Interested or not?!

[LB2016]

So I went to a gathering on NYE and met a man. He’s known my friend for years and she she’s always wanted to hook us up. So we meet, end up spending the whole night together (and having sex- please don’t judge! Lol). We end up spending the next day together with another couple. The whole time, he seemed really into me: complementary, very attentive, great chemistry, affectionate- the whole 9!

 

Since that day 2 weeks ago, I’ve only heard from him twice via text messages. It’s been small talk. I suggested him coming to visit one weekend when he was free (he lives about 2 hours away) last time we spoke. He said he def would. That was like 5 days ago.

 

I know it’s just a matter of judging by his actions to tell if he’s interested in pursuing anything at this point. And if I leave it to that- it’s basically saying NO. Lol. I guess I’m just wondering if I should make a bold move and just come flat out and ask him if he is interested in anything more. Again- he ACTED like he was when we were together and said he’s “ready” for a relationship.

 

I don’t know if maybe the distance plays an issue here. I feel like he’s reluctant to want something Bc we’re far from one another. I also kind of feel like he has a bit of a fear of commitment (lucky me..lol)

 

So should I just not even bother putting any energy and thought into this guy? Or just try to play it cool for the time being and give it another few weeks?

[carhill]

The question to ask yourself is what will your response be, after a period of zero, if he contacts you again out of the blue?

 

Presuming the sex was good and there was chemistry in your perception of events, my bet is you'll go for it.

 

I'd continue to date other men and, if another chat with this one occurs, suggest a MITM day trip, some specifics, and see what happens. An hour is nothing. It's a freeway merge in SoCal . If he's not enthusiastic, cross him off.

[olivetree]

I wouldn't ask him.

You should let him show you, and so far he isn't showing it.

 

Could be distance.

That certainly would not be appealing for most people.

 

No matter the reason, he doesn't seem to be really pursuing you.

So you should just carry on with life.

 

Personally, I'd chalk it up to a fun weekend while he was in town, as he seems to be doing.

[Zahara]

Since that day 2 weeks ago, I’ve only heard from him twice via text messages. It’s been small talk. I suggested him coming to visit one weekend when he was free (he lives about 2 hours away) last time we spoke. He said he def would. That was like 5 days ago.

 

I know it’s just a matter of judging by his actions to tell if he’s interested in pursuing anything at this point. And if I leave it to that- it’s basically saying NO. Lol. I guess I’m just wondering if I should make a bold move and just come flat out and ask him if he is interested in anything more. Again- he ACTED like he was when we were together and said he’s “ready” for a relationship.

 

I don't think you should chase him. You extended an invite and he hasn't touched it. He's been sparse when it comes to communication. Yes, you should pay attention to his ACTIONS. It's very straightforward.

 

I don’t know if maybe the distance plays an issue here. I feel like he’s reluctant to want something Bc we’re far from one another. I also kind of feel like he has a bit of a fear of commitment (lucky me..lol)

 

You can speculate but all that doesn't really change anything. Maybe he's lost interest. If distance plays an issue but he really likes you, he'd communicate that hurdle. If you believe he's fearful of commitment, then that's a red flag for you to heed.

 

So should I just not even bother putting any energy and thought into this guy? Or just try to play it cool for the time being and give it another few weeks?

 

If he contacts you, then you can proceed from there. Honestly, when a man is interested, he shows you. It's that simple.

[alphamale]

you had a One Night Stand and that's all. let sleeping dogs lie

[LB2016]

This is why I love this site and love everyone’s input! Thank you for putting things into perspective and helping to keep me “on track”. You’re all right- he hasn’t been showing me more and I just have to chalk it up to a one night stand!

 

I chased enough and am done with that! I just have to look at what he’s doing- like some of you have said.

 

Thanks again for the reminder and the boost! Letting the dogs lie, indeed! Lol

[d0nnivain]

You invited him over. He said yes but has done nothing else & all you are getting is small talk almost silence. You shouldn't need to ask if he's interested in anything more because his actions are already telling you that he is not.

 

 

So no, you should not put more effort into him.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

This is why I love this site and love everyone’s input! Thank you for putting things into perspective and helping to keep me “on track”. You’re all right- he hasn’t been showing me more and I just have to chalk it up to a one night stand!

 

I chased enough and am done with that! I just have to look at what he’s doing- like some of you have said.

 

Thanks again for the reminder and the boost! Letting the dogs lie, indeed! Lol

 

Good on you for letting him go. I learned from extensive dating, if you have question interest, there isn't any. Delete his number and any other contact information.

[LB2016]

if you have question interest' date=' there isn't any.[/quote']

 

YES!!! I did learn this with the last one but apparently not enough..lol. But it’s so simple but yet SO true! Both you and Donnivain are right on.

 

It seems like this is what we need though as reminders...just raw honesty!

[LB2016]

So he texted me today (a week later!) and asked me about the weather...?!?!...now he’s just pissing me off. Don’t bother- please!

 

The reason I’m writing though is to ask for another opinion. My friend recently told me I “bust balls” too much especially w guys. I kinda feel like she’s a bit too sensitive to my “ways” but have definitely taken it into consideration and am trying to be more conscious of it.

 

So getting back to HIM, when we spoke last week, he said he was going to the spa over the weekend to workout and get a massage. So when I spoke to him today, I said “how was your spa weekend, ya brat?! Lol. His response: “that cut deep! Lol! It was great!” I replied saying I was kidding and it was just the jealousy talking. Then he said he had to go and have a good night with a wink.

 

Now that I’m all paranoid- I’m wondering: was the “brat” comment busting balls?!? I mean I don’t think so but maybe I’m worse than what I realize. Lol. I’m becoming insecure now about my sense of humor!!

 

So- what’s your take? Too much?

[Bobbyb82]

It’s possible some of your frustration came through with that text. I’ve never been called a brat by a woman that was interested in me, but I’m just one person. If he reached out period, he has some interest.

[LB2016]

I was joking though! Is it possible people have become THAT sensitive?

 

And thinking about it now- if he IS that sensitive, then we’re not a good match anyway. I’d like someone to have a little bit of THICKER skin...gosh. Lol

[Chilli]

Hell yeah you bet it is don't you read some of the stuff around here.

But nope, don;t think he's too interested though tbh, brat or not .

[LB2016]

Chilli- it is what? It was too sensitive on his part or too “harsh” on my part?

 

And I’ve definitely accepted that now. He’s not interested and is just texting me

for whatever reason and I’m over it. Number deleted and moved on already...lol. The whole reason I posted about the ball busting thing has to do with my own personal development if I need to change something.

[Bobbyb82]

It was definitely sensitive on his part if that’s what bothered him. I think the distance is probably a factor here too. He may be thinking what’s the point in all this until he visits your city again. If I’m texting someone local that I can meet up with, I’m much more engaged, because it can actually lead to a meet up. If they are long distance, even if I’m more attracted to her it’s more casual at the beginning.

[Cookiesandough]

I'm betting the distance is a huge factor.

[Versacehottie]

So he texted me today (a week later!) and asked me about the weather...?!?!...now he’s just pissing me off. Don’t bother- please!

 

The reason I’m writing though is to ask for another opinion. My friend recently told me I “bust balls” too much especially w guys. I kinda feel like she’s a bit too sensitive to my “ways” but have definitely taken it into consideration and am trying to be more conscious of it.

 

So getting back to HIM, when we spoke last week, he said he was going to the spa over the weekend to workout and get a massage. So when I spoke to him today, I said “how was your spa weekend, ya brat?! Lol. His response: “that cut deep! Lol! It was great!” I replied saying I was kidding and it was just the jealousy talking. Then he said he had to go and have a good night with a wink.

 

Now that I’m all paranoid- I’m wondering: was the “brat” comment busting balls?!? I mean I don’t think so but maybe I’m worse than what I realize. Lol. I’m becoming insecure now about my sense of humor!!

 

So- what’s your take? Too much?

 

IMO, yes too much. Poorly disguised frustration. Plus even if you are very sarcastic, this probably shouldn't be your first sentence to him. I would just guess that some people who are "too much" are really really intoxicating to some but polarizing to others. There is less of a middle ground or a mystery that a new guy will have to explore. Don't change who you are but realize that it might make your search different than your friends in some ways.

 

and um, talking about the weather is boring. He gets lame points for that. I think perhaps combined with a 2 hour distance, sleeping together 1st night (not judging but realizing some guys will), perhaps personalities that don't mesh as well as added pressure because you two spoke of him being "ready" for a relationship (how in world did this come up on first night!!) and your friends wanting you guys to be an insta-couple is maybe all too much for him. He probably likes you some (hence the dribbles of sparse texting) but not quite sure how he wants to proceed, if he does.

 

Back to your "brat" comment, in the future I would still be yourself but don't lead with stuff like that--it comes off as hostility. Also a lot of guys want to see the femininity in girls they want to date and this is almost something bros' say to each other!! Not sure you want to come off like that. But he did just have a spa weekend so maybe it's role reversal. A lot of guys definitely like teasing and sarcasm actually a lot--maybe you just need to adjust how/when you do it. The way you did it is more like friends, to me. And even then, frustrated and hostile. Good luck

[LB2016]

I didn’t come out right off the bat with the “brat” comment. I was very pleasant before that. After chatting a bit, that’s when I came out and and asked about the spa Bc how much can you talk about the weather?!? Which yes I agree- lame!

 

I try to be very conscious of how and when I use my sarcasm. I’m really not some bitch that is always “on” with it. Lol.

 

Anyway- who knows what his deal is. Whether it’s the distance or whatever, it’s not for me to figure out. There’s nothing being pursued. That’s what I’m focusing on.

[Frostedflake]

I didn’t come out right off the bat with the “brat” comment. I was very pleasant before that. After chatting a bit, that’s when I came out and and asked about the spa Bc how much can you talk about the weather?!? Which yes I agree- lame!

 

Please don't get stuck on one phrase and thinking, "had I said this one thing differently.." It's not that.

 

It's definitely the distance, although people may be more critical of conversations because of that. Just like you're thinking, "is this worth my time?" Now, in no way does this mean that you should make even more effort than he does. You're already thinking about it more than him! And you're right, he's giving it minimum effort.

 

So. You can

a) Be forward and try to make set plans in the next conversation. Time and date. (No more "if you're ever in town..", it doesn't work as well if you've already had sex.)

b) Find someone more entertaining that doesn't talk about the weather, understands your brand of humor, and is closer.

 

I really recommend B.

[Versacehottie]

I didn’t come out right off the bat with the “brat” comment. I was very pleasant before that. After chatting a bit, that’s when I came out and and asked about the spa Bc how much can you talk about the weather?!? Which yes I agree- lame!

 

I try to be very conscious of how and when I use my sarcasm. I’m really not some bitch that is always “on” with it. Lol.

 

Anyway- who knows what his deal is. Whether it’s the distance or whatever, it’s not for me to figure out. There’s nothing being pursued. That’s what I’m focusing on.

 

Ok well that's good. Although, truthfully, IMO the "brat" comment is ehh, nothing i can really see being a connecting type phrase even if you knew him way better. But you knew the situation better than i do. I just wonder if sometimes people who kinda poke at others think it's funnier than it is. To me, good humor or sarcasm is kinda witty banter-ish, playful with the other person. Calling someone a brat for indulging is just a clear put down, to me, disguised as humor. Not really a big huge deal but on other hand doesn't build a connection or if a person doesn't know you , might not be a big percentage of what you want them to know you for or might be misperceived.

 

Good luck with the next. I actually don't think this guy is completely gone but maybe you aren't interested in him anymore.

[Versacehottie]

Please don't get stuck on one phrase and thinking, "had I said this one thing differently.." It's not that.

 

It's definitely the distance, although people may be more critical of conversations because of that. Just like you're thinking, "is this worth my time?" Now, in no way does this mean that you should make even more effort than he does. You're already thinking about it more than him! And you're right, he's giving it minimum effort.

 

So. You can

a) Be forward and try to make set plans in the next conversation. Time and date. (No more "if you're ever in town..", it doesn't work as well if you've already had sex.)

b) Find someone more entertaining that doesn't talk about the weather, understands your brand of humor, and is closer.

 

I really recommend B.

 

I kinda agree, kinda don't. Yes, distance is probably a huge factor this guy is considering. And no one should get caught up on one phrase, since if he was the right guy he'd probably let it slide and at least give her the chance to find out more. That said, he basically had NYE, the next day and some texting with the OP, while it may not be the phrase itself, the phrase can be kinda representative of how her personality comes across, which he may just think is not a match for him.

 

I don't know if any of us know the real reason he is not pursuing it to the fullest. I surely know people who have done far longer distances than 2 hours when they feel the person is right for them. OP brought up the phrase and perhaps that it was "too much". Actually having encountered guys who do a similar type of poking "humor", I wouldn't discount that that played a role as well--maybe equal or more than distance. Doesn't mean she is wrong in being who she is--but maybe it's something that keeps coming up in one way or another where a different "approach" may be better.

 

I've re-hashed fail-to-launch relationships (like one night or 1-3 dates) with my guy friends and yes sometimes they do decide not to pursue based on a tone or vibe that they are getting or something seemingly insignificant like a brat phrase. Guys looking for a serious relationship can be more evolved than they get credit for and more intuitive and even fickle about certain things unfairly.

 

I don't think we can place blame squarely on this guy and let the OP think she should not evaluate her own behavior so she has success in the future (not saying you did that) but anyway she should look at her friendships and dating and try to see if this "too much" stuff or ribbing has turned people away or if she suspects it has and maybe make some adjustments.

 

I 100% agree with A. Offer was extended. Ball is in his court. or it's on him now. B is a good rec too.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

YES!!! I did learn this with the last one but apparently not enough..lol. But it’s so simple but yet SO true! Both you and Donnivain are right on.

 

It seems like this is what we need though as reminders...just raw honesty!

 

Believe me, when I was dating I needed the raw truth as well lol. I would always try to pick up the crumbs and justify everything, in the end though the guys weren't interested.