greenicon Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 Hi, My girlfriend recently lost her grandfather (a couple of days ago) He was elderly but it came across the family were very close to him etc. I've suffered loss in my own family before most notably my Mom and girlfriend at the time was very controlling towards me which didnt resonate well in that relationship.. I guess I was just looking for some general advice, i've sent texts offering support/love/practical help etc but wary of smothering so am trying to be diplomatic so she can breath and grieve at her own pace. I've met most of her family - do I offer to go the funeral? I'd like to go to support her (I didn't meet the grandfather) but I don't want to come across as imposing... I guess over the coming days and weeks I'll just need to accept that our relationship dynamic will feel different as she comes to terms with the loss and offer support when needed. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 I would suggest that you do as you have done, let her know that you are thinking about her and then give her some space. Go to the funeral, but not with the "family" - unless she asks you to sit with her. Just be there to offer your support. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 If there is a wake you show up at that; you sign the book, you shake hands, you say a prayer & you sit quietly for about 1/2 hour. Then you ask her if she would like you to go to the funeral to be there for her. She will probably say no. If the family sits shiva, you show up with fruit or cookies & you stay for about a half hour, regardless of whether she's talking to you or not (assume she has responsibilities) unless she is actively engaging with you. After wards you ask how the grandmother is going & how the deceased's child (Your GF's dad or mom) is holding up. You allow your GF to talk about her grandfather & you just listen. Link to post Share on other sites
Aiuta le mani Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Hey friend! You have been given some good advice her! Make yourself available for her and those of her family that you know and be around if you have something useful to do! Show your support by being close but keep a respectful distance unless she asks you to be with her! Be ready to support knowing that her mind is somewhere else and she might or might not even notice that you are there! Still, show your love and respect to her and her family! Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 If there is a wake you show up at that; you sign the book, you shake hands, you say a prayer & you sit quietly for about 1/2 hour. Then you ask her if she would like you to go to the funeral to be there for her. I suggest this too. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts