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Should i move on?


ktmiller222

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I've been on a few dates with a great guy. I am ready to see him more and not date other guys. He did text me the other day and saying he wanted to see me after the holidays (he was visiting family). Nothing is planned yet but I am hoping I see him this weekend.

 

I know guys probably dread this talk but I want to see where his head is at and if he sees this going into a relationship. We have never talked about how we felt about each other, we just seem to have a good time when we are around each other). He seems like a respectable guy and wants to take his time (we havent had sex yet...but each time we see each other we are more touchy and kiss more then the last time).

 

I am trying to mentally prepare myself if he doesn't see this going into a relationship anytime soon but I rather find out now. How should I approach this? Would he be turned off for a female to be asking questions about where the relationship is going? I don't want to scare him away but I would like to know what he is thinking. I don't want to text either---I rather have a face to face conversation. Any advice would be great. I am really scared.

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I've been on a few dates with a great guy. I am ready to see him more and not date other guys. He did text me the other day and saying he wanted to see me after the holidays (he was visiting family). Nothing is planned yet but I am hoping I see him this weekend.

 

I know guys probably dread this talk but I want to see where his head is at and if he sees this going into a relationship. We have never talked about how we felt about each other, we just seem to have a good time when we are around each other). He seems like a respectable guy and wants to take his time (we havent had sex yet...but each time we see each other we are more touchy and kiss more then the last time).

 

I am trying to mentally prepare myself if he doesn't see this going into a relationship anytime soon but I rather find out now. How should I approach this? Would he be turned off for a female to be asking questions about where the relationship is going? I don't want to scare him away but I would like to know what he is thinking. I don't want to text either---I rather have a face to face conversation. Any advice would be great. I am really scared.

 

I know youre scared and don't want to get hurt but I'm a 28 year old guy and if a girl said that to me that early on id be bit concerned.

 

at this stage he should be initiating one date a week. making plans to see you. is he doing this? from what I've read I don't see him making any future plans just yet. in my opinion its far too early to be talking about relationships. hold off and let him arrange to see you, then continue to let him arrange plans, his intent will tell you the things you need to know.

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I know youre scared and don't want to get hurt but I'm a 28 year old guy and if a girl said that to me that early on id be bit concerned.

 

at this stage he should be initiating one date a week. making plans to see you. is he doing this? from what I've read I don't see him making any future plans just yet. in my opinion its far too early to be talking about relationships. hold off and let him arrange to see you, then continue to let him arrange plans, his intent will tell you the things you need to know.

 

I've been seeing him for 2 months...no we don't see each other every week.

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I've been seeing him for 2 months...no we don't see each other every week.

 

so how many dates? is he initiating the dates?

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dating two months is a while. I see nothing wrong with having a discussion if thats what you want to do.

 

 

what are you going to do if he agrees to being exclusive now, then after he sleeps with you, he changes his mind? I am not saying he changes his mind because the sex is bad -- but am saying what if he lies to you to just get sex and then once he's gotten it, decides to show his true colors after he has gotten what he wants?

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6 dates...he initiated all but 2

 

ok so thats quite a few dates.

 

being the girl I believe its your job to ask where things are going. I didn't realise you'd had that many dates. you could ask him that at this stage.

 

in my opinion 6 dates is pushing towards the side of a lot of dates not to be sleeping with someone, most guys would have ghosted by now, this tells me two things, one that you respect yourself and don't sleep about easily, and two, he's into you enough to have 6 dates without sex so he's definitely been into you enough up until now.

 

so I would say to him at the end of your next date, so where do you see this going? he will either say I want something longterm or something like I just want to take it slow.

 

now for me personally if I was to say the latter to the girl then I'm not that into her. if I was into you a lot id say the first part. either way, I think you'll get your answer once you sleep with him. but like I said, 6 dates and no sex, he sure does like you.

Edited by python23
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I think it's fine for you to ask. And, yes, face to face MUCH better than a text. Just be prepared for his answer and be prepared if it's not the answer you want to hear. So you should know going in if he says he doesn't want an exclusive relationship, are you OK with that?

 

Also, be ready for him to say he needs to think about it.

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TheFinalWord
I've been on a few dates with a great guy. I am ready to see him more and not date other guys. He did text me the other day and saying he wanted to see me after the holidays (he was visiting family). Nothing is planned yet but I am hoping I see him this weekend.

 

I know guys probably dread this talk but I want to see where his head is at and if he sees this going into a relationship. We have never talked about how we felt about each other, we just seem to have a good time when we are around each other). He seems like a respectable guy and wants to take his time (we havent had sex yet...but each time we see each other we are more touchy and kiss more then the last time).

 

I am trying to mentally prepare myself if he doesn't see this going into a relationship anytime soon but I rather find out now. How should I approach this? Would he be turned off for a female to be asking questions about where the relationship is going? I don't want to scare him away but I would like to know what he is thinking. I don't want to text either---I rather have a face to face conversation. Any advice would be great. I am really scared.

 

It is too early to talk about exclusivity. You should wait a while more before doing that. After only a few dates, you do not know him good enough to know if you he is relationship material. If he feels pressured early on, he is likely to bolt. That does not mean you have to have sex before you are ready.

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Cookiesandough

waiting 6 dates for sex means nothing plz dont get it twisted there. You don't know he's not getting it from ever jane and jill and tamara in meantime either. Guy will usually wait as long as it takes and suffer through a lot of crap for sex even if he doesn't like you especially if you're paying for stuff too and sometimes not even if he thinks you're hot enough. You should have the discussion with him before you are intimate if it's important to you to be exclusive before intimacy or only having intimacy with each other. If he thinks it is you guys are probably not compatible there.

 

Though I think when you ask yourself these questions you're not there yet

Edited by Cookiesandough
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waiting 6 dates for sex means nothing plz dont get it twisted there. You don't know he's not getting it from ever jane and jill and tamara in meantime either. Guy will usually wait as long as it takes and suffer through a lot of crap for sex even if he doesn't like you especially if you're paying for stuff too and sometimes not even if he thinks you're hot enough. You should have the discussion with him before sex if it's important to you to be exclusive before sex

 

I personally wouldn't wait around for 6 dates without sex if I wasn't into her enough. if I really liked her then the sex to me wouldnt be an issue just yet, but the longer you leave it the more chance he will get frustrated. unfortunately you'll find out his true colours once you sleep with him, words really don't mean a lot but all I'm going off is myself, I wouldnt lie to you just to get you into bed, some guys would though like the above poster said

 

and a lot of guys judge the sex too, and the girls do for that matter, its an important part of any good relationship so if theres no spark in the bedroom then its not going to work.

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Cookiesandough

Hmm you might be in the minority. I've been on lots of dates with men after I met my ex and I've only been intimate with one of them and that was just some fondling. It's never gone past that and I've had up to 7 dates with some of these men. And like I said I only did 'heavy petting' with one after 6 dates and we were "not seeing anyone else" No sex. I'm certain these people didnt like me and were waiting to get in my pants. I'm 99% positive because I tried my hardest to be unlikeable.

 

 

There are countless stories here of men 'waiting' a very long time.

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A guy who is truly interested in you won't scare off easily. That said, 6 dates in 2 months doesn't indicate a whole lot of interest.

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I know you might be nervous about it, but having this talk is for the best. If hes interested, great! If not, then better to tether that connection sooner rather than later!

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Cookiesandough

^ Yes, it indicates multi-dating. 6 dates is only a lot of dates if they are quality dates. I've been on 6, 7 dates and didn't know jack about the person. Didn't even know the person's last name(met online) and I've been on 1 date with a person and knew a lot about each other after. The number of dates themselves are not a good standard of measure. I've seen stories on here of one person that dated this person 15 dates over like 1/2 a year and he tells her he's not interested when she had the talk(serious).

You don't want to be there. Definitely ask. Knowledge is power! It's not like you're asking for a betrothal..

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Hmm you might be in the minority. I've been on lots of dates with men after I met my ex and I've only been intimate with one of them and that was just some fondling. It's never gone past that and I've had up to 7 dates with some of these men. And like I said I only did 'heavy petting' with one after 6 dates and we were "not seeing anyone else" No sex. I'm certain these people didnt like me and were waiting to get in my pants. I'm 99% positive because I tried my hardest to be unlikeable.

 

 

There are countless stories here of men 'waiting' a very long time.

 

7/8 dates is a lot without sex in my opinion , I've dated quite a lot over the last 2 years and id say 3 is the average amount. from my experience if a girl really gets me, and I'm hooked, then the sex doesnt come into it, seeing her on the dates is enough but id personally be questioning it if it went to 7 dates or more. when its going well theres chemistry during those dates, were both of you want to rip each others clothes off. if I'm not getting that vibe from the girl then id personally most likely back off and date someone more into me sexually. the opening poster may want to have sex but might not be ready, thats fine, but I can come across that she's not that into him, either way, the guys most likely going to wonder when its going to happen sooner rather than later.

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Have you talked about what you're each looking for in general?

Serious relationship, etc.

That stuff should align.

 

I don't think it's the woman's job to bring anything up.

I'd prefer the man to do it.

But for me, I've never asked a guy where something is going and am not usually too worried about it in the beginning.

Let them try to lock you down, not the other way around.

 

Personally, I don't sleep with them until I feel I could see this going somewhere, and usually they've already made it known they want to be in a relationship with me.

 

So basically, let the guy bring all that stuff up, and if he's not trying to be exclusive with you, just date other guys too or don't get too invested.

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7/8 dates is a lot without sex in my opinion , I've dated quite a lot over the last 2 years and id say 3 is the average amount. from my experience if a girl really gets me, and I'm hooked, then the sex doesnt come into it, seeing her on the dates is enough but id personally be questioning it if it went to 7 dates or more. when its going well theres chemistry during those dates, were both of you want to rip each others clothes off. if I'm not getting that vibe from the girl then id personally most likely back off and date someone more into me sexually. the opening poster may want to have sex but might not be ready, thats fine, but I can come across that she's not that into him, either way, the guys most likely going to wonder when its going to happen sooner rather than later.

 

I wouldn't be sleeping with a guy that soon and if he wasn't cool with it, next.

I've never been ditched for waiting either.

 

Some of us like to have a solid connection before we get nekked.

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Have you talked about what you're each looking for in general?

Serious relationship, etc.

That stuff should align.

 

I don't think it's the woman's job to bring anything up.

I'd prefer the man to do it.

But for me, I've never asked a guy where something is going and am not usually too worried about it in the beginning.

Let them try to lock you down, not the other way around.

 

Personally, I don't sleep with them until I feel I could see this going somewhere, and usually they've already made it known they want to be in a relationship with me.

 

So basically, let the guy bring all that stuff up, and if he's not trying to be exclusive with you, just date other guys too or don't get too invested.

 

a guy who knows how to date has one job, thats to arrange the dates and make sure both enjoy themselves on the dates. the fact that he hasn't brought anything up at the point and the opening poster is wondering what he's thinking is all part of it. I've made the mistake of bringing up being exclusive and its weak behaviour. I let the girl do it now

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Cookiesandough

but if both people have that policy it never happens lol

Edited by Cookiesandough
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I understand what you're saying. It's just not my modus operandi to sleep w guy on the 3rd date. I mean maybe it would be if I could get to know someone enough in that amount of time, but that's not possible for me. But I get that's completely normal. It gets to a point where you might get frustrated or think they aren't" into "you. I've been on the receiving end of what you mentioned of that vibe that nothing is ever going to happen but you keep hanging out and it's a little confusing when you aren't looking for a friend. I think that's another subject, but I def get what you're saying. Usually I can tell when not vibing like that but sometimes it's confusing.

 

im not saying It can't be more than 3, its down to the girl, I personally respect a girl even more if she wants to wait, it shows she respects herself, but I expect to have signs during those dates that she at least wants to sleep with me when the time is right. il also let her know thats what I want but il always be respectful

the guy has one job, to create a fun filled romantic opportunity for sex to happen. that's it. Its certainly not the guys job to ask if things are serious. if he's doing the dating game right then she's going to bring it up, and if he wants to be serious he will say he wants it too

Edited by python23
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Thanks for all the input. He actually just texted me and we are going out this weekend. I plan on talking to him. For me, it has nothing to do with us not having sex yet, I just want to see where I stand with him. I'm already getting nervous about it but I don't want to be one of those girls that just wait and wait and nothing happens. That has happened to me before and it SUCKS. That's why I am growing a pair and having the talk lol. He is just different then all of the guys I met so I just want to be cautious and not scare him...but I also need to look after myself and my feelings.

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Thanks for all the input. He actually just texted me and we are going out this weekend. I plan on talking to him. For me, it has nothing to do with us not having sex yet, I just want to see where I stand with him. I'm already getting nervous about it but I don't want to be one of those girls that just wait and wait and nothing happens. That has happened to me before and it SUCKS. That's why I am growing a pair and having the talk lol. He is just different then all of the guys I met so I just want to be cautious and not scare him...but I also need to look after myself and my feelings.

 

thats good. good luck, but unfortunately I know how some guys think so no matter what he says don't assume its really what he's thinking, you'll really know where you stand when you sleep with him and he stays around or not, but for me id be into you a lot if I was still wanting to date after 6 dates, thats just me so I think thats a good sign.

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Thanks for all the input. He actually just texted me and we are going out this weekend. I plan on talking to him. For me, it has nothing to do with us not having sex yet, I just want to see where I stand with him. I'm already getting nervous about it but I don't want to be one of those girls that just wait and wait and nothing happens. That has happened to me before and it SUCKS. That's why I am growing a pair and having the talk lol. He is just different then all of the guys I met so I just want to be cautious and not scare him...but I also need to look after myself and my feelings.

 

I think it's fantastic you've got the guts to talk about it with him. You know what you want, and you're hopefully getting a straight answer. Life's too short to be waiting too long. :D

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Thanks for all the input. He actually just texted me and we are going out this weekend. I plan on talking to him. For me, it has nothing to do with us not having sex yet, I just want to see where I stand with him. I'm already getting nervous about it but I don't want to be one of those girls that just wait and wait and nothing happens. That has happened to me before and it SUCKS. That's why I am growing a pair and having the talk lol. He is just different then all of the guys I met so I just want to be cautious and not scare him...but I also need to look after myself and my feelings.

 

one other thing, theres so many girls out there nowadays that don't want anything serious, they're just as bad as guys for messing people around and keeping things casual so to hear a genuine girl who wants something serious with a guy she likes is refreshing. I respect that, its just a shame a lot don't. I think this guy does, thats just my gut feeling.

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