Tinkerbell741 Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 I have a huge crush on a guy that is my friend. I'm pretty sure he likes me too but I've noticed he doesn't talk to me as much as before. I decided to confront him about it because he makes me think that he hates me all of the sudden since he doesn't communicate. Just recently he wrote to me on Facebook and this is what I said: "Lately you don't talk to me very much and you give me the idea that you don't like me. I hope it's not like that because I appreciate your friendship and when you talk to me." Do you think after that message he'll understand that I'm into him and that he's important to me? I'm also scared my words sound harsh because he might think his efforts were not enough for me. I don't know if he might be shy or not too flirty like other guys. I just wanted to be sincere with him and let him know exactly how i feel. My goal was to give him a sign that I like him but not in a direct way but by saying I appreciate him. Personally what would come into your mind after reading this message? Do you think he'll get the hint that I like him? Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 No, you wrote appreciating the friendship. It's therefore about confirming or reestablishing a friendship, and not about a romantic attraction. You will have to be a lot more direct if you truly want to find out. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 Your words will have the exact opposite effect. Instead of communicating that you like him you point blank told him you are only interested in friendship. Even if he did like you, that just dashed all his hopes. Important life lesson -- you picked a horrible medium to tell him. You should have done it face to face where you would have been able to look in his eyes & read his body language. You lost all that by picking FB. Your phone & all social media are actually blockages not bridges to making a true connection with somebody Alas, since you are friends, I suspect he has picked up on your body language & he is aware that you like him. If he does not return that sentiment, he may be pulling away to avoid having to tell you that he does not want to date you & thereby hurt your feelings. The only way to tell for sure is to spend time with him & read the signs. Do not rely on anything you see on social media 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 [quote=d0nnivain;751327 Alas, since you are friends, I suspect he has picked up on your body language & he is aware that you like him. If he does not return that sentiment, he may be pulling away to avoid having to tell you that he does not want to date you & thereby hurt your feelings. [/Quote] While I agree with the rest of your post, I wouldn't necessarily say the above. I have overlooked at least three female friends who wanted more. The body language of a good friend vs. somebody with a crush is not necessarily that different. But in this case it probably won't matter if he is already pulling back. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 But if her body language caused him to pull back he is picking up on the differences between friend vs crush. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 But if her body language caused him to pull back he is picking up on the differences between friend vs crush. Maybe I missed something in the OP's post, but I don't see her mentioning body language. Quite frankly, the OP seems rather unsure about his reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 Guys can tell when a woman is crushing on them, so if he's not interested, yes, he did pull back so as not to have to deal with it. Also, what woman writes to someone who's only a friend in such a serious way? A woman with a crush. No one else would give a crap that much. My opinion, as nearly always, is if he hasn't made a move, he is either not interested or is too awkward and not ready to date because he can't make himself do it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 If you're legitimately trying to send the message that you like him, you need to be way more direct, especially if you're not doing this in person. Tell him you like him and want to see him in person, then it will be much easier to let him know where you stand. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 You said the 'friendship' word. If you like him that was the wrong wording to use. What made him cool off originally though? That matters. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 How about this...message him back "I have trouble talking to you because I LIKE YOU...I'm kinda shy about it <3" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 Big mistake on your part. First up, confronting a person only makes them bunker down. If you'd said "hey, I haven't heard from you so much lately....I miss you", it might prompt him to think sweetly of you. But telling him that his actions make you feel as if he doesn't like you is too antagonistic. Add to that the 'friendship' comments and he'll just see you as a demanding friend. My best advice to you is to learn to flirt instead of confront. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
LilySun Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 You wanted to let him know how you feel you said, but the message isn't how you really feel. He won't receive it as expression of your feelings.. Only that you appreciate his company. The better way to phrase would be along the lines of saying you enjoy the friendship and also have some feelings for him, and you hope that doesn't make things awkward. However the distance he's creating says that maybe he's not interested that way. So to put your feelings out there now may cause even more distance. It's up to you if you want to risk that or not. Also definitely better in person, or at least over the phone if it's possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tinkerbell741 Posted January 17, 2018 Author Share Posted January 17, 2018 Well I don't know if he was ever interested but he's always been the one initiating all contact. Why would he bother talking to me if he wasn't interested? I haven't had guys talk to me just because... the problem is that before he was more affectionate and suddenly he pulled back and now he still talks to me but he's cold and doesn't seem like the same person I knew before. But I'm telling you it's so confusing because sometimes he randomly flirts too. At least that's what I think. But since he's distant I wanted to be sincere and let him know how he's making me feel. I really DO feel like he doesn't like me and that's why he acts cold. Do you think he'll stop talking to me and I just made things worst? Should I distance myself from him since being rejected feels embarassing and I don't know if that's the reason why he changed. If he ever cared then he'll contact me. If he does have feelings at least I let him know I enjoy talking to him, it's not like I'm not giving him a chance at all. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Well I don't know if he was ever interested but he's always been the one initiating all contact. Why would he bother talking to me if he wasn't interested? I haven't had guys talk to me just because... the problem is that before he was more affectionate and suddenly he pulled back and now he still talks to me but he's cold and doesn't seem like the same person I knew before. But I'm telling you it's so confusing because sometimes he randomly flirts too. At least that's what I think. But since he's distant I wanted to be sincere and let him know how he's making me feel. I really DO feel like he doesn't like me and that's why he acts cold. Do you think he'll stop talking to me and I just made things worst? Should I distance myself from him since being rejected feels embarassing and I don't know if that's the reason why he changed. If he ever cared then he'll contact me. If he does have feelings at least I let him know I enjoy talking to him, it's not like I'm not giving him a chance at all. Ok... so why don't you initiate contact? From his perspective he's putting in all the effort. As Gemma said you also used the "friend" word - if you like someone as more than a friend you gotta avoid using that. Some guys may pick up on these things, but are afraid to make a move because they fear they're misinterpreting signals. Some guys are also just completely oblivious to any signals. If you like him, tell him already! And do it in person - that way there is no chance for radio silence, and you get to resolve things quicker if he doesn't like you back. But if he does like you back, you get to sort out a date then and there 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Guys never want to hear friend. Ever. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Well I don't know if he was ever interested but he's always been the one initiating all contact. Why would he bother talking to me if he wasn't interested? I haven't had guys talk to me just because... the problem is that before he was more affectionate and suddenly he pulled back and now he still talks to me but he's cold and doesn't seem like the same person I knew before. But I'm telling you it's so confusing because sometimes he randomly flirts too. At least that's what I think. But since he's distant I wanted to be sincere and let him know how he's making me feel. I really DO feel like he doesn't like me and that's why he acts cold. Do you think he'll stop talking to me and I just made things worst? Should I distance myself from him since being rejected feels embarassing and I don't know if that's the reason why he changed. If he ever cared then he'll contact me. If he does have feelings at least I let him know I enjoy talking to him, it's not like I'm not giving him a chance at all. If you think there were initially feelings on his side because he was previously affectionate & always initiated contact, the fact that he has now pulled back indicates to me that he liked you but when you failed to reciprocate he backed off because he thinks you rejected him. You telling him you want to be friends put a nail in that coffin. Your use of the wrong word -- friendship when you meant romance -- caused more problems. Reach out sweetly, preferably by voice not text or social media & arrange to spend time together. Flirt like crazy, being sure to sit too close, gaze too long & touch him. See what happens. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Tell him you like him and he should ask you out. In person. Problem solved. Boom. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 when i say i appreciate someone it normally is in regards to friendship or in case of strangers it means i appreciate what they say or do..and i appreciate them for who they are as far as guys go i am attracted to who are my friends when i do feel attraction (it normally grows mutually from friendship)I will say i feel for you more than just as a friend.....its not an ambiguous tell..its obvious.........and either they feel the same...or they dont...they tell me either way.... 99.9 per cent of the time i have been right (before i even say i feel for you more than a friend) in knowing they also have more feelings than friendship for me because i feel that attraction from them too...deb Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 (edited) Guys can tell when a woman is crushing on them, so if he's not interested, yes, he did pull back so as not to have to deal with it. Also, what woman writes to someone who's only a friend in such a serious way? A woman with a crush. No one else would give a crap that much. My opinion, as nearly always, is if he hasn't made a move, he is either not interested or is too awkward and not ready to date because he can't make himself do it. I 100% agree with this. He is not interested. Regardless of wording you used in your message OP, the sentiment is unmistakable. I don’t know of anyone that is interested in a platonic friend enough to even notice some pulling back, let alone bother to write that message. Second point is that he wouldn’t be pulling back in the first place if he was interested. He probably picked up that you are and is avoiding you as to not lead you on. That message will only seal the deal. I bet he will now pull back even more. Edited January 17, 2018 by Eternal Sunshine 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tinkerbell741 Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 I know some say he probably pulled back to avoid leading me on but he has also done some weird stuff online. When he became less affectionate and communicated less one day he randomly started liking my photos on Facebook. I know social media doesn't mean anything but if he really didn't like me he would avoid liking my selfies. He NEVER liked a photos before so what does this even mean??? I'm telling you, he confuses me and that's why it was better to be upfront and let him know how he's making me feel. I know a like on Facebook doesn't mean crap but he did that stuff out of nowhere It makes me think a lot Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 I know some say he probably pulled back to avoid leading me on but he has also done some weird stuff online. When he became less affectionate and communicated less one day he randomly started liking my photos on Facebook. I know social media doesn't mean anything but if he really didn't like me he would avoid liking my selfies. He NEVER liked a photos before so what does this even mean??? I'm telling you, he confuses me and that's why it was better to be upfront and let him know how he's making me feel. I know a like on Facebook doesn't mean crap but he did that stuff out of nowhere It makes me think a lot I don't do Facecrook, or any social media, but this whole "he/she liked my posts what does it mean?" thing is for the birds. Trying to decipher something like that is pointless. You know your relationship with him better than anybody here, and it's going to be up to you to figure out what's going on and whether or not he likes you. You have to put yourself out there and be ready for rejection if he doesn't. What's worse, finding out he's not interested or squandering the chance at a potential long term relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 If I received a message like that from someone I would find that to be confrontational and it would turn me off from that person. It leads me to believe that person might escalate. What was his reaction to hearing / reading this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tinkerbell741 Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 If I received a message like that from someone I would find that to be confrontational and it would turn me off from that person. It leads me to believe that person might escalate. What was his reaction to hearing / reading this? What exactly do you mean by escalate? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tinkerbell741 Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 I don't know if the message would make him pull back or turn him off but honestly at this point I don't care that much. I still like him A LOT but if he doesn't like me back its his loss. At least I was being myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 He LIKES you. A lot. Link to post Share on other sites
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