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Suggestions for a sexually inexperienced woman about this?


Mkn1010

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Ok, so my present situation is that I'm RE-dating a guy I dated 1.5 years ago. When we met originally, I wasn't looking to meet anyone as I was still healing from my very traumatic LTR ending. But our paths organically crossed, we had a lot of chemistry and actually ended up in bed on night 1. This was really unusual for me as this guy was the SECOND man I'd ever had sex with (I was aged 29) and I didn't honestly think I was capable of ever having sex again after my ex. But, alas, it went very well. We hung out thereafter a bunch of times and we had sex every single time we saw each other and it was literally like he couldn't keep his hands off me. But it seemed like a physical relationship and I wasn't ready to be dating anyone and couldn't really invest.

 

 

So, he reached out 1.5 years later and here we are dating again, this time more intentionally. I have noticed that he is very different this time around, he talks to me A LOT more about his emotions. We didn't have sex until date no.8. And on that night, we couldn't really get things going and he seemed nervous. It's strange because it's not like it was our first time and given things went very well in this regard 1.5 years ago.

 

 

The second time we had sex, he stopped during intercourse and cited "it's too nice" as the reason? I found this to be odd but thought he might have done so because we weren't using protection, perhaps he did not want to risk ejaculating inside me...I really don't know. But I'm not 100% sure.

 

 

Anyway, that brings me to our most recent date. It was his first day back at work and he had mentioned how tired he was and that he didn't really sleep well over the NYE weekend etc. So after our dinner out, he dropped me home around 10pm. I didn't invite him in, but he seemed to pre-empt me doing so as he said he was very tired but would like to come and stay over on x date (which will be tomorrow).

 

 

That's all fine, but I kind of felt like he rejected sex with me (even though I didn't expressly offer it). And I get that people are tired so if that was actually his reason then all good, but it just feels very different from the first time we dated 1.5 years ago, where it was ON from day dot. And this time around, we seem to be having a few hiccups. I'm also sus about why he stopped midway last time.

 

 

Can any men or women who know a bit about these things, help out a girl who's a little clueless about the male anatomy?

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I’m a guy and I think it could be a few things, it could be because he’s developed a problem In the last 1.5 years for example, premature... you said it, or maybe the fact he prefers to keep it about getting to Know you more this time and making sure the sex isn’t the prime reason you’re dating again. Id go with the latter, or it could be that he’s not feeling it emotionally and doesn’t want to be seen to be using you for sex. Unfortunately it could be a few things. People can be tired. That’s fine, if I was you I’d lay off the importance of sex and just date, and see how he responds to that.

Edited by python23
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CautiouslyOptimistic

Hmmm, odd, especially the "it's too nice" comment and stopping in the middle. Maybe he's having some ED problems? He may have sensed he was losing his erection?

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heavenonearth

It’s too nice.

My bf said that a few times too when we had unprotected sex

I think he just didn’t want to come inside of you.

 

Just use a condom next time.

 

X

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I agree with python23. My boyfriend was the same way in that he did not want to have sex all the time when we first started dating. He said that he wanted a relationship that was not based on sex. I think this guy feels the same way. In my opinion, it shows that he really is interested in YOU.

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I agree with python23. My boyfriend was the same way in that he did not want to have sex all the time when we first started dating. He said that he wanted a relationship that was not based on sex. I think this guy feels the same way. In my opinion, it shows that he really is interested in YOU.

As a man, this is wrong on so many levels.

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As a man, this is wrong on so many levels.

 

I agree. Just browse the marriage/infidelity/divorce forums here. You’ll never see anyone complaining that after x years of a relationship, they can’t keep their hands off their partner and just want to have sex all the time. A huge percentage of relationship problems are grounded on the fact that the physical sex aspect is lacking. If the chemistry just isn’t there, it’s the hardest problem to “fix” too.

 

Based on the OP’s first go around with this guy, the chemistry seems to be there. My guess is this guy got spooked when the first time dating with all the sex didn’t work out, so now he’s trying to give the OP more of what he thinks she wants in a boyfriend. He’s making a mistake and emasculating himself. He should just keep doing the crazy sex and things will work out fine.

 

OP you should just tell this guy that you loved that he couldn’t keep his hands off you the first time and all the sexy you had. Give him the green light to do the same now.

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Thank you to everyone who responded! If I was a betting lady, I’d say he’s anxious. Do I talk to him about it? He’s coming over tonight. I just don’t want him to think I’m going to bail if he cant perform, because it’s not a priority of mine at the moment.

 

Also, I just thought that he could be stressed out because his dad had a stroke recently (2 weeks after we reconnected) and he has had to largely take care of him.

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I wouldn't say anything...most guys would prefer that...water under the bridge so to speak.

 

It's a new year, be positive, go forward. If it happens again, address it right there.

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So if you didn't catch my last thread, here it is http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/647879-suggestions-sexually-inexperienced-woman-about

 

 

Essentially, the guy I've been dating for about 2 months and I have had a couple of sexual hiccups. Anyway, I saw him again on the scheduled evening (last Thursday), and things went a little better but there was still the issue of him stopping mid way, claiming that it was too nice. I decided to ask him generally what he meant and how he is going etc. He sort of answered in a very general sense about being a bit sad at the moment (his dad had a stroke recently), but he didn't open up about the sex stuff aside from saying that he wants to take it slow because he doesn't want to wreck things. But that seems stupid as you can't claim to want to take it slow when you've been having sex with someone already.

 

 

Anyway, he slept over and the next morning he had to leave really early as he was taking his dad interstate for the weekend. He asked me if I slept well, I said "nah, I find you really puzzling". He didn't address that (said nothing) and kept getting ready, granted he had a flight to catch. He then messaged me when he was on the plane saying something like "Thanks for a fun night, I made my flight so all is well, have fun at the beach :)"

 

 

I replied a few hours later with "Thanks (his name), I hope you have a nice weekend with your dad".

 

 

That was Friday morning and neither of us said anything over the weekend. It's Monday morning here. And I deleted his number in my anxious headspace so I don't send anything dumb, which means I can't reach out. I'm pretty sure he might be able to tell I deleted his number if he looks me up on WhatsApp (but we've never used that channel to communicate so I hope he doesn't notice).

 

 

Anyway, I don't really know what to do here? If he deserves more time to open up? And also whether he's actually ghosting me at the moment? There has only been one other time where we went 2-3 days without speaking.

 

 

And yes, I have not reached out either but I CAN"T NOW because I don't have his number anywhere :s

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I haven't read your prior thread, but based on just what you've provided, I'd say you left him confused.

 

You threw that comment out there without further explanation when you knew he had to get ready to leave. Guys don't think in the spot about that kind of stuff.

 

So, did you sleep well? I'm sure he knows better than to ever ask that again!

 

Let him think. Good thing you deleted his contact info.

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Cookiesandough

Well sicne you can't reach out, the only alternative is to wait for him to...and if he doesn't in a day or so it sounds like he's ghosted. I think he didn't say anything about your puzzling comment because he knows how he's acting and he didn't want to open that can of worms.

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lovehimendlessly
So if you didn't catch my last thread, here it is http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/647879-suggestions-sexually-inexperienced-woman-about

 

 

Essentially, the guy I've been dating for about 2 months and I have had a couple of sexual hiccups. Anyway, I saw him again on the scheduled evening (last Thursday), and things went a little better but there was still the issue of him stopping mid way, claiming that it was too nice. I decided to ask him generally what he meant and how he is going etc. He sort of answered in a very general sense about being a bit sad at the moment (his dad had a stroke recently), but he didn't open up about the sex stuff aside from saying that he wants to take it slow because he doesn't want to wreck things. But that seems stupid as you can't claim to want to take it slow when you've been having sex with someone already.

 

 

Anyway, he slept over and the next morning he had to leave really early as he was taking his dad interstate for the weekend. He asked me if I slept well, I said "nah, I find you really puzzling". He didn't address that (said nothing) and kept getting ready, granted he had a flight to catch. He then messaged me when he was on the plane saying something like "Thanks for a fun night, I made my flight so all is well, have fun at the beach :)"

 

 

I replied a few hours later with "Thanks (his name), I hope you have a nice weekend with your dad".

 

 

That was Friday morning and neither of us said anything over the weekend. It's Monday morning here. And I deleted his number in my anxious headspace so I don't send anything dumb, which means I can't reach out. I'm pretty sure he might be able to tell I deleted his number if he looks me up on WhatsApp (but we've never used that channel to communicate so I hope he doesn't notice).

 

 

Anyway, I don't really know what to do here? If he deserves more time to open up? And also whether he's actually ghosting me at the moment? There has only been one other time where we went 2-3 days without speaking.

 

 

And yes, I have not reached out either but I CAN"T NOW because I don't have his number anywhere :s

 

I totally get you! I used to delete people’s numbers whilst waiting for a response as it would really make me feel nervous like I’m gonna text them something silly or noticed that they’ve seen it but not replied! So I get it!

But I haven’t done that for two years now! Because the guy, who eventually absolutely stole my heart, didn’t play any stupid game or “forget” to let me know he was interested in me at any given cost.

I would suggest let it be, don’t stress! And don’t over think it! If He’s interested, he will make it pretty damn obvious. If not, just move on. Plenty of fish in the sea!

 

Also, ignore rude people like the one who’s calling you neurotic. I think it’s easy to sit behind a computer screen and be unfiltered and “candid” aka RUDE! Forums like this exist so we can help each other, not be dick heads to each other!

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Well sicne you can't reach out, the only alternative is to wait for him to...and if he doesn't in a day or so it sounds like he's ghosted. I think he didn't say anything about your puzzling comment because he knows how he's acting and he didn't want to open that can of worms.

 

 

 

I agree with you, but is it valid to give someone a more time to build trust with you and open up when they know you more (especially if you both move at the pace of slugs in relationships)?

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Since the issue didn't resolve itself, and you just can't help yourself to figure things out....you should have just been straight with him and asked some hard question, and openly tell him if he doesn't communicate with you, then you have no choice but to stop seeing him.

 

Deleting his number is silly. You want what you want? then speak up, don't delete.

 

If he reaches out, let him have it. IMO he's not ready for anything, and you shouldn't be wasting your time.

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Hey girl! :D

 

I read your last thread

 

I think, out of everything, what doesnt sit right with me is the fact that he's not communicating. He's not letting you know that he wants to pursue things with you or not. He's kind of leaving you in the lurch.

 

Guys that have their $hit together and really want a relationship with a woman dont act like this

 

He had plenty of chances to tell you whats on his mind (about him stopping mid-way) or to at least set your mind at ease.

 

I'm not saying he's a bad guy. Maybe now is just a bad time for him to pursue things with you

 

I dont like it when a guy makes me wonder if things are ok... and he's really leaving it all up to your imagination here rather than communicating like a mature adult... I dont like that and I think you deserve a guy who knows how to use his words and doesnt leave you on edge

 

I think it was smart you deleted his number, I probably would to, out of nerves

 

I hate these situations because all you can do now is see what comes of it. He might be ghosting you, all the stress with his dad might be too much for him....

 

Or he could pop up again....BUT if I were you, I would let him know I'm not ok with being left to wonder if things are ok or not and if he wants to be in your life he needs to let you know how he feels. You shouldnt have to deal with this non-communicative, nail biting, possibly ghosting nonsense

 

I'd be ready to cut the cord

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Think it's all his emotional stuff going on right now, if you really wanna be with him give him time .

You'd need it sometimes , well right now he needs it.

l think he feels guilty, he doesn't feel like he should be enjoying himself right now.

 

Seems ya zapped his number, guess ya gonna have to wait and see, done it myself haha.Or just drop in and see him.

 

ya know too there's always ways to unzap or find the number again, l'm experienced in that one haha.

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Hey girl! :D

 

I read your last thread

 

I think, out of everything, what doesnt sit right with me is the fact that he's not communicating. He's not letting you know that he wants to pursue things with you or not. He's kind of leaving you in the lurch.

 

Guys that have their $hit together and really want a relationship with a woman dont act like this

 

He had plenty of chances to tell you whats on his mind (about him stopping mid-way) or to at least set your mind at ease.

 

I'm not saying he's a bad guy. Maybe now is just a bad time for him to pursue things with you

 

I dont like it when a guy makes me wonder if things are ok... and he's really leaving it all up to your imagination here rather than communicating like a mature adult... I dont like that and I think you deserve a guy who knows how to use his words and doesnt leave you on edge

 

I think it was smart you deleted his number, I probably would to, out of nerves

 

I hate these situations because all you can do now is see what comes of it. He might be ghosting you, all the stress with his dad might be too much for him....

 

Or he could pop up again....BUT if I were you, I would let him know I'm not ok with being left to wonder if things are ok or not and if he wants to be in your life he needs to let you know how he feels. You shouldnt have to deal with this non-communicative, nail biting, possibly ghosting nonsense

 

I'd be ready to cut the cord

 

 

Thanks Dis, while I mostly agree with you, I just wonder if it's a bit hypocritical to expect him to not leave me in the dark when I haven't reached out either? He could equally say that he hasn't known whether things are okay with us over the weekend too.

 

 

And, I also haven't been very vulnerable with him myself, keeping my past to myself etc. So I think it'd be really hard for him to be able to inform me about whatever he's dealing with.

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Think it's all his emotional stuff going on right now, if you really wanna be with him give him time .

You'd need it sometimes , well right now he needs it.

l think he feels guilty, he doesn't feel like he should be enjoying himself right now.

 

Seems ya zapped his number, guess ya gonna have to wait and see, done it myself haha.Or just drop in and see him.

 

ya know too there's always ways to unzap or find the number again, l'm experienced in that one haha.

 

 

Haha thank you, and yes, I do really want to be with him. His crappy communication about emotional stuff is literally his only flaw at the moment and the reason I'm patient about that is because I'm having a really hard time opening too (and I didn't even just experience a parent having a stroke). I just have a lot of fear. And he does also. He said there's something he wants to tell me but it leaves him really drained when he tells the story and it was nearly midnight at that stage and he had to get up at 6am the next morning.

 

 

I also think he'd be really drained right now from the weekend away with his dad, who's speech hasn't returned to normal and the outlook isn't overly great for his recovery.

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Since the issue didn't resolve itself, and you just can't help yourself to figure things out....you should have just been straight with him and asked some hard question, and openly tell him if he doesn't communicate with you, then you have no choice but to stop seeing him.

 

Deleting his number is silly. You want what you want? then speak up, don't delete.

 

If he reaches out, let him have it. IMO he's not ready for anything, and you shouldn't be wasting your time.

 

 

I think this is a bit selfish given he is going through a lot with his dad's stroke right now.

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Thanks Dis, while I mostly agree with you, I just wonder if it's a bit hypocritical to expect him to not leave me in the dark when I haven't reached out either? He could equally say that he hasn't known whether things are okay with us over the weekend too.

 

 

And, I also haven't been very vulnerable with him myself, keeping my past to myself etc. So I think it'd be really hard for him to be able to inform me about whatever he's dealing with.

 

I dont think he's doing any of this with bad intentions

 

But he had the chance the tell you what was going on when you guys last had sex and when you texted him that you were puzzled by him

 

Why didnt he address it those times?

 

Instead, he left things up in the air. Any reasonable human being who's partner kept stopping in the middle of sex saying, "Its too nice" would know their partner would feel a little confused and worried and therefor would address the issue rather than leave their partner to wonder

 

If it were me, I wouldnt stick around for it

 

But its your call girly :)

 

"Are We Out of the Woods Yet"- Taylor Swift ;) (Hate those types of relationships lol)

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Haha thank you, and yes, I do really want to be with him. His crappy communication about emotional stuff is literally his only flaw at the moment and the reason I'm patient about that is because I'm having a really hard time opening too (and I didn't even just experience a parent having a stroke). I just have a lot of fear. And he does also. He said there's something he wants to tell me but it leaves him really drained when he tells the story and it was nearly midnight at that stage and he had to get up at 6am the next morning.

 

 

I also think he'd be really drained right now from the weekend away with his dad, who's speech hasn't returned to normal and the outlook isn't overly great for his recovery.

 

stick with it ,someone else will have other flaws, probly lots, like me or you.

His dad is big , been through that myself. Some of us need to talk about it but others are sorta in shock.

there's something else with him big too by the sounds but eh Rome wasn't built in a day right, hopefully you'll both open up mor ein time, bit by bit.

Worth a shot.

 

Good luck .

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stick with it ,someone else will have other flaws, probly lots, like me or you.

His dad is big , been through that myself. Some of us need to talk about it but others are sorta in shock.

there's something else with him big too by the sounds but eh Rome wasn't built in a day right, hopefully you'll both open up mor ein time, bit by bit.

Worth a shot.

 

Good luck .

 

 

 

Thank you kindly. I'm a big believer in patience when someone is worth it, but I won't be waiting around forever, so I'll need to see progress.

 

 

He JUST reached out about his weekend and asked how I am etc, but no mention of anything important. Would you suggest I talk with him in person again or just leave it for now and hang out like we usually do with no intense convos and give him time to choose to open up to me?

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