Starseed420 Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 I never ever thought I'd be complaining about this, as I have been the one wanting to be close and cuddle usually, and the guys I was with would only cuddle for a bit, or not at all. My new boyfriend wants to cuddle WAY too much. We both had free days this weekend, and we didn't want to do anything but lay there and touch me and cuddle for THREE HOURS. He is way too touchy feely. He keeps asking me if he's bothering me or if he's cuddling me too much, and I honestly told him how I like to cuddle and show affection, but not that much. He says he cannot help it, because his physical and emotional attraction is very very strong he says. He constantly talks about bonding and being close, and I am afraid he could be getting ahead of himself. We have been boyfriend and girlfriend for a week and dated for a month before that. He is a great guy but I want him to stop being so touchy all the time. How do I tell him I feel slightly smothered? After dating emotionally unavailable men for a long time, I never thought I'd be complaining about this. Link to post Share on other sites
SpinScratch Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 (edited) I never ever thought I'd be complaining about this, as I have been the one wanting to be close and cuddle usually, and the guys I was with would only cuddle for a bit, or not at all. My new boyfriend wants to cuddle WAY too much. We both had free days this weekend, and we didn't want to do anything but lay there and touch me and cuddle for THREE HOURS. He is way too touchy feely. He keeps asking me if he's bothering me or if he's cuddling me too much, and I honestly told him how I like to cuddle and show affection, but not that much. He says he cannot help it, because his physical and emotional attraction is very very strong he says. He constantly talks about bonding and being close, and I am afraid he could be getting ahead of himself. We have been boyfriend and girlfriend for a week and dated for a month before that. He is a great guy but I want him to stop being so touchy all the time. How do I tell him I feel slightly smothered? After dating emotionally unavailable men for a long time, I never thought I'd be complaining about this. There's no good way to tell him. I'm the same way. I cant get enough of it, its like a drug. He's thirsty for it so either you are going to be smothered, or he is going to be deprived. Its stressful to hold back. At this stage in my life, if a girl asks for space on the couch or in bed, I just no its not gonna work out and thats it, it's over. But he might not let go of a woman that easy. Be careful too because if you're giving it to him, love is gonna start growing. Edited January 7, 2018 by SpinScratch 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 My daughter had to have this conversation with her boyfriend. He's an otherwise great bloke, but his continual need to be touching her drove her nutty. She just had to come out and say that while she does care about him very much, she needs a break from the constant contact. She also made rules about not touching when she's asleep. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Iseult Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Buy this for him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Draw the line now. What he wants isn't all that matters. Plus clearly he has heard this before since he brought it up, so he knows better. Tell him to stop, that you feel smothered and if he ever wants sex again, he better not wear out your touch receptors with constant cuddling or you'll have nothing left. Honestly, a constant cuddler is no better than someone who talks constantly and won't let you leave the room to get away from it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
staggerlee71 Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 LOL...Laying down the law!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 You've been gf/bf for a WEEK. You haven't even boarded the plane for the honeymoon! Can you just kinda grin and bear it and hope that gets tired of it with time? Are we talking about face licking/leg humping, or faithful companion lap dog? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Three hours? Why didn't you guys talk about something fun or interesting while cuddling? You could do a lot in three hours in bed. You're not the type that enjoys exploring the other person's likes, feelings, their body, their interests? Anyway, it sounds like you guys are not compatible if it bothers you that much. If it's only been a few dates and have known each other a little over a month, then you need to be upfront with him before it goes on longer and you end up getting in too deep. By the way, sometimes, you can't have your cake and eat it, too. You wanted cuddlers, you got one. Now you don't like it so much. Some people enjoy being touched often, be it PDA or in private. I don't mean in any lewd way, just a discreet, occasional show of affection. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 ................................ Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Shoo him away and you'll live to regret it. You don't know what you've got till it's gone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 I have a solution for you. Don't shower for a few days. Problem solved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 I've always described myself as an affectionate person until the last man I dated who was like this. He's not at all a lazy man, but I think he would just cuddle the entire weekend away (with most of the attention being on scratching his back and rubbing his head). Like you, I found it to be way too much. His need for "attention" (his words) was the highest I'd ever experienced. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 People have different "cuddle" needs. Sometimes you meet someone who is not compatible. I've dated women who complained I didn't cuddle while sleeping. I have also dated women who complained I did. The most memorable one was after sex and we were going to sleep. I put my arm around her and she said "What are you doing????" That didn't last too long Three hours seems like a lot. The only way I can do that is if we were watching a movie or it was my dog (who has her limits as well lol). Don't be rude but explain how it makes you feel and don't make it sound like it is his problem. The real reason here is he likes you more than you like him and therefore is coming across as disparate and needy. It's a sure fire way to kill a woman's attraction. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SpinScratch Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 I've dated women who complained I didn't cuddle while sleeping. I have also dated women who complained I did. The most memorable one was after sex and we were going to sleep. I put my arm around her and she said "What are you doing????" That didn't last too long Yeah last sleepover I had my arms around her and she pushed me off and said she needs space when she sleeps... She never saw my bedroom again lol Last spring I was seeing this girl for a couple months. Legs interwined, arms around her, holding hands, fingers interlocked... from the time we went to bed until we woke up. oh my god it was blissful. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 Yeah last sleepover I had my arms around her and she pushed me off and said she needs space when she sleeps... She never saw my bedroom again lol Last spring I was seeing this girl for a couple months. Legs interwined, arms around her, holding hands, fingers interlocked... from the time we went to bed until we woke up. oh my god it was blissful. lol, I could never do that. Five minutes, then we're off to our own sides of the king sized bed! I get too hot! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 SpinScratch, Yeah last sleepover I had my arms around her and she pushed me off and said she needs space when she sleeps... She never saw my bedroom again lol What's that all about? ^^^ People have different sleeping habits and you have to respect that. I like to sleep on my back with my arms above my head and my husband likes to wander all over the bed all night kicking as he goes. No way can we spend a night "locked in each other's arms". A good job we have a big bed 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 lol, I could never do that. Five minutes, then we're off to our own sides of the king sized bed! I get too hot! Exactly. I can't cuddle for too long, I get hot and uncomfortable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
newyorker11356 Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 Sounds like me. Physical touch is definitely his main love language. I'm the same way in that I am affectionate and absolutely love physical intimacy and sex. No surprise that quality of time and physical touch are by far my 2 main love languages, lol. That being said, if you feel he's overdoing it, then definitely talk to him about it. Sometimes, I have to remind myself that my date/woman may not want to be touched ALL the time, haha. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunlight72 Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 Hi Starseed 420. thoughts I've had - - three hours? If you want to do something else with him instead, did you move, sit up, go get a drink of water? I don't get it - seems like you could have changed the situation if it was bugging you. I think there's something I don't understand about what was happening, or you are super passive aggressive. - is this the first time he's done this? You are very new together, and because he did this once doesn't necessarily mean he's likely to be doing it often, indefinitely. - no offense, but your screen name suggests you might be into pot. Was he high during this time? Three hours laying around cuddling seems weird unless you were watching TV or high. If he was high, then how is he when he's sober? That would be more indicative of his sober personality. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 Tell him to find another girlfriend who loves to cuddle. Just a cuddle girlfriend and nothing else...just kidding Link to post Share on other sites
SpinScratch Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 SpinScratch, What's that all about? ^^^ People have different sleeping habits and you have to respect that. I like to sleep on my back with my arms above my head and my husband likes to wander all over the bed all night kicking as he goes. No way can we spend a night "locked in each other's arms". A good job we have a big bed I respect her sleeping habits. That doesnt mean I have to keep sleeping with her if we arent compatible. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 lol, I could never do that. Five minutes, then we're off to our own sides of the king sized bed! I get too hot! 5 minutes? You make it sound very mechanical or as though it’s just a transaction. When you do that, do you consider the other person to be your boyfriend or do you see him more as an f buddy? Wham bam thank you....erm, sir. Is that all he is? Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 Too much of anything will make you sick. To appreciate good things, we have to get an opportunity to miss them sometimes. Try telling him that. I don't like to be touched all the time either. It's hot, sweaty and should come in healthy doses. My last boyfriend would wake me up in the middle of the night cuddling me. That drove me crazy as I want my night sleep undisturbed. I felt he was being selfish waking me up for his own needs and he thought I didn't appreciate him. He also felt like it's ok to touch me sexually whenever he wanted, watching a movie or cooking - anytime. When I'd tell him to stop he'd get upset and feel rejected. According to him, I should be ok with my private parts being grabbed anytime, that was his understanding of physical affection. Of course, it didn't last. I wonder if it's gonna last for you, OP, since this is a huge incompatibility. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 my body temp is always hot i make bfs sweat...good in winter a pest in summer..so i dont have a problem in summer...lol handholding ...they eventually have to stop holding my hand to wipe the heat off or get a little distance...... can you compromise.....maybe meet on the halfway with cuddling.....somewhere in between...you two havent been together long it may settle down on his side..and you may develop a desire for more.....cuddling...:0)..deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 Hmmm. Seems like there's a lot of people on the Asperger's syndrome spectrum in this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
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