I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 I met my wonderful bf awhile back and one thing I'm worried about is his weight. Yes I knew that he was overweight from the beginning. I've learned though if a person wants to improve, they have to do it themselves. Idk how to approach him cause I struggle being truthful about those kind of things and I don't like being mean. This stems from my dad telling me how I will be morbidly obese one day, I have never had weight issues and that really took a blow to my self esteem. Funny thing is there are days where I barely eat anything (I'm not hungry), I can't eat of I'm stressed or upset and many restaurant portions are too big. How do I approach this issue? Link to post Share on other sites
igotoverit Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 I met my wonderful bf awhile back and one thing I'm worried about is his weight. Yes I knew that he was overweight from the beginning. I've learned though if a person wants to improve' date=' they have to do it themselves. Idk how to approach him cause I struggle being truthful about those kind of things and I don't like being mean. This stems from my dad telling me how I will be morbidly obese one day, I have never had weight issues and that really took a blow to my self esteem. Funny thing is there are days where I barely eat anything (I'm not hungry), I can't eat of I'm stressed or upset and many restaurant portions are too big. How do I approach this issue?[/quote'] Your admitting to an unhealthy view on weight but your also dating a guy and your concerned about his weight. The most obvious solution would be to work on your issues with weight. You knew his weight when you started dating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 IMO, keep being you and introducing BF to lifestyle customs which promote a healthy weight. As an anecdote, I've always been on the chunky side, even when playing competitive sports when young (football, baseball, basketball) and I really focused in on the weight thing when doing competitive endurance cycling 20 years ago or so, in my late 30's. I got down 15-20lbs under my high school football weight but found my endurance sucked and I felt just plain bad. Got back up to 200-205 and endurance returned and I felt better. I journaled the process over months of training and trying different things. Even though it was more weight to drag up the hills, the overall deal was more efficient and healthy. Is your BF healthy? Does he have any medical conditions that threaten his health and where weight can be a factor in that? If so, health is an angle to pursue, as a point of concern. You're concerned about his health. That's natural when we love someone. We don't want them to die on us, right? If he's open to talking about lifestyle, health and weight, that's half the battle. It doesn't have to be an inquisition, just a topic of discussion. Mixing in a few compliments doesn't hurt. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 It's very simple...work as a team. Not eating is just as bad as over eating and there are healthier ways to deal with stress you can adopt and add it to a new regime with him. You can ease him into it by introducing things like making him healthy delicious meals, suggest going for a walk during a nice evening, remember to make it fun, like bowling with friends...make healthy choices together. There is nothing wrong with being a positive influence as persuasion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 Im not sure why you think he needs a talking to. Do you think he doesn't know he's overweight? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 You said he was heavy when you met him so he's thinking you have no problem with it. I don't even get why you suddenly have a problem with it now... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 If he's the same weight as when you met him then there's not a lot you can say. We cannot and should not try to change people. However, if he's steadily gained weight since you've been together I think you have every right to say something. In my opinion, I think obesity is a serious health issue that rivals drug and alcohol abuse. It kills many, many people every year through heart disease, stroke, etc. I couldn't be with an obese woman. Just as I don't find drug abusers attractive, I don't find food abusers and people who don't exercise attractive. But I stay in shape myself so I'm not asking for something I don't offer. If I gained weight, I would have no problem with my gf saying something. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ktmiller222 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 (edited) Do you guys prepare meals together? If so, cook healthy and not a whole lot (for portion control). Start going on walks together or ask him to go to the gym with you. You not eating is just as bad as obesity. Edited January 15, 2018 by ktmiller222 Link to post Share on other sites
Lamartine Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 When I was married, there was a point when I was concerned about my husband's weight. I still found him very attractive, but his diabetes was out of control. I signed us up to work out with a trainer twice a week. The grand irony is that he lost a ton of weight, and I stayed exactly the same. Can you encourage him to join you in activities that promote a healthy lifestyle? Walk the dog; swim; hike, etc. Is he experiencingany health problems? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 How does he feel about his weight? Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 15, 2018 Author Share Posted January 15, 2018 Im not sure why you think he needs a talking to. Do you think he doesn't know he's overweight? He is the one who brings it up all the time, even w/out me saying anything. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 He is the one who brings it up all the time' date=' even w/out me saying anything.[/quote'] If he's opening the conversation frequently, why have you not said anything about healthy eating and exercise in the conversations? Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 You said he was heavy when you met him so he's thinking you have no problem with it. I don't even get why you suddenly have a problem with it now... You know the saying, "Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they won't." Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 If he brings it up, ask him what he wants to do about it & what he wants you to do about it. Be willing to work out with him. Go on healthy dates: hiking, play tennis, go golfing, bike Do prepare healthy low calorie healthy filling meals together. In essence make weight loss fun Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 Make life for yourself really, really simple. Don't worry about his weight or anything else about him that is out of your control. Worry about your own and the other things that are within your control. Him and his weight aren't in that group. IMO, either accept him for who/how he is right now, today or bounce and find someone else who is already packaged up the way you prefer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
heartbrokenlady Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 If you want a slim boyfriend pick another guy. Why get with him if you antbto change him. Leave him for someone who’ll love him the way he is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Quagmire243 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 I was overweight once. I lost upwards of 300 pounds and it wasn't because a girlfriend told me I was overweight. Of course I knew it. The moment a girlfriend would bring it up as an issue is the moment I would know the relationship is over. For me, I wanted to be with people who accepted me as one of them and didn't notice me for my weight. Your rejection of him over his weight may eventually lead to him losing weight as multiple rejections led to my weight loss. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kassy Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 Have you considered sorting out your own health and just asking him to support you in that, and then maybe seeing your progress, and healthy food around will help him make small changes over time? Tell him you understand he is unhappy with his lifestyle and you are about yours too. You understand he is a grown man and can decide to change when he wants, but for you you are going to start making some changes and hope he can support you in them. Say you are concerned about his health because you love him but that you understand he needs to do things in his own time and when he wants to you are happy to support him. Then on the weekends plan fun exercise with him, go ice skating or a small hike etc. Maybe start walking after dinner and chatting to catch up etc etc You can't make him change but you can change yourself and find fun things to do together. If he comes with you for something like a wall after dinner then great, if not don't make a big deal just go do it for yourself and have fun. Then if he does come thank him for supporting you on your journey. If he does do something himself then support him but don't demand more. My boyfriend is fit and healthy, and I've lost weight and got back to being fit not because he has once asked but because when he goes off to do his thing I think yeah that is fun when you're fit and he eats yummy healthy food so when we are together I eat better and that's been expanding into the time when we aren't. So lead by example and see if that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
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