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A man whose friends are mostly women?


Hopeful30

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What is your experience/take on that?

 

In my experience, men and women can be friends, but one is always willing to sleep with the other if the opportunity arises. So when a man has mostly women for friends, I assume he has one or more of the following:

 

Mama's boy (needs women to be directed)

Difficulties keeping an intimate relationship

Fear of being alone / unwanted (clingy, needy)

Lots of backburner girls (promiscuous)

Polygamous

 

But I can only assume this. What's the general opinion / your experience / theory?

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Happy Lemming
What is your experience/take on that?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lots of backburner girls (promiscuous)

 

 

 

DING, DING, DING, DING!! Here is the answer!!

 

I'm going to be honest here, if I'm friends with a woman; it means I'm actively trying to sleep with her or I think there is a chance, in the very near future, that I'm going to sleep with her.

Edited by Happy Lemming
puntuation
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Some men prefer the company of women.

 

If a man has the skill to constantly be in the company of multiple women, don’t be surprised if he’s more than friends with some or all of them.

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One of my best friends is a man, and most of his other close friends are also women. But he's a very faithful boyfriend when he's dating someone. He just enjoys female company because he likes to gossip and he likes to talk about relationships, etc.. We have no desire to hook up at all whatsoever. And he is not a 1 night stand kind of guy so he would never dare to ask a female friend for meaningless sex. We hang out occasionally to catch up and if he has a girlfriend at the time he just explains that we are close friends and it's never been an issue for the GF.

However he's a rare kind, most likely, if I met a new guy with all female friends like that I would definitely wonder. On the same token, I have several male platonic friends myself, but if its ever made a BF insecure I wasn't aware of it. There is zero chance that I would ever cross that line with these friends. But a boyfriend doesn't know that for sure, and I wouldn't even blame him for questioning it.

So yes it's not all that uncommon to have many friends of the opposite sex, but in terms of relationships I can see how that might put a strain on things.

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What is your experience/take on that?

 

In my experience, men and women can be friends, but one is always willing to sleep with the other if the opportunity arises. So when a man has mostly women for friends, I assume he has one or more of the following:

 

Mama's boy (needs women to be directed)

Difficulties keeping an intimate relationship

Fear of being alone / unwanted (clingy, needy)

Lots of backburner girls (promiscuous)

Polygamous

 

But I can only assume this. What's the general opinion / your experience / theory?

 

Well, I’m a guy that has more female friends than guy friends.

 

I think you are off base OP. I have always had female friends, going back to High School. I like female friends because I can talk to them about things that I can’t talk to my guy friends about. I feel I have to put on a bit of a macho face for my guy friends but with female friends I can be more open. And they are much better listeners and very empathetic. And they love to help with relationship issues.

 

Trying to get a female friend in bed would defeat the whole purpose, OP. The whole point of a female friend is that I don’t have to care that I am “friend zoned”. So I can appear insecure and all is cool, or be sensitive and all is well. And she won’t mind either because I am already friend zoned. I’m off her list. These women make amazing friends. I can really just be myself.

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Some people may have an agenda for keeping around friends of the opposite sex, as the OP listed, but I don't think a blanket statement can be made about it. Plain old personality fit is a common reason, too.

 

For example, I know a couple of guys quite well who are somewhat effeminate straight men. They have mostly female friends because a lot of other straight guys don't feel like they have much in common and just don't befriend them -- ie other guys have rejected them and they deserve to have friends, too. These guys are completely platonic with their female friends, and it's about having overlapping interests and wanting to spend their time doing similar things... just like one would with friends of the same sex.

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Eh, it really depends, can't just make assumptions like that. If a man was a nurse or teacher, for instance, it's reasonable that the majority of his friends might be women, since most of the people he'd meet at work are women. I wouldn't judge by the number of female friends, but rather the type of interactions he has with them.

 

In my experience, men and women can be friends, but one is always willing to sleep with the other if the opportunity arises.

 

I'm sorry if this has been your experience with the guys you dated. Not all men and women just sleep with whomever is willing to sleep with them with zero thought for integrity or their partners.

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What is your experience/take on that?

 

In my experience, men and women can be friends, but one is always willing to sleep with the other if the opportunity arises. So when a man has mostly women for friends, I assume he has one or more of the following:

 

Mama's boy (needs women to be directed)

Difficulties keeping an intimate relationship

Fear of being alone / unwanted (clingy, needy)

Lots of backburner girls (promiscuous)

Polygamous

 

But I can only assume this. What's the general opinion / your experience / theory?

 

 

You assumption is WRONG!

 

 

I am that man. EVER SINGLE one of my best friends are female. It wasn't always the case. In my younger years most of my friendships were male. However male friendships aren't intimate. men let you down and they like to do their own things. I find women are more reliable and more intimate.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mama's boy (needs women to be directed)....... What? No! We are friends. A don't need a friend to direct me

 

 

 

Difficulties keeping an intimate relationship.......??

Fear of being alone / unwanted (clingy, needy) My female friends are just friends. Why am I being clingy?

Lots of backburner girls (promiscuous)........Youre over thinking this. I d never touch or have any sexual thought to towards a friend. They have been friend zoned.

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Eternal Sunshine

From my extensive dating experience, it was a red flag in all the cases. It means that he is "good with women" and if he is also physically attractive?..it's basically what a romantic relationship is. No brainer there.

 

It meant either one of 2 scenarios:

 

1. They have been FWB/hook ups in the past and he likes the ego boost and easy access by keeping them around

 

2. He secretly wants to date them but hasn't been able to due to circumstances (often they are in a relationship or not interested for whatever reason)

 

It doesn't mean that he will cheat on you, just means that in scenario 2. he would likely dump you in a second if a female friend of his liking finally showed an interest (actually happened to me once).

 

I am not saying men and women can't be friends. It's exceptionally rare though without any sexual interest form either side.

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What is your experience/take on that?

 

In my experience, men and women can be friends, but one is always willing to sleep with the other if the opportunity arises. So when a man has mostly women for friends, I assume he has one or more of the following:

 

Mama's boy (needs women to be directed)

Difficulties keeping an intimate relationship

Fear of being alone / unwanted (clingy, needy)

Lots of backburner girls (promiscuous)

Polygamous

 

But I can only assume this. What's the general opinion / your experience / theory?

 

 

The things you give as examples are all possible, but to say it's always one or more of the above is way too narrow and judgmental, not to mention untrue.

 

The thing is that men have such thick boundaries that it's difficult (damn nigh impossible) to develop close friendships the way women can. I've had a number of really good guy friends, but approved topics of conversation are limited to mechanical practicalities and internal combustion engines (metaphorically speaking).

 

On the other hand, women can and do open up to each other and talk about the intricacies of feelings, relationships, and life's more interesting dilemmas. If a man wants a close friend that he can be truly open and honest with, it should be a woman.

 

Now, it's true that the sex/attraction problem keeps many of these opposite sex friendships from being real friends as opposed to orbiter situations, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. I have a woman I've been friends with for about a year and there is just no sexual attraction component at all. We can talk about anything, but naked just ain't going to happen. So be careful, but keep an open mind.

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sooner or later, guys ask, once their relationship folds and they need sex, they ask the friend

 

I think it greatly depends on the man and the situation. I have had a female friend who i have knows for a great many years. never once have i asked her or she me to have sex. its a very much brother/sister relationship type thing.

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I was in a relationship with one of those men for 4 years. He enjoyed the attention, making them laugh, talking about more delicate topics. It was always an issue for me even though he wasn't hiding them and had no problems introducing them to me. We'd fight about that pretty often and he blamed me for making him feel uneasy around his female friends.

Those weren't his lifelong friends, he'd always make new ones wherever he went (and they were always really attractive females).

 

Now that I'm older and wiser, I don't bother with men like that anymore. It's fine if he has female colleagues he gets along with, childhood friends or spends time around girlfriends of his buddies, but that should be a mature, appropriate contact with no heart emojis under pictures or telling each other "I love you" etc.

Why having an extra thing to worry about, I don't have the time for that.

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maybe he's gay?

 

I have an acquaintance/Facebook friend, who was a long-divorced guy in his 40's, who was single and had tons of female friends. He was this big, overweight guy who constantly posted about his weight loss journey, posted pics of his healthy meals and whenever he went to the gym, and I swear about 100 female friends (mostly married, but a few single) were cheering him on as he lost weight.

 

I was curious why he never seemed to be dating any of those ladies. Finally, he announced he was in a relationship- with a guy. He came out at the ripe old age of mid-40's!

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The most dangerous thing is to generalize and put people in boxes before taking time to get to know them.

 

My daughter's friends are in majority male friends. She relates well with them, she's a welder, she does power lifting, wall-climbing, she participate in iron-man events, not the type of things that attracts girly-girls or girls in general. Her boyfriend sees nothing wrong with it and doesn't feel threaten by it either. He just took time to get to know her and her friends and made his own opinion of their dynamic.

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My ex was like that. All his contacts on snapchat were women. He was texting his two most recent exes daily, claiming they were just friends and he was regularly texting other women in our sports league (which is a predominantly female sport, so I figured, well chances are he is friends with women)

 

Nope. Most of these women were orbiters and he was ready to move on before I broke up with him. Not sure which one is his current squeeze but it surely is one of them.

 

I used to think men and women could be friends but right now, if I met a guy who is in constant contact with women he does not have children with, I'd be very, very, very careful.

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GorillaTheater

Man, you all are a cynical bunch. I have plenty of female friends, maybe as many male friends. It only means I like people, not that I'm trying to get in anybody's pants.

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Man, you all are a cynical bunch. I have plenty of female friends, maybe as many male friends. It only means I like people, not that I'm trying to get in anybody's pants.

 

We are cynical because the people that burned us (for me my ex) were saying the exact same thing as you.

 

Can't really blame us for being careful after being too trusting...

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I think it greatly depends on the man and the situation. I have had a female friend who i have knows for a great many years. never once have i asked her or she me to have sex. its a very much brother/sister relationship type thing.

 

Yes, I think there are two different things ducussed here, meaning friends vs. orbiters. If a guy needs constant attention and validation that is one thing, but I would hope that most guys have at least some female friends.

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Most of my friends have been female. And not for any of the negative reasons and stereotypes listed. I do have male friends, but almost all of those are intellectuals or scientists of some type. I have little interest in the typical sports fanatic and beer-guzzling men as friends. Many are good people and I know them (and sometimes see them) as acquaintances - but not as close friends.

 

And most women don't make good friends either, but I have found that it is easier to find women who have an interest in arts, science, and philosophy than it is to find men with those primary interests. And it is often easier to carry on a conversation with some depth to it. So, most of my friends have been women. Unless there was also a romantic relationship involved, we did not have sex or want to.

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We are cynical because the people that burned us (for me my ex) were saying the exact same thing as you.

 

Can't really blame us for being careful after being too trusting...

 

Generalizing all people who have opposite sex friends as "cheaters" because an ex with opposite sex friends cheated on you is like generalizing all blondes as "thieves" because a blonde ex stole your money.

 

If someone has sufficiently strong boundaries, platonic friends pose no threat to their integrity. If someone DOESN'T have boundaries, sure platonic friends would be a threat, but so would that man/woman at work or on the subway or at that cafe. You can't prevent your partner from seeing or talking to people of the opposite sex (and if you tried, I'd seriously question your mental stability), so it seems to me like the better solution is to observe their boundaries and ethics (including in other areas of life) and judge accordingly.

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Generalizing all people who have opposite sex friends as "cheaters" because an ex with opposite sex friends cheated on you is like generalizing all blondes as "thieves" because a blonde ex stole your money.

 

If someone has sufficiently strong boundaries, platonic friends pose no threat to their integrity. If someone DOESN'T have boundaries, sure platonic friends would be a threat, but so would that man/woman at work or on the subway or at that cafe. You can't prevent your partner from seeing or talking to people of the opposite sex (and if you tried, I'd seriously question your mental stability), so it seems to me like the better solution is to observe their boundaries and ethics (including in other areas of life) and judge accordingly.

 

I never said I generalized, I said I'd be careful. I was answering to the one calling people cynical.

Would you blame someone who got bit by a dog to be uncomfortable around dogs?

 

For the record, my ex did not cheat. He was just keeping a harem of women close in case I didn't work out. Not sure what the blonde ex metaphor is for, it'S not exactly a good one...

 

If an ex stole my money (regardless of their hair colour) it would be normal to be a bit weary with future partners (again, regardless of their hair colour)

Edited by GoreSP
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I think you are off base OP. I have always had female friends, going back to High School. I like female friends because I can talk to them about things that I can’t talk to my guy friends about. I feel I have to put on a bit of a macho face for my guy friends but with female friends I can be more open. And they are much better listeners and very empathetic. And they love to help with relationship issues.

 

Trying to get a female friend in bed would defeat the whole purpose, OP. The whole point of a female friend is that I don’t have to care that I am “friend zoned”. So I can appear insecure and all is cool, or be sensitive and all is well. And she won’t mind either because I am already friend zoned. I’m off her list. These women make amazing friends. I can really just be myself.

 

Totally agree with this. Most of my close friends are female, and for the exact reasons listed above. I'm not a macho guy by any means, and I don't fit into anything considered the standard "male culture" (sports, trades, etc... although I do enjoy beer!). Socially I've gotten along much better with women in my adult life, I find it easier to open up about feelings and my relationships. And they're more likely to enjoy doing the same things I do.

 

Even if I was single, there is no way I'd date most of them. There is always either something I see as a relationship compatibility issue that has no bearing on the friendship, or they've already stated we will always just be friends, or they are lesbian, or I would just generally feel more comfortable as friends rather than risking it.

 

It's not exactly rare for guys to be like this, but it's not common either. I try to always be open to my partner about what I'm up to with my friends, and include her if she wishes. If someone has a lot of opposite sex friends and it seems like they are trying to hide something, they probably are. If it seems like they're fully honest about what they're doing, it's probably fine.

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Hmmm well I used to think quite poorly off it until I met my current male friend.

 

We were dating at first for little bit before we decided to be friends, he did try and push the FWB arrangement which I turned down! but we are genuine friends now and he has lot other female friends.

 

I think it is possible, as long as both of you know you are in the friend zone.

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