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When will it be ok to ask her out again after flaking on me? **Updates**


bobross00

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For a little backstory, I've gone out with this girl once or twice, and we've kissed once after a month of knowing her.

 

So I was supposed to go out with this girl like 3 weeks ago. I even texted her before hand to let her know that I'd show up outside her place (which is down the street from mine own, on campus). She texted me 1.5 hours later saying that she fell asleep, which was a lie. She doesn't offer to reschedule. I try calling her after this text and she doesn't answer.

 

 

I see her hours later at the college bars that same night. I know she has feelings because after seeing me flirt with other girls, she made it extremely obvious to try and make me jealous. We've hugged since and she mentioned in real life that she really fell asleep, but i haven't gone out of my way to talk to her. We are on a 4 week winter break, and i haven't seen her in like 2-3 weeks so far. There is like 2 weeks left.

 

Also, there are times where i came off needy or weak, so maybe some of this is my fault?

 

 

Should I go out of my wish her a merry Christmas in order to let her know i'm still interested? Or should I try and let her come to me when i see her in person?

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My response in your last thread--#7:

I wouldn't do this.

 

I wouldn't waste another second of my time trippin' on someone who stood me up.

 

Surely, women can't be that thin on the ground where you are that you'll submit your stones to her sledgehammer?

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My response in your last thread--#7:

 

How do i look at old threads. I'm new to this site.

 

And its hard because she was the first girl i've dated and i still like her. I've even slept with another girl since, but i still like her.

 

It's just hard deciding whether she is sincere and still is interested vs her just playing me for a fool. It's hard to let go with the thought that they might still have some interest. If i was certain she had no interest at all, i would not even care about her at all. I've been rejected by girls in the past who clearly showed they had no interest, and it was easy for me to forget them.

 

 

That's what makes it hard about this situation. When they're on the fence and you don't know for sure where they stand.

Edited by bobross00
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Because you said "campus" I am assuming you are young, (under 23) & in college. If you are not, just leave her alone.

 

Collegians do flakey mixed up stupid things all the time. I know I did.

 

Sending her 1 text that says Merry Christmas is fine. If she responds, great. If she does not respond, never message her again. She's not interested.

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No harm in saying Merry Xmas if that's what you want, but she is playing games here. The old flirt to make jealous trick is immature however normal behavior for college age, I'd say.

 

She sounds like maybe the type that enjoys chasing rather than be chased. Back off and see if she bites but it's not cool if she wants to flake out every time it's you pursuing her.

 

You could also just plain ask, do you like me or not. So far she only seems to be interested when it's convenient for her.

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You could also just plain ask, do you like me or not. .

 

bobross00 -- If you are inclined to ask such an inadvisable Q, do NOT do it over text at Christmas. Ask in person.

 

As for seeing old posts, right click on your name & you will get a pull down menu. Click the hypertext link that gets you to your old posts.

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Because you said "campus" I am assuming you are young, (under 23) & in college. If you are not, just leave her alone.

 

Collegians do flakey mixed up stupid things all the time. I know I did.

 

Sending her 1 text that says Merry Christmas is fine. If she responds, great. If she does not respond, never message her again. She's not interested.

 

I only want to do it just so she doesn't forget about me since we've only known each other for a couple months and will not see each other for another whole month. She probably has a line of dudes trying to talk to her.

 

On the other hand, if she's really not that interested, then I will hurt my chances of her coming after me when i see her at the bar every weekend.

 

-

Her not calling me back on top of flaking was discouraging, but her going to extreme lengths to obviously make me jealous and coming up to me + giving me a hug communicated otherwise. It's a mind ****.

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As for seeing old posts, right click on your name & you will get a pull down menu. Click the hypertext link that gets you to your old posts.

 

 

Thank you--

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I only want to do it just so she doesn't forget about me since we've only known each other for a couple months and will not see each other for another whole month. She probably has a line of dudes trying to talk to her.

 

On the other hand, if she's really not that interested, then I will hurt my chances of her coming after me when i see her at the bar every weekend.

 

-

Her not calling me back on top of flaking was discouraging, but her going to extreme lengths to obviously make me jealous and coming up to me + giving me a hug communicated otherwise. It's a mind ****.

 

If she is interested, she won't forget you.

 

Also, trying to make you jealous does not mean she has feelings. More likely, she flirts with others around you for the ego boost.

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If she is interested, she won't forget you.

 

Also, trying to make you jealous does not mean she has feelings. More likely, she flirts with others around you for the ego boost.

 

That's what i was thinking. I know she doesn't have high interest, that's for sure. I just didn't know if in the case that she has a small amount of interest, if she would lose it during that amount of time.

 

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And she didn't start flirting with others until i did so blatantly to her face. Yea, she may just want to validate herself. Idk.

 

She did it by showing up right behind me in a packed bar (probably 100+ people). I turn around and i see her with a guy. She is literally standing 2 feet in back of me. She doesn't look at me or say anything, so i leave (the day before i kind of ignored her presence, so she was trying to get back at me).

 

It's like she's trying to shove it in my face. The guy wasn't really attractive either, but they they seemed to be laughing together.

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Her Christmas present from you should be your silence and no attention anymore, at all..

 

Do not bother with her she really is not interested and will probably only use you when she needs attention or is bored...

 

Do yourself a favor and do not bother with her anymore and find someone who actually likes and want s to go out with you..

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Her Christmas present from you should be your silence and no attention anymore, at all..

 

Do not bother with her she really is not interested and will probably only use you when she needs attention or is bored...

 

Do yourself a favor and do not bother with her anymore and find someone who actually likes and want s to go out with you..

 

Yea, most likely I'm not gonna text her. I've realized nothing serious will likely come of this. If she ever wants to just fool around, i'd be down. I just don't want to close the door on that. But as far as developing anything serious, that ship has sailed, i think at least.

Edited by bobross00
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There is some game-playing going on here, and you are part of it. You intentionally made a show of flirting with other women in front of her after she stood you up, and well, she did the same thing. I don't think putting on a show of hitting on other women is going to work in your favor. Ignoring her isn't going to get positive results either.

 

You're both playing games, but you can only control yourself, so stop. Be genuine if you want to date her and have a relationship.

 

She seems to be not entirely interested, but the only way to know or to grow a more serious relationship is to date her. Talk to her. Ask her out. If she flakes out consistently, wishy-washy about going out, and if she's busy making sure you see her hanging onto other guys if you're around, then she's not worth your time and energy.

 

Don't text her if you're not really interested in seeing her again. If you are, then yes, wish her a Merry Christmas. Don't bring up whether or not she's into you, but if you chat a little, you can discuss if she'd like to go out when she gets back to school, and if she is, then she's interested enough to give you another shot.

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There is some game-playing going on here, and you are part of it. You intentionally made a show of flirting with other women in front of her after she stood you up, and well, she did the same thing. I don't think putting on a show of hitting on other women is going to work in your favor. Ignoring her isn't going to get positive results either.

 

You're both playing games, but you can only control yourself, so stop. Be genuine if you want to date her and have a relationship.

 

She seems to be not entirely interested, but the only way to know or to grow a more serious relationship is to date her. Talk to her. Ask her out. If she flakes out consistently, wishy-washy about going out, and if she's busy making sure you see her hanging onto other guys if you're around, then she's not worth your time and energy.

 

Don't text her if you're not really interested in seeing her again. If you are, then yes, wish her a Merry Christmas. Don't bring up whether or not she's into you, but if you chat a little, you can discuss if she'd like to go out when she gets back to school, and if she is, then she's interested enough to give you another shot.

 

I'm conflicted. Many of the guys are saying don't message her, while many of the women are saying I should do it. I am interested in her, so i want whatever brings the best likely-hood of success. If i were to text her, i wasn't planning on asking her out via text, but rather wait until i see her in person to assess if she's interested.

Edited by bobross00
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I'm conflicted. Many of the guys are saying don't message her, while many of the women are saying I should do it. I am interested in her, so i want whatever brings the best likely-hood of success.

 

If you're interested, text. Just say Merry Christmas. You can say, "Merry Christmas, I hope you're having a great day and Santa was good to you!"

 

I've gone on 4 days now with no word from the guy I was seeing. He was all gung-ho at first, but that seemed to quickly drop, and I was the one reaching out, I limit myself to three. He responded but half-heartedly (IMO) and stopped initiating, so I dropped the rope. Similarly, I'm wondering about reaching out with a "Merry Christmas," but the reality is, I was pretty much on the fence about him, so I'm not going to encourage anything by writing...I think I'm done, and he likewise seems to be done.

 

The moral of the story is, if you want to see if there's something there, reach out. If she's equally interested in you, this will mean a whole lot to her. It's a risk and there are no guarantees, but at least you tried.

 

I'm in the camp of putting forth your best effort, even if you're not sure she feels the same because you don't want to look back and think "what if" or "if only." You want to be confident you tried, and if it doesn't work out, you have no regrets.

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At the end of the day, it's your choice. I have done some things that goes against NC rules, etc. But, I do not regret most of what has happened, only the feelings I have in the wake of it. I did what I felt had to be done and knew what the possible consequences were going to be.

 

If you are conflicted by the advice you are getting here then that means so are we 'collectively.' If it is true that the guys are saying no and the ladies are saying yes, then you should probably ask yourself why this is. Guys tend to see things in terms of a position of power, upper hand. Ladies typically do not. Sometimes, my friend, it is not about power at all.

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At the end of the day, it's your choice. I have done some things that goes against NC rules, etc. But, I do not regret most of what has happened, only the feelings I have in the wake of it. I did what I felt had to be done and knew what the possible consequences were going to be.

 

If you are conflicted by the advice you are getting here then that means so are we 'collectively.' If it is true that the guys are saying no and the ladies are saying yes, then you should probably ask yourself why this is. Guys tend to see things in terms of a position of power, upper hand. Ladies typically do not. Sometimes, my friend, it is not about power at all.

 

Yea, sometimes i just like taking my chances just so i can have peace of mind despite the outcome.

 

Also, i forgot to mention that i asked her out like 2 weeks prior. She mentioned how she had an essay to write (it was sunday). I then asked when she's free and she said "idk i'm leaving in 2 days". Thanksgiving break was about to take place so i gave her the benefit of the doubt. She didn't offer to reschedule or anything though.

 

So idk. I may just send the text either way. This would technically be strike 2, but she did seem sorry.

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bobross00 -- If you are inclined to ask such an inadvisable Q, do NOT do it over text at Christmas. Ask in person.

 

Agreed. And no it's probably not the best way to go, but if someone is giving mixed signals and you need answers, last resort just ask.

 

But I would say just leave it a Merry Xmas text. Because if a person doesn't even bother to return holiday greetings, they are clearly not interested, at all.

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Yea, sometimes i just like taking my chances just so i can have peace of mind despite the outcome.

 

Also, i forgot to mention that i asked her out like 2 weeks prior. She mentioned how she had an essay to write (it was sunday). I then asked when she's free and she said "idk i'm leaving in 2 days". Thanksgiving break was about to take place so i gave her the benefit of the doubt. She didn't offer to reschedule or anything though.

 

So idk. I may just send the text either way. This would technically be strike 2, but she did seem sorry.

 

I'm not detecting much interest on her side, honestly. When I like a guy, I will suggest a reschedule in a matter like this, or let him know when I might be free again. I think she likes your attention in general but her effort to return the attention is non-existent.

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I'm not detecting much interest on her side, honestly. When I like a guy, I will suggest a reschedule in a matter like this, or let him know when I might be free again. I think she likes your attention in general but her effort to return the attention is non-existent.

 

I agree with this. The user above mentioned that me texting her will work if she has an equal amount of interest... I can guarantee she doesn't, at this point at least. So i may refrain from texting. I'm 75% sure i'm not gonna text her.

 

I gave her the benefit of the doubt of not rescheduling this particular time since it would be 2 weeks ahead of time. I'm starting to think that's not much of an excuse though, because if it were me, i would have mentioned going out in the future.

 

When i asked her out on a more formal date, she happened to be out of town, BUT she offered to reschedule for the next week. After the first date I acted needy and said a couple of stupid things to her. Since then i'm assuming her interest fell.

 

--

It's weird because she came up to me and hugged me the day before i asked her out a 2nd time (the time where she didn't reschedule). That's the only reason why i asked her out.

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Should I go out of my wish her a merry Christmas in order to let her know i'm still interested? Or should I try and let her come to me when i see her in person?

 

let her come to you...

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let her come to you...

 

On a side note, if a girl says "so what are you doing afterwards" while on a date, does that mean she's alluding to sex?

 

I'm just thinking back to this. If so, then her interest may have been high at one point. I know it isn't high now.

 

Would no contact by me still apply given that her interest was high at one point?

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mortensorchid

Since you mentioned that you were on campus with her, it seems to me like you two are in college and quite young. This reminds me of a guy I knew in college. He said he went out with this girl one weekend and was telling me he really liked her. I said that was nice. He said every time he would call her she would hang up on him, and every time he would see her face to face in the dinning hall or in passing she would run away and scream. He asked me what that meant, others told him that she likes him. I said "You don't really need ME to tell you what that means, do you?" He did. And I think you do as well with this gal : She is playing games. And she knows she can get away with it with you.

 

So move on.

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Since you mentioned that you were on campus with her, it seems to me like you two are in college and quite young. This reminds me of a guy I knew in college. He said he went out with this girl one weekend and was telling me he really liked her. I said that was nice. He said every time he would call her she would hang up on him, and every time he would see her face to face in the dinning hall or in passing she would run away and scream. He asked me what that meant, others told him that she likes him. I said "You don't really need ME to tell you what that means, do you?" He did. And I think you do as well with this gal : She is playing games. And she knows she can get away with it with you.

 

So move on.

 

Yea, she's been playing games the entire time I've known her, but she sprinkles in ideas of her really liking me.

 

ie: her asking what i'll be doing after our first(ish) date... I don't know what to make of it, but it seems like it may have been a gateway to sex.

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