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I'm not ready for a relationship right now...


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 3rd January 2018, 10:46 AM   #46
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Again - if he is in touch in any shape or form, he is interested. As friend, wifey, mistress, muse or FWB - doesn’t matter. All that we know is that he IS interested, and confused.

OP - if you are in a rush - it’s not your guy. If not - practice patience and you can land on something real.

P.S. I rejected once a man I was MADLY interested in. It was 2008. Now is 2018. I’m still interested in him. So much for if one thinks the person is ‘Tha one’ they won’t let them go 😂😂😂
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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:06 AM   #47
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Again - if he is in touch in any shape or form, he is interested. As friend, wifey, mistress, muse or FWB - doesn’t matter. All that we know is that he IS interested, and confused.

OP - if you are in a rush - it’s not your guy. If not - practice patience and you can land on something real.

P.S. I rejected once a man I was MADLY interested in. It was 2008. Now is 2018. I’m still interested in him. So much for if one thinks the person is ‘Tha one’ they won’t let them go ������
No, I'm not in a rush. I'm actually going through a transitional period myself (although I wouldn't have called him a transitional partner at the time, as someone else mentioned). If I was looking to get married or have kids soon, then yes I'd agree there was a man out there better suited for me.

May I ask what has happened in the 10 years between you and that man? Are you together now?
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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:16 AM   #48
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No, I'm not in a rush. I'm actually going through a transitional period myself (although I wouldn't have called him a transitional partner at the time, as someone else mentioned). If I was looking to get married or have kids soon, then yes I'd agree there was a man out there better suited for me.

May I ask what has happened in the 10 years between you and that man? Are you together now?
Yeah - I think that is it. Determine your own goals. If you want marriage/kids - you won't get it from this guy. Even if he didn't pull back: my good friend's BF is a medical resident (neurosurgery - which is 7 bloody years of residency), they live together but nevertheless they see each other once a week if that (he's out at 4 am, goes back late at night and goes straight to bed). She's 34 so running out of time for kids and it's crushing her.

But if you are in a transition as you said - you have nothing to lose. In transitional moments I think people crave intimacy but if it materializes - it is coming with lots of negative consequences.

For my big infatuation: unfortunately nothing happened. I left the country, started dating others, he even married and divorced in the meanwhile. We still talk occasionally and the chemistry haven't changed a notch. But in any case - he'll stay in the box 'muse' and first unrequited love for me. He impacted me a lot so it was well worth it.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 6:30 PM   #49
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P.S. I rejected once a man I was MADLY interested in. It was 2008. Now is 2018. I’m still interested in him. So much for if one thinks the person is ‘Tha one’ they won’t let them go ������
In what sense did you reject this man? Did he want a relationship and you didn't? I noticed that you used unrequited love in another post. In the OP's case, she did want a relationship, not just some casual fling.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 6:51 PM   #50
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In what sense did you reject this man? Did he want a relationship and you didn't? I noticed that you used unrequited love in another post. In the OP's case, she did want a relationship, not just some casual fling.
I was running the hills every time he'd suggest anything that I'd consider relationship-y. We'll go on lunches and walks but I considered them just very intimate friendship so it was okay with me

He eventually got tired of it and found a GF in another country who was pregnant in a snap, they were married for few years and had 2 kids. So it turned very unrequited in the end...

But hell it is not comparable to OP in any case because I was young (well mid 20s but with kid's naive mind) and virgin and had no idea how to date let alone being in a relationship
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Old 3rd January 2018, 10:55 PM   #51
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It's the worst excuse but will agree it's usually "with you". Read my previous thread from 2015. Don't give this guy another thought.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:15 PM   #52
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It's not always just *WITH YOU* (I love how people always capitalize that, as if the bigger letters will hit the person's ego harder) I mean, there was a time in my life where I would not have been in a rship anyone and it wasn't because I wanted to date around. Probably the opposite. I just didn't want to be beholden to anyone else and close the rift in the sky over Thedus on my Xbox. I wanted to live my life alone.

But people are right, the bottom line is the same. At the end of the day, they are not interested enough in you. Their priorities are elsewhere.
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Last edited by Cookiesandough; 3rd January 2018 at 11:17 PM..
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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:21 PM   #53
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It's not always just *WITH YOU* (I love how people always capitalize that, as if the bigger letters will hit the person's ego harder)
Exactly - like a bunch of evil cheerleaders trying to make you feel as bad as you possibly can

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I mean, there was a time in my life where I would not have been in a rship anyone and it wasn't because I wanted to date around. Probably the opposite. I just didn't want to be beholden to anyone else and close the rift in the sky over Thedus on my Xbox. I wanted to live my life alone.
I'm actually shocked that people here tend to say they haven't experienced it. Every single person I've had one-on-one conversation with will refer to such times in their lives, at one point or another.

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But people are right, the bottom line is the same. At the end of the day, they are not interested enough in *YOU*. There priorities are elsewhere.
True. This won't be a fast lane, so if one is in a rush, it is a very bad decision to wait around.
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Old 3rd January 2018, 11:58 PM   #54
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Exactly - like a bunch of evil cheerleaders trying to make you feel as bad as you possibly can



I'm actually shocked that people here tend to say they haven't experienced it. Every single person I've had one-on-one conversation with will refer to such times in their lives, at one point or another.



True. This won't be a fast lane, so if one is in a rush, it is a very bad decision to wait around.
Ohh my grammar. @ evil cheerleaders.
U*G*L*Y you ain't got no alibi, they don't want YOU!" *\o/*

I thought we learned a long time ago not to project all our desires onto people. Or is my dad lying when he says he doesn't want to watch the LOTR trilogy for the 10th time........

It amazes me too how some people it's unfathomable that a person wouldn't want a relationship period, but I think people who do think the same of us. We'll never understand each other. I'm still like this but at least now I think I open to someone snapping me out of it. I hope to find someone who will give me a reason to give up all these documentaries for them. They're going to have to be something special or addicted to docos as well.

I think people are are way too absolutist about these things. I'm guilty of it too, because I think it's bad to devote yourself to an outcome that has a strong possibility of not working out for you. But sometimes it does. Life is weird. People change. Feelings change. People who once didn't think it would work out cross paths again and become inseparable. I guess if the person can extricate themselves from a particular outcome and it's not causing them problems...why not leave the door open
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Old 4th January 2018, 12:19 AM   #55
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LOL Cookies

Yeah i see the point not too project too much but TBH the point where is too much is usually hard to miss (that’s when the uninterested person drops off the face of Earth ...or one of the less extreme versions)

I think after a rest (break of dating attempts) the desire (and chance) for relationship skyrockets, I’m sure you’d find a person to discuss your documentaries with My own desires are off chart right now, I’m heading steadily towards doing something stupid but I accepted to follow the nature of my body&mind needs... I haven’t had that much fun in a while and before the break the though of flirting was upsetting me.

+1000 for the absolutist thoughts. I think the streamlined though process that CBT, RET and related propose is suited for people that can’t cope with uncertainty. It just makes them less stressed. But then I’m almost on the other extreme: situations with extreme uncertainty (personal/dating) get me off... So to get to simplify to No Contact!! It IS Over if no ring by June! ILY by week 13 or I’m out! Etc just... I don’t know, it made me feel like a shell of a human when I was experimenting in that lines (and hell i did - for years).

For OP... she’s not in a rush, so i don’t see the damage to let things unfold (even if unfolding will include resolution of this relationship to nothing - but naturally, when she’s ready. If it takes months or an year - so be it, life won’t be over then).

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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
Ohh my grammar. @ evil cheerleaders.
U*G*L*Y you ain't got no alibi, they don't want YOU!" *\o/*

I thought we learned a long time ago not to project all our desires onto people. Or is my dad lying when he says he doesn't want to watch the LOTR trilogy for the 10th time........

It amazes me too how some people it's unfathomable that a person wouldn't want a relationship period, but I think people who do think the same of us. We'll never understand each other. I'm still like this but at least now I think I open to someone snapping me out of it. I hope to find someone who will give me a reason to give up all these documentaries for them. They're going to have to be something special or addicted to docos as well.

I think people are are way too absolutist about these things. I'm guilty of it too, because I think it's bad to devote yourself to an outcome that has a strong possibility of not working out for you. But sometimes it does. Life is weird. People change. Feelings change. People who once didn't think it would work out cross paths again and become inseparable. I guess if the person can extricate themselves from a particular outcome and it's not causing them problems...why not leave the door open

Last edited by No_Go; 4th January 2018 at 12:21 AM..
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