missyou123 Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 I didn't think this was possible. That a guy could make me truly believe he cared about me, and then it turned out to be all a lie. I think what is really saddening to me right now, is that he gave me everything I ever wanted from a guy: a lot reassurance and affection...and now it all seems disingenuous. He treated me like a girlfriend for over a month, contacting all throughout the day, making time to see me, telling me how beautiful I am, that I'm special, that he's happy this happened...I could go on. I ended things a week ago when I asked him what he wanted and he proclaimed that I'm "perfect for him" but he's not emotionally available because of an ex. I was sad, but I didn't completely think he was using me the whole time and that on some level he did like me....just he wasn't over his ex. But yesterday I found out they're getting back together. I was instantly mad, but now a day later I can't help but sulk a bit. He was just using me as a fill in. He was using me the entire time. He didn't care about me at all. I've been such a complete mess lately and even though it's been a week I still can't shake this feeling. And I think it's because the whole thing has just made me so insecure. And it feels like I'll never be able to trust a guy ever again. Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 I didn't think this was possible. That a guy could make me truly believe he cared about me, and then it turned out to be all a lie. I think what is really saddening to me right now, is that he gave me everything I ever wanted from a guy: a lot reassurance and affection...and now it all seems disingenuous. He treated me like a girlfriend for over a month, contacting all throughout the day, making time to see me, telling me how beautiful I am, that I'm special, that he's happy this happened...I could go on. I ended things a week ago when I asked him what he wanted and he proclaimed that I'm "perfect for him" but he's not emotionally available because of an ex. I was sad, but I didn't completely think he was using me the whole time and that on some level he did like me....just he wasn't over his ex. But yesterday I found out they're getting back together. I was instantly mad, but now a day later I can't help but sulk a bit. He was just using me as a fill in. He was using me the entire time. He didn't care about me at all. I've been such a complete mess lately and even though it's been a week I still can't shake this feeling. And I think it's because the whole thing has just made me so insecure. And it feels like I'll never be able to trust a guy ever again. I have heard that same BS from several guys. I wholly sympathize w/you because being led on is very hurtful. You can trust someone else, just don't fall for the flattery or abundance of affection/attention. After being led on, I was a lot less open to being wooed, at least at first until I felt the guy out. Take your time to heal and just keep your heart under wraps until a deserving guy comes along. Sadly he was using you while also planning to get w/his ex. Do not take him back or feel sorry if they break up again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 You heal from the damage he did. It won't be overnight but it won't be forever either. Then you remind yourself that he was the outlier & not everybody will treat you badly. Don't trust blindly but don't everybody is like him 4 Link to post Share on other sites
she'stheone Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 Hi missyou123, He was just using me as a fill in. He was using me the entire time. He didn't care about me at all. I've been such a complete mess lately and even though it's been a week I still can't shake this feeling. And I think it's because the whole thing has just made me so insecure. And it feels like I'll never be able to trust a guy ever again. First of all, you are making assumptions here. Just because he wasn't over his ex and they are now getting back together does NOT mean he didn't have feelings for you. When people are still hung up on an ex, they will do anything to get back together with that person. Even if it means losing out on someone else who is better suited for them. I remember a time when I was with a girl and she kept me dangling on a string. ANYTIME she called, I'd drop what I was doing and run to meet her. I had met other women that I cared about and was interested in. My problem was my over attachment to this one girl, who, by the way, I KNEW was wrong for me. None of that stopped me from wanting to and trying to be with her. If I started to date someone else, who I liked and cared about, I would drop her like a hot potato for the other woman. This was NOT because I didn't care about the first girl, it was because I was too hung up on the girl who kept me dangling on the string. We all have bad relationship experiences in our lives. Some hurt more than others. The key to having a high self-esteem (for those of us who didn't learn that in childhood or lost our way) is to work on yourself through personal development work and/or spirituality work. Learning to lover ourselves can be very difficult (we are truly our worst critiques). As was said by others, allow yourself time to heal and do some personal development/ spiritual work. It will improve not only your relationships but your entire life as well. Sending you much love and light 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 Time will take care of everything. Most of us have been lead on at some point. I thought I had found an amazing man and after 6 months of pure bliss he left the country forever, he knew he was leaving from day 1, he kept me in the dark about it so he could spend his last 6 months with a woman. I felt betrayed beyond words. Time fixed everything and I am now with a man better than him that has never disappointed me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
chaoticjoy3 Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 I am sorry this happened, there is nothing worse than feeling that we have been deceived by someone we invested our whole heart into. Even though it sounds cliche, remember, this has nothing to do with you, it is about him. Remember that you really are the wonderful person that you described, perfect for someone. It is hard to be the person who puts all their emotions into something only to have it turn our much different than we had planned, but that is not a reason to lose faith in yourself or others. Give yourself a bit of time to heal an remember that there is a much bigger plan, apparently he was not part of your bigger, divine plan, and this is okay. As it was said before, time will heal this and one day you will look back and understand why it didn't work with him. I will be praying for you, that your heart heals quickly and you are able to find the joy and love you deserve. Blessings to you! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
igotoverit Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 I am sorry this happened, there is nothing worse than feeling that we have been deceived by someone we invested our whole heart into. Even though it sounds cliche, remember, this has nothing to do with you, it is about him. Remember that you really are the wonderful person that you described, perfect for someone. It is hard to be the person who puts all their emotions into something only to have it turn our much different than we had planned, but that is not a reason to lose faith in yourself or others. Give yourself a bit of time to heal an remember that there is a much bigger plan, apparently he was not part of your bigger, divine plan, and this is okay. As it was said before, time will heal this and one day you will look back and understand why it didn't work with him. I will be praying for you, that your heart heals quickly and you are able to find the joy and love you deserve. Blessings to you! To answer your question, you will eventually, but not until you heal which for all of us is different. I am at the stage where he is gone and I get that. I just have to take time time to accept it until it no longer hurts and I move on. Don't rush it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 I am sorry this happened to you. I know it hurts right now, but you will be OK. It just takes time. It sucks that people do this. Personally, I understand that it helps to make you feel better when your heart is broken to get right back out there and start seeing new people. But I've always said it's not fair to date someone else if you're still hung up on your ex, or in love with someone else, even though it may make sense in the moment. People can get hurt. I'm sorry you did. This is why I have to take a looooong break from dating after I break up. I know myself, and I take a long time to get over people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 The bad thing about a person lying to you and you believing it is then you can't even trust yourself and your own judgment. Believe me, I've been there. Some guys will tell you anything to keep you available to them while they are also seeing other women or trying to. Keep in mind not all guys are looking for "the one." Especially when younger, in their 20s, their ideal is not looking for the one but may be looking for as many as they can keep without losing their favorite. so they lie. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 I suspect things were never over with him and the ex..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lamartine Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 I've been there! It's awful, and I'm sorry you are going through this. First, I would have no contact with him. Don't let him string you along: it will only make the pain worse. Second, engage in activities that will boost your confidence like working out, strengthening your friendships with positive people, and maybe volunteering for a cause that is important to you. Allow yourself to hurt and work through the emotions, but stay busy. These things hurt (horribly!), but it will get better every day as long as you stay away from him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author missyou123 Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply! I know it will get better. I think after a few days of processing it, I've realized he didn't do it purposefully or maliciously. He was actually a man from my past and apologized for hurting me the first time, and I don't think he meant to hurt me again. He just lacks awareness of the fact that he let me believe I could trust and care for him based on his actions and words. He wasn't only lying to me, he was lying to himself about what he was ready for. Why would I ever want to be with a man like that? People come out of your life for a reason, I wasn't supposed to waste me energy on him. Thanks again guys Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 Learn from this. The good thing is now that you've been deceived, you have experienced the lies and illusions that were fed to you. Next time you will recognize them instantly because you've already been through it once. It's how we all learn to recognize what we want/don't want in a partner. Be grateful that you've had this experience, because now you are wiser than when you first met him. Not everyone is so lucky to encounter such people to learn from. Your next choice will be better, and the one after that, and the one after that... There's a learning curve to everything. It's why the best relationships happen later in life for most of us. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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