Jump to content

Can emotionally unavailable men fall in love?


missyou123

Recommended Posts

By definition I always kind of assumed, being emotionally unavailable meant you can't have real feelings for someone. Or am I wrong?

 

I recently started and then quickly ended something with a guy from my past. This time around he was so sweet and nice to me. I just knew he liked me, I didn't question it. But a month in I kind of freaked out and decided to end things because I was scared of getting hurt and asked if all he wanted was sex. (I had already decided to end things so I figured nothing to lose and I wanted the truth)

 

Essentially he told me that's not all he wants. That he would love to be more with me but that he's emotionally unavailable because of a recent breakup. And that I'm perfect for him, and he's scared of how much he likes me but that he won't be able to fully commit and that he's scared to hurt me again. So I ended things.

 

A part of me just thinks he was being nice and was bending the truth. That he didn't mean he genuinely has feelings, because how could you if you say you're emotionally available? But another part of me wonders what if I never freaked out, and continued being open, if something deeper would have organically happened? Or did I make the right decision?

Link to post
Share on other sites

You made the right decision and are officially going through the motions of rejection. He isn't over his ex and you deserve to be someone's first choice. It sounded like an honest answer but not one i would accept. You have to move on if you ask me.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact full quote of starting post
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Cookiesandough

Why did you assume all he wanted was sex? If you felt that way, you were probably right. Trust that instinct. As for his “emotional unavailability“, I do believe there are such people who are emotionally unavailable and it is due to mental issues, but most people who use this term use it to mean they are “emotionally preoccupied” or basically they aren’t emotionally into the particular person that they are saying it to.

 

This is usually the case when they pair it with clichés that are seemingly contradictory like “ I’m scared of how strong my feelings are for you” and “I’m afraid to commit because I don’t want to hurt you”

 

He is capable of emotional attachment since he was able to feel something for his ex and get hurt. He didn’t rationalize or choose that and if he felt something for you he wouldn’t be able to rationalize it either. I believe it is an excuse here Can you made the right decision. You should try to find someone emotionally available to you if love is what you seek

Edited by Cookiesandough
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Can emotionally unavailable men fall in love?

 

Yes, when they become emotionally available. Absent that, they may lust, they may pursue, some might fake it, or as my exW put it, put on a 'mask' of emotional availability, but that elemental attachment that bonds to stand the test of time and challenge won't occur until that part of their psyche is in the game. If that's never, that's what it is.

 

In your example, was the guy you were involved with in the past emotionally intimate and available then? If he was, then it follows that he has the capacity for such intimacy. What remains is whether or not you inspire such intimate attachment in him. Past performance is no guarantee of future results, but can indicate trends.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Yes, when they become emotionally available. Absent that, they may lust, they may pursue, some might fake it, or as my exW put it, put on a 'mask' of emotional availability, but that elemental attachment that bonds to stand the test of time and challenge won't occur until that part of their psyche is in the game. If that's never, that's what it is.

 

In your example, was the guy you were involved with in the past emotionally intimate and available then? If he was, then it follows that he has the capacity for such intimacy. What remains is whether or not you inspire such intimate attachment in him. Past performance is no guarantee of future results, but can indicate trends.

 

Ya he was before in his past relationship. And also the way he was treating me proved it as well. See the thing is it felt intimate with him, he was really open with me emotionally and just very carrying. It wasn't until I panicked (for odd reasons) that I thought differently. Which is why I wonder how it could have progressed if I gave him more of a chance before making him decide what he's ready for. He's also still contacting me, not sure if that means anything.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ya he was before in his past relationship. And also the way he was treating me proved it as well. See the thing is it felt intimate with him, he was really open with me emotionally and just very carrying. It wasn't until I panicked (for odd reasons) that I thought differently. Which is why I wonder how it could have progressed if I gave him more of a chance before making him decide what he's ready for. He's also still contacting me, not sure if that means anything.

 

He is still contacting you because he is fine with how the relationship was. You obviously want more. The more you continue to engage in this sort of relationship, the harder it is going to be for you to find a man, you feel just as strongly about, who will be in the relationship 100 percent and attached to you. From what you said so far, you sound more like a rebound.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...