Should i be offended??

[rebeccamuller]

So I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 4 months and to be honest this is pretty much my first real relationship. I’ve “talked” to and dated other guys in the past plenty of times but they were never serious. (None of them ever even met my parents)

 

This one hasn’t gotten pretty serious. I’ve already met his family and he’s met mine and he also told me he’s falling in love with me.

 

So since i don’t have much experience with dating, i also don’t have much experience with sex. I don’t believe in casual hookups but i also am not a wait until I’m married kind of girl. But either way i wouldn’t sleep with someone who i wasn’t dating.

 

I have only had sex with one person, one time. It didn’t work out and i haven’t gotten comfortable with anyone else since.

 

My boyfriend on the other hand is much more experienced than i am. I mean he has a child already.

 

I’ve told him about my history with relationships and sex and he said he understood.

Yet he still makes moves while we’re together and tells me how badly he wants me.

 

Should i be offended by this? I mean I’m glad that he is attracted to me physically but he also knows that I’m not ready.

[bachdude]

Unless you want to date St Francis of Assisi, expect your boyfriends who are falling in love with you to make a move. It means he finds you very attractive and desirable.

 

Grandma had to say “No” and things are not likely to change any time soon.

[BaileyB]

Have you told him that you are not ready in those words? Because, "I don't have much experience with sex" does not necessarily mean "I'm not ready."

 

Four months is a pretty good length of time to get to know someone... It's pretty reasonable that he would be interested in being affectionate with you. I think it's good that he is showing his interest and attention - as long as it doesn't make you uncomfortable. If it does, tell him to slow down... Otherwise, let things progress and just enjoy the experience.

[Gaeta]

Men don't read minds and they're bad at reading hints.

 

You need to guide him better.

 

You need to tell him with clear words you are not ready for sex yet and you would like to wait another 'insert amount of time'. Then he'll know exactly what's going on. How is this guy suppose to know when you're ready if you don't give him some guidelines? What he's doing now is his way to check if you're ready.

[smackie9]

He's being normal. He's a guy and they expect sex when in a relationship. You want things to work, you have to be very clear with him how this is going to play out.

[kendahke]

Should i be offended by this? I mean I’m glad that he is attracted to me physically but he also knows that I’m not ready.

 

What does one have to do with the other? He's doing what boyfriends do in relationships--conveys his desire for his woman. Would you rather he said it to someone else?

 

You're not experienced, so you're clutching your pearls over what mature adults do in romantic, sexual relationships. Are you down for a sexual relationship with him? It's been 4 months--do you see things heading in that direction? I'd say he's right on schedule for wanting to move into deeper waters with you. What needs to happen in order for you to feel comfortable wading in with him?

[Jj66]

I am going to assume you are both adults since he has a child. He must really be crazy about you to wait this long. I would have gotten the impression that you just weren't into me and would have moved on long ago. He is definitely not playing you for sex. Don't have sex before you are ready but you can be sure of his bona fide interest in you as a person and not a play thing.

 

And don't forget contraception and protection.

Edited January 18, 2018 by Jj66

[rebeccamuller]

Nothing has to necessarily “happen” for me to be ready. I just want to make sure that this is something that’s going to last and that it’s serious before i take that step

[smackie9]

Nothing has to necessarily “happen” for me to be ready. I just want to make sure that this is something that’s going to last and that it’s serious before i take that step

You can be as cautious as you want, but it doesn't guarantee you a solid long lasting relationship.

[olivetree]

Nothing has to necessarily “happen” for me to be ready. I just want to make sure that this is something that’s going to last and that it’s serious before i take that step

 

A big part of whether you have the ingredients to last is whether you are sexually compatible.

[Lamartine]

I honestly can't understand how you could possibly be offended. You have a boyfriend who is attracted to you and wants you. What in the world is wrong with that??

 

If you are offended by sexual allusions or come ons, then you need to tell him. He is not a mind reader.

 

If you decide you don't want him, send him my way.

Edited January 18, 2018 by Lamartine

[d0nnivain]

You should not be offended. He's expressing desire for you which is a good thing.

 

 

However, if you are saying no clearly & he's not respecting that & he's pressuring you, that is a different scenario. If the later you need to dump him.

 

 

If he's just escalating things but maintaining control when you do say no, then don't get so upset.

 

 

Do you know what would make you think you were ready? Do you need a specific amount of time? Do you need words? Do you need some other assurance?

 

 

Also where are you drawing the "no sex" yet lines? You will be hard pressed to find an adult male who doesn't at least expect making out & some heavy petting.

[olivetree]

In your other thread, you say you've been dating a month (in person) and you seem to have trust issues.

 

I agree that you're not ready.

[kendahke]

Nothing has to necessarily “happen” for me to be ready.

 

No behavior happens in a vacuum.

 

Something needs to take place, though--that much is clear from the way in which you answered that question. Does he have to say something or do something? Does he know he needs to be doing this, or is this a mind reading test?

 

I just want to make sure that this is something that’s going to last and that it’s serious before i take that step

 

There are no guarantees in life. Never has been; never will be.

 

You'd be better served staying out of relationships if you're looking for guarantees.

 

Life does not, has not--has never to be honest, and will never offer guarantees.

 

I mean, if marriage can't offer them, then how can a fledgling involvement? This is why pinning everything on a guarantee is counter productive.

 

What you need to do, instead, is develop your own judgement and develop the ability to open your understanding up to your judgment so that you're at the point where you trust it implicitly. If something begins to feel off, then you trust your judgement to know and you follow your own directives. This comes from knowing one's self and one's mind and knowing that no matter the outcome, you have what it takes to be alright in the end, even if that means you're not in a relationship.

 

Not every relationship should work out. There is such a thing as incompatibility.