/texting, & flirting more and a couple months after that we went on an “official” date. Over the course of November to this last December I met her best friends, we went on a couple dates, had a great time and we were a “thing”. She emphasized she wanted to take things slow because of my recent breakup and the fact that she’s also been single for 5 years and accustomed to being by herself but wanted to change which was okay for me. Come December, I got offered a temporary job (6 months) in Arizona that was good pay, and a good opportunity to get some work experience as I had just graduated this past May. She said that she still wants to keep talking, nothing has to change, and that she isn’t interested in anyone else or talking to anyone else. I felt the same, so we kept on talking. She called often and we talked on phone almost every other day and texted eachother goodmorning and throughout the day everyday. Now: My birthday was this last Friday on the 19th and my best friends came up to visit me and they also brought J as a surprise for me. We had a great weekend, we had sex for the first time, and joked around, held hands, slept in same bed the whole weekend, kissed, etc. So at the end of the trip I asked her where we were at and she said that she still needs more time (before making official) and wants to open up more. My Question If you bared with me through this story lol: I don’t really question that she’s into me. But in your opinions, is this girl just leading me on? How long are you supposed to “talk” to somebody before you make it official (we have been talking for about 4-5 months)? Are her reasons for not being official legit (not being ready, wanting to open up more, being single for so long)? I am a super nice and respectful guy, I recognize that maybe in the beginning of us talking I wasn’t exciting her enough but after this weekend with the fact that we were intimate (sex and kissing and touching) and the fact she flew out to see me, it makes me wonder what is going on in her head? Any advice or insight would be awesome thank you for reading & sorry this is long. I will try to respond to any questions ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 Stop trying to define things & label them. That is where most people get in trouble & push too hard so they spoke the other. It's kind of an if it ain't broke don't fix it mentality. If J was willing to sleep with you without the exclusive official labels, that's on her. If you somehow find that morally questionable & it has damaged her in your eyes, break up with her. Otherwise hush. She is guarding her heart because she thinks you are going to dump her to go running back to your cheating EX. She fears that she is a rebound for you. All the pretty words or "official" designations in the world will not reassure her. The only thing that matters is how you treat each other. Do something romantic for her for Valentine's day. Come spring you can revisit the conversation. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 leading you on? hey! there are no guarantees when it comes to dating and relationships. It's always a risk. For now everything seems good right? So take it one day at a time, because who knows what the future holds....either one of you can meet someone else and change your mind about the whole deal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leon20 Posted January 23, 2018 Author Share Posted January 23, 2018 Stop trying to define things & label them. That is where most people get in trouble & push too hard so they spoke the other. It's kind of an if it ain't broke don't fix it mentality. If J was willing to sleep with you without the exclusive official labels, that's on her. If you somehow find that morally questionable & it has damaged her in your eyes, break up with her. Otherwise hush. She is guarding her heart because she thinks you are going to dump her to go running back to your cheating EX. She fears that she is a rebound for you. All the pretty words or "official" designations in the world will not reassure her. The only thing that matters is how you treat each other. Do something romantic for her for Valentine's day. Come spring you can revisit the conversation. Its not that I think less of her because we slept together I guess in my logic i had just thought that since we were progressing she would want to visit a relationship soon But you are right, I think society and pressure from friends maybe have caused me to think this way. I do enjoy what we're doing right now and I guess the label is just unnecessary as long as we are enjoying our time together and treating her right like you said. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leon20 Posted January 23, 2018 Author Share Posted January 23, 2018 leading you on? hey! there are no guarantees when it comes to dating and relationships. It's always a risk. For now everything seems good right? So take it one day at a time, because who knows what the future holds....either one of you can meet someone else and change your mind about the whole deal. Good point, we're both pretty young, i just turned 24 recently so I have a lot of time to settle down 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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