m.knowles Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 I went on a ski date last weekend with a guy I've had some chemistry with at work. I've known him for 7 months. It's kind of similar to a Jim and Pam thing from The Office, but not quite there. We are both 29 years old. He got a promotion so I don't see him very much anymore. We got dinner after skiing and we both had a great time. I could sense that he was very happy to see me and I did notice he was somewhat nervous for the first few minutes He said he would like to go out again when we got to our cars. I messaged him the next day to thank him again for paying for my meal and said that I look forward to going out again. He said he will message me when he figures out another time. His new job is demanding until you hit the learning curve, so I know he's severely busy. This was last Sunday afternoon. So.... the fact that I messaged him to thank him.... and tell him I'd like to go out again.... and he responded in a favorable way.... where do I go from here? Just leave it? Some of my female friends are saying to text him today. I was going to ask him how his first week on his new project went. But others are telling me to wait a few more days to see if he says something first. Is it normal for a guy to do this? What is the best option here? Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 I think if you texted him telling him that you’d like to go out sometime he should be the one to ask you out if he is interested. You’ve left no ambiguity that you are interested.I think you should just leave it and wait. Just my opinion 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author m.knowles Posted January 13, 2018 Author Share Posted January 13, 2018 So it's best to wait even though he reached out first to ask me on last week's date? He did say that he would get back with me, but I want to make sure that I made it obvious that I am interested Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 I think you were very clear that you are interested in seeing him again, and he said he would contact you when he is ready to arrange another date, so that takes the responsibility out of your hands. Give him the chance to show if he is a man of his word or not. If he is genuinely interested in taking it further, he will contact you. However, if for some reason he doesn't, you will know that he wasn't really feeling it. Personally, I would rather know he was a man of his word. That would indicate he had boyfriend potential. I guess it depends what you are looking for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author m.knowles Posted January 14, 2018 Author Share Posted January 14, 2018 He said something about his new project was going to keep him busy and that he will remain in contact. But it's been 6 days now and nothing and this is a long weekend (it is possible that he is working this weekend though), so I figured I would have heard from him by now but I guess I'll wait longer Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 You are 29 years old....what the hell are you afraid of? send him a text asking how he is doing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 This man is enough of a go-getter to achieve a promotion. He knows how to go after what he wants. It's been a week. Busy people strike while the iron is hot. He knows how to get in touch with you but he hasn't. I'd take that as a sign he is not interested. If you are going to reach out again, I suggest you be very bold & ask him for a 2nd date that you plan & you pay for. You might get a favorable response but I think his silence is telegraphing his lack of interest. Before you do anything, read a book called He's Just Not That Into You. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 I don't think you should text him. If you text him, these will be the possible scenarios. 1. no reply. 2. he replies the same day with another "I'll get back to you", then silence again. 3. he replies showing interest, maybe even see you again, have a few laughs, then silence again. You shouldn't have to perform CPR on a brand new guy. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 I would not text him. You made your interest clear. He told you he would be in touch when he knows he'll be available. My guess is that he's not that interested, or just too busy to date. A guy who is into you and wants to see you again doesn't let a week pass with zero contact. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 For as much as you two hit it off, he may not be in a position to date or dedicate the time and energy. This first date of yours sounds like it wasn't really a date-date, but more an extension of an activity you both participated in...like he wasn't considering actually dating and as great as it was, he isn't in that place. Was this a ski date or just a, "let's ski" sort of thing? You can sit back and wait, be patient, and he'll reach out. It could be he's just not into you. I would probably text, though, and ask how the work thing is going...keep my foot in the door, so to speak, but I can't honestly say if this is the right thing to do or the best idea. If he's not into you, he's not into you, and if he doesn't have the time or energy to pursue a relationship, you're always going to be on the back burner. It could turn around if you're patient with him and work slows down, and I do think that reaching out and maintaining that interest and momentum is a good idea, but at the same time, I think Maggie4 is spot on...I've done this with a couple guys and so far it's never gone in the direction of continued relationship, but rather, he's just not into me. So my advice is wishy-washy at best, but I probably would text, because a second blow-off would solidify his intentions at this point, and I can move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Boomerang3378 Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 I think you should wait for him to text you first. Give him some time to reply back to you. And it is normal (depending on how close the two of you are) for guys to do this. So you can wait till he asks you to do something with him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 I think you were very clear that you are interested in seeing him again, and he said he would contact you when he is ready to arrange another date, so that takes the responsibility out of your hands. Give him the chance to show if he is a man of his word or not. If he is genuinely interested in taking it further, he will contact you. However, if for some reason he doesn't, you will know that he wasn't really feeling it. Personally, I would rather know he was a man of his word. That would indicate he had boyfriend potential. I guess it depends what you are looking for. 1000% this advice as well as what most of the others said. I think there is no reason you shouldn't expect to hear from him and you will...it will just be in his time frame. I would rather know what that time frame is, as an indication of his priorities and what are appropriate expectations and that he can hold to his word then nudge him--which is effectively how it will feel. If you really think he has time for idle chit chat via text or if something funny or relatable to something you guys share in common comes up than ok you *could* text him but I do think that it will read as transparent to nudging. Let the guy rise to the occasion of his promises rather than try to rush it along where he will feel pressured. I would just say when you do hear from him you can acknowledge that you knew he must be super busy in his new position and how is it going--something that indirectly references he said he'd be in touch and took on that responsibility so you let him have the time and space to do that. Some simple reference to the busyness of his new job should do the trick. BTW, if you can bump into him at work, naturally, do that. Then it's normal that you are just going about your day and have a reason to talk to him (i.e. it's not pressure but it is a reminder). Most guys who are interested don't need a reminder. You are not hearing from him because he is not ready to set up the next date. Just be friendly and happy when you do see him. My advice is pretty much always to let a guy do his stuff in his time frame. They are so much more into you then because it is their decision rather than feel dragged into something. Girls time frames can feel really fast to a lot of guys. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 (edited) Frankly, I don’t know why you would want to keep contact with this guy who puts you on hold for six days no contact . It shows you how much of a priority you are going to be in his life if at the beginning he’s taking his sweet time And not even keeping you updated to make sure you’re still on his hook.. Probably seeing what other stuff is out of there. I don’t think I’d want him to get back to me. His times up Edited January 14, 2018 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 Some of my female friends are saying to text him today. I was going to ask him how his first week on his new project went. But others are telling me to wait a few more days to see if he says something first. I agree with your friends, despite disagreeing with the other posters here. Text him. It's what you would do if you were only interested in a friendship. Waiting for a response just because you're interested in dating is starting to sound like playing games to me. If he's flaky, doesn't respond or is vague about timing you have your answer about whether he's interested, and sooner rather than later. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 I don't completely disagree with snowboy above. You can go ahead and contact him, but I predict the 6+ day silence will be a recurring theme. He is lowering your expectations, telling you to cool it. Look on the bright side, his 6+ days time frame between contacts, totally allows you to date other men! In fact, you can date up to three guys like him, none of them will know the difference, and you'd still have time for night out with the girls and yourself. Then when a real live guy comes along, you drop the three zombies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
staggerlee71 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 Timeline...Timeline....Hes not working on yours. Doesn't mean he isn't interested. Hes not on your timeline 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 You shouldn't have to perform CPR on a brand new guy. Lol. That ^ ? And in addition, you shouldn't have to on any guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 I agree with your friends, despite disagreeing with the other posters here. Text him. It's what you would do if you were only interested in a friendship. Waiting for a response just because you're interested in dating is starting to sound like playing games to me. If he's flaky, doesn't respond or is vague about timing you have your answer about whether he's interested, and sooner rather than later. Well you absolutely have a point if they texted regularly (like friends or flirting stuff) before they went on the first date. If they never did that, i still think she shouldn't text him. reason why: lots of guys will "respond", though not really enthusiastically and it confuses the issue for our OP. If he likes her, he will handle business. Link to post Share on other sites
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