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She flaked - again - not sure now.


KBarletta

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Hi all,

 

After a divorce and two fairly serious relationships, I found myself single again recently and have been spending a ton of time with a long-term friend who I have always found very attractive and who has always been very flirty and suggestive with me.

 

We've both been in and out of relationships over the past couple years and so neither of us has ever really tried anything with the other romantically. But the past several weeks she's gotten more flirty, touchy and suggestive with me.

 

The other day, we were hanging out late at her place and ended up going out for a late drink to a nearby bar. Then another one. We ended up staying out until nearly 1 a.m. and then going back to her house.

 

I had had a few drinks, so I waited a while before I was ready to drive home. By the time I did, it was about 2:30 a.m. I said my usual goodbye (a nice long hug) and said I'd call her the next day.

 

As I was driving away, my phone rang, and it was her, asking me to come back. I asked why, and she said, "I just miss you and I want you here next to me." I said, think it over and call me back. She called back a minute later and said the same thing. It took me a couple minutes to drive back and during that time, she called a third time to ask whether I was coming.

 

When I got back to her place, she took my hand and led me to her bed. I didn't know whether she might still be a little drunk, and I was exhausted, so I just laid down next to her in bed and fell asleep. When I woke up, she was holding my hand and had her arm around me.

 

This was a couple days ago and we've talked and texted a couple times since then but haven't mentioned the sleeping situation.

 

I guess I'm wondering, do you think this means she's interested in a relationship? I've never slept in the same bed with someone I wasn't interested in. (For reference, she's 38, I'm 44). Is it possible this doesn't mean anything? I just don't know. And I don't want to risk the friendship, but, again, I'm not used to women doing this sort of thing.

 

Any thoughts?

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CautiouslyOptimistic

Yes, she is interested in a relationship :). Or at least trying it out :). Go for it!

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Hi all,

 

After a divorce and two fairly serious relationships, I found myself single again recently and have been spending a ton of time with a long-term friend who I have always found very attractive and who has always been very flirty and suggestive with me.

 

We've both been in and out of relationships over the past couple years and so neither of us has ever really tried anything with the other romantically. But the past several weeks she's gotten more flirty, touchy and suggestive with me.

 

The other day, we were hanging out late at her place and ended up going out for a late drink to a nearby bar. Then another one. We ended up staying out until nearly 1 a.m. and then going back to her house.

 

I had had a few drinks, so I waited a while before I was ready to drive home. By the time I did, it was about 2:30 a.m. I said my usual goodbye (a nice long hug) and said I'd call her the next day.

 

As I was driving away, my phone rang, and it was her, asking me to come back. I asked why, and she said, "I just miss you and I want you here next to me." I said, think it over and call me back. She called back a minute later and said the same thing. It took me a couple minutes to drive back and during that time, she called a third time to ask whether I was coming.

 

When I got back to her place, she took my hand and led me to her bed. I didn't know whether she might still be a little drunk, and I was exhausted, so I just laid down next to her in bed and fell asleep. When I woke up, she was holding my hand and had her arm around me.

 

This was a couple days ago and we've talked and texted a couple times since then but haven't mentioned the sleeping situation.

 

I guess I'm wondering, do you think this means she's interested in a relationship? I've never slept in the same bed with someone I wasn't interested in. (For reference, she's 38, I'm 44). Is it possible this doesn't mean anything? I just don't know. And I don't want to risk the friendship, but, again, I'm not used to women doing this sort of thing.

 

Any thoughts?

 

 

I agree w @CautiouslyOptimistic. It sounds to me that she had feelings for you all along these past several weeks. And that she was hoping all evening/night that "something would happen" between the two of you, and when "nothing" did happen by the time you drove away at 02:30 that night, she decided to "woman up" and call you to ask you to stay the night with her.

 

What do you want? She probably isn't saying anything more about the other night, as she already put herself out there with you in a big way. She probably figures that by this point, if you are interested in more, then you will take initiative.

Edited by Imajerk17
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Grown women do not generally invite men into their beds unless they want sex.

 

Agreed, this was not merely a crash out and you happened to end up in bed as it was the most practical solution in the circumstances, no she asked you to come back and led you up to her bed and that I guess was a positive sign that she was interested in more.

 

The only reason I could see for a woman inviting a man to her bed and not for sex, was if she was scared due to a possible intruder or she was feeling excessively "fragile" due to bad news, a bereavement, anxiety attack, illness, mental illness...etc

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Grown women do not generally invite men into their beds unless they want sex.

 

I've never been invited into any woman's bed who didn't want sex.

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Your friend went to sleep extremely disappointed (and probably very horny) that night. I’ve been accused (justifiably) of being very dense sometimes when it comes to a woman’s interest in me, but even I would have recognized your friend’s intentions from a mile away.

Edited by Be_Strong
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Grown women do not generally invite men into their beds unless they want sex.

That's been my experience as well and, reading the OP's post and reflecting on past experience, it can often put a man in a tricky position, especially if he cares about the lady.

 

Now, I've had this occur with both married and single ladies I wasn't in relationships with (obviously not with the married ones) and declining (I'd never occupy the same bed with a woman I wasn't in a relationship with) can and has destroyed friendships, not much differently from the few times I've expressed a developing attraction when it occurred with someone I've known for awhile. An emotional response ensues and I get erased :D

 

IMO, the OP should've never gone to bed unless he was interested in adult bed activities with the lady. Maybe that's old fashioned and square but that's my .02.

 

I've got a couple really good stories about that and this web site but suffice to say I don't kiss and tell. I think solid boundaries are good, both in the bedroom and out of it.

 

For you OP, if you want to date this lady, ask her on a date and leave no ambiguity when you take her in your arms that you find her ravishing. Accept the results. Good luck!

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Grown women do not generally invite men into their beds unless they want sex.

 

Yep. I've never been invited into a woman's bed unless she wanted sex. Getting back to the OP, we can debate whether she wanted OP as her boyfriend, but there is no debate that she definitely wanted sex and was disappointed.

 

As far as my previous post and asking "what do you want" with her, I should have said a bit more than I had. That you did not make a physical move while in her bed s a huge detail. Chances are she feels awful right now. I mean, as guys, we get that not all of our sexual advances towards women will be successful. But when it comes to the other way around....damn dude. A woman giving every green light including calling you back to invite you into her bed with her and you not making a move anyway, she is probably taking that as a huge rejection. A double-standard between the genders perhaps but it is what it is.

Edited by Imajerk17
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Whether she was after sex or not, I don't know. I'm thinking yes, but here's the deal. Her behavior (and yours) is more than "just friends."

 

I'm still waiting for someone to post that they flirt and hug with their platonic buddies.

 

Here's the question, OP: When have any of your guy friends flirted or wanted you to sleep over and cuddle?

 

Is she friendzoning you, but wants you around for the affection, flirting, attention, and cuddling until she meets some other guy to play that role? Don't pursue this if that's what she is doing and you want more.

 

If you want more; if you want a relationship, then she has to be up for that whole-heartedly. If she's only interested in a friendship, then it has to be a FRIENDSHIP. No cuddling. No flirting. Boundaries.

 

Pick one.

 

I agree that it sounds like she wants things to progress with you, and if you feel the same, go for it. There is risk here...there always is. She could turn around and decide, nope, just friends. If that happens, then friends it is...no flirting, cuddling, or touching. Consider her the same as one of the dudes in your interactions with her.

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Hi all,

 

After a divorce and two fairly serious relationships, I found myself single again recently and have been spending a ton of time with a long-term friend who I have always found very attractive and who has always been very flirty and suggestive with me.

 

We've both been in and out of relationships over the past couple years and so neither of us has ever really tried anything with the other romantically. But the past several weeks she's gotten more flirty, touchy and suggestive with me.

 

The other day, we were hanging out late at her place and ended up going out for a late drink to a nearby bar. Then another one. We ended up staying out until nearly 1 a.m. and then going back to her house.

 

I had had a few drinks, so I waited a while before I was ready to drive home. By the time I did, it was about 2:30 a.m. I said my usual goodbye (a nice long hug) and said I'd call her the next day.

 

As I was driving away, my phone rang, and it was her, asking me to come back. I asked why, and she said, "I just miss you and I want you here next to me." I said, think it over and call me back. She called back a minute later and said the same thing. It took me a couple minutes to drive back and during that time, she called a third time to ask whether I was coming.

 

When I got back to her place, she took my hand and led me to her bed. I didn't know whether she might still be a little drunk, and I was exhausted, so I just laid down next to her in bed and fell asleep. When I woke up, she was holding my hand and had her arm around me.

 

This was a couple days ago and we've talked and texted a couple times since then but haven't mentioned the sleeping situation.

 

I guess I'm wondering, do you think this means she's interested in a relationship? I've never slept in the same bed with someone I wasn't interested in. (For reference, she's 38, I'm 44). Is it possible this doesn't mean anything? I just don't know. And I don't want to risk the friendship, but, again, I'm not used to women doing this sort of thing.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Think with your big head not your little head

You will lose a great friend if and when it goes sour.

 

Is losing her as a friend worth it?

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Let me ask you a question op

 

Why did you go back to her place if not to have sex?

 

Are you attracted to her?

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That's been my experience as well and, reading the OP's post and reflecting on past experience, it can often put a man in a tricky position, especially if he cares about the lady.

 

Now, I've had this occur with both married and single ladies I wasn't in relationships with (obviously not with the married ones) and declining (I'd never occupy the same bed with a woman I wasn't in a relationship with) can and has destroyed friendships, not much differently from the few times I've expressed a developing attraction when it occurred with someone I've known for awhile. An emotional response ensues and I get erased :D

 

IMO, the OP should've never gone to bed unless he was interested in adult bed activities with the lady. Maybe that's old fashioned and square but that's my .02.

 

I've got a couple really good stories about that and this web site but suffice to say I don't kiss and tell. I think solid boundaries are good, both in the bedroom and out of it.

 

For you OP, if you want to date this lady, ask her on a date and leave no ambiguity when you take her in your arms that you find her ravishing. Accept the results. Good luck!

 

mostly this.

I don't sleep with women unless i'm going to sleep with them.

99% of women know they can't cuddlebitch me and if they want me to spend the night when I don't have to crash it's because they want me to have sex with them.

 

op, i'm a month and a half from 46. 38? right on bro.

always go younger and hotter.

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The only reason I could see for a woman inviting a man to her bed and not for sex, was if she was scared due to a possible intruder or she was feeling excessively "fragile" due to bad news, a bereavement, anxiety attack, illness, mental illness...etc

 

I'm almost positive none of these things were the case. She probably wanted sex. A couple of our mutual female friends have pretty much come out and said she wants to sleep with me, but they always play it off as kind of a joke.

 

She may have wanted sex, but by the time we got to bed, it was like 3 a.m. and we both probably still had alcohol in our systems, and I didn't want it to seem like I was taking advantage of the situation.

 

Because of the friendship, I think I was/am proceeding with an overabundance of caution. Maybe that comes off as me not being interested?

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What do you want? She probably isn't saying anything more about the other night, as she already put herself out there with you in a big way. She probably figures that by this point, if you are interested in more, then you will take initiative.

 

What do I want? I'd love to be in a relationship with her, TBH. I would probably not be interested in a FWB situation, but if that's all she wanted, I might consider it.

 

The fact is, I've always kind of looked at her as a bit "out of my league" if you will. She's about six years younger than me, but looks like she could be 15 years younger, and she's really gorgeous.

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Well, she thinks you are in her league or she would not have invited you into her bed. If you want a relationship with her pursue one.

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A woman giving every green light including calling you back to invite you into her bed with her and you not making a move anyway, she is probably taking that as a huge rejection. A double-standard between the genders perhaps but it is what it is.

 

I guess I was using an abundance of caution and didn't want to assume anything, especially after a night of drinking. The last thing I wanted to do was overstep the boundary of friendship and wake up in the morning having lost a friend.

 

In a way, maybe it was a damned if I do, damned if I don't kinda thing.

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Let me ask you a question op

 

Why did you go back to her place if not to have sex?

 

Are you attracted to her?

 

I went back because she called me three times to get me to come back, so it seemed like she really wanted me there. I honestly wasn't thinking of sex when I went back, but that's probably because I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep.

 

But, yes, I am very attracted to her.

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Well, she thinks you are in her league or she would not have invited you into her bed. If you want a relationship with her pursue one.

 

I guess. To be honest, I've always been with women who I thought were way better looking than me, but then again, I don't really know what women look for in a guy.

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Women in general want a man with confidence/take the lead/know what they want....all the rest varies. We are like snowflakes...no two are alike.

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Women in general want a man with confidence/take the lead/know what they want....all the rest varies. We are like snowflakes...no two are alike.

 

That's fine, but then if you're the guy who makes a move on someone who isn't interested the same way, or who thinks of you as just a friend, then you've got a one-way ticket to Creeper Town. Right? And who wants that?

 

I'm not one who picks up subtle (or even obvious) hints very easily. I usually need to be smacked on the head before I know someone is interested. So then it's a fine line between being a "take the lead" guy and a guy who misreads signals and all of a sudden I'm the one crossing boundaries.

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Part of being an adult. If you're friends because you didn't have the forthrightness to clearly state your attraction and desire at the get-go, IMO that does trend to creepiness and I definitely was guilty of that as a young, generally clueless, man.

 

However, if you're friends and became friends without any such desire on your side, then later your feelings changed, that's valid and healthy. You're entitled as a human to change your mind and feel differently. What remains is communication.

 

Friendships are always at risk from something. This is a thing. The lady, it appears, even if a bit uninhibited by alcohol, communicated with you and invited you into her bed. Had you done that, do you think you'd be taking a risk? I'll bet you would. Why do you think it's any different for a woman, or female friend? Something to consider.

 

Anyway, that's my .02 as an old guy who dealt with this as recently as this last weekend. One thing this stuff definitely does is remind one that it's good to be alive. Just when one thinks the light is burnt out, boom ;) Good luck!

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