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Why does it seem to be a problem if a man has a preference?


afield934

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It seems these days its a problem if a man has preferences for dating. Prime example I had done a match making service in my local area and it seemed to be a problem because I said no black women. I am a black man but its because I just gravitated to what was interested in me and all my first experiences were with women that were not black not self hate or the usual assumption. I just stuck with what I knew and never thought about it. Beyond me though it seems men having preferences is a touchy issue for men

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Everybody has preferences. The trouble is that everyone is so PC these days that if you express a preference you are automatically labeled a racist.

 

Years ago before OLD was a thing I tried a match making service & was labeled narrow minded because I expressed a preference to date within my own race & I had high expectations regarding level of education. My response was that if I was paying for a service I was going to be picky. I wanted just anybody I could pick up a guy in a bar no problem.

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It seems these days its a problem if a man has preferences for dating. Prime example I had done a match making service in my local area and it seemed to be a problem because I said no black women. I am a black man but its because I just gravitated to what was interested in me and all my first experiences were with women that were not black not self hate or the usual assumption. I just stuck with what I knew and never thought about it. Beyond me though it seems men having preferences is a touchy issue for men

 

Who cares if Black women or men for that matter don't like the fact that you only like White women. It is your choice and you shouldn't care one way or the other. I am Black and I don't see a problem with it. Stop caring about what others think. You don't owe anyone an explanation for your choices.

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I've noticed that too. Women can be particular and unapologetic... height, age range, ethnicity, trim and muscled, full head of hair, education-income, penis size, oral skill and willingness, etc., etc. But, there seems to be an expectation that men should be nonjudgmental on many similar characteristics, and if not it's seen as unfair and the man is judged based on that.

 

I've learned from experience to set the age range in my dating profiles to include my age and a few years older. Man, it pisses them off if you say you're only interested in younger.

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Cookiesandough
Who cares if Black women or men for that matter don't like the fact that you only like White women. It is your choice and you shouldn't care one way or the other. I am Black and I don't see a problem with it. Stop caring about what others think. You don't owe anyone an explanation for your choices.

 

Exactly. And men are far from the only people who get whipped for having a preference. What I do think is bizarre is when guys have usernames on dating sites like ‘whitewomenonly76’ Ew

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I've noticed that too. Women can be particular and unapologetic... height, age range, ethnicity, trim and muscled, full head of hair, education-income, penis size, oral skill and willingness, etc., etc. But, there seems to be an expectation that men should be nonjudgmental on many similar characteristics, and if not it's seen as unfair and the man is judged based on that.

 

I've learned from experience to set the age range in my dating profiles to include my age and a few years older. Man, it pisses them off if you say you're only interested in younger.

 

Why should you care if they are pissed off? You are not going to get what you are looking for worrying about pissing off the others.

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Why should you care if they are pissed off? You are not going to get what you are looking for worrying about pissing off the others.

 

Even younger women, within the specified range, don't like it if you exclude those of your own age. I received several messages from women who didn't think it was "fair." One of them I ended up being platonic friends with, and she is ultra picky... and doesn't date younger men!

 

Why supply them with a reason to cast you in a negative light?

 

I think there is an unspoken expectation that men apply and women get to choose, which probably is how it works (mostly)... that it's a woman's prerogative to be selective, but men should not discriminate on certain things.

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I dont think its any different then men (or women) specifying they dont want to date (or want to date) overweight people. You can't help your preference. People like different things. Its what makes the world go round.

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Boomerang3378

Relax. You are thinking way too much into this. It is perfectly OK for men to have preferences. I mean women have their own preferences too, do they not? So why is it a problem for men to have their own preferences? Chill and relax. Date whoever you want to date: white,black,chinese, anyone.

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Who cares if Black women or men for that matter don't like the fact that you only like White women. It is your choice and you shouldn't care one way or the other. I am Black and I don't see a problem with it. Stop caring about what others think. You don't owe anyone an explanation for your choices.

 

It's all based on a person's perception because he didn't mention white women, he just said no black women. I once knew a co-worker who I had no interest in, yet it still bothered me when he had mixed women in his preference. This bothered me because I am white. People like previously mentioned, don't like to be excluded.

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Don't sweat it. You are attracted to what you are attracted to. We have had this type of thread before where some got all owly, calling it racist for not dating a particular race or only dating within your race or narrow minded because they don't find over weigh people attractive and what's on the inside that counts yadda yadda yiddia yadda..you know the same old song and dance. No one should care tbh and you shouldn't care either. It's your life, your business and no one elses to dictate.

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littleblackheart

You like what you like.

 

I find people who have preferences that become diktats or prerequisites a little strange though, especially with physical traits - like they can only have a relationship with someone who looks at certain way; it just looks like an unhealthy pattern of behaviour, to me.

 

I was my exH's perfect physical type; it didn't stop him from being abusive or manipulative.

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I don't see any problem with men (or women) having preferences. Attraction has a mind of it's own, and you can't control to whom you are attracted. Just make sure that your boundaries aren't so narrow that you cheat yourself out of meeting the right person!

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Even younger women, within the specified range, don't like it if you exclude those of your own age. I received several messages from women who didn't think it was "fair." One of them I ended up being platonic friends with, and she is ultra picky... and doesn't date younger men!

 

Why supply them with a reason to cast you in a negative light?

 

I think there is an unspoken expectation that men apply and women get to choose, which probably is how it works (mostly)... that it's a woman's prerogative to be selective, but men should not discriminate on certain things.

 

This really irritates me. You are calling women picky and in the same breath citing your own parameters?

 

Age is a funny thing. You can know for sure that you aren't attracted to X hair color or Y height, but many times you can't even tell how old people are. Maybe these women are messaging you about it because they realize that your expectations are potentially unreasonable. And you have to remember that younger women--whose market value, if you will, is high--are going to have their own set of expectations. They might not want to date a geezer.

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It's all based on a person's perception because he didn't mention white women, he just said no black women. I once knew a co-worker who I had no interest in, yet it still bothered me when he had mixed women in his preference. This bothered me because I am white. People like previously mentioned, don't like to be excluded.

 

I'd rather know I'm not someone's type so as to not waste my time. Just because I'm not their type doesn't mean I'm not the type that another is man is looking for. I just wouldn't trip the small stuff.

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This really irritates me. You are calling women picky and in the same breath citing your own parameters?

 

See what I mean? It irritates you too.

 

I'm just relating what I've experienced. I've never messaged a woman to dress her down for not being interested in men who are less than six feet tall, although I've seen many state that in their profiles. But they have messaged me objecting to an age range that doesn't include my age.

 

These are reasonably comparable. Most couples are comprised of a man who is both taller and older than the woman. One preference is seen as acceptable, the other is not. I don't think either is a big deal, and I'm not the one taking issue.

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A match making service probably really hates picky people because they are going to have just as much trouble finding them someone as they themselves have had that brought the to such a service. So they probably try to talk people out of it telling them to broaden their scope. But I'm with you; if I'm using a service, I'd say what I really wanted too. It probably also has a lot to do with who they have available.

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