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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?


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Old 2nd January 2018, 10:46 PM   #91
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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?

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Originally Posted by heavenonearth View Post
I don't see the logic in your explanation, but ok, say he just sees it as a 'continuation of the fight' (I don't see it, but ok..), it's irrelevant. What matters is that you do your thing now and never get back with him, no matter what.

I suggest you delete all his presence from your social media and block him now, before he can block you. He is just waiting for you to message him, that's why you're not blocked. He wants you to come crawling back to him. But that's not going to happen.
So last time when we broke up, it was crystal clear that we broke up because I ended it and told him to his face. He then reacted to the breakup by blocking me off Facebook. When we got back together he added me on his Facebook again naturally. The reason he hasn't blocked me this time is because neither of us have indicated that its over, he is obviously unsure what's going on in my head because I haven't texted him further either so being that he is unsure what is happening with us he has left me on his Facebook. That's what i was trying to explain before.

Yes I'm doing my thing.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:13 PM   #92
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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?

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Originally Posted by kx9 View Post
you sure know how to choose em
Yes well you never can tell. Some people are pretty good at hiding things.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 11:41 PM   #93
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Originally Posted by kx9 View Post
and others have off again on again relationships with bad boyfriends

Kevin is that you? Did mom leave her computer unattended again?
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Old 3rd January 2018, 7:46 AM   #94
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Originally Posted by Lou1973 View Post
Last time we broke up he actually blocked me and so he hasn't this time which shows me he isn't taking it as a breakup but more a continuation of the fight but either way I'm done and he will find out if he has the balls to text me.
For context, this was our 3rd breakup. He dumped me via text the first time and blocked me for a period. I dumped him face to face the second time and then he "changed" which is why there was a 3rd try. The change lasted 2 months but really, he was just hiding his sh*t better.

Why were there even 3 breakups? I had such low self esteem and got caught up in the cycle of loving an addict.

The disrespectful manipulative way your ex has treated you is unacceptable. It's in your best interest to block him now and not give him a chance to reach out. Take your power back.

Wishing you strength and peace.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 12:32 PM   #95
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Originally Posted by Lou1973 View Post
So last time when we broke up, it was crystal clear that we broke up because I ended it and told him to his face. He then reacted to the breakup by blocking me off Facebook. When we got back together he added me on his Facebook again naturally. The reason he hasn't blocked me this time is because neither of us have indicated that its over, he is obviously unsure what's going on in my head because I haven't texted him further either so being that he is unsure what is happening with us he has left me on his Facebook. That's what i was trying to explain before.

Yes I'm doing my thing.
Seriously, if you really were done with this guy, you'd have blocked him way before now and you'd have gotten him blocked on your own facebook==IOW: you'd have taken a lot more preemptive moves to assure that he can't bring his alcoholic shenanigans to you or your child ever again, but I'm not getting that sense from anything you're writing.

What I'm reading is you being 100% invested in this little sick dance of his. As far as you are concerned, it's not over. That much is clear from every one of your replies on this thread.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 2:57 PM   #96
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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?

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Originally Posted by kendahke View Post
Seriously, if you really were done with this guy, you'd have blocked him way before now and you'd have gotten him blocked on your own facebook==IOW: you'd have taken a lot more preemptive moves to assure that he can't bring his alcoholic shenanigans to you or your child ever again, but I'm not getting that sense from anything you're writing.

What I'm reading is you being 100% invested in this little sick dance of his. As far as you are concerned, it's not over. That much is clear from every one of your replies on this thread.
That's not true. If I was still invested in him I would have contacted him by now and I haven't. I am done with his **** and not interested any further however I've just been trying to answer everyone's questions on this thread as best I can.

I actually unfriended him last night as I felt after a spate of attention seeking posts where he has mini video clips of himself sitting at the beach listening to music on his headphones was just pathetic because at no time did he smile or even look happy, he looked very sad so im betting it was put up for me to see, feel sorry for him and come running back with a "Are you alright text". Which obviously I didn't do, I stayed strong even though I still love him, I did ignore it and moved on ahead.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 3:05 PM   #97
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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?

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Originally Posted by 1fish2fish View Post
For context, this was our 3rd breakup. He dumped me via text the first time and blocked me for a period. I dumped him face to face the second time and then he "changed" which is why there was a 3rd try. The change lasted 2 months but really, he was just hiding his sh*t better.

Why were there even 3 breakups? I had such low self esteem and got caught up in the cycle of loving an addict.

The disrespectful manipulative way your ex has treated you is unacceptable. It's in your best interest to block him now and not give him a chance to reach out. Take your power back.

Wishing you strength and peace.
Just to clarify that we have only broken up once in the relationship. We stayed broken up for 3 weeks and got back together for 3 weeks. Him leaving when we brokeup was done face to face by me. The weekend just gone was not a breakup, it was him getting in a mood and arguing and disrespecting me in my home so I suggested he go back to his so that we all had a chance individually with our own kids (him with his 2) and me with mine to have a nice new years eve and new years day cerebration without any further arguments. Only thing was then that he never bothered contacting me at all after this had happened, he then had put up a meme which I'm guessing was a dig at me and then he went and changed his profile pic of one of us together to one of him just on his own. That's the story in a nutshell.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 5:29 PM   #98
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lou1973 View Post
That's not true.
It is. If it weren't, all of this:

Quote:
I actually unfriended him last night as I felt after a spate of attention seeking posts where he has mini video clips of himself sitting at the beach listening to music on his headphones was just pathetic because at no time did he smile or even look happy, he looked very sad so im betting it was put up for me to see, feel sorry for him and come running back with a "Are you alright text". Which obviously I didn't do, I stayed strong even though I still love him, I did ignore it and moved on ahead.
wouldn't be here. In fact, none of this would even be on your radar if it wasn't true.

You are too focused on what his reaction is or isn't going to be.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 5:53 PM   #99
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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?

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Originally Posted by kendahke View Post
It is. If it weren't, all of this:



wouldn't be here. In fact, none of this would even be on your radar if it wasn't true.

You are too focused on what his reaction is or isn't going to be.
Can we please all try to remember that I am a human, I have feelings and this man and I spent most of our time together over the 10 months, I'm not a robot, I actually fell in love with him and obviously one doesn't just fall out of love with someone instantaneously. It takes time to move through that so yes it's reasonable to assume that I still may be slightly focused on his reactions, doesn't mean I don't understand right from wrong, doesn't mean I want to remain in the relationship, doesn't mean I'm not strong enough to move on without him because I am it just means I'm real and I'm human.
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Old 4th January 2018, 3:54 AM   #100
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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?

So I was thinking alot about all this today and it's good that I have been able to see very clearly the reasons why this could never have worked between us, I'm not trying to convince myself as it became crystal clear and I wanted to share that with you all as you have all been a tremendous help do here are the massive red flags and dealbreakers for me in no particular order:

He does not take into consideration my feelings and thoughts

He does not communicate effectively and at times not at all

He has no coping skills in or during conflict

He does not handle criticism

He has a complete lack of respect for me as his partner

He has some aggressive behaviour

He does not face confrontation or show a willingness to calm down and try and sort out any issues instead choosing to ghost me and keep on ignoring me which is a form of emotional and mental abuse

He does not role model healthy behaviour in front of his kids and my child and let's them hear and see unsavoury behaviour

Also i kind of feel that his lack of contact since Sunday morning has kind of made me feel used for my home in some ways. Not just on the weekend with the kids but he had stayed that week at the beginning of the week at my place while I went to work. Sure he made dinner once and cleaned up around the house but I guess it's better to use someone elses electricity and Water and Wi-Fi instead of your own. It's better to place yourself in a location that serves your purpose to be close to beaches and stuff when you dont have that near your own home and when all you did was hand over a $50 that would hardly have covered half the grocery bills for the week. Yes I'm a fool and only have myself to blame for being so soft but I'm a fool no more....
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Old 4th January 2018, 3:57 AM   #101
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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lou1973 View Post
So I was thinking alot about all this today and it's good that I have been able to see very clearly the reasons why this could never have worked between us, I'm not trying to convince myself as it became crystal clear and I wanted to share that with you all as you have all been a tremendous help do here are the massive red flags and dealbreakers for me in no particular order:

He does not take into consideration my feelings and thoughts

He does not communicate effectively and at times not at all

He has no coping skills in or during conflict

He does not handle criticism

He has a complete lack of respect for me as his partner

He has some aggressive behaviour

He does not face confrontation or show a willingness to calm down and try and sort out any issues instead choosing to ghost me and keep on ignoring me which is a form of emotional and mental abuse

He does not role model healthy behaviour in front of his kids and my child and let's them hear and see unsavoury behaviour

Also i kind of feel that his lack of contact since Sunday morning has kind of made me feel used for my home in some ways. Not just on the weekend with the kids but he had stayed that week at the beginning of the week at my place while I went to work. Sure he made dinner once and cleaned up around the house but I guess it's better to use someone elses electricity and Water and Wi-Fi instead of your own. It's better to place yourself in a location that serves your purpose to be close to beaches and stuff when you dont have that near your own home and when all you did was hand over a $50 that would hardly have covered half the grocery bills for the week. Yes I'm a fool and only have myself to blame for being so soft but I'm a fool no more....
also i forgot to add :

Our different parenting styles and attitudes

And that our morals and values were not in alignment
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Old 4th January 2018, 10:33 AM   #102
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lou1973 View Post
So I was thinking alot about all this today and it's good that I have been able to see very clearly the reasons why this could never have worked between us, I'm not trying to convince myself as it became crystal clear and I wanted to share that with you all as you have all been a tremendous help do here are the massive red flags and dealbreakers for me in no particular order:

He does not take into consideration my feelings and thoughts

He does not communicate effectively and at times not at all

He has no coping skills in or during conflict

He does not handle criticism

He has a complete lack of respect for me as his partner

He has some aggressive behaviour

He does not face confrontation or show a willingness to calm down and try and sort out any issues instead choosing to ghost me and keep on ignoring me which is a form of emotional and mental abuse

He does not role model healthy behaviour in front of his kids and my child and let's them hear and see unsavoury behaviour
Those are all definite deal breakers for me.
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Old 4th January 2018, 11:03 AM   #103
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lou1973 View Post
So I was thinking alot about all this today and it's good that I have been able to see very clearly the reasons why this could never have worked between us, I'm not trying to convince myself as it became crystal clear and I wanted to share that with you all as you have all been a tremendous help do here are the massive red flags and dealbreakers for me in no particular order:

He does not take into consideration my feelings and thoughts

He does not communicate effectively and at times not at all

He has no coping skills in or during conflict

He does not handle criticism

He has a complete lack of respect for me as his partner

He has some aggressive behaviour

He does not face confrontation or show a willingness to calm down and try and sort out any issues instead choosing to ghost me and keep on ignoring me which is a form of emotional and mental abuse

He does not role model healthy behaviour in front of his kids and my child and let's them hear and see unsavoury behaviour

Also i kind of feel that his lack of contact since Sunday morning has kind of made me feel used for my home in some ways. Not just on the weekend with the kids but he had stayed that week at the beginning of the week at my place while I went to work. Sure he made dinner once and cleaned up around the house but I guess it's better to use someone elses electricity and Water and Wi-Fi instead of your own. It's better to place yourself in a location that serves your purpose to be close to beaches and stuff when you dont have that near your own home and when all you did was hand over a $50 that would hardly have covered half the grocery bills for the week. Yes I'm a fool and only have myself to blame for being so soft but I'm a fool no more....
Hopefully, you are exploring what led you to let this man stay at your house after just one month of dating, especially when there were children involved. This smacks of extremely poor judgement on your part. No matter how great he may have seemed initially, you cannot know someone in just a month. That you would bring a stranger into your home where your daughter lives is alarming. This part of the situation is squarely on you and where you should be focusing your introspection, imo.
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