This has ruined dating for me..

[Orije]

Hello Loveshack, so an incident has happened which really impacted me and ruined my motivation to continue dating and would like advice..i know when people date they either date a large some of people at a time or choose to sleep around. I tend to date one person at a time to avoid the hurt and not to sleep with someone easily.

 

I met this girl through tinder and she seemed to be amazing through text. She wants all that im looking for and a relationship with no games and hook ups. I set up a date for this Saturday. I was recently talking to a few guys i know and they asked who i have been talking to, when i showed them the woman i was talking to, what they said threw me off.

 

They immediately said she was easy. I asked what do you mean and they both slept with her one in the summer and the other guy about 2 months ago and said she instantly sent nude pictures to them when asked and met up for sex. I was shocked hearing this and did not know how to react. Im not sure if id like to meet up with her anymore.

 

Going on from this, what if most girls are like this, they say they want something faithful and commitment and while i try my hardest for them, they will be easily sleeping with everyone else. Any tips guys? Thanks!

[newyorker11356]

People can change their minds. Maybe she wasn't looking for anything serious back then.

 

Not an easy thing to hear, I know. However, go out with her and determine that for yourself.

[BaileyB]

Most girls are not like this.

 

Don't form your opinion of all women based in one experience.

[LoverOfDance]

Double standards much??

 

When a man sleeps around, it is perfectly ok and no one says he's easy or calls him a "hoe" but when a woman sleeps around, she's immoral and not dateable, smh.

 

How do you know she is not ready for a commitment now?? Maybe tell her what you found out and ask her directly if she is now ready for something more serious.

[FilterCoffee]

Your friends say she’s easy. She says she’s not interested in hook ups. Why don’t you find out for yourself?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

It's a bit dramatic to say this one human being has ruined dating for you. Not all women are like this.

[d0nnivain]

If your goal is to date women who have morals & values similar to yours get off Tinder. It's a hook site for heaven's sake! Why on earth you thought you were going to find what you consider to be a virtuous person there is mind boggling. I'm sure there are some but that is not the point of that particular site.

 

Second, do not judge anybody through text or other electronic communication -- FB, IG, Snapchat etc. All of that is FAKE posturing. The only metric that matters is real life in person interactions.

 

So don't give up on dating but do give up on OLD. Only date women you meet in conventional ways -- school, church, work etc.

[LoverOfDance]

@d0nnivain I'm on Tinder and looking to date seriously. I've also seen ppl who met their significant others on Tinder. You shouldn't be so quick to generalize.

[d0nnivain]

I have zero faith in any on line platform. Tinder sounds tawdry to me.

 

If anybody in this thread needs to be chastised for over generalizations it's the OP who is giving up on all women & dating based upon the fact that his buddies slept with the girl he matched with. I'm not giving up on the human race just OLD.

[LoverOfDance]

@d0nnivain I'm on Tinder and looking to date seriously. I've also seen ppl who met their significant others on Tinder. You shouldn't be so quick to generalize. Also, Tinder IS!!! for dating. It is NOT a hook up site. A lot of people simply went there due out of boredom, heartbreak, horniness or loneliness but it was originally meant for dating. Things are changing now and people are opening up their minds and actually looking to date on there.

 

You should get with the program

[d0nnivain]

Lover of Dance

 

We can start another thread if you want to debate me about the merits of Tinder. We shouldn't hijack this thread. My position on all OLD platforms is consistent with my experience. I did not like them. I met my husband at a real life event & never looked back.

 

I think the OPs issues go deeper than the platform. Past a certain point most people have "a past" & some sort of sexual history. He's upset that this girl had sex with his buddies. On some level that is fine. Nobody wants sloppy seconds from somebody they know. But to give up on all dating because he found a sexually experienced person on Tinder strikes me as throwing the baby out with the bath water.

 

Based on my experience which is admittedly different then yours, I think the OP needs to get off OLD & try meeting people in real life. You have a better opportunity to assess somebody with all the non-verbal cues none of which are available through OLD. YMMV, which is the point of forums like this -- to give posters different perspectives.

[elaine567]

Tinder WAS a hook up site, now it isn't.

It is now a very popular dating site.

[Imajerk17]

I think that to say that "this has ruined dating" for you is being a bit melodramatic.

 

Look OP, this comes with the territory of OLD. People are advertising themselves to complete strangers, not giving their true life story. So what someone puts in her profile should not be taken literally. "Not looking for hookups" could mean that literally or it could mean anything from "been there done that didn't make me feel good so now looking for something serious" even to "well maybe I am with the right guy but this is my attempt at warding off creeps".

 

It makes sense that you don't want to meet up with someone who already was with a couple of your friends. But some perspective is in order too. (Especially since this is Tinder. Serious relationships have formed, but I think many people still view it as a hookup site. If you are looking for someone serious and Tinder is your only option you are probably swimming against the tide.)

[LoverOfDance]

@d0nnovain - you're right, a lot of people don't take online dating seriously but it is because of your way of thinking that they don't - that non-progressive way of thinking.

 

We've allowed the internet to help us get jobs easily, we've allowed it to help us shop easily and we've allowed it to make many tasks in our lives a little easier but when it comes to dating, we claim the internet is an unnatural way to meet someone. We need to move forward for God's sake. There's no reason to keep living in the past when you only met bfs and husbands through friends or social events. Things are changing.

 

OP, I am saying all this because I don't want you to lose faith on dating (online dating included). I'm on there because I have found it very hard to meet guys in real life, partly because I am quite shy when it comes to dating. If online dating makes dating easier for you then don't write it off. Keep trying. Maybe take breaks here and there but don't give up. I wish you the best in your search !

[Sunlight72]

I think you should find out in person what you and this woman have, or don't have, together. I agree with the comment that text/email/message chatter is next to meaningless in getting to know someone.

 

Also - I don't know your friends. I can't say how they presented themselves to her. Maybe she was not looking for a real relationship back then, but is now. Maybe she was back then but they weren't. Maybe they're big scammers. Maybe she is. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

 

One of the challenges of dating is to be both objective about who you are getting to know, and still be open to the possibilities of magic and romance.

 

--------------------------

 

I will say, depending on how close you are with these friends it could be awkward to date someone they've both been intimate with recently.

 

I just don't trust the impression that since they slept with her quickly and left her that she is the cheap one.

[Shining One]

Double standards much??

 

When a man sleeps around, it is perfectly ok and no one says he's easy or calls him a "hoe" but when a woman sleeps around, she's immoral and not dateable, smh.

How is the OP applying a double standard?

I tend to date one person at a time to avoid the hurt and not to sleep with someone easily.

It seems to me he's looking for someone who has the same approach to sex as he does.

[kendahke]

Did they show you these pictures, or did you just blindly take their word for it?

 

I don't believe them.

[elaine567]

Did they show you these pictures, or did you just blindly take their word for it?

 

I don't believe them.

 

That was my first thought too.

They were jealous and were trying to mess things up for you.

Not unknown for "friends" to put spokes in your wheel, dating is a competitive sport.

[kendahke]

Going on from this, what if most girls are like this, they say they want something faithful and commitment and while i try my hardest for them, they will be easily sleeping with everyone else. Any tips guys? Thanks

 

Expect that you aren't the first or only guy a girl is talking to. If you have interest, then that means other guys have interest and you're not going to be handed anything just because you have interest.

 

Also, women aren't going to be sitting at home knitting as they wait on you to fall out of the sky onto their front porch.

 

Expectations are future resentments under construction.

[Cookiesandough]

lol your friends are lying. & i bet they all claim to have a 9 inc h member

[Gr8fuln2020]

Regardless of what dating app you use, you are going to have those profiles, ladies, men who are opportunists and are no interested in a serious relationship. MOST users are likely looking for something of substance.

[preraph]

Most girls are not like that. Here's a tip though. If a woman is acting real sexual and coming onto you in OLD like the pizza deliverer in porn films, that's a red flag. She could even be an aspiring hooker and she's certainly indiscriminate. So this is one good reason for you not to wait for some woman to come on to you because if they do it in a sexual way, it's usually some way bogus.

[Cookiesandough]

Exactly, don't think you're special. Also don't think because she won't sleep you she hasn't slept with the whole town. She might have got the sleeping around out of her system and now she's decided to settle down with you because you seem "secure" and "nice" xD

[Orije]

Thanks everyone for the replies, I'm sorry i didnt mean to sound rude in my initial post it was just a thought of mine and i was a a bit emotional. I have also been on the site for a few years and read up on all the sections mainly when it come to problems in a relationship so i jumped to conclusions easily, i apologize for that. The reason i knew my friends knew her and i asked is because tinder also links up with instagram. So as i went to see her other photos i noticed they followed her then they revealed they had her on snapchat and talked.

 

I tried other dating platforms, but they're filled with bots and tinder has the best chance for replies and i hoped to meet someone, but you might be right that she changed her ways so i will still be meeting her in person.

[BaileyB]

Thanks everyone for the replies, I'm sorry i didnt mean to sound rude in my initial post it was just a thought of mine and i was a a bit emotional. I have also been on the site for a few years and read up on all the sections mainly when it come to problems in a relationship so i jumped to conclusions easily, i apologize for that. The reason i knew my friends knew her and i asked is because tinder also links up with instagram. So as i went to see her other photos i noticed they followed her then they revealed they had her on snapchat and talked.

 

I tried other dating platforms, but they're filled with bots and tinder has the best chance for replies and i hoped to meet someone, but you might be right that she changed her ways so i will still be meeting her in person.

 

Good for you! Give her a chance, but keep your eyes and ears open...

 

And, if it doesn't work out... just see it as another experience. There will be other women and you will find someone you connect with... No doubt. Good luck!