Snooping on a potential mate's social media

[meded]

Just curious. What is the general consensus as it relates to snooping on the person you're seeing's social media, etc.

 

I.e. seeing who they're following, interacting with, etc of the opposite sex.

 

Is this a recipe for disaster or a way to protect yourself in that you could potentially prevent any unpleasant "surprises?"

[Popsicle]

One word: Trouble.

 

I only recently got on FB and that's only cuz I HAD to for business. I typically like to stay off of social media because of all the drama it causes and I like peace. On my very first day of joining FB, my ex sent me a friend request, like BOOM lickety-split. I was like whyyyyyyyy? And he's been tormenting ever since with his FB nonsense. I'm thinking about unfriending him and never having exes or bf's on there ever again. It's all so stupid!

[ktmiller222]

I think everyone does it...some go more in depth than others.

Sometimes it's helpful because you can find out of they are lying to you (i.e. saying they are busy with work but are posting pictures of themselves out).

It's also nice to see pictures of them lol...especially when you are waiting to see them again!

Just try not to read into too much....sometimes people take things posted online way out of context.

[smackie9]

I don't bother looking to see what my husband posts. I looked last month because someone asked me about the car he's working on, so I went on there to make a funny comment on his page. That's it. I haven't the worry or the time to give a rat's butt about his social media. This site is where I like to spend my time

[kendahke]

I think it depends upon the real reason you're snooping.

 

Most people will look on another person's facebook, at least, to see who's in their immediate circle.

[MajesticUnicorn]

Seems like a recipe for disaster in my opinion.

 

I don’t know, for me I am multi dating and cool with it. But when I see a guy I like interacting with the opposite sex on social media I hate it LOL. I’m a hypocrite in that regard. I know that it happens, but I rather be kept in the dark about it until things get serious.

[smackie9]

It's all about confidence in yourself. People interact with people on a daily basis. It is what it is.

[SevenCity]

One word: Trouble.

 

I only recently got on FB and that's only cuz I HAD to for business. I typically like to stay off of social media because of all the drama it causes and I like peace. On my very first day of joining FB, my ex sent me a friend request, like BOOM lickety-split. I was like whyyyyyyyy? And he's been tormenting ever since with his FB nonsense. I'm thinking about unfriending him and never having exes or bf's on there ever again. It's all so stupid!

 

I don't have Facebook either (except a ghost profile for bumble).

 

I never had the desire to look at a potential mate's FB but I hear a lot of women find out guys they are connected to on OLD have gf's or are married by snooping.

 

So I guess it can be useful if you want to avoid that.

[maxi105]

hmmm.... maybe you need to focus on the relationship when you actually get it (if you haven't already) a bit more, and forget about what "the concensus think"; because if you are the sort of person that feels the need to have to check up on people in that sort of sly way and it backfires: then you will have only got exactly what you deserve!!!

 

sorry, but if you cant talk to someone you are actually with and you have to resort to checking fb to see what they are doing whenever they are not with you!!! then what does that say about you,

or your relationship.

 

if you have a secure relationship or are a secure person then you shouldn't even need to think about snooping; before you get them or whilst you are with them. or maybe you are just bored with aspects of your life or own company?

 

 

ok, if you are with or have been with a cheater, then you are not matched anyway, so again there is little point to the relationship.

 

I guess you have to ask yourself is: do I want a proper healthy normal relationship, or do I want a controlling or insecure relationship, or would I be happier with someone equally insecure who likes to be monitored every 2 minutes; or would I be better off just finding a penpal or meet someone in a bar who would be happy to sleep around when I am boredl!!!!!!

 

just enjoy what you have if you are with someone now.

 

but seriously: I think the fact that you even are asking this is a sign that you probably could do with growing up a bit more...

 

sorry.

Edited January 14, 2018 by maxi105

[Eternal Sunshine]

FB is a godsend for OLD. I have found men that have lied about their marital status and even having kids. I have also found pictures that were clearer than what they chose to put on OLD or more recent. It has saved me ton of time and potential heartache.

[TheFinalWord]

Social media in general is a cancer on society. But since Pandora's Box is opened, the best you can hope for is building trust with a partner and not worrying about it. If you are snooping through someone's private documents, that either means you have a intuition that they are untrustworthy, or you are a jealous, controlling person. Neither scenario will cultivate your relationship. I have noticed that people that snoop through their partners private materials tend to develop a type of psychosis, where they become obsessed with snooping and playing James Bond. I am unsure if there is some dopamine hit acquired by this activity, or if the person enjoys fostering negative emotions and thought patterns. But the activity itself does not do anything to improve your character and plays into the dark side of our minds. I would avoid. If you are too tempted to do so, I would get off social media and cut it out of you life. What is more important, looking at people's "wall" which is really just an artificial representation of their life, or cultivating a healthy, loving, trusting relationship?

Edited January 14, 2018 by TheFinalWord

[Fair]

Just curious. What is the general consensus as it relates to snooping on the person you're seeing's social media, etc.

 

I.e. seeing who they're following, interacting with, etc of the opposite sex.

 

Is this a recipe for disaster or a way to protect yourself in that you could potentially prevent any unpleasant "surprises?"

 

Ugh! Get off social media... it'll eventually drag you into a deep depression. I have FB with VERY few people on it... people I might need to contact and FB is always the easiest way nowadays. But I don't enjoy looking at other people's lives. If they were REAL and not FAKE and less self absorbed it would be great... but I can't stand all the self hype... it divides, it doesn't connect.

 

If you snoop on someone you'll just live to regret it.

[hamsterhouse]

I think that in this day and age, prior to a first date or as you're beginning to see a new prospect more and more, it's perfectly acceptable to check out your date's social media. On my last date (second date with this girl), she asked me something about my last name. It dawned on me that she shouldn't know my last name because we matched on Tinder and I'd never told her. I jokingly called her out on it, and her response was, "Hey, I'm a single girl in my 30s. I need to protect myself," or something to that effect. She's right, and I don't have a problem with it at all.

 

Now, once you're established with a person and you're asking for passwords or constantly snooping and keeping tabs on their interaction with people, particularly with members of the opposite sex, then it's an issue. If you can't trust them then you need to take a step back and take a look what what they're actually doing, then look at yourself.

[basil67]

I don't see a problem with it. At the very least, social media can give you some further insight into who the person is....be it good, bad or ugly.

[mikeylo]

Its not snooping !

 

If the person has social media presence it means it is meant to be looked at and seen by the entire world.

 

I've heard many cases where a person has being persuing someone only to find out at a click of a button that the person is married with 3 kids and last weekend returned from a holiday of a lifetime !

 

Get the name first, google them and then go on a date. Of course unless you know the person first anyway.

[SpecialJ]

Take whatever you find with a grain of salt. I met someone nice but too recently divorced (I assumed he'd be emotionally unavailable). I snooped his profile AND hers to see if I could figure out what happened. I came up with a whole hypothesis and had solid social media "evidence" for it (I didn't do this seriously, just out of curiosity to see if I could). Well, I did eventually find out what happened (from a neutral third party), and my hypothesis was beyond incorrect! My little fake narrative was a lot worse and more dramatic than the very benign truth.

 

You never have enough context or information to understand the true nature of someone's interpersonal relationships from social media. Looking to see who they're interacting with of their preferred sex is a little silly unless you can blatantly see they're in another relationship (because they state it) or have kids they didn't tell you about, since it's just too out of context to tell you anything.

 

If they share enough information publicly, it can be helpful to see if they have good judgement and aren't posting any wildly offensive photos of themselves or opinions that make them out to be a terrible person. But I've actually never encountered that with anyone I'd screened enough on OLD to end up meeting, just by talking to them directly beforehand.

 

Usually, I'm looking people up before the date just to see if we have any mutual friends. If I really want to snoop, then I'll just ask the friends if they'd recommend dating the guy or not.

Edited January 14, 2018 by SpecialJ

[Cookiesandough]

Horrible, awful, completely against it…… When it’s used on me. But I think it’s great when I use it. Great for filtering out the not-bf material because you can tell automatically they aren’t when 99% of the people they’re following on social media are thirst traps.