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Can this be turned around?


ZA Dater

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Firstly, please laugh at the below, I might feel better if you do!

 

 

Tinder, I found someone I thought was attractive and apparently I had some appeal to. We move to Whats App and it quickly becomes clear she is looking for some "fun".

 

 

"Pick me up and we can go from there and I'll show you while you drive".

 

 

From being super keen I seemingly managed to turn her off completely. From "do you like big b**bs" to "ok lets rather meet sometime later this week.

 

 

This is plainly defeat from an almost certain win, part of me is really disappointed, part of me probably knows in person she wouldn't have wanted me anyway.

 

 

Do I try warm her up again or simply just let it be? Disappointing because as I say she I very attractive.

 

 

I just cannot seem to ever get this right.

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I'm not following. Did you meet up with her or not?

 

 

 

Now she doesn't seem interested in meeting up at all, conversation has dried up completely.

 

 

From "fetch me, take me for a drink, have fun with me" to no conversation. Honestly I think I am just stupid to be able to mess something like that up.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

Maybe she was high or drunk or expecting payment and something you said made it clear you weren't into pay for play?

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Maybe she was high or drunk or expecting payment and something you said made it clear you weren't into pay for play?

 

 

 

I don't think so money never came up, just not sure how I should have proceeded with this. 37yo, apparently lonely and wanting fun. Really great looking, feel like such an idiot, opportunities are so rare for me and seemingly every time I mess them up somehow.

 

 

She said later in the week but communication has just dried up so I am guessing she has lost interest.

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You'll have to give more details ZA, I am having a tough time following too.

 

There is a big snippet of conversation you are leaving out here.

 

Meanwhile I would think that she is either nuts or it's a scam. Lots of people are down for a ONS. A woman willing to get in the car of some man she never even met before though?? If SHE isn't concerned about that, then maybe YOU should be.

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You'll have to give more details ZA, I am having a tough time following too.

 

There is a big snippet of conversation you are leaving out here.

 

Meanwhile I would think that she is either nuts or it's a scam. Lots of people are down for a ONS. A woman willing to get in the car of some man she never even met before though?? If SHE isn't concerned about that, then maybe YOU should be.

 

 

 

Not really, she then offered to meet me somewhere, then offered to meet on another day. The other snippet was all the x rated stuff.

 

 

Being NYE lots of people don't want to drive because things become a bit crazy on the roads here at NYE due to the sheer amount of drinking which happens here.

 

 

Basically feel she just got turned off by me for whatever reason.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Not really, she then offered to meet me somewhere, then offered to meet on another day. The other snippet was all the x rated stuff.

 

 

Being NYE lots of people don't want to drive because things become a bit crazy on the roads here at NYE due to the sheer amount of drinking which happens here.

 

 

Basically feel she just got turned off by me for whatever reason.

 

Yes, it sounds like it, but without knowing the details of your conversation, it's impossible to offer advice.

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Yes, it sounds like it, but without knowing the details of your conversation, it's impossible to offer advice.

 

 

 

What should I have done in this situation? I said to her lets meet, she said yes I then wanted to find out more about her and there was some banter but I think she wanted an "immediate" meet.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
What should I have done in this situation? I said to her lets meet, she said yes I then wanted to find out more about her and there was some banter but I think she wanted an "immediate" meet.

 

What was the "banter?"

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What was the "banter?"

 

 

 

More of where, when, how, your place or and then I guess I dropped the infamous "I don't drink much" line. She mentioned she wanted to tease before we go back to her place.

 

 

Just honestly I cannot believe I got this so completely wrong. It'd be one thing if I had these chances often with people I find attractive but seeing as this was only the second one this year...

 

 

Just feeling irritated to be honest.

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Around here the conversation indicates prostitution.

 

Clearly its illegal and cyber crimes units are looking for the cash transaction type words and so coming right out saying it without drawing more unwanted attention.

 

That and people are just crazy. It may not even be anything you said or done. Just flaky people everywhere doing whatever they feel at the moment without regard to anyone else or their feelings.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Around here the conversation indicates prostitution.

 

Clearly its illegal and cyber crimes units are looking for the cash transaction type words and so coming right out saying it without drawing more unwanted attention.

 

That and people are just crazy. It may not even be anything you said or done. Just flaky people everywhere doing whatever they feel at the moment without regard to anyone else or their feelings.

 

I'm thinking prostitution as well, and the other guy she was chatting with at the same time she was chatting with you ponied up sooner than you did, so she went with him.

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Around here the conversation indicates prostitution.

 

Clearly its illegal and cyber crimes units are looking for the cash transaction type words and so coming right out saying it without drawing more unwanted attention.

 

That and people are just crazy. It may not even be anything you said or done. Just flaky people everywhere doing whatever they feel at the moment without regard to anyone else or their feelings.

 

 

 

Look I wont lie, I did try flirt with her on Tinder because I don't normally get this sort of match.

 

 

She was receptive to it, gave me her number easily. I guess you might be right, might have just been some sort of scam.

 

 

I assume just leave it and go back the awful matches I get..

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I'm thinking prostitution as well, and the other guy she was chatting with at the same time she was chatting with you ponied up sooner than you did, so she went with him.

 

 

 

That's basically the irritating thing for me, clearly there was another guy, look this is Tinder so I expect people to actually just use it to hook up but obviously I just lost out to whoever else she was chatting it.

 

 

Maybe I am just scraping the bottom of the barrel here.

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Are you really feeling down and questioning your self worth because a woman you have never met, who offered you sex by text without even meeting you, has flaked on you...

 

My friend, I would suggest that you need to let this go...

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You could give it a go and I know you pretty well OP so it's up to you whether you want to say or not.

 

If she was into the flirty x-rated talk then you need to employ some imagination (it can be difficult but can be done as it works like tennis - back and forth with what you say, asking questions, her asking questions, she and her saying what you'd like, asking what each other would like or occasionally leave it to their imagination to fill out and leaving a sentence unfinished for that very purpose.

Be her plaything, see if you can just be in that moment and forget everything else.

 

I actually think you could play this if you wanted to and it might not be a bad idea.

 

There's a safety aspect too, of course, but plenty of people do just meet for fun.

 

Do you have a big....um...car ZA? :)

She did sound like she quite likes cars.....as a venue...maybe..

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CautiouslyOptimistic
That's basically the irritating thing for me, clearly there was another guy, look this is Tinder so I expect people to actually just use it to hook up but obviously I just lost out to whoever else she was chatting it.

 

 

Maybe I am just scraping the bottom of the barrel here.

 

Well, I don't know how much "scraping" you're intentionally doing (meaning, are you after basically anonymous hookups), but I'd say that's what this woman was, for sure......

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You could give it a go and I know you pretty well OP so it's up to you whether you want to say or not.

 

If she was into the flirty x-rated talk then you need to employ some imagination (it can be difficult but can be done as it works like tennis - back and forth with what you say, asking questions, her asking questions, she and her saying what you'd like, asking what each other would like or occasionally leave it to their imagination to fill out and leaving a sentence unfinished for that very purpose.

Be her plaything, see if you can just be in that moment and forget everything else.

 

I actually think you could play this if you wanted to and it might not be a bad idea.

 

There's a safety aspect too, of course, but plenty of people do just meet for fun.

 

Do you have a big....um...car ZA? :)

She did sound like she quite likes cars.....as a venue...maybe..

 

 

 

She isn't communicating with me any longer. I tried to do what you say. Once again I loose out to another guy. No real surprise there.

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Are you really feeling down and questioning your self worth because a woman you have never met, who offered you sex by text without even meeting you, has flaked on you...

 

My friend, I would suggest that you need to let this go...

 

 

 

You probably right.

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That's basically the irritating thing for me, clearly there was another guy, look this is Tinder so I expect people to actually just use it to hook up but obviously I just lost out to whoever else she was chatting it.

 

 

Maybe I am just scraping the bottom of the barrel here.

 

No, you were seriously thinking about having some fun and I think you should go away and think about that a bit more........

Don't talk yourself out of it.

 

Plenty of dateable, attractive people have times in their lives when they just feel like doing this. She is attractive, 37, lonely, maybe this is her time just for some fun.

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She isn't communicating with me any longer. I tried to do what you say. Once again I loose out to another guy. No real surprise there.

 

Think of this this way, that lucky guy is going to get whatever communicable disease she offers... It's pessamistic, I know. But really, chin up! I hope you find better than is in the new year.

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She isn't communicating with me any longer. I tried to do what you say. Once again I loose out to another guy. No real surprise there.

 

You may have lost out to several guys. ;)

 

This girl sounds like she was looking to get laid. Tell me honestly, what would you have done once she was in your car and all over you? Would you have been comfortable? Are you up for that?

 

I think you just dodged a bullet. No reason to feel like it's a defeat.

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She isn't communicating with me any longer. I tried to do what you say. Once again I loose out to another guy. No real surprise there.

 

What would it take for you to be the winning guy?

 

What would you be like?

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Think of this this way, that lucky guy is going to get whatever communicable disease she offers... It's pessamistic, I know. But really, chin up! I hope you find better than is in the new year.

 

 

 

Thanks! Still was nice to be matched to someone attractive for the change. This has only been the second opportunity this year so. But yes I think you are right, doesn't make me feel a lot better but cold logic makes for some comfort.

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