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Why do I feel like a cad and am I one?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 2nd January 2018, 2:10 AM   #16
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Stop dating her if you know she isn't your type. She's obviously into you and you will just destroy her self-esteem if you continue to choose other girls over her and make someone else your girlfriend. She's going to be playing the, "pick me! pick me!" game and wondering what's wrong with her if you don't date her exclusively.

Let her go. It's the kind thing to do.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 2:29 AM   #17
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Stop dating her if you know she isn't your type. She's obviously into you and you will just destroy her self-esteem if you continue to choose other girls over her and make someone else your girlfriend. She's going to be playing the, "pick me! pick me!" game and wondering what's wrong with her if you don't date her exclusively.

Let her go. It's the kind thing to do.
I understand what you're saying. I will slowly decrease the time we spend together. I don't feel comfortable just ignoring her suddenly.

BTW, I wouldn't say we're dating. Sometimes it's just the two of us, but other times it would be a group of us going out together. I never initiate calls or texts with her and it's always her asking me to make a date available. If I'm free, I'll go out with her but I've probably declined about half the time she's asked.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 3:09 AM   #18
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I will probably get flamed for this, but I don't think you are doing anything that most people haven't already done a time or two themselves. I wouldn't think much of it. You make no promises to this girl. All you do is hang out with her when she invites you. You aren't telling her lies so you can get laid and you aren't really leading her on.

Just continue being honest with her. If she continues to want to hang out with you anyway, then that is her decision to make as an adult. I think the reason so many ladies here are hating on you is because they have been in that girl's position. Upset over the fact that some guy they are into doesn't feel the same way.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 3:48 AM   #19
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I will probably get flamed for this, but I don't think you are doing anything that most people haven't already done a time or two themselves. I wouldn't think much of it. You make no promises to this girl. All you do is hang out with her when she invites you. You aren't telling her lies so you can get laid and you aren't really leading her on.

Just continue being honest with her. If she continues to want to hang out with you anyway, then that is her decision to make as an adult. I think the reason so many ladies here are hating on you is because they have been in that girl's position. Upset over the fact that some guy they are into doesn't feel the same way.
The OP has asked for opinions on this 'relationship' and people, not just female posters have been giving the OP advice. The OP is obviously not feeling comfortable with the situation seeing how the girl was crying on NYE over him.

If OP likes the woman as a friend then he not going want to lead her on or want further her emotional attachment to him.

You need stop sleeping with this woman, that is just giving her hope. It sounds like you got game and can get other women so there no need to be using this woman.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 3:59 AM   #20
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OP, you know this isn't right, stop being a coward.
Take responsibility and stop sleeping with her.

Lack of responsibility is such an unattractive trait in a man, it's one of the traits of a man-child.
Most grown women don't want to date toddlers.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 4:03 AM   #21
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The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
You need to work on that then. Be the best person and the best man you can be. This will ensure that you attract what you put out in the universe.

On the flip side, she needs to learn how to believe men when they show (tell) her their true selves and then RUN when when it's bad. This is something every woman needs to learn how to do as early in life as possible.

Last edited by Popsicle; 2nd January 2018 at 4:07 AM..
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Old 2nd January 2018, 4:17 AM   #22
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OP, you know this isn't right, stop being a coward.
Take responsibility and stop sleeping with her.

Lack of responsibility is such an unattractive trait in a man, it's one of the traits of a man-child.
Most grown women don't want to date toddlers.
Why is the responsibility his alone? He has been honest with this girl, never promised her anything, and she still wants to hook up with him. She is an adult and fully capable of being responsible for her own actions.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 4:31 AM   #23
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If youre not dating her then you are just friends. Friends don't sleep with each other. Okay some friends can with added benefits but there has to be boundaries.


I would suggest you communicate to her what you are. As in just friends.


The longer you keep this running the longer she will be more attached/invested and confused.


For both your situation. Stop it, and stop it sooner than later.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 4:45 AM   #24
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He's not being honest with her, though. He's omitting the fact that he will never want to be with her and just ignoring the hints she's given him about exclusivity because they're inconvenient. He's still accepting half the time she invites him out, still sleeping with her, still hanging out with her publicly. In her mind, she has a chance. He needs to--in the very least--communicate to her that he's not looking for a relationship with her, but that he's fine with FWB or friends. Not doing the slow fade, not hiding his head in the sand and hoping she will get the hint. A lot of young women will only try harder, not less, upon receiving these mixed signals. They'll make it about them, their deficiencies, and how they can prove they're good enough.

He doesn't want to tell her because he doesn't want to be the bad guy, doesn't want to cut off the gravy train, etc.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 6:36 AM   #25
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She is in love with him and every time he accepts her invitation and they have sex she thinks she is winning him round.
BUT he is just using her.
He knows she is besotted, he knows he can get sex and he knows she will always turn up at the snap of his finger.

I think FWB is a OK arrangement as long as both are cool with it being casual and no feelings get involved, but this girl has feelings and so he needs to let her know the score asap and stop using her for sex and filling in his spare time.
He has not been upfront, he has not said "This is casual, we are not exclusive", he continues hanging out with and sleeping with her and to someone in love it just shows her that he cares for her.

It is definitely caddish to lead this girl on for months and then on NYE casually invite some other girl home with him, that was appalling behaviour.

Women are actual human beings with hopes, dreams and feelings, sometimes in their quest for sex, some men forget that fact.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 7:07 AM   #26
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@enigma32 - I'm honestly DISGUSTED by how selfish you sound. Yes, this girl has responsibilities and should know better but you also have a responsibility to NOT hurt others. Be a freaking human for God's sake and have a freaking heart.

OP, I know you think you have done your part and the rest is up to her but you haven't at all. Don't sleep with her knowing she has feelings for you. Do what is right for God's sake and stop doing something you know will hurt someone else. it's a new year. BE A HUMAN BEING, have regard for other people's feelings and stop being selfish.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 7:39 AM   #27
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If this was FWB where neither had an attachment to each other, fine, but this young lady is in love or infatuated with you, and you know it, and you need to stop sleeping with her. Break it off. It leaves her in this state of confusion. The closeness and the intimacy of sex is different for her than you. She feels closer. She thinks you'll come around, and that you care for her. You use her when it's convenient. Then you go on to say she's not that great in bed...so, it's merely a convenient place to stick it when the wind blows you in her direction? How cruel to her. Do the right think and break it off.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 8:09 AM   #28
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I agree that the slow fade will be just as hurtful as telling her the truth. It's the easy way out, for OP. It will be confusing and hurtful to this young lady.

In your mind, you may not have been "dating" this young woman... But, you have been having sex with her. That means something to this young woman, different than what it means to you. You should be clear and honest with her and to tell her that you do not see "this" developing into a relationship in the future.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 9:19 AM   #29
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Sex is not a major dynamic of this relationship and to be honest, shes not very good at it. Its just something we do when its convenient. We have similar interests in the arts so we go to shows and exhibitions, have dinner and then sometimes sex.

I like this arrangement and I hope shes happy with it as well. If she wants something more, I will say thank you and sorry, but no.
Get this arrangement with someone who doesn't want a relationship with you; not this girl. You should have taken the other girl back home that night so this girl would be on her way to getting over you by now. Hanging out with this girl is leading her on. Tell her you don't want a relationship and let her go on to find a guy that is interested.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 9:23 AM   #30
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Why is the responsibility his alone? He has been honest with this girl, never promised her anything, and she still wants to hook up with him. She is an adult and fully capable of being responsible for her own actions.
I agree with this also. Women have got to take responsibility for their own heart break. When a man tells her he doesn't want a relationship and she wants one it is up to her to move it along. Not continue to hang out with the guy and have sex.
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