meded Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 Hello, So I met this guy on bumble about a week ago and we really hit it off. I noticed he always took a bit of time to reply but I figured that it was just because we were still getting to know one another and what not and that it’d get better with time which it did... UNTIL.. I texted him yesterday afternoon continuing our convo which left off with him and he never replied. Fast forward to today around 2 pm he replies stating the following: “Hey just going to put it out there, i probably wont text you everyday, not something i really enjoy or have time to do. Just know that I'm still interested in you.” Now although I think it’s nice he reached out, I don’t quite understand how I am supposed to get to know someone when we hardly talk. I also can’t seem to think maybe he’s just stringing me along but wants to make sure I don’t go anywhere in the meantime. And I’m not trying to belittle anyone or their careees/ pursuits but I’m a second year medical school student so I know all about being “busy” yet I still find time to speak to those I care about regularly. I need advice though. What do you all think? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 I would appreciate that he is letting you know that he is not a big texter. You can't get to truly know someone via texting. Spending time together and talking on the phone in between (when time allows) is how you get to know each other. In my last relationship, my ex-boyfriend was all about texting, multiple times a day, and it created more problems than it solved in terms of our communication and development as a couple. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 Sounds like a string along. A week, and in this time has he at all alluded to meeting in person? Instead,he's suggesting to talk less???He wants to downgrade from penpals to part time penpals. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SpinScratch Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 It means "I'll get to you when I feel like it" Imagine how its gonna be after he gets what he wants? Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 I didn't realize the two of you hadn't even met! How about getting to know each other in person to see if you even like each other? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author meded Posted January 11, 2018 Author Share Posted January 11, 2018 Nope, not yet. When i mentioned us getting together soon he replied, with "dont worry, we will we have plenty of time." So i just left it alone from there figuring he'd ask soon. He has been texting me like normal again so we will see. I think youre right in me not getting too worked up yet until I meet up with him in person as who knows if we will even still care for each other after that. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 his manners suck really. if this is how he acts when he is trying to impress you and hasn't ask you to go out, you shouldn't waste your time. this as he gets more comfortable--if you ever WERE to date--he would become more crude, more ill-mannered, more selfish. If he doesn't want to message or text a lot or less than he has been with you (which didn't sound like a lot but maybe i'm misinterpreting it), he should have the foresight to just set up a date. instead when you guys are talking about when you will meet, he gives a cocky non-answer?? self-centered idiot. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 (edited) "We will have plenty of time"? How about he doesn't try to manage your time for you, this complete stranger. It's been a week and he blew off your date suggestion, toss this guy in the unmatched bin. I would never wait a week for someone to find time for a coffee or something. You are a patient person Edited January 11, 2018 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Taryanoriley Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 Please move on from him. he's talking to tons of other girls and is planning dates with them too. Respect yourself and find a guy that wants to give you his full on attention. Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 You gave it a shot, but if meeting up is not forthcoming, there's no point in continuing the texting back and forth, and he clearly can't/won't text much either. If there was interest but some unforeseen circumstances were preventing him from meeting you ASAP, he'd keep up the texting, even push towards a phone call, if he wanted to keep that momentum going until he could meet you. His "We have plenty of time" comment would have had me dropping this one. I've had too many perpetual texters to entertain the "what if" any longer, getting hopeful because you click well, even talked on the phone and...nothing ever happens. He wants a penpal, a sexting buddy, or the idea of a relationship, but he doesn't really want the real deal, for whatever reason. Suspicions on if he's married or in a relationship if he's so unavailable, even for text. If you want to volley a couple texts when he gets around to you, fine, but don't expect anything. Move on to someone who is available and willing to put effort into knowing you...in person. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 What, is he Brad Pitt? What does he have going for him that can possibly keep you interested? Super hot photo? Cos it sounds like he's really lacking in the interesting conversation department. Also scoring zero in attentiveness. Pfff!!! What's the attraction? What's there for you? The idea of possibilities? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author meded Posted January 11, 2018 Author Share Posted January 11, 2018 Just a quick update.. he ended up continuing the convo yesterday after texting me that last message and asked to hangout this evening so we are going to a lounge here in town. I will of course keep my guard up with this one. I am wondering though if during the date i should probe about his texting comment? What do you all think? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 Just a quick update.. he ended up continuing the convo yesterday after texting me that last message and asked to hangout this evening so we are going to a lounge here in town. I will of course keep my guard up with this one. I am wondering though if during the date i should probe about his texting comment? What do you all think? Glad you're meeting in person. I don't see any harm in light-heartedly saying, "so you're not a big texter?" Some people really aren't and if you two are on the same page from the beginning, it could prevent a lot of worrying and obsessing in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 Just a quick update.. he ended up continuing the convo yesterday after texting me that last message and asked to hangout this evening so we are going to a lounge here in town. I will of course keep my guard up with this one. I am wondering though if during the date i should probe about his texting comment? What do you all think? I think his texting style is the last of your problem with him. First establish his level of seriousness, his goal, his approach, what he's looking for, his available time to date, you might not even like him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 Just a quick update.. he ended up continuing the convo yesterday after texting me that last message and asked to hangout this evening so we are going to a lounge here in town. I will of course keep my guard up with this one. I am wondering though if during the date i should probe about his texting comment? What do you all think? I think this guy must be awfully hot for you to be considering going out with him 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author meded Posted January 11, 2018 Author Share Posted January 11, 2018 He is haha. Should I be more alarmed by his behavior than I am? Maybe I’m more passive aggressive than I thought I was. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 Don't be alarmed about his comment. Go and see what he looks like in person. Aren't you curious? Then come back and tell us if he's really that hot. Or did he fib on his height, age, and weight. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 You just met the guy 7 days ago. For a guy you haven't met face to face to be already managing your expectations means you've tipped your hand without knowing it and he's letting you know he's not going to be meeting your expectations. You kill the mystery by being too suffocating at this point in knowing him. I wouldn't jump on his head about his statement about texting because it's going to come across as "This is what I expect out of you", and that's not a conversation to have with someone you've never met in person and have only been talking on the phone for 7 days. If his attitude is too much for you, then pick another guy. You used to didn't know he existed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
staggerlee71 Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 Here is how I would handle it. Go out on 4 dates, all initiated by him, before investing emotional energy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author meded Posted January 12, 2018 Author Share Posted January 12, 2018 (edited) First off let me just say, he was really that hot! lol And overall update: We had a great time, chatted for 3 hours at the lounge we were at and then he asked me if I wanted to walk around downtown, so we did that for about 30 minutes since it was pretty cold out. I did think it was funny that he seemed to always notice when a guy was checking me out, I could see his facial expression change into an almost "she's mine" look so that was pretty cute, i suppose? Anyway, he then walked me to my car, told me how much he enjoyed spending time, and I agreed. He stated (without me hinting at any expectations concerning a second date) "We'll be seeing each other again, etc.." Even throughout the date he said something regarding me being a "catch and how he wanted to continue seeing me more" ? I was also amazed by how fascinated he was by my career choice. No guy has ever asked me as many questions regarding my day to day life in medical school, and the speciality I plan to go into, etc as he did so that was a HUGE plus for me. He also mentioned that he loved how confident I was at least 2 times throughout the date so that was also nice. On his own, he went into the texting thing, and said it's always been a problem with him in past relations with women, because he just is not a fan of texting. He said he often will put his phone down and begin to do other things, sometimes not replying for a day or more plus he feels it's a distraction at times. He's an entrepreneur so he referenced the fact that he's mostly always doing things related to that, etc. I respect that fully because 8 hours of most of my days are spent studying! All in all though, I enjoyed my time with HIM. I look at dates not as ways for a guy to decide if they like me or not but for me to decide if I like THEM, and I truly do, at least from what i've seen thus far. He texted me when I got home stating the following: "Thanks for coming out for my birthday (:" <<Forgot to reference it was his birthday yesterday. I replied by stating "No, thank YOU! I had a great time." and that was it. I'm out of the drivers seat and I tend to let men steer in the very beginning, as someone here stated at least the first 3-4 dates I think the man should be the one chasing the woman, so again, we will see what happens. I hope that I can come back months later and say that I am still with this individual, but if not, I enjoyed my encounter with him and I'll leave it at that! I've seen so many posts on here from women eluding to them having an "amazing" first date, however never hearing from the man again, etc. and like my mom always told me "men say a lot of things in winter that they do not mean in fall," so again, no expectations, when/if he texts me again is totally on him!! Thanks for all the great input though guys, I took something from each response and I appreciate those who commented taking the time to do so! Best wishes <3 Edited January 12, 2018 by meded 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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