LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

Can this be turned around?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Like Tree228Likes
Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 31st December 2017, 12:03 PM   #16
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 4,332
Are you really feeling down and questioning your self worth because a woman you have never met, who offered you sex by text without even meeting you, has flaked on you...

My friend, I would suggest that you need to let this go...
BaileyB is offline  
Old 31st December 2017, 12:04 PM   #17
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 5,582
You could give it a go and I know you pretty well OP so it's up to you whether you want to say or not.

If she was into the flirty x-rated talk then you need to employ some imagination (it can be difficult but can be done as it works like tennis - back and forth with what you say, asking questions, her asking questions, she and her saying what you'd like, asking what each other would like or occasionally leave it to their imagination to fill out and leaving a sentence unfinished for that very purpose.
Be her plaything, see if you can just be in that moment and forget everything else.

I actually think you could play this if you wanted to and it might not be a bad idea.

There's a safety aspect too, of course, but plenty of people do just meet for fun.

Do you have a big....um...car ZA?
She did sound like she quite likes cars.....as a venue...maybe..
GemmaUK is offline  
Old 31st December 2017, 12:06 PM   #18
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 3,141
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZA Dater View Post
That's basically the irritating thing for me, clearly there was another guy, look this is Tinder so I expect people to actually just use it to hook up but obviously I just lost out to whoever else she was chatting it.


Maybe I am just scraping the bottom of the barrel here.
Well, I don't know how much "scraping" you're intentionally doing (meaning, are you after basically anonymous hookups), but I'd say that's what this woman was, for sure......
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline  
Old 31st December 2017, 12:08 PM   #19
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
Posts: 2,533
Quote:
Originally Posted by GemmaUK View Post
You could give it a go and I know you pretty well OP so it's up to you whether you want to say or not.

If she was into the flirty x-rated talk then you need to employ some imagination (it can be difficult but can be done as it works like tennis - back and forth with what you say, asking questions, her asking questions, she and her saying what you'd like, asking what each other would like or occasionally leave it to their imagination to fill out and leaving a sentence unfinished for that very purpose.
Be her plaything, see if you can just be in that moment and forget everything else.

I actually think you could play this if you wanted to and it might not be a bad idea.

There's a safety aspect too, of course, but plenty of people do just meet for fun.

Do you have a big....um...car ZA?
She did sound like she quite likes cars.....as a venue...maybe..


She isn't communicating with me any longer. I tried to do what you say. Once again I loose out to another guy. No real surprise there.
ZA Dater is offline  
Old 31st December 2017, 12:09 PM   #20
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
Posts: 2,533
Quote:
Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post
Are you really feeling down and questioning your self worth because a woman you have never met, who offered you sex by text without even meeting you, has flaked on you...

My friend, I would suggest that you need to let this go...


You probably right.
ZA Dater is offline  
Old 31st December 2017, 12:10 PM   #21
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 5,582
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZA Dater View Post
That's basically the irritating thing for me, clearly there was another guy, look this is Tinder so I expect people to actually just use it to hook up but obviously I just lost out to whoever else she was chatting it.


Maybe I am just scraping the bottom of the barrel here.
No, you were seriously thinking about having some fun and I think you should go away and think about that a bit more........
Don't talk yourself out of it.

Plenty of dateable, attractive people have times in their lives when they just feel like doing this. She is attractive, 37, lonely, maybe this is her time just for some fun.
GemmaUK is offline  
Old 31st December 2017, 12:11 PM   #22
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 4,332
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZA Dater View Post
She isn't communicating with me any longer. I tried to do what you say. Once again I loose out to another guy. No real surprise there.
Think of this this way, that lucky guy is going to get whatever communicable disease she offers... It's pessamistic, I know. But really, chin up! I hope you find better than is in the new year.
BaileyB is offline  
Old 31st December 2017, 12:14 PM   #23
Established Member
 
MidwestUSA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 7,517
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZA Dater View Post
She isn't communicating with me any longer. I tried to do what you say. Once again I loose out to another guy. No real surprise there.
You may have lost out to several guys.

This girl sounds like she was looking to get laid. Tell me honestly, what would you have done once she was in your car and all over you? Would you have been comfortable? Are you up for that?

I think you just dodged a bullet. No reason to feel like it's a defeat.
__________________
Well, bless your heart.
MidwestUSA is offline  
Old 31st December 2017, 12:14 PM   #24
Established Member
 
MidKnightDreams's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Big D
Posts: 3,582
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZA Dater View Post
She isn't communicating with me any longer. I tried to do what you say. Once again I loose out to another guy. No real surprise there.
What would it take for you to be the winning guy?

What would you be like?
MidKnightDreams is offline  
Old 31st December 2017, 12:15 PM   #25
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
Posts: 2,533
Quote:
Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post
Think of this this way, that lucky guy is going to get whatever communicable disease she offers... It's pessamistic, I know. But really, chin up! I hope you find better than is in the new year.


Thanks! Still was nice to be matched to someone attractive for the change. This has only been the second opportunity this year so. But yes I think you are right, doesn't make me feel a lot better but cold logic makes for some comfort.
ZA Dater is offline  
Old 31st December 2017, 12:19 PM   #26
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 4,332
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZA Dater View Post
Thanks! Still was nice to be matched to someone attractive for the change. This has only been the second opportunity this year so. But yes I think you are right, doesn't make me feel a lot better but cold logic makes for some comfort.
As you have just learned, physical appearance is not always the best or only reason to consider when choosing a partner.

If you are looking to have sex with a stranger that you find attractive, that's fine. But, let's not pretend is was anything more...
BaileyB is offline  
Old 31st December 2017, 12:19 PM   #27
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
Posts: 2,533
Quote:
Originally Posted by MidwestUSA View Post
You may have lost out to several guys.

This girl sounds like she was looking to get laid. Tell me honestly, what would you have done once she was in your car and all over you? Would you have been comfortable? Are you up for that?

I think you just dodged a bullet. No reason to feel like it's a defeat.


I don't know because I haven't been in that situation. The sad reality is I have never really had that sort of attention, much less from someone I think is "hot" to coin a phrase. Sure I had the date this year who was all over me but she had consumed probably two bottles of wine.
ZA Dater is offline  
Old 31st December 2017, 12:20 PM   #28
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
Posts: 2,533
Quote:
Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post
As you have just learned, physical appearance is not always the best or only reason to consider when choosing a partner.

If you are looking to have sex with a stranger that you find attractive, that's fine. But, let's not pretend is was anything more...


I have tried for years to date people to be that bf guy but I just doesn't work so if I have to consider what to me seems to be the next best thing then yes it I admit it was nothing more than that.
ZA Dater is offline  
Old 31st December 2017, 12:36 PM   #29
Established Member
 
NuevoYorko's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 902
I think I get why this would lead to a feeling of let down but I have been checking out your threads for a while and I think it's a win for you that you were engaging in this kind of banter at all. From what I get about you this is out of your comfort zone and IMO your comfort zone is your worst enemy when it comes to dating. That said, I imagine your level of discomfort would be off the charts if this thing came to fruition.

Don't worry about what you did or didn't do or whether she found a different guy, whatever. She was playing and it's not exactly your game.

Tip: Quit telling women how you don't drink very much. It sounds like code for "I am uptight." Unless you are a recovering alcoholic and it's crucial to your sobriety to maintain strong boundaries around that, simply don't drink.
NuevoYorko is offline  
Old 31st December 2017, 12:40 PM   #30
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 5,582
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZA Dater View Post
I have tried for years to date people to be that bf guy but I just doesn't work so if I have to consider what to me seems to be the next best thing then yes it I admit it was nothing more than that.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
Some fun, some experience, nothing wrong with it.

I suspect pretty much every poster here had a bit of experience which wasn't within a fully fledged loving lasting relationship when they started out sexually.
You're just doing it a few years later is the only difference.
GemmaUK is offline  
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Lost love turned emotional affair turned physical affair....similar stories? megamommy The Other Man / Woman 8 11th November 2013 2:40 PM
Have you ever turned psycho over somebody? aka how i turned into a creepy stalker... shadowplay Dating 12 10th December 2008 8:19 AM
Why am I turned off by so many things, I met a nice girl and her LAUGH turned me off DateAnalyzer Dating 32 15th September 2007 11:59 PM
Confusion in relationship turned friendship turned jealousy ladyjane Dating 0 15th May 2007 11:51 PM
lover turned friend turned HELL impuls3 Friendship 2 21st November 2005 12:52 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 1:59 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.