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New Girl, having a tough time


Grey40

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So I met this girl we’ve seen each other 5 times. 3 Times 1 on 1 and then last week she invited me to her friends place for a couples night, and then again to her bday weekend celebrations. Her friends are aware that we’re seeing each other but she’s really not good at opening up or showing her emotions.

 

We have not done anything sexual yet except making out and light touching. It’s always initated by me but she always returns it and she clearly likes me and is into me. Especially since she invited to me to meet all her friends.

 

She’s in the process of moving into a new place and she’s stressed out about that and about her Job. I tried on two separate occasions to invite her to my place—I suggested she come over and we’ll watch some movies drink wine and order some food in and she initially agreed but then bailed on the plan (the weather was bad that day and she lives about an hour away so I understood). And then earlier today I asked her the same thing and she has another excuse. It seems that she likes me and even told people that were dating at the bday thing. However, she seems like avoiding anything going sexual or into that next level maybe because she has been burned in the past? I know it’s still early on in the dating stages and it’s cool if she wants to take it slow, but I’m kind of confused.

 

And when she told me she couldn’t stay over I asked if we could hang out earlier in the day and just go out again and she said “I’ll let you know, that’s the last weekend before I move so I need to get everything together”. But she’s never used that “I’ll let you know” thing before, it’s always been “sure” “or yeah that works!” So I’m worried that she’s losing interest or maybe some of her friends during her bday celebration talked her out of liking me or something. Any thoughts on this?

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Are you sure there's not another guy in the picture? The reason I ask is because she may be sleeping with another guy and doesn't want to be sleeping with two different guys in the same time frame.

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Are you sure there's not another guy in the picture? The reason I ask is because she may be sleeping with another guy and doesn't want to be sleeping with two different guys in the same time frame.

 

Not that I would know of. And wouldn’t her friends be aware of that? I’m surprised they wouldn’t try to tell me or something. I’d imagine that would be awkward that they would be there and know that’s happening behind my back.

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Not that I would know of. And wouldn’t her friends be aware of that? I’m surprised they wouldn’t try to tell me or something. I’d imagine that would be awkward that they would be there and know that’s happening behind my back.

 

It's obvious that she's not ready to have intercourse with you which is why she's canceling. The question is why, and that's why I started wondering if there's an ex-boyfriend in there somewhere. Maybe the friends don't even know. Some women are sneaky as heck.

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It's obvious that she's not ready to have intercourse with you which is why she's canceling. The question is why, and that's why I started wondering if there's an ex-boyfriend in there somewhere. Maybe the friends don't even know. Some women are sneaky as heck.

 

Ah I see. Could always be the case, but I would never be able to find that out. At the bday thing, there was a point where she went to the bathroom and one of her friends starting talking to me and the conversation was kind of weird.

 

Her: have you guys done anything except drink so far?

 

Me: Not yet

 

Her: well that’s probably all it’s ever going to be.

 

Me: why do you say that?

 

Her: because she’s an expert.

 

Me: expert at what?

 

Her: at finding ways and places to drink

 

The tone and everything was weird like she was trying to hint at something. Probably reading too much into it, but thought it was weird.

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Ah I see. Could always be the case, but I would never be able to find that out. At the bday thing, there was a point where she went to the bathroom and one of her friends starting talking to me and the conversation was kind of weird.

 

Her: have you guys done anything except drink so far?

 

Me: Not yet

 

Her: well that’s probably all it’s ever going to be.

 

Me: why do you say that?

 

Her: because she’s an expert.

 

Me: expert at what?

 

Her: at finding ways and places to drink

 

The tone and everything was weird like she was trying to hint at something. Probably reading too much into it, but thought it was weird.

 

Wow, that leaves nothing to the imagination. Apparently she's a boozehound.

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CW says that an early invite to a guy's place is a request for sex. She knows that & is avoiding coming over. It's not too hard to figure out.

 

She's moving. Moving is one of the biggest life stressors right up there with death in family, divorce, & changing jobs. It requires preparations like packing. If this was the last weekend before she was moving it stands to reason that she had to pack & didn't have time to go on a date. Had you been a thoughtful new BF you could have suggested that you come over with a pizza & help her pack.

 

Why on earth you would discuss your sex life with her with one of her friends that you just met boggles my mind. Can you say indiscrete cad? Yikes! Seriously, shut up If her friend wanted to know anything that friend should have asked her not you. For you to have said anything other than "I don't l kiss & tell" or "why are you so interested" was inappropriate.

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Eternal Sunshine

She is not ready for sex for whatever reason. You should invite her to an outside of home date if you are truly interested. The worst you can do it pressure her.

 

Her friend sounds like a b%tch. I hate how women do stuff like that to each other :sick:

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Ah I see. Could always be the case, but I would never be able to find that out. At the bday thing, there was a point where she went to the bathroom and one of her friends starting talking to me and the conversation was kind of weird.

 

Her: have you guys done anything except drink so far?

 

Me: Not yet

 

Her: well that’s probably all it’s ever going to be.

 

Me: why do you say that?

 

Her: because she’s an expert.

 

Me: expert at what?

 

Her: at finding ways and places to drink

 

The tone and everything was weird like she was trying to hint at something. Probably reading too much into it, but thought it was weird.

 

I'd be more concerned about this ^ weird conversation with her "friend" than the avoiding sex thing. I mean, it seems to me her friend is trying to tell you that she is a (heavy?) drinker ... kind of strange.

 

That aside, I think considering that she is moving and has some job related stress, and she just may not be ready for sex at this stage, that it doesn't necessarily mean she is losing interest. Sure, she hasn't used the phrase "I'll let you know" yet with you, but five dates is relatively new and she has enough going on in her personal life that it is understandable.

 

Next time you make plans, plan something outside the house again ... maybe she just needs a little more time to be comfortable with you.

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Her friend gave you the heads up.....this girl uses guys to pay for her entertainment. Now that she has to ante up she's avoiding you, giving you the maybe, unsure if she can bs. It all fits.

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Her friend gave you the heads up.....this girl uses guys to pay for her entertainment. Now that she has to ante up she's avoiding you, giving you the maybe, unsure if she can bs. It all fits.

 

I think this is it in a nutshell. She's using him to buy her drinks and entertain her, but has no intention of taking the relationship any further. That's why the friend said that, it's a pattern.

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CW says that an early invite to a guy's place is a request for sex. She knows that & is avoiding coming over. It's not too hard to figure out.

 

She's moving. Moving is one of the biggest life stressors right up there with death in family, divorce, & changing jobs. It requires preparations like packing. If this was the last weekend before she was moving it stands to reason that she had to pack & didn't have time to go on a date. Had you been a thoughtful new BF you could have suggested that you come over with a pizza & help her pack.

 

Why on earth you would discuss your sex life with her with one of her friends that you just met boggles my mind. Can you say indiscrete cad? Yikes! Seriously, shut up If her friend wanted to know anything that friend should have asked her not you. For you to have said anything other than "I don't l kiss & tell" or "why are you so interested" was inappropriate.

 

 

I did offer to help her pack but she said no she doesn’t want help that it’s mostly stuff she has to do herself like figuring what to throw out and stuff.

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I'd be more concerned about this ^ weird conversation with her "friend" than the avoiding sex thing. I mean, it seems to me her friend is trying to tell you that she is a (heavy?) drinker ... kind of strange.

 

That aside, I think considering that she is moving and has some job related stress, and she just may not be ready for sex at this stage, that it doesn't necessarily mean she is losing interest. Sure, she hasn't used the phrase "I'll let you know" yet with you, but five dates is relatively new and she has enough going on in her personal life that it is understandable.

 

Next time you make plans, plan something outside the house again ... maybe she just needs a little more time to be comfortable with you.

 

 

Believe me, that was a really weird conversation. And I think Smackie could be right that it’s a pattern that she warned me about. But could also be a jealousy thing. I mean I really haven’t been paying for her or anything or spoiling her in any way, I went on only 3 dates with her and paid then, but it wasn’t very expensive in any way. And the last two times I hung out with her friends, they paid for everything and I didn’t have to, though I did offer to help them money wise but they said it was fine.

 

I would think if she was simply using me she wouldn’t go to the trouble of introducing me to all of her friends and tell people we are dating, but who knows. I’ll chalk up this week to maybe just being busy and stressed with the move. I’ll wait to text her until over the weekend if I don’t hear from her and check in with how things are going and try to set something up for the week after if I can. Clearly if she avoids that I’ll know my answer. I’ll drop the come to my house thing.

 

It just seemed like after this weekend she changed a bit. She usually despite being busy would make time for it, and never would pull the “I’ll let you know”.

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Taking the two things together, send her a quick text toward the end of the week wishing her a seamless stress free move & inviting her to reach out to you when she's all settled. Then expect to never hear from her again.

 

 

Sorry.

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Making the effort to introducing you to her friends means nothing. That's like saying, well she had sex with me, that should mean she wants a relationship. Not.

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So I met this girl we’ve seen each other 5 times. 3 Times 1 on 1 and then last week she invited me to her friends place for a couples night, and then again to her bday weekend celebrations. Her friends are aware that we’re seeing each other but she’s really not good at opening up or showing her emotions.

 

to whom? Them? Or you?

 

We have not done anything sexual yet except making out and light touching. It’s always initated by me. Especially since she invited to me to meet all her friends. I tried on two separate occasions to invite her to my place—I suggested she come over and we’ll watch some movies drink wine and order some food in and she initially agreed but then bailed on the plan (the weather was bad that day and she lives about an hour away so I understood).

 

And then earlier today I asked her the same thing and she has another excuse. It seems that she likes me and even told people that were dating at the bday thing. However, she seems like avoiding anything going sexual or into that next level maybe because she has been burned in the past? I know it’s still early on in the dating stages and it’s cool if she wants to take it slow, but I’m kind of confused

 

Don't read more into this than there is. She isn't very demonstrably sexual with you, but she's introduced you to all of her friends so that means she's more into keeping you as one of her girlfriends than as her lover, since she's not being demonstrably attracted to you.

 

she said “I’ll let you know, that’s the last weekend before I move so I need to get everything together”. But she’s never used that “I’ll let you know” thing before, it’s always been “sure” “or yeah that works!” So I’m worried that she’s losing interest or maybe some of her friends during her bday celebration talked her out of liking me or something. Any thoughts on this?

 

I don't think you were nearly as "in" with her as you thought you were. At every crossroads to doing an activity that may put you in close sexual proximity to her, she bails on you; but if her buds are involved, she's cool. Yeah--you've been demoted to the friendzone with her, but she hasn't told you yet---she's probably trying to get to 2/14/18 before she pulls the cord on you.

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. And wouldn’t her friends be aware of that? I’m surprised they wouldn’t try to tell me or something. I’d imagine that would be awkward that they would be there and know that’s happening behind my back.

 

You are not their friend. Understand that first. You are the guy their friend is currently dating. That's it.

 

Their first loyalty isn't with you---it's with her, so no, why would they tell you anything? They aren't loyal to you. They may just be sitting back, observing what falls out with amusement.

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Her friend sounds like a b%tch. I hate how women do stuff like that to each other :sick:

 

She's probably more of a frenemy than a friend.

 

It could also be that in the past she's seen OP's girl go through nice guys like Grant took Richmond and then kick them to the curb and is rather sick of seeing it happening over and over again to nice guys who don't deserve to be treated like that.

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Lol such positivity. But you’re all probably right. I wouldn’t have started a thread if my gut wasn’t telling me something was up. Last thing she said was that she’d let me know if she can hang out Friday, so I’ll wait to hear from her. If she does get back to me and bail, should I simply just stop taking to her? Or maybe just be up front and ask her what the deal is? Mention what her friend said? Or maybe just ignore her for a week and then see if she reaches out?

 

Appreciate the advice. For the most part, in my experience, I've seen that if I have to guess where it's going and whether or not the girl is into me, then they probably aren't 9/10 times.

Edited by Grey40
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You hung out a couple of times, you really don't have grounds to caller out or mention her friend.

 

If it doesn't pan out, fade out and move on.

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Lemme get this straight...

 

She won't get physical with you.

 

She is keeping you at arms length.

 

Someone in her circle said something cryptic about her hinting that you need to watch out for her, something about how she likes to drink.

 

NONE of the above are good signs and all are actually negative. WHY do you like this girl again :confused:

 

If I were you I'd just walk away from this. Why would you possibly be interested given all of the above. Be the selector man!

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Lemme get this straight...

 

She won't get physical with you.

 

She is keeping you at arms length.

 

Someone in her circle said something cryptic about her hinting that you need to watch out for her, something about how she likes to drink.

 

NONE of the above are good signs and all are actually negative. WHY do you like this girl again :confused:

 

If I were you I'd just walk away from this. Why would you possibly be interested given all of the above. Be the selector man!

 

She does respond physically when I initiate. I think part of the problem could be that I haven’t been quite as aggressive or physical as I could be. I definitley kind of whipped out on that, and maybe she wants me to go for it. She definitley is/was interested without a doubt. I wouldn’t say she’s keeping me at arms length, she’s just turned down the opportunity to come over to my house and have an opportunity for real intimacy. Otherwise she gave plenty of signs and signals that she’s interested in me so I figured she just wants to take it slow.

 

Her friend saying that is what really got to me and got me thinking, really. I can’t be certain that she’s not just a jealous friend that doesn’t want to see it work out or something. She could end up texting me later this week and agree to come see me. I could just be reading too much into the “I’ll let you know” thing because of what this friend said. We’ll find out. I do believe that this girl is into me. She’s been up in the air a few times in the past and I turned out to have read her wrong, I think she’s just really bad with guys. It seemed to me that her closest friends weee trying to help facilitate this relationship and help me out.

 

So I’m going to play it by ear. I’m not going to put all my energy into it or hold out hope, but I won’t completely give up or walk away just yet.

Edited by Grey40
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Lol such positivity.

 

Hey, sometime the truth isn't what you want to hear, but you need to hear it because you're about to wreck yourself.

 

But you’re all probably right.

 

Of course we are--we are objective and can see the dysfunction from 500 paces. You're too close to be objective about it.

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BarbedFenceRider
Lol such positivity. But you’re all probably right. I wouldn’t have started a thread if my gut wasn’t telling me something was up. Last thing she said was that she’d let me know if she can hang out Friday, so I’ll wait to hear from her. If she does get back to me and bail, should I simply just stop taking to her? Or maybe just be up front and ask her what the deal is? Mention what her friend said? Or maybe just ignore her for a week and then see if she reaches out?

 

Appreciate the advice. For the most part, in my experience, I've seen that if I have to guess where it's going and whether or not the girl is into me, then they probably aren't 9/10 times.

 

Yup, no need for extra drama. You know what you want and she is being cagey and not truthful. Just leave it be and move on...

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So I have an update on this. She actually did text me today and let me know she was available, and we ended up meeting for dinner and hanging out again. She offered that we split dinner, so she’s not using me for free meal. She came to my gig after dinner as well. She completely avoided any advances, so I stopped pretty quickly. She also was kind of on her phone a lot and looking around—showing signs of being uninterested, but at the show she was very social and had no problem talking and getting along with everyone but once I came over to her at any point she totally clammed up and went back to her awkward behavior—no eye contact either. And when she left she didn’t give me a kiss or anything. I’m very confused. Why would she come Drive an hour by herself to go to dinner and hang out at my show but totally ignore me kind of the whole time? Why bother going? Why not just bail? Weird. Giving such mixed signals it’s insane. She stayed the entire time too. I mean I guess she could be friendzoning me that’s possible I guess. I’m thinking just stop talking to her?

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