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Why do I feel like a cad and am I one?


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Old 2nd January 2018, 12:38 PM   #46
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For the record, I will stop having sex with her. That was never the motivation to be with her. I keep saying this but our shared interests is what makes this relationship fun for me. Sex is just the cherry on top. I don't need it from her nor do I seek it out. It just happens.

She sent me a text today asking me if I was free this week to visit a new sushi restaurant. I told her no because I honestly had other plans. Then she asked me when I would be free. Looks like I'm going for sushi next Friday with her...
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Old 2nd January 2018, 12:43 PM   #47
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For the record, I will stop having sex with her. That was never the motivation to be with her. I keep saying this but our shared interests is what makes this relationship fun for me. Sex is just the cherry on top. I don't need it from her nor do I seek it out. It just happens.

She sent me a text today asking me if I was free this week to visit a new sushi restaurant. I told her no because I honestly had other plans. Then she asked me when I would be free. Looks like I'm going for sushi next Friday with her...
Why? Just tell her you're busy or tell the truth. Stop leading this girl on.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 12:48 PM   #48
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OP you say she's not that great in bed. In your estimation do you think you're any good for her? Do you primarily concern yourself with your own pleasure? This is my own curiosity, not related to how you should handle this.
I am not a selfish lover and I try to make sure that my partner is sexually satisfied whenever possible. The reason I said she was bad in bed is because she's passive and takes no initiation. She lets me do whatever I want but I like an equal and enthusiastic partner, not a sex doll. She won't even give me bj on her own volition, but if I stick my dick down her throat she gobbles it up and then some.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 12:57 PM   #49
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Why? Just tell her you're busy or tell the truth. Stop leading this girl on.
I did tell her the truth!
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Old 2nd January 2018, 1:06 PM   #50
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I am not a selfish lover and I try to make sure that my partner is sexually satisfied whenever possible. The reason I said she was bad in bed is because she's passive and takes no initiation. She lets me do whatever I want but I like an equal and enthusiastic partner, not a sex doll. She won't even give me bj on her own volition, but if I stick my dick down her throat she gobbles it up and then some.
Ugh.

I just can't help but feel a little sick to my stomach to listen to you talk about this girl. You have used her for your own selfish purpose. Sure, she is a grown adult who is capable of making her own choices... But, you have known that this is nothing more/will be nothing more than a friendship and yet you have still taken advantage of the fact that she was infatuated with you for sex. You certainly have a healthy opinion of yourself, but there is nothing to respect about what you have done.

I hope this girl comes to her senses soon. I hope that she gains the wisdom to see you, and this situation, for what it is.

Last edited by BaileyB; 2nd January 2018 at 1:08 PM..
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Old 2nd January 2018, 1:10 PM   #51
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For the record, I will stop having sex with her. That was never the motivation to be with her. I keep saying this but our shared interests is what makes this relationship fun for me. Sex is just the cherry on top. I don't need it from her nor do I seek it out. It just happens.

She sent me a text today asking me if I was free this week to visit a new sushi restaurant. I told her no because I honestly had other plans. Then she asked me when I would be free. Looks like I'm going for sushi next Friday with her...
What, like you have no say in the decision? Are you so weak and passive that you have to go out with her... don't even try to explain to us how you couldn't resist the offer of sex... Come on.

Tell her the truth - that you are friends. And stop sleeping with this woman because to her, that is leading her on...

Last edited by BaileyB; 2nd January 2018 at 1:14 PM..
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Old 2nd January 2018, 1:43 PM   #52
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I did tell her the truth!
No the truth would be "I will not go get sushi with you because I know you want more than a friendship. I feel my association with you is leading you on and I don't want to do that. I feel it is best that we stop hanging out." I'm starting to wonder if you are more the passive one.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 2:09 PM   #53
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No the truth would be "I will not go get sushi with you because I know you want more than a friendship. I feel my association with you is leading you on and I don't want to do that. I feel it is best that we stop hanging out." I'm starting to wonder if you are more the passive one.
Wait, I can't go out with her now? Not having sex is not enough? I don't think you're giving this girl enough credit.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 2:10 PM   #54
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aww i dont get why this is even a quesh. You made her cry =( i don't understand why its so hard for you to get your d wet somewhere else if you need it so bad.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 2:11 PM   #55
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Wait, I can't go out with her now? Not having sex is not enough? I don't think you're giving this girl enough credit.
What I don't understand is: If that person is not girlfriend material for you, why don't you stop wasting your and her time and find somebody who is?
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Old 2nd January 2018, 2:23 PM   #56
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Wait, I can't go out with her now? Not having sex is not enough? I don't think you're giving this girl enough credit.
You are leading her on... Unless you give her the "we are only ever going to be friends speech" and stop having sex with her, you are leading her on...

It may not feel like it to you. But, trust us, when this girl has feelings for you and she has sex with you, she is more than likely thinking... If I hang in long enough, he may tell me that he wants more and/or change his mind.

Sex, for many women, is a game changer. You may think it's just a bj, but to her... it probably means so much more... as evidenced, by the tears when she learned you were going home with someone else.

And yes, why are you wasting your time and her time, "dating" a woman with whom you don't want to have an actual relationship? It makes no sense... As does your statement that the sex was bad. I suppose, bad sex is better than no sex?

Last edited by BaileyB; 2nd January 2018 at 2:25 PM..
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Old 2nd January 2018, 2:30 PM   #57
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What I don't understand is: If that person is not girlfriend material for you, why don't you stop wasting your and her time and find somebody who is?
I'm not looking for a "girlfriend". I have plenty of girls I can hang out with and each are cool in their own way, including this girl in question.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 2:32 PM   #58
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yes but we've established she likes as more than a friend to hang out with to the point she crie.d get a BJ from one of those

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 2nd January 2018 at 2:37 PM..
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Old 2nd January 2018, 2:37 PM   #59
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I'm not looking for a "girlfriend". I have plenty of girls I can hang out with and each are cool in their own way, including this girl in question.
Then why do you spend time with her? Is it that much fun to watch her despair being unable to get what she wants? She obviously wants more than hang out with you. Does your ego really need this?
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Old 2nd January 2018, 2:38 PM   #60
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It may not feel like it to you. But, trust us, when this girl has feelings for you and she has sex with you, she is more than likely thinking... If I hang in long enough, he may tell me that he wants more and/or change his mind.
this is not exclusively a man/woman situation. This right here is the thinking of every guy who has been "friend zoned"

So OP, have you ever been "friend zoned?"

this is what you're doing to this chick. If it's ever happened to you, remember how that felt?

If it's never happened to you, that's awesome brother.

I myself don't think it's your responsibility to do anything for another grown adult. I would rather not hurt anyone else myself but lord knows I have ghosted, lied about why I wasn't into a person, etc in order to NOT have a difficult talk with them.

I think as long as you're being as open as possible and not lying (i.e. if SHE ASKS "what are we?" and you tell her honestly) then you really have done nothing wrong other than being aloof.

You've certainly done nothing worse than the thoughtless cad who ghosts, lies, or cheats.
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