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At my age?


Lamartine

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I'm wondering if any of you married and/or started families later in life.

 

I am a 36 year old woman. I'm not perfect, but I'm decent looking, nurturing, educated, financially independent, and very involved in my community.

 

My divorce was final a year and a half ago, and I had a series of misfortunes afterwards (the death of my ex, a very painful break up from a man who was promising me marriage and kids, etc.). I'm back on track now and going back to graduate school to start a new career.

 

Dating feels hopeless to me. I feel old and tired, and the game just isn't what it was in my twenties before I met my ex husband. My new career path and community activities are predominantly female, and all of my friends are married. Online dating, which is so frustrating, seems to be my best option right now.

 

Part of me thinks that, at my age, I shouldn't hold out hope of having a good marriage anymore. Does anyone have a later in life success story?

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Don't be silly :D I found the most amazing man 2 months after celebrating my 50th birthday. My friends are all around my age and have found love in their 50s so more power to you! My grand-mother remarried at 75 and called him the love of her life.

 

Love has no age.

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I too found the most womderful man in my late 30's and we are very happy together.

 

Sure, dating is different than when you were in your 20's... But, there is no reason to think that you won't find a wonderful relationship. And, dare I say it... you will really appreciate it when you find it. Don't lose hope.

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littleblackheart

One of my dear friends got married 4 weeks ago to his second wife. He's 41. They met 3 years ago when she was 37. They had a boy shortly after (he already has 2 from his previous marriage). No previous marriage or kids for her. They met randomly on a lads' night out.

 

I attended his wedding and from knowing him for decades, I can tell he is genuinely happy. That's only one of many examples of second marriages I know.

 

Believe it can happen for you too, if that's what you truly want :).

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I was 39 when I met my husband. It was a 1st marriage for us both.

 

 

You had a lot of upheavals. My condolences on the death of your EX. I had an EX pass too. People don't always understand that grief. Just because you don't want them back doesn't mean you actually want them dead.

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Part of me thinks that, at my age, I shouldn't hold out hope of having a good marriage anymore. Does anyone have a later in life success story?

 

I was 34 when I divorced. I tried OLD and went from one bad relationship to another. It was difficult to see friends all moving towards stable relationships and I was always stuck in a rut. I took a few years off dating and decided to work on myself and to find contentment with being alone. I got to a stage emotionally and mentally where I didn't even want/need a relationship and just as they say, when you're not looking for it, it happens and it did.

 

I met a man and I'm in a long term healthy & nurturing relationship -- it happened in my mid 40s.

 

Don't lose hope!

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Are you looking for just a relationship or for relationship+children?

 

If it is the former - no worries. People find mates successfully at double your age. Your chances are no better or worse than to a younger woman, just the demographics will be different which is ok.

 

If it is the later: freeze your eggs. Otherwise you'd rush into stupid decisions. I'm almost your age (33) and decided to put a break on reproductive urges because last time I ended up in 2 year relationship with completely incompatible guy because of it (thank god we didn't get kids). Freezing your eggs gives you good 10+ years of playtime.

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scatteredmusician

You have been through a lot in a short time. Don’t lose hope. We were created to have relationship and there is someone out there who is a match for you. It is good to be content by yourself as well and as noted by another poster. That way you bring your healthy self into any relationship. Don’t give up, and best wishes.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

36 is not at all too old for what you desire in life. I'm 45 and have a lot of hope still....hope I'm not delusional lol!

 

I have at least 6 girlfriends I can think off off the top of my head who have had children older than you, most actually over 40. 3 of them had babies on their own via donor sperm, but one is pregnant with an "oops" baby at age 39. If you're worried about the kid part, I agree that freezing your eggs might be a great idea. You may not need them, but it could give you peace of mind.

 

You're definitely not too old....I'm sorry for all you've gone through :(.

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Thank you all! Your comments really put a smile on my face!

 

I probably am not ready right now. I'm working with a grief counselor, and, after ten years of practicing law, I'm going back to school to begin a career in social work. I have two friends with whom I work out, and I'm trying to nurture my female friendships. I think that if my progress continues, I might be ready in six months or so honestly to date again.

 

I do want to remarry--although I want to make sure it is absolutely right this time before I do it. I would like a child, but I'm not dead set on it. If God wants that for me, then I would be happy for it. Otherwise, I'd be thrilled just to find a mate.

 

This mid-thirties dating is no fun! I'm just looking for hope that marriage could, eventually, be a possibility for me. I loved being married, and, even though my marriage didn't work out for all kinds of crazy reasons, we remained very close until he died. I'd love to have something like that in my life again when I am ready.

 

Did any of you who found love later in life start to feel old and tired during the process?

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BarbedFenceRider

I married, built a house, had a kid....All in the same year. (30).

 

Talk about a learning curve... Yeah, 2 kids in elementary and I'm 43 now. A little tiring. But I remember a friend of mine was like 12 years older than me, he has two little twins....Now that is tired! lol

 

Life has it's ups and downs and trying times along with the hilarious ones...But it is good to go through these with someone else...You will do just fine.

 

God bless.

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So how did you meet your partner? I'm always curious about such cute stories :o

 

I was 34 when I divorced. I tried OLD and went from one bad relationship to another. It was difficult to see friends all moving towards stable relationships and I was always stuck in a rut. I took a few years off dating and decided to work on myself and to find contentment with being alone. I got to a stage emotionally and mentally where I didn't even want/need a relationship and just as they say, when you're not looking for it, it happens and it did.

 

I met a man and I'm in a long term healthy & nurturing relationship -- it happened in my mid 40s.

 

Don't lose hope!

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Ruby Slippers
I took a few years off dating and decided to work on myself and to find contentment with being alone. I got to a stage emotionally and mentally where I didn't even want/need a relationship and just as they say, when you're not looking for it, it happens and it did.

I feel like I'm at the beginning of this stage now. I think there's definitely some truth to the idea that once you "give up", things fall into place. I think "giving up" is underrated. Sometimes it's releasing your attachments and relaxing that lets things fall into place.

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Just because you don't want them back doesn't mean you actually want them dead.

 

This is the funniest thing I've heard all week... :laugh:

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and I'm trying to nurture my female friendships. I think that if my progress continues, I might be ready in six months or so honestly to date again.

 

I did/am doing the exact same thing - nurturing my female friendships. It's been so incredibly rewarding. I think I may also be ready in 6 months to date again, but I'm enjoying myself, and my new gfs so much in the meantime.

 

This mid-thirties dating is no fun!

 

Try 50s! lol

 

I'm just looking for hope that marriage could, eventually, be a possibility for me. I loved being married, and, even though my marriage didn't work out for all kinds of crazy reasons, we remained very close until he died. I'd love to have something like that in my life again when I am ready.

 

I married for the first time when I was 40. We had a fun and adventurous

marriage and even sailed the Caribbean on our sailboat for 2 years. We ended our marriage after 10 years because he is a nomad at heart, and I need a home base to come back to. We're also still very close, but like siblings.

 

I loved being married too, most of the time. And I would love and welcome it again!

Did any of you who found love later in life start to feel old and tired during the process?

I met my ex-husband when I was 38 but I never had a burning desire to get married, so no, I didn't feel old and tired then. I DO now, though! :) Plus, I've never wanted children, so that wasn't ever a factor.

 

 

I wish both of us great luck in finding a partner! xoxo

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I think when you are older, you are more mature, established, and know what you want and what you don't want....so you end up choosing better than when you were in your 20's.

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I think when you are older, you are more mature, established, and know what you want and what you don't want....so you end up choosing better than when you were in your 20's.

 

Without a doubt. And, I hate to say it, but I think the men are also older, more mature, and more knowledgable about what it takes to have a successful, long term relationship. That's a good thing!

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I met my husband when I was 40, married him nearly a year ago (I'm 46 now). Second marriage for us both, we both have grown up children. I fell pregnant at 41 but sadly lost the baby (I've recently discovered I have a developed a condition that would've caused that.)

We are both very happy, in the six years I've been with him we've only twice had words. Once was over the pregnancy (it was a huge shock!!) and the second time was because he was unhappy about my bridesmaids organising my hen's night he wanted a combined hen/stag party.

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Cookiesandough

My mother married my father at 38 and had me got pregnant with me (naturally) at 45. I was kind of a last minute plan. They're still very happily married!!!

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My mother married my father at 38 and had me got pregnant with me (naturally) at 45. I was kind of a last minute plan. They're still very happily married!!!

 

Ooh were you your mom's first child?

 

Stories like this make me hopeful to postpone the settling with few more years, 12 more years will be amazing :cool:

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LivingWaterPlease

My mom married her third husband when she was 87 (She'll be 90 this month). He's four years younger than she is, a good looking guy, cheerful, educated (Dr.) and a world traveler. Just got back from South Korea and China before that, in October.

 

She's been a widow twice and hasn't stayed single long either time. When she is single, though, she is on the lookout for the next husband (constantly it seems to me, lol!). When she sees him she zooms right in and befriends him being quite giggly and flirtatious. Very soon she starts cooking for him and finding things he can do to help her around the house.

 

Had she not married husband #3 she had another guy lined up to marry. She didn't think he was as much fun, though, as the one she preferred and got.

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Cookiesandough
Ooh were you your mom's first child?

 

Stories like this make me hopeful to postpone the settling with few more years, 12 more years will be amazing :cool:

 

Yep :D My mom really didn't care about having kids but and my dad said that he wanted my mom to have a girl so she could have something to dress up. Are you serious, dad?

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Yep :D My mom really didn't care about having kids but and my dad said that he wanted my mom to have a girl so she could have something to dress up. Are you serious, dad?

 

That's awesome :D Good that you didn't turn out a boy, she'd have to repeat in her late 40s

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LOL your mom is quite young in spirit.

 

Similar thing happened with one of my neighbors. Ok, she was possibly about a decade younger - I think 78 or 79 at the time she met her new boyfriend, but still... She met him on a subway ride and immediately lured him into her home :cool: She is a breast cancer survivor and can't even cook (notorious with her fast food habits) but apparently this doesn't deter guys from her.

 

My mom married her third husband when she was 87 (She'll be 90 this month). He's four years younger than she is, a good looking guy, cheerful, educated (Dr.) and a world traveler. Just got back from South Korea and China before that, in October.

 

She's been a widow twice and hasn't stayed single long either time. When she is single, though, she is on the lookout for the next husband (constantly it seems to me, lol!). When she sees him she zooms right in and befriends him being quite giggly and flirtatious. Very soon she starts cooking for him and finding things he can do to help her around the house.

 

Had she not married husband #3 she had another guy lined up to marry. She didn't think he was as much fun, though, as the one she preferred and got.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
My mom married her third husband when she was 87 (She'll be 90 this month). He's four years younger than she is, a good looking guy, cheerful, educated (Dr.) and a world traveler. Just got back from South Korea and China before that, in October.

 

She's been a widow twice and hasn't stayed single long either time. When she is single, though, she is on the lookout for the next husband (constantly it seems to me, lol!). When she sees him she zooms right in and befriends him being quite giggly and flirtatious. Very soon she starts cooking for him and finding things he can do to help her around the house.

 

Had she not married husband #3 she had another guy lined up to marry. She didn't think he was as much fun, though, as the one she preferred and got.

 

So sweet! My grandmother was also about 87 when she got married for the second time, to a high school friend. They made each other so much younger and had very happy ends of their lives. She died first, and he actually got married again...in his 90s!

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