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Losing interest or is she just comfortable with me? Bad gut feeling!


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 1st January 2018, 11:57 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by Assassino View Post
Just to note, the green replies are me and the grey ones are her (if you're unsure).

But yeah, that's why I'm concerned because her texts don't seem to have as much effort put into them like they used to. I kind of feel like she's just being polite, but there's a date to look forward to.

I'll update if anything drastic happens. My gut feeling has usually been correct, but let's hope her change in text behaviour is down to nerves of me staying over this weekend or that she's comfortable and doesn't feel the need to make more effort rather than lack of interest or her talking to someone else.
Like you said, there's a date lined up, so that's a very good sign. If there wasn't, I'd be more concerned.

At this point, I'd chalk this all up to a mild yellow flag at most.

Now, if she cancels the date with a vauge excuse, then I'd be a lot more worried at that point.
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:59 PM   #17
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A lot of time gut feelings come true because phenomenon of self-fulfilling prophecy
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Old 2nd January 2018, 12:09 AM   #18
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A lot of time gut feelings come true because phenomenon of self-fulfilling prophecy
Lol, not sure if you're being serious, but it's not that. It's just being able to read the situation.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 12:26 AM   #19
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A lot of time gut feelings come true because phenomenon of self-fulfilling prophecy
Ah yeah, I suppose I make them happen if I'm latched onto my gut feeling of it happening.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 12:28 AM   #20
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I'm serious. It's actually a scientifically accepted general principle supported by a substantial body of evidence. I'm not referring to "the law of attraction" or anything mystical here(no disrespect to anyone who believes in it), but the psychological phenomenon that when we think something will fail, we tend to behave subconsciously in ways which doom it to failure. Like over-analysis which other people tend to pick up on and it manifests as desperation
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Old 2nd January 2018, 12:32 AM   #21
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Like you said, there's a date lined up, so that's a very good sign. If there wasn't, I'd be more concerned.

At this point, I'd chalk this all up to a mild yellow flag at most.

Now, if she cancels the date with a vauge excuse, then I'd be a lot more worried at that point.
If she cancels then that's 50 down the drain because I won't be able to bring anyone along last minute, nor can I cancel the tickets.

By the time the show finishes, it'll be her birthday and she suggested if I wanted to stay over. If she's interested, this will happen. If not, I'd assume she'd still go along with the date because tickets are paid for and then not bring me home/not accept future dates.

We'll see.. Always said the best answer to someones interest levels is by asking them out, regardless of texting habits, etc.

When I brought up booking the tickets and she asked how much she owes me, I did it as a test of her interest to see if she'd let me treat her and pay for them myself. She was completely fine with that, whereas the day before my ex broke up with me, she would NOT let me pay for the popcorn at the cinema after I paid for tickets. I find a girl who isn't romantically interested in a guy will always insist to the death on paying halves so she feels she doesn't owe the guy anything? Correct me if wrong.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 12:34 AM   #22
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I'm also suggesting buying her a harry potter keyring as a small present as she's obsessed with it, but not sure if that's too much for a 4th date. It'll be cheap and small, so we're not talking diamond necklaces, etc. If it gets to the point that we're kissing and it's midnight, whilst we're stood close together I might jokingly sing happy birthday to her. It'll be cheesy but hey, can't imagine any other guy would have tried that with her and it's rare I have a date with someone on their birthday
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Old 2nd January 2018, 12:38 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
I'm serious. It's actually a scientifically accepted general principle supported by a substantial body of evidence. I'm not referring to "the law of attraction" or anything mystical here(no disrespect to anyone who believes in it), but the psychological phenomenon that when we think something will fail, we tend to behave subconsciously in ways which doom it to failure. Like over-analysis which other people tend to pick up on and it manifests as desperation
I'm with you on this, as the opposite can be said. Faking confidence has actually helped me to be confident in awkward and uneasy situations. Even when I'm out with a girl, it can be a bit nerve wracking but I imagine I'm in James Bond's shoes and imagine how confident he'd be in a similar situation. It tricks the mind, but it works. Same with assuming you're going to fail.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 12:39 AM   #24
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Wait, are you the same person who bought another girl a Harry Potter keychain or is this a common thing now? I remember reading another member doing that.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 12:39 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
I'm serious. It's actually a scientifically accepted general principle supported by a substantial body of evidence. I'm not referring to "the law of attraction" or anything mystical here(no disrespect to anyone who believes in it), but the psychological phenomenon that when we think something will fail, we tend to behave subconsciously in ways which doom it to failure. Like over-analysis which other people tend to pick up on and it manifests as desperation
I mean, I guess I can I see that. However, in my case, I don't do things that would cause it to doom. I'm usually my normal self regardless, but that still doesn't mean I don't pick up on things.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 12:43 AM   #26
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Wait, are you the same person who bought another girl a Harry Potter keychain or is this a common thing now? I remember reading another member doing that.
I'm new to the forums so probably not, but every girl I've dated seems to have an obsession with it. Just thought a keyring of it was something simple without it being too much for a 4th date.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 8:32 PM   #27
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A little bit more positive today, her replies were lengthier once I added length to mine. She started off slow 45 mins to an hour to reply but got quicker towards the end of the conversation. (I'll paste the conversation here later).

She's back with her flatmates after being away at her mums and she brought up that they were spending the day together watching movies and ordering food as one of them got dumped over the phone by their boyfriend, so I figured that explained the response time.

Couple of things I'm concerned about that I might be overthinking again.. I mentioned meeting at 7 on Saturday (our tickets are for 9) but she mentioned she was getting her hair done at the hairdressers who takes a long time because they're laid back and that she might be running late for 7. I had a gut feeling she might've used it as an excuse to spend less time with me.

The second thing was she mentioned she has a cold sore coming through, which indirectly says to me there isn't going to be kissing or the possibility of me staying over at hers.

Possibility of her spending less time with me (probably enough to just watch the show), her having a cold sore which possibly rules out kissing or sex, plus her not initiating texts recently, my gut sensing her texting tone has changed, etc.

Do you think she's doing this so she doesn't feel guilty for me spending 50 on these tickets and that really she doesn't want to go/get my hopes up due to lack of romantic interest? She has her excuse for not kissing/spending extra time with me and her going means she doesn't feel guilty for wasting the tickets.

Maybe I'm overthinking and all this is just coincidental! But it feels like it adds up to her possibly being disinterested. Do you think this adds up or am I adding 2+2 to make 5?

I guess I'll be able to judge things on the date, but most of all whether she accepts date #5. We'll see, but not hopeful. I'll enjoy it whilst it lasts.

Last edited by Assassino; 2nd January 2018 at 8:34 PM..
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Old 2nd January 2018, 8:42 PM   #28
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A little bit more positive today, her replies were lengthier once I added length to mine. She started off slow 45 mins to an hour to reply but got quicker towards the end of the conversation. (I'll paste the conversation here later).

She's back with her flatmates after being away at her mums and she brought up that they were spending the day together watching movies and ordering food as one of them got dumped over the phone by their boyfriend, so I figured that explained the response time.

Couple of things I'm concerned about that I might be overthinking again.. I mentioned meeting at 7 on Saturday (our tickets are for 9) but she mentioned she was getting her hair done at the hairdressers who takes a long time because they're laid back and that she might be running late for 7. I had a gut feeling she might've used it as an excuse to spend less time with me.

The second thing was she mentioned she has a cold sore coming through, which indirectly says to me there isn't going to be kissing or the possibility of me staying over at hers.

Possibility of her spending less time with me (probably enough to just watch the show), her having a cold sore which possibly rules out kissing or sex, plus her not initiating texts recently, my gut sensing her texting tone has changed, etc.

Do you think she's doing this so she doesn't feel guilty for me spending 50 on these tickets and that really she doesn't want to go/get my hopes up due to lack of romantic interest? She has her excuse for not kissing/spending extra time with me and her going means she doesn't feel guilty for wasting the tickets.

Maybe I'm overthinking and all this is just coincidental! But it feels like it adds up to her possibly being disinterested. Do you think this adds up or am I adding 2+2 to make 5?

I guess I'll be able to judge things on the date, but most of all whether she accepts date #5. We'll see, but not hopeful. I'll enjoy it whilst it lasts.
Not everything is about YOU. She probably mentioned the cold sore because she's feeling very insecure about it! At least she didn't cancel on you which is what some girls would do.

RELAX!!!!!
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Old 2nd January 2018, 8:49 PM   #29
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Not everything is about YOU. She probably mentioned the cold sore because she's feeling very insecure about it! At least she didn't cancel on you which is what some girls would do.

RELAX!!!!!
Yeah true, I mean now was the time to cancel when I brought up logistics and it would've given me enough time to take a friend, but she didn't.

Maybe she's giving it one last chance, but I can't force her to like me if she doesn't so guess I shouldn't worry.

I wish I stopped overthinking, it's so draining It's not something I can turn off just like that either.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 8:50 PM   #30
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Oh dear!

She's GETTING HER HAIR DONE for your date! She's warning you about a cold sore 1) so you won't be shocked if it's in full bloom when you see her, or 2) so you can bail on HER if you're inclined to be embarrassed about being seen with such a hideous thing.

Your text exchanges with her have been really cute. I'm thinking there's something to what cookie says about self fulfilling prophecies. You need to slow down your overthinking, and enjoy the moments as they come. Chill out!
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