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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?


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Old 1st January 2018, 11:16 PM   #31
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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?

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Originally Posted by kendahke View Post
What and who prompted the break up 3 weeks ago?
I found out he has been hiding a drinking problem from me which was in my eyes the same as lying to me. It had been affecting our relationship and I broke up with him.

He has been genuinely trying to turn things around and I have been supportive of that. He attends AA meetings twice a week, has also quit smoking and making healthier choices, hasn't touched a drop of alcohol for 4 weeks. He has been trying. Was doing so well in the relationship overall for the last 3 weeks until this issue on Sat evening..
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:26 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by Lou1973 View Post
I found out he has been hiding a drinking problem from me which was in my eyes the same as lying to me. It had been affecting our relationship and I broke up with him.

He has been genuinely trying to turn things around and I have been supportive of that. He attends AA meetings twice a week, has also quit smoking and making healthier choices, hasn't touched a drop of alcohol for 4 weeks. He has been trying. Was doing so well in the relationship overall for the last 3 weeks until this issue on Sat evening..
I'm thinking he should add an anger management support group to that.
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:42 PM   #33
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How long have the kids been hanging out at each other's place? I just feel bad for them to endure such drama. Truth be told, you're not exactly a model mother to expose your daughter to an alcoholic (did he use to smoke in your house too?).

Last edited by JuneL; 1st January 2018 at 11:45 PM..
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Old 2nd January 2018, 12:01 AM   #34
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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?

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How long have the kids been hanging out at each other's place? I just feel bad for them to endure such drama. Truth be told, you're not exactly a model mother to expose your daughter to an alcoholic (did he use to smoke in your house too?).
He did not drink or smoke in the house around my daughter. He was doing most of his drinking behind my back, I had no idea he had this issue going on until the end when his behaviour and priorities started changing. In the end I confronted him, asked him a bunch of questions and then ended things. I certainly wouldn't want that going on in my daughters life so I am a good role model for my child. She can see that I stand up for myself and don't take any bull****.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 12:14 AM   #35
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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?

So would everyone on here agree that I'm right to sit back, not reach out in anyway and just wait and see if he tried to contact me then?
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Old 2nd January 2018, 12:48 AM   #36
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So would everyone on here agree that I'm right to sit back, not reach out in anyway and just wait and see if he tried to contact me then?
No, I do not agree. I think you should accept no further contact from him.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 12:51 AM   #37
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I think that sounds like an excellent plan. BUT I also think you're being a little judgy. I have two boys who have been raised pretty similarly. Theyre five years apart in age. Until my second was old enough to really start asserting himself, I thought I was the best mom ever and couldn't believe how wild other parents let their kids get. I was judgy and naive. lol

Number two has given me a run for my money. He's awesome in all the ways that I really care about but he's just not gonna fall in line with normally parenting techniques, and definitely not easily like my first one did.

So he's got two kids. Sounds like one is fine and one is difficult. You choose to see him as a bad parent and give him no credit for the milder kid. You could just as easily have gone in the other direction. I am sure he feels your opinion about him and them.
I hear where you're coming from Greys. I too have seen very different kids come from the same household. Kids who don't respond to common sense parenting. My own house included. I try hard not to judge.

That said, I suspect that if your child was breaking another child's toys and both children were leaving all the stuff messy, you would understand some limits being placed on them. At least, I know I would. I'd be mortified if my child messed up another child's stuff.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 1:20 AM   #38
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A closet alcoholic with anger issues and different (bad in my view) parenting style...not sure why you would bother, OP
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Old 2nd January 2018, 1:38 AM   #39
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Originally Posted by Lou1973 View Post
So would everyone on here agree that I'm right to sit back, not reach out in anyway and just wait and see if he tried to contact me then?
I would accept no further contact. Your primary responsibility is to your daughter, and it is not acceptable for you to allow her to be around this man...
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Old 2nd January 2018, 1:42 AM   #40
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If your child was breaking another child's toys and both children were leaving all the stuff messy, you would understand some limits being placed on them. At least, I know I would. I'd be mortified if my child messed up another child's stuff.
He should also pay to replace the toy his son broke. That is the responsible thing to do. It says so much that his response was to become defensive and throw a tantrum in this way...
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Old 2nd January 2018, 2:43 AM   #41
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Ask yourself what exactly you're getting out of this "relationship" OP ?
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Old 2nd January 2018, 4:31 AM   #42
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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?

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Ask yourself what exactly you're getting out of this "relationship" OP ?
Yes he loves me and he shows it frequently by doing little things for me and spending lots of time with me and if it wasn't for his attitude and the way he handled himself over the weekend I would be reasonably happy. There are some areas that need improvements one being his communication and handling of conflict. Other than that he is affectionate, attentive and really good with my daughter. We are different there is no denying that, we don't think along the same lines where it counts all the time and we have had very different upbringings so there are certain areas where we clash because our values and morals can differ and unfortunately that creates a certain amount of incompatibility if your looking overall at the bigger picture. That does concern me...
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Old 2nd January 2018, 4:40 AM   #43
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Lou1073,

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Yes he loves me
Then your idea of "love" is skewed.

Cookiesanddough nails it here;

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I don't think it's acceptable and I personally don't like it either, it's abusive, and abuse typically escalates whether it remains verbal or not. It doesn't typically go back or decline in frequency. If my bf was throwing F bombs at me in a serious manner I would be hitting the road because of this. You guys are dating 10 mo. The best is supposed to be in the beginning and you two are incompatible and fighting like a couple who have been together for years and wish they could be out
You need to think what exposing your child to all this dysfunction is doing to their psychological well-being.

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and we have had very different upbringings so there are certain areas where we clash because our values and morals can differ and unfortunately that creates a certain amount of incompatibility if your looking overall at the bigger picture. That does concern me.
..

It should concern you because you are basically incompatible.

Last edited by Arieswoman; 2nd January 2018 at 4:42 AM..
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Old 2nd January 2018, 4:45 AM   #44
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Originally Posted by Lou1973 View Post
So would everyone on here agree that I'm right to sit back, not reach out in anyway and just wait and see if he tried to contact me then?
OP, you are softening. Donít do it! Do you want your daughter to grow up with such a disfunctional man?

He canít even keep the drama behind closed doors away from the kids. If he has issues regarding how you handle things, then he needs to keep it to himself in front of the kids and bring it up with you when you two are alone.

You sound like you have your life well put together. Why invite such disfunction into it? Your daughter will pay the biggest price.
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Old 2nd January 2018, 4:58 AM   #45
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Would you have asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to leave in this situation?

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Originally Posted by Arieswoman View Post
Lou1073,

Then your idea of "love" is skewed.

Cookiesanddough nails it here;



You need to think what exposing your child to all this dysfunction is doing to their psychological well-being.

..

It should concern you because you are basically incompatible.
As an outsider looking in could you please list the incompatibilities you see?
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