Can’t figure out this problem

[Grey40]

So through a lot of my experience thus far I’ve noticed sort of a recurring thing. I’m a good looking guy and a musician (a pretty talented guitar player). I get called cute more than “hot” and what not but let’s jusy say I get a lot of looks and attentiOn from females. However, once I talk to them they seem to lose interest really quickly and not from anything I’m doing or saying because I’m just making conversation. But it’s almost like these women talk themselves out of talking to me, I’m puzzled as to what the reasoning is.

 

I’ve been told that girls assume that I’m out of their league because I’m cute and talented that I can get whoever I want, so they feel intimidated or feel that maybe I’m just going to use them? Is this a normal thought process for women? Girls I’ve tried to date in the past tell me “why are you bothering with me? You should be going for like 22 year olds with no prospects or younger better looking women.” It’s like they can’t accept that I’m actually interested in them.

 

I’m always friendly and gentlemanly, I definitley don’t do anything weird.

 

For example tonight I was hitting it off with this girl at the bar. I was playing and she was telling me how good I was and how she was enjoying it. She was giving me eyes the whole time I knew she was interested. At the end of the night I’m packing up and I overhear her friend say “hey how about you go for that guy and pointed at me (I saw this out of the corner of my eye) and she just said “nah” and then her friend was like “are you sure? Thought you were into him?”

 

Another example of a really With co change of mind.

Edited January 21, 2018 by Grey40

[Cookiesandough]

Yea, some people are intimidated, but every very really good looking guy/girl I met has people approaching them. I don't think anyone here can say what it is without seeing you and observing your behavior, but what I can say that if sitting back and waiting for girls to start the conversation is not working for you, why not make the first move to start a convo

Edited January 21, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[jjgitties]

So through a lot of my experience thus far I’ve noticed sort of a recurring thing. I’m a good looking guy and a musician (a pretty talented guitar player). I get called cute more than “hot” and what not but let’s jusy say I get a lot of looks and attentiOn from females. However, once I talk to them they seem to lose interest really quickly and not from anything I’m doing or saying because I’m just making conversation. But it’s almost like these women talk themselves out of talking to me, I’m puzzled as to what the reasoning is.

 

I’ve been told that girls assume that I’m out of their league because I’m cute and talented that I can get whoever I want, so they feel intimidated or feel that maybe I’m just going to use them? Is this a normal thought process for women? Girls I’ve tried to date in the past tell me “why are you bothering with me? You should be going for like 22 year olds with no prospects or younger better looking women.” It’s like they can’t accept that I’m actually interested in them.

 

I’m always friendly and gentlemanly, I definitley don’t do anything weird.

 

For example tonight I was hitting it off with this girl at the bar. I was playing and she was telling me how good I was and how she was enjoying it. She was giving me eyes the whole time I knew she was interested. At the end of the night I’m packing up and I overhear her friend say “hey how about you go for that guy and pointed at me (I saw this out of the corner of my eye) and she just said “nah” and then her friend was like “are you sure? Thought you were into him?”

 

Another example of a really With co change of mind.

 

My guess is you don't know how to carry on an interesting intelligent conversation. You may want to brush up on those skills. Continuing to rely soley on your cuteness and musical skills will only carry you so far.

 

BTW. FWIW.. I too a a musician though a different generation. The thing about music is its highly subjective and in the ear of the beholder. I still remember when I picked up the really rare LP of one of favorite players of all time and took it home. He's actually considered one of the greatest and most influential American guitar players of his generation and I played the record for my aunt. She laughed her ass off at me. She said, "Good lord, that boy never learnt to play guitar!"

[unit1]

Maybe women fall for u when they see you playing guitar, they want your passion.

but that passion is towards your music,

when they feel u r not with the same type of passion towards women, they leave.....

[basil67]

Perhaps they worry about being seen as a groupie. What happens when you talk to women at a party where the see you as a regular guy rather than the muso who takes home a different girl after each gig?

 

I also wonder if you conversation is a factor. How good are you at getting asking questions and listening?

[GemmaUK]

It sounds like they give you signals of interest and you then approach them but something turns them off when you do approach.

 

This could be anything - cockiness (coming over as arrogance), being overtly flirty, lack of spatial awareness, mannerisms, facial expressions (including what you're doing with your eyes), body language, voice, scent or even just a vibe you give off.

 

There's been plenty of times I've liked the look of a guy and then up close something about him is a total turn off so any interest I had stops right there.

The conversation you overheard does imply that she was definitely interested prior to you approaching her so you read her indicators of interest correctly.

 

You say this happens a lot though so it's you that's the common denominator.

We obviously can't see, hear or smell you on here so what was the conversation you had?

[Maggie4]

It's probably not because they're intimidated by your cuteness and talent. If that were the case, they wouldn't like you at first and then not like you after interacting with you.

 

Let's say I meet George Clooney (not a look alike, but the celebrity himself). I might be intimidated to talk to him at first. But after talking to him, if he's friendly and interesting, I wouldn't be intimidated anymore and I'd like him more.

[Popsicle]

I think they are feeling a lacking of depth from you and your relationship with them, so they are looking for the easiest and most obvious way to gain that depth (with you specifically) which is in the form of loyalty to them over other women, even younger more attractive ones. And so they are fishing for that from you. If you don't tell/give them what they want to hear, then it fairs badly. If you do, then they'll feel ok and continue to see you.

[Chilli]

Something to do with your personality vibe.

l use to have girls not trust me because of looks back in my chickie hunting days haha, and say stuff like that but if she's into you she'll still give you a go as long as you put her at ease about it.

Guessing it's more a personality thing.

Sometimes you can like someone form a distance but within seconds of talking to them you know they aren't for you.

 

So maybe your more the one women man type than the picking up groupies type.

[alphamale]

because you're good looking and a musician women are expecting you to be an ass so you have to act like one. be a dick. use women sexually. stop being "nice guy"

[Interstellar]

Does this happen every single time? did this happen with the last ten girls you approach? I’m assuming you approach them after playing. How can you be sure it’s not from what you say? do you talk about yourself all the time? it should be 80/20. She should be doing the talking 80 percent of the time. Do you keep things fun, light, and positive? do you focus the attention on her? do you have a personality?

 

Or maybe it’s just bad luck and you just happen to be meeting lemons. Sometimes you go through slumps just like baseball players who go 0 in 21 at-bats.

Edited January 21, 2018 by Interstellar

[Grey40]

Thanks for the advice everyone. It could be my convo skills, I never talk or brag about myself and I’m pretty good at asking questions even if it seems a tad like “small talk” or “ice breaker” talk. Just asking common stuff. I suppose I’m usually not that flirty, maybe that’s it. I could be acting too serious and maybe they are reading that as “he’s just being friendly, he’s probably not interested”

 

I don’t seem to have this problem once I go on a date one on one, but in public approaching I do.

 

A different time I approached a girl at a show because her friend told me to and that she was interested. When I did approach I talked to her for a little bit and then she made an excuse to leave the conversation and cut it short “oh I have to go etc”. The next day her friend said that she spent the whole night really bummed that she didn’t ask for my number of vice verse and she thought she screwed up the whole interaction and felt like an idiot. The whole time I thought oh wow she cut it short, guess I did something wrong or she lost interest...when in reality she was even more interested than I thought. Some people are hard for me to read, or don’t open up enough either—or I’m missing the hints and clues.

Edited January 21, 2018 by Grey40

[alphamale]

Thanks for the advice everyone. It could be my convo skills, I never talk or brag about myself and I’m pretty good at asking questions even if it seems a tad like “small talk” or “ice breaker” talk. Just asking common stuff. I suppose I’m usually not that flirty, maybe that’s it. I could be acting too serious and maybe they are reading that as “he’s just being friendly, he’s probably not interested”

 

I don’t seem to have this problem once I go on a date one on one, but in public approaching I do.

 

A different time I approached a girl at a show because her friend told me to and that she was interested. When I did approach I talked to her for a little bit and then she made an excuse to leave the conversation and cut it short “oh I have to go etc”. The next day her friend said that she spent the whole night really bummed that she didn’t ask for my number of vice verse and she thought she screwed up the whole interaction and felt like an idiot. The whole time I thought oh wow she cut it short, guess I did something wrong or she lost interest...when in reality she was even more interested than I thought. Some people are hard for me to read, or don’t open up enough either—or I’m missing the hints and clues.

you need to express your interest far earlier in the conversation. after 5 minutes of chit chat ask them out on a date. if a chick is attracted to you she'll say yes no matter how long you talk. the first words out of your mouth should be something like "hey good looking, what you doing Sat nite??"

[JuneL]

Reading between the lines, I get a "beta" vibe from you. Perhaps those women in the bar tend to be attracted to the "alpha" type?

[Iseult]

So say I get a lot of looks and attentiOn from females. However, once I talk to them they seem to lose interest really quickly and not from anything I’m doing or saying because I’m just making conversation.

Bad conversation from the sound of it. Next time pretend you're mute.

[GemmaUK]

I don’t seem to have this problem once I go on a date one on one, but in public approaching I do.

 

A one on one date via say online though is totally different and us ladies are brought up nicely to deal well with those situations - to carry them through.

 

How do second, third, fourth, fifth dates and relationships go for you Grey40?

I', asking because the (nothing to do with online or apps) approach and length of time dating is what matters.

[smackie9]

I have been in your shoes. But for me I went out of my way to look real good (I was working in a night club). I was always done to the 9's, had a great wardrobe, a smokin rack. I though I was doing the right thing to attract men. Apparently not. Like you I got lots of attention, looks but guys thought I was "too expensive" to even bother asking out. They assumed I only dated muscular men with big wallets that drove high end cars. My solution was to ask guys out, and make it known they don't need to be intimidated.

 

In your case you should put it into your conversation how down to earth you are, don't get out much or date much...whatever message you need to get across. That last girl you talked to, you should have asked her out on a date, complimented her, tell her she is like a breath of fresh air or whatever comes to your mind to take that intimidation down.

[Jj66]

Intimidation can be a real thing. A few years ago I learned from a friend that our regular bartender had a crush on me. My friend asked her why she didn't just say something and her response was "I'm not good enough. I have nothing to offer him. I could never be more than a just a piece of ass to JJ". I had no idea she was interested. Wrote off the flirting as just doing her job.

 

You need to flirt. Make them laugh. If you can do that their panties will be dropping for sure if you're really a good looking musician.

 

Don't know how to flirt? Then learn and practice! And flirt with people you're not actually interested in too. Cultivate their interest. Women may not want to admit it but they are competitive and territorial. When they see that other women are interested in you, and you are not acting like a dog, your market value goes way up.

 

I flirt with almost everyone. Even 90 year old women. Hell. Especially 90 year old women. They love it.

[unit1]

Cultivate their interest. Women may not want to admit it but they are competitive and territorial. When they see that other women are interested in you, and you are not acting like a dog, your market value goes way up.

 

I flirt with almost everyone. Even 90 year old women. Hell. Especially 90 year old women. They love it.

If u flirt with everyone, u must be an empath , u can feel them, sense them....

u can find the good of everyone, thus u can do it for even 90 old women....

 

there r some people r not so sensitive towards people, it will be hard .....

[Gaeta]

If I remember well you like women almost half your age. I think it's more related to that than anything else. Also, I notice you identify us as 'girls' and not 'women', if you addressed me with the demeanor that I am a 'girl' it wouldn't impress me.