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Text whenever


mortensorchid

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mortensorchid

I have tried once again with the online dating world. I connected with someone on a website, we really hit it off through the chatting there (or we seemed to that is). He's 45, never been married, no kids. He said he had broken up with a woman he was living with, moved out of the place, and had moved in with his brother but was now getting his own place in another week or two. We had a good chat on the website about things, then he offered me his phone number.

 

I texted him this morning "hello it's (name) from (website)" and he responded. We talked about things (what we were doing that day). I asked what he was doing this evening as I and no doubt a lot of others are staying in due to the weather conditions (lots of ice and snow), he said he was also staying in. I was, for the record, not trying to fish for him to come out with me, it was strictly conversational and I too was staying in. I asked what he did for a living, he said he works in IT with his brother. He asked what I did, I told him of what I'm doing now and future career goals which I am working on. He asked what I do for fun, I told him about things I do. He mentioned some things as well (play pool, go on adventures, etc.). He found me on Facebook (but did not friend me there), he noticed that we have about 40 friends in common. I asked what he was doing tomorrow he said he might go out to a suburb to check on one of their client locations. I said I was going to set build at my theater company.

 

At about 11 pm I said I was going to turn in now, hope we can continue to chat tomorrow. His response was "Sure. Sleep well text whenever."

 

I think it went okay, this texting that is. I am wary, however, that he may prove himself to be a texting buddy rather than our meeting face to face. I would have to meet him to find out and get "the vibe" from him. What do others think?

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Happy Lemming

Sounds like a good start.

 

As soon as the weather clears up and the roads are safe. CALL HIM, don't text and set up a "coffee" date. You'll have your answer as to whether he is a texting buddy or not.

 

Just my two cents.

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Cookiesandough

I'm not a fan of this "text whenever" business. But as he wishes. Put him on the backburner and "text whenever" but let him show his interest by asking you on a date. Don't ask him out. Give him a chance to show his interest in meeting you. Just my opinion.

Edited by Cookiesandough
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mortensorchid
I'm not a fan of this "text whenever" business. But as he wishes. Put him on the backburner and "text whenever" but let him show his interest by asking you on a date. Don't ask him out. Give him a chance to show his interest in meeting you. Just my opinion.

 

That's my fear here. He seems like a decent enough guy based on the conversation / texts but I wonder how serious he is or is not about our actually meeting someday. I think I'll give it a rest for tomorrow then see what I'll see in a few days. That is, I think I should wait until he contacts me.

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Happy Lemming
That's my fear here. He seems like a decent enough guy based on the conversation / texts but I wonder how serious he is or is not about our actually meeting someday. I think I'll give it a rest for tomorrow then see what I'll see in a few days. That is, I think I should wait until he contacts me.

 

Don't wait a couple of days... strike while the iron is hot. You've been wanting to go out and date, so date.

 

Don't read anything into the "whatever" line. He is 45 and didn't grow up texting. He doesn't know all the nuances of texting, like those young people who fly across their phones at lightning speed. I'm horrible at texting. I spell everything out and punctuate and take way too long. Moreover, I need my reading glasses just to see those blasted little letters.

 

If the roads are clear tomorrow, call him, grab a cup of coffee and talk to him (face to face). Again he is 45, that generation is more comfortable in a face to face dating environment.

 

Just my opinion.

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Cookiesandough
That's my fear here. He seems like a decent enough guy based on the conversation / texts but I wonder how serious he is or is not about our actually meeting someday. I think I'll give it a rest for tomorrow then see what I'll see in a few days. That is, I think I should wait until he contacts me.

 

I think your plan is solid. There are a lot of signs he is interested there. But men are socialized to pursue. He’s online dating and 45. I highly doubt this is his first rodeo. He knows how to ask a woman out if he wants to. From all the evidence I’ve seen, chasing men or being the initiator in the beginning only turns out well if you get lucky. Most of the time, you may end up with a date, but it’s with a lukewarm man or passive man that can’t make a decision to save his life and it eventually dwindles out. It’s mostly a waste of time.

 

I feel like when you talked about what you’re doing for the evening and asked him what he will be doing tomorrow, he should have taken that as a window. But maybe he doesn’t want to jump the gun. Some men don’t want to scare the woman off by asking her out too soon.

 

Give it a few days and I think if he’s interested he won’t forget about you

Edited by Cookiesandough
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You say you connected - who actually contacted who?

 

Do you have any idea if he is dating, interested in dating or interested in dating you?

How long is it since he split with his ex and moved out?

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The ever looming question on whether to wait it out or shoot off a text first. I'm glad the texting went well. You were both on the same page about avoiding the weather conditions, and I think that's reasonable. You two have talked a lot about your activities, and you both seem relatively busy, but has no one said anything about meeting? I would put that out there.

 

I've fallen into this texting buddy trap enough times, and I will suggest we need to plan to meet. It seems that if a guy doesn't put that out there pretty quickly, it's kind of an indicator it's not going to happen. You say you weren't fishing, but you really were, and he wasn't biting. Maybe he's holding off in fear of scaring you by asking too soon. The last time you texted was yesterday, and you initiated. I would write one more time, and not again, let him initiate. If no plan to meet is forthcoming, and if he doesn't initiate a text, there's your answer. You've already been the initiator twice...maybe three times.

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mortensorchid

I am just going to let it stand. He can contact me now, be it a phone call or a text. Unfortunately I have a feeling he's not going to, which makes me sad but that's how it rolls.

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Ruby Slippers
I am just going to let it stand. He can contact me now, be it a phone call or a text. Unfortunately I have a feeling he's not going to, which makes me sad but that's how it rolls.

I agree you should wait for him to contact you.

 

And keep in mind that for 95% of people, online dating is a search for a needle in a haystack. Don't let yourself get frustrated if you pick up yet another piece of hay. Keep your thoughts focused on finding that glinting silver needle. If it gets tiresome, take a break and come back when it feels fun again.

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A texting relationship. How awful. I will text AFTER I have met her in person. I'm not texting anybody until I know them, and even then it's sparse. I despise typing on a little phone.

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Oh please don't start with the "hey just want to say good morning or good night" and all that crap when you haven't even been on a bloody date yet. To get the guy invested is not to communicate through text...talk over coffee instead, face to face. You need to get out of this habit. Say "I'm not that into texting. I would prefer to get to know you over coffee instead. How about we meet up at _____ tomorrow for an hour. If he says no, gives you an excuse, you block/delete, move on. Stop wasting your time on this textpal, wishy washy crap. Remember you are serious to find someone, and getting them to meet is the only way to cut through the time wasters.

Edited by smackie9
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mortensorchid

I agree. He's not that motivated to do much of anything if he's going to send a text like that at the end of the evening which means "I'll see you when I see you". He's 45 not 15, and if he's not going to communicate with me like he should communicate that means he's not interested or expecting me to do all the work. I don't know if he's a loser or not but he's not that into me.

 

It's done. I feel sad sometimes, there are nothing but dead ends everywhere.

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mortensorchid

ANd how do you like that? About five minutes after I posted the above response, he texted me asking how I am and hoped my day went well. Ha. I will wait at least an hour or so before I respond to him.

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Oh please don't start with the "hey just want to say good morning or good night" and all that crap when you haven't even been on a bloody date yet. To get the guy invested is not to communicate through text...talk over coffee instead, face to face. You need to get out of this habit. Say "I'm not that into texting. I would prefer to get to know you over coffee instead. How about we meet up at _____ tomorrow for an hour. If he says no, gives you an excuse, you block/delete, move on. Stop wasting your time on this textpal, wishy washy crap. Remember you are serious to find someone, and getting them to meet is the only way to cut through the time wasters.

 

Thank you Smackie

 

Just get after it for crying out loud

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ANd how do you like that? About five minutes after I posted the above response, he texted me asking how I am and hoped my day went well. Ha. I will wait at least an hour or so before I respond to him.

 

To each his own on this, but I have been so much happier since I vowed not to play those kinds of games. I text back as soon as I see a text or as soon as I'm done with something I can't put down. I really think we'd all be better off if we werent trying to prove to our love interests that we werent that interested.

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To each his own on this, but I have been so much happier since I vowed not to play those kinds of games. I text back as soon as I see a text or as soon as I'm done with something I can't put down. I really think we'd all be better off if we werent trying to prove to our love interests that we werent that interested.

 

I was just wondering how many good guys women miss out on by playing all of these games.

 

Even if they did manipulate or trick a man into a relationship, how long would it last once he realizes it’s all a game?

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"Text whenever" can mean he is open to hearing from you at any time.

 

Don't play games, be interested and if he's not its his loss.

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mortensorchid

To update on this situation:

 

We were texting this evening. I told him I was going to set build at a theater company in my city which I am on the board for. He asked how that went, I said there was only a bit to do since there was a big turn out the day before which I was not there for. I asked if he was working tomorrow as it's a holiday (MLK day) he said he was, I said I wasn't because I'm a multi-district sub. He said he was working (in IT), then he was going to do some more organizing and packing (he's moving out of his brother's house and into his own place in a few weeks). He said he and his brother who he works in an IT business with are going to expand to Indianapolis but put it off for some reason, since he's been single since Labor Day and he wanted to get back out and enjoy life again. I said I was in Indianapolis last spring, showed him the photo of the Indianapolis pimp house (google it). He said that was funny. ANd then ... He stopped texting without a good night.

 

Is this a lost cause?

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mortensorchid

THen he texted me a few minutes ago saying "I'm gong to bed soon, good night". I think that's that with him. Disappointed...

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To each his own on this, but I have been so much happier since I vowed not to play those kinds of games. I text back as soon as I see a text or as soon as I'm done with something I can't put down. I really think we'd all be better off if we werent trying to prove to our love interests that we werent that interested.

 

 

 

Haha hellla yeasssa , l hear ya.

l dunno how anyone manages to get anything real these days with all the stuff and do's and don'ts that seem to go on.

l dunno. If l want her she'll know about it and if she did'n't like me back well , l'm the male and hunter as far as l'm condemned,old school l guess so, that's ok, goes with the territory.

 

But eh that's me so good luck with whatever you decide MC , hope it all works out.

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mortensorchid

He doesn't seem that interested. I agree with the above poster, men should be the hunter/gatherer but so many of them are not. They let women take the lead or something or they seem to expect the women to chase them, and I kind of hinted that I wanted to meet him in the second conversation text. But he's not responding either way to this. SO I'm moving on.

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I think that texting convo stuff is a big waste of time between strangers. Once you both are interested it's time to set up a meeting or quit.

 

Why do people think that because they've texted back and forth a few times that the other person must be sitting in one place, staring at their phone and waiting for a text that they'll need to answer instantly or else be deemed "not interested" or whatever.

 

All that aside, I think he's giving you some hints that he's not interested in a relationship right now. He's been single a short time and he wants to "get out and enjoy life."

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JESUS CHRIST!!!! COULD YOU OVERANALYZE ANY MORE!!!

 

It's damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

Don't pursue too fast or you come off needy!

 

or

 

Take the lead and be the alpha!

 

Which is it? This guy actually sounds exactly like what I do when I don't want to be seen as "too clingy/needy/desperate too soon" ("text me whenever", don't finish off a text with a "good night") ... all because I have to play the game.

 

I'd say give him a freaking week before you write him off as not being this "hunter/gatherer" caveman stereotype (caveman lived til about 30 and that was 10000 years ago) you seem to be looking for (this week).

Edited by rightondude
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THen he texted me a few minutes ago saying "I'm gong to bed soon, good night". I think that's that with him. Disappointed...

 

He doesn't seem that interested. I agree with the above poster, men should be the hunter/gatherer but so many of them are not. They let women take the lead or something or they seem to expect the women to chase them, and I kind of hinted that I wanted to meet him in the second conversation text. But he's not responding either way to this. SO I'm moving on.

 

Speechless...

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