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I'm not ready for a relationship right now...


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 30th December 2017, 2:27 PM   #16
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For every person that says this, if they were faced with meeting the most attractive and compatible person they have ever met in their life, they likely will rethink.

Picture their *inset current heart throb/movie star/model* running into them at the supermarket and asking them out. Do you really think ANYONE would say Oh Im too busy with work to go out with you?

As stated above, they are not ready with a relationship with you.
Going on a date is one thing. A relationship is another.
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Old 30th December 2017, 2:45 PM   #17
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I had a guy tell me this after a month, citing career reasons too. He even said he couldn't believe it, he'd always thought when people said it it was just an excuse, but for the first time in his life it really is just bad timing. It wasn't about me.

That was all well and good. We stayed in touch a little while longer -- just long enough for me to find out it truly wasn't about me and he is terrible. He has serious issues and eventually takes them out on other people. I eventually did the equivalent of running away screaming.

If someone tells you this, it's either a nice way to break things off, or it's entirely true -- and not necessarily because they think YOU are the incompatible one. Either way, they are telling you they can't give you what you deserve right now, whether it's on them or on you, so take them at their word. If it really is just timing, they might eventually be back after a break in contact. But do yourself a favor and assume you dodged a bullet unless proven wrong later on.

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Old 30th December 2017, 5:17 PM   #18
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Hi No2days:

Really sorry you're experiencing this. My bf and I broke up 2 months ago. I posted about it. Feel free to read my threads.

We dated for three and a half months. He is a football player in college and barely had time for me. At least, that's what he told me. Through out our relationship, he didn't ask me out on a date. I was always the one who asked him to meet up.

I got the feeling he didn't like me very much. At least not as much as I liked him. One day, I pleaded with him to be honest with me and he finally told me that his feelings for me weren't very strong. He also said that he didn't feel like he was ready for a relationship. We mutually ended things that day.

We stayed in touch after the break up. 2 months later and we are now in an open relationship. I am dating others and told him to do the same. I don't know how things will end up between us but I am ok with whatever happens. I'm actually going on a date today with someone else, lol

Break ups are really difficult and they hurt a lot. But trust me, after some time you'll heal and everything will be ok. I am thankful that it didn't take years for you to find out he wasn't that into you. Stay strong.
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Old 30th December 2017, 10:20 PM   #19
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I have said it directly to someone before and it was because of exactly that I didn't want a relationship at that time. I wasn't considering the guy at all so in other words it wasn't because of anything he did or didn't have. I have also indirectly done it too by shutting a person down without dating them even though there was flirting and maybe if the timing was different I would have--a few of those guys I have thought at times that I regretted that the timing wasn't better but it's a fleeting thought since I still realize whatever my priority was still the route I would have chosen. Actually if some guy had tried to push for a yes or made me answer I would sure of my decision, be less interested in him altogether as a person and feel no regret--see the first example--no regret with that one; even though he was a perfectly nice, together guy.

One guy said it to me once (indirectly) and like others have said on here I didn't really believe it wasn't because "of me". It's a dangerous thing believing that is the reason. We definitely had a great connection and similar friends so I didn't understand at all--our mutual guy friends eventually confessed that my guy's long distance gf had broken up with him shortly before so he just wasn't ready to date. I let it go and 3 months later he came back saying he was ready. I didn't give him a chance which i have no real regrets about but a lot of it was based in still believing the "with me" part. I don't really believe that anymore now as I've seen various real life examples so I think people should take it on a case by case basis. (Several of my friends are serious relationships with guys who disappeared or called it off with the same or a similar excuse and everything is fine/great now.) But here's the very important thing:

You seem like you are searching for the plausibility of the reason why he would do this to you and if there could still be something "there". I would try to distance yourself from thinking about that, much like the people who have a different perspective are advising--to move on mentally. You see, the prescription, no matter which train of thought you have about someone saying this line is the same: move on with your life. Be in a better place, be more about yourself so that if and when he does come back you will know how to deal with him. But IN NO WAY can you "wait". What you need to do is the same whether or not, you have the answers for his real reasons (which you will never get completely anyway and serve no real purpose). I would just say that life is often more layered and complex than it is given credit for on the internet but that the solution can be as simple as the ones you are getting on the internet. Good luck!
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Old 31st December 2017, 10:39 AM   #20
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Thank you

Thank you to everyone that posted their stories. It really helps to see that situations like these are really a case by case basis. It actually helps me to understand the other person's POV and how we are all struggling on the inside. I'm glad others chimed in explaining that sometimes it has nothing to do with the other person, because no matter how great they are, often times it's just a matter of circumstance. I've found it really hard to not put the entire blame on myself, or think how I could have done things differently to salvage our relationship.

I have been in the dumper position (only after date 1 or 2 so no long term investment of feelings) and I know it's a very hard thing to do and we sometimes come off cold and callous when that couldn't be farther from the truth. It is true though that I'd already had a head start to moving on when I had to deliver the news. On the other side, I've also taken all dating prospects off the table years ago, when I was in an unhealthy state of mind and body, as to not put myself in a situation where I might hurt myself or others in my fragile state even though I longed for companionship.

The wounds are still fresh and I'm still hurting. These thoughts keep me from falling asleep, and wake me up the middle of the night. When I wake up in the morning, it creeps up again, and it seems like I can't get away from it. I think the last thing I need right now to is start dating again (as others have suggested). I've gotten into this pattern where I hop back into dating after a break up when I should be really concentrating on myself and other goals. Maybe it's time I put a full stop to dating because it's really draining at the end of the day. I am really considering seeking out therapy to help me get through this.
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Old 31st December 2017, 2:18 PM   #21
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Thank you to everyone that posted their stories. It really helps to see that situations like these are really a case by case basis. It actually helps me to understand the other person's POV and how we are all struggling on the inside. I'm glad others chimed in explaining that sometimes it has nothing to do with the other person, because no matter how great they are, often times it's just a matter of circumstance. I've found it really hard to not put the entire blame on myself, or think how I could have done things differently to salvage our relationship.

I have been in the dumper position (only after date 1 or 2 so no long term investment of feelings) and I know it's a very hard thing to do and we sometimes come off cold and callous when that couldn't be farther from the truth. It is true though that I'd already had a head start to moving on when I had to deliver the news. On the other side, I've also taken all dating prospects off the table years ago, when I was in an unhealthy state of mind and body, as to not put myself in a situation where I might hurt myself or others in my fragile state even though I longed for companionship.

The wounds are still fresh and I'm still hurting. These thoughts keep me from falling asleep, and wake me up the middle of the night. When I wake up in the morning, it creeps up again, and it seems like I can't get away from it. I think the last thing I need right now to is start dating again (as others have suggested). I've gotten into this pattern where I hop back into dating after a break up when I should be really concentrating on myself and other goals. Maybe it's time I put a full stop to dating because it's really draining at the end of the day. I am really considering seeking out therapy to help me get through this.
Bolded above^^^ the phenomena of where people jump back into dating when they AREN'T ready at all but are trying to sooth themselves or dull the pain happens all the time and should be proof that all the relationship stuff is multi-layered, etc. A lot of time what people DO has a lot to do with what is going on with them and little regard for the other person actually. It would be nice if everyone had the purest and more "direct" intentions every time they embark on something. But just as this jumping back into things to sooth illustrates in reverse, a lot of time what happens has very little to do with the other person. It's faux state of readiness, not real at all.
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Old 31st December 2017, 2:57 PM   #22
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Bolded above^^^ the phenomena of where people jump back into dating when they AREN'T ready at all but are trying to sooth themselves or dull the pain happens all the time and should be proof that all the relationship stuff is multi-layered, etc. A lot of time what people DO has a lot to do with what is going on with them and little regard for the other person actually. It would be nice if everyone had the purest and more "direct" intentions every time they embark on something. But just as this jumping back into things to sooth illustrates in reverse, a lot of time what happens has very little to do with the other person. It's faux state of readiness, not real at all.
It would be great if everyone did that, but I'm realizing more than ever that just because I go into a situation with pure intentions doesn't mean other people do. Just because I'm considerate of other people's feelings or situations doesn't mean they will be of mine. Just because I go the extra mile and give someone an inch of my feelings and loyalty, doesn't mean they won't take it and run a marathon with it. Someone once said we are all made equal, but we are not all the same. What I've learned is, I should have asked more questions in the beginning. Not going along just to get along because things were flowing really good, until they weren't, and the differences started to unravel on what I thought was a great thing.

When I say I should stop hopping back into dating, it doesn't mean I have hang ups on my ex or anything. In fact, I was completely over my ex when I started dating this guy, and was completely available for something with long term potential. But having known heartbreak, this also means I am very guarded in the beginning, and might come across uninterested. I try, but it takes a long while for me to open up and not everyone has the patience to see me as I really am. I'm sure people will tell me the right man for me would be willing to take on that role.

Has anyone had success with seeking out therapy for relationship issues? I'm trying to take a long hard look at myself in the upcoming year.
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Old 31st December 2017, 3:10 PM   #23
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Yeah, there's no deep meaning here. He just told you he's not interested in a long-term committed relationship with you. He's not confused. He felt he should be honest and let you know this wasn't going anywhere. He may be perfectly happy with just having sex with you but he's already decided you're not anyone he's committing to or going the stretch with. I'm sorry. At least he told you instead of stringing you along like your friend.
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Old 31st December 2017, 3:20 PM   #24
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Yeah, there's no deep meaning here. He just told you he's not interested in a long-term committed relationship with you. He's not confused. He felt he should be honest and let you know this wasn't going anywhere. He may be perfectly happy with just having sex with you but he's already decided you're not anyone he's committing to or going the stretch with. I'm sorry. At least he told you instead of stringing you along like your friend.
The more I think about it and talk to other people, the more I believe he was never really confused to begin with.
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Old 31st December 2017, 4:04 PM   #25
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It would be great if everyone did that, but I'm realizing more than ever that just because I go into a situation with pure intentions doesn't mean other people do. Just because I'm considerate of other people's feelings or situations doesn't mean they will be of mine. Just because I go the extra mile and give someone an inch of my feelings and loyalty, doesn't mean they won't take it and run a marathon with it. Someone once said we are all made equal, but we are not all the same. What I've learned is, I should have asked more questions in the beginning. Not going along just to get along because things were flowing really good, until they weren't, and the differences started to unravel on what I thought was a great thing.

When I say I should stop hopping back into dating, it doesn't mean I have hang ups on my ex or anything. In fact, I was completely over my ex when I started dating this guy, and was completely available for something with long term potential. But having known heartbreak, this also means I am very guarded in the beginning, and might come across uninterested. I try, but it takes a long while for me to open up and not everyone has the patience to see me as I really am. I'm sure people will tell me the right man for me would be willing to take on that role.

Has anyone had success with seeking out therapy for relationship issues? I'm trying to take a long hard look at myself in the upcoming year.
I would say dating and relationships are a delicate balance of advocating for your best interests and taking a leap of faith. You mentioned above not having asked enough questions in the past. If you mean that literally, i would take it with a grain of salt, pretty much. People say on this site all the time when they are coming here with "having been duped" etc that "he said this or that on his profile" or "we discussed this in the beginning and he knew what I wanted", which is why the talk doesn't really matter...the actions do and people STILL change their minds in the course of dating all the time. You can not "negotiate" all the terms up front in a relationship by announcing them. I would say to accept that a relationship is a living, breathing thing and is fluid in that it changes and you have to nourish it and keep your eye on it and still there are no guarantees. Once you accept that you may get your heart hurt but still enjoy taking the chance or want to anyway, you will be more open to finding it.

I think it's good to take a dating break sometimes (or at least seeking a serious relationship!). Have some fun; learn to date from a different mindset, with different expectations and take some pressure off yourself. Sometimes the best time to do that is not that long after a heartbreak because you don't want it so much--well as long as you are not the jump back into a relationship type (which you said you have a tendency to do). The hard thing to do IMO is to take time off and then be full-on with expectations and hope when you are really ready yourself--but the dating world will still be the same--some people with honest intentions and some with confused intentions, etc. So it can be better to "learn" when you don't care so much rather than come back in 6 months and consider yourself a failure if the first guy you really like when trying again doesn't reciprocate. Idk, just my opinion.

I think that personal growth (therapy, learning better communication skills, learning about the opposite sex) of all sorts can be good and BEST if you are able to put it into PRACTICE while learning about yourself. So to take yourself off the table or kinda convince yourself that something is "wrong" with you in dating creates a mentality that I think people will tend to repeat or get stuck on IMO. There is something in psychology (forgot what it's called) where you have to "expose" yourself to the risks and things that scare you or cause you to shut down rather than run from them and try to mentally straighten things all out in your head and then be woefully disappointed and negatively reinforce the negative personal thoughts about you in your head when you do try again and have a disappointing result. So that's why I think doing a bit of self-growth (via therapy, books, introspection, whatever) AND continued to experience that part of life (in balance of course and taking little risks that amount to bigger risks that you are more comfortable with) is best. I know I'm not using the right terminology but i did get an A+ in psychology haha so I stand by the approach

Btw, you can't discount that sometimes DESPITE doing everything right and being a wonderful person sometimes the other person just won't feel you are compatible with them. When you shore up your self-esteem and make peace with that you kinda can get to this place where you are glad that you didn't pursue it further if that's how the person thinks because you know there will be someone more suited to you and what a shame that this person doesn't appreciate you as you are. No blame, just that something better is out there for you. If you keep dating, and kinda analyzing your results or your friends etc you will see that sometimes guys (or girls) make illogical and not the best decisions, not picking the best person on the table or even for them (they may have hangups which you may or may not learn about in retrospect; they may be searching for a different set of dominant traits; you may have dodged a bullet; or you may just be incompatible and they realized it before you did). You got this--don't beat yourself up. Goodluck!

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Old 31st December 2017, 4:39 PM   #26
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I would say dating and relationships are a delicate balance of advocating for your best interests and taking a leap of faith. You mentioned above not having asked enough questions in the past. If you mean that literally, i would take it with a grain of salt, pretty much. People say on this site all the time when they are coming here with "having been duped" etc that "he said this or that on his profile" or "we discussed this in the beginning and he knew what I wanted", which is why the talk doesn't really matter...the actions do and people STILL change their minds in the course of dating all the time. You can not "negotiate" all the terms up front in a relationship by announcing them. I would say to accept that a relationship is a living, breathing thing and is fluid in that it changes and you have to nourish it and keep your eye on it and still there are no guarantees. Once you accept that you may get your heart hurt but still enjoy taking the chance or want to anyway, you will be more open to finding it.

I think it's good to take a dating break sometimes (or at least seeking a serious relationship!). Have some fun; learn to date from a different mindset, with different expectations and take some pressure off yourself. Sometimes the best time to do that is not that long after a heartbreak because you don't want it so much--well as long as you are not the jump back into a relationship type (which you said you have a tendency to do). The hard thing to do IMO is to take time off and then be full-on with expectations and hope when you are really ready yourself--but the dating world will still be the same--some people with honest intentions and some with confused intentions, etc. So it can be better to "learn" when you don't care so much rather than come back in 6 months and consider yourself a failure if the first guy you really like when trying again doesn't reciprocate. Idk, just my opinion.

I think that personal growth (therapy, learning better communication skills, learning about the opposite sex) of all sorts can be good and BEST if you are able to put it into PRACTICE while learning about yourself. So to take yourself off the table or kinda convince yourself that something is "wrong" with you in dating creates a mentality that I think people will tend to repeat or get stuck on IMO. There is something in psychology (forgot what it's called) where you have to "expose" yourself to the risks and things that scare you or cause you to shut down rather than run from them and try to mentally straighten things all out in your head and then be woefully disappointed and negatively reinforce the negative personal thoughts about you in your head when you do try again and have a disappointing result. So that's why I think doing a bit of self-growth (via therapy, books, introspection, whatever) AND continued to experience that part of life (in balance of course and taking little risks that amount to bigger risks that you are more comfortable with) is best. I know I'm not using the right terminology but i did get an A+ in psychology haha so I stand by the approach

Btw, you can't discount that sometimes DESPITE doing everything right and being a wonderful person sometimes the other person just won't feel you are compatible with them. When you shore up your self-esteem and make peace with that you kinda can get to this place where you are glad that you didn't pursue it further if that's how the person thinks because you know there will be someone more suited to you and what a shame that this person doesn't appreciate you as you are. No blame, just that something better is out there for you. If you keep dating, and kinda analyzing your results or your friends etc you will see that sometimes guys (or girls) make illogical and not the best decisions, not picking the best person on the table or even for them (they may have hangups which you may or may not learn about in retrospect; they may be searching for a different set of dominant traits; you may have dodged a bullet; or you may just be incompatible and they realized it before you did). You got this--don't beat yourself up. Goodluck!
You're right. There are no guarantees in life, especially when it comes to dating. So many variables need to match up for things to even get off the ground. I just think I need to pump the brakes for now, because by going back in so soon, I may unintentionally use the same brush to paint the potential men that I meet. That's not fair either. If I'm looking at a guy and wondering, "I wonder how long it takes for him to break my heart" then it means it's best that I dial back, but I understand what you're saying. Doing so would also mean absolutely no expectations. I just don't think I'm there yet and I'm a lot less interesting when I'm like this. I don't regret asking him about the state of our relationship. Who knows, but it probably would have unraveled the same way, just maybe later on. I wouldn't have had prior knowledge about it and would have been even more blindsided.

BTW - How much do you charge??? Sorta not joking. I'm getting a 360* view on things from your posts and it's making me a little less miserable. I was talking to another friend of mine and she was all, "He probably has another woman! He changed his mind! Screw him!" She meant well, but anyone that's been on the receiving end knows it's not so easy to just say screw it and move on.
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Old 31st December 2017, 5:03 PM   #27
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You're right. There are no guarantees in life, especially when it comes to dating. So many variables need to match up for things to even get off the ground. I just think I need to pump the brakes for now, because by going back in so soon, I may unintentionally use the same brush to paint the potential men that I meet. That's not fair either. If I'm looking at a guy and wondering, "I wonder how long it takes for him to break my heart" then it means it's best that I dial back, but I understand what you're saying. Doing so would also mean absolutely no expectations. I just don't think I'm there yet and I'm a lot less interesting when I'm like this. I don't regret asking him about the state of our relationship. Who knows, but it probably would have unraveled the same way, just maybe later on. I wouldn't have had prior knowledge about it and would have been even more blindsided.

BTW - How much do you charge??? Sorta not joking. I'm getting a 360* view on things from your posts and it's making me a little less miserable. I was talking to another friend of mine and she was all, "He probably has another woman! He changed his mind! Screw him!" She meant well, but anyone that's been on the receiving end knows it's not so easy to just say screw it and move on.
Yeah i definitely not wanting to advise that you try too soon for you. And it does sound like you really know (and for the right reasons) why it's not the thing for you to do right now. totally understand. And there definitely is a different tone to your posts rather than get bitter and burned (and almost set yourself up for sure failure or characterizing it as failure) vs actively going to use the break to get yourself in a better position to succeed next time. And by success, I don't necessarily mean, a relationship that works out mostly on your terms or even the guy of your dreams, but an experience where you 'get' something from it and can walk away with some growth that will serve you in the pursuit of a great relationship and the best you.

I always try to look for a silver lining, especially in things where there may be a tendency to blame yourself or feel like you were not enough. Those happen all the time to almost all of us--the people who navigate life the best are able to qualify these setbacks or "failures" in a way that propels them forward rather than FURTHER stifles them. It may seem silly at first (much needed humor at times of disappointment) but try to come up with some reasons why you are glad it didn't work out with him. How you characterize the events in your life make a huge difference in how your life will "be" in your head and how long it takes to conquer a setback or realize it wasn't one at all. On the surface, i could say about yours, well it only took 3 months so it didn't waste much of your time; you will start 2018 with a clean slate even if you find it disappointing now that will help your momentum and timing for the year; and you've been exposed to this excuse that people give which has you thinking and shoring up your self-worth. I think people who face a disappointment get to a crossroads of sorts and while it seems negative now, this could be totally helpful in the long run. Also when you meet the right guy for you, you will be able to look back and be thankful it didn't work out with this one (or even if it is this guy, that it didn't work out at this time in your lives).

I'd be careful with the oft-used "it must be some other girl". I think that can build a distrust of men which is a slippery slope for future relationships and dings your self-confidence sometime irreparably. Keep your eyes open. Sometimes even when it IS another girl, you will discover that she is actually NOT better than you in any way (on paper, in accomplishments, in looks, in personality). If you aren't able to do this with your past relationships, look at friends relationships and you will find evidence that often supports what i'm saying. So don't really open this can of worms and put some girl on a pedestal as "she won him over me". A lot of guys pick girls that make them feel comfortable for various reasons, reasons perhaps that you wouldn't want to lower your own personal standards of who you want to be. The right guy will appreciate you for who you are.

And yeah, my personal belief with discussing heartbreak with friends is to be careful who you choose to discuss it with. You want someone who has a measured and reasonable approach--there is no reason with your broken and vulnerable heart to take on someone else's neuroses and insecurities and negative viewpoints while you are really searching for answers. tell one or two of you close friends and don't wallow too much.
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Old 31st December 2017, 5:24 PM   #28
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Yeah i definitely not wanting to advise that you try too soon for you. And it does sound like you really know (and for the right reasons) why it's not the thing for you to do right now. totally understand. And there definitely is a different tone to your posts rather than get bitter and burned (and almost set yourself up for sure failure or characterizing it as failure) vs actively going to use the break to get yourself in a better position to succeed next time. And by success, I don't necessarily mean, a relationship that works out mostly on your terms or even the guy of your dreams, but an experience where you 'get' something from it and can walk away with some growth that will serve you in the pursuit of a great relationship and the best you.

I always try to look for a silver lining, especially in things where there may be a tendency to blame yourself or feel like you were not enough. Those happen all the time to almost all of us--the people who navigate life the best are able to qualify these setbacks or "failures" in a way that propels them forward rather than FURTHER stifles them. It may seem silly at first (much needed humor at times of disappointment) but try to come up with some reasons why you are glad it didn't work out with him. How you characterize the events in your life make a huge difference in how your life will "be" in your head and how long it takes to conquer a setback or realize it wasn't one at all. On the surface, i could say about yours, well it only took 3 months so it didn't waste much of your time; you will start 2018 with a clean slate even if you find it disappointing now that will help your momentum and timing for the year; and you've been exposed to this excuse that people give which has you thinking and shoring up your self-worth. I think people who face a disappointment get to a crossroads of sorts and while it seems negative now, this could be totally helpful in the long run. Also when you meet the right guy for you, you will be able to look back and be thankful it didn't work out with this one (or even if it is this guy, that it didn't work out at this time in your lives).

I'd be careful with the oft-used "it must be some other girl". I think that can build a distrust of men which is a slippery slope for future relationships and dings your self-confidence sometime irreparably. Keep your eyes open. Sometimes even when it IS another girl, you will discover that she is actually NOT better than you in any way (on paper, in accomplishments, in looks, in personality). If you aren't able to do this with your past relationships, look at friends relationships and you will find evidence that often supports what i'm saying. So don't really open this can of worms and put some girl on a pedestal as "she won him over me". A lot of guys pick girls that make them feel comfortable for various reasons, reasons perhaps that you wouldn't want to lower your own personal standards of who you want to be. The right guy will appreciate you for who you are.

And yeah, my personal belief with discussing heartbreak with friends is to be careful who you choose to discuss it with. You want someone who has a measured and reasonable approach--there is no reason with your broken and vulnerable heart to take on someone else's neuroses and insecurities and negative viewpoints while you are really searching for answers. tell one or two of you close friends and don't wallow too much.
I've looked back at past relationships where I was dumped, and yeah, it is hard to not think I wasn't enough. I can think of one example of an ex that dumped me, only to marry a woman with model good looks a few months later. I couldn't even really be mad the first time I saw her. From the outside looking in, it seems like he upgraded but who's to say it's perfect? I guess no one. Sometimes it feels like my superpower or that I'm the launching pad for guys to meet the girl of their dreams. But then I think back - he was divorced, had a baby out of wedlock from another woman in his early 20s, then married another woman in less than 6 months after we broke up, and so his baggage is at full capacity. Don't think I would have wanted to get involved in that after all. At the time of the breakup though, the rose colored glasses were glued on and it was a lot harder to see that.

Do you have any books that you'd recommend on psychology or otherwise? Seems like you are well read or at least have experience with seeing the silver lining. I've watched videos from dating "coaches" and a lot of them just advocate to tip toe around men - must be a,b,c and be careful not to do x,y, z so he doesn't feel threatened and will see how worthy of a suitor you are. Must choose your words carefully and almost use a passive aggressive approach, but also have higher standards. At times it's very contradicting.
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Old 31st December 2017, 6:23 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by no2days View Post
I've watched videos from dating "coaches" and a lot of them just advocate to tip toe around men - must be a,b,c and be careful not to do x,y, z so he doesn't feel threatened and will see how worthy of a suitor you are. Must choose your words carefully and almost use a passive aggressive approach, but also have higher standards. At times it's very contradicting.
This is terrible advice. Men (worthwhile men, anyway) aren't dimwits who need to be tricked or cajoled into commitment. When you meet someone who's genuinely interested, he'll pursue you and make you a priority because he wants to, not because of whatever manipulation you attempted. You didn't do anything wrong with this guy and there wasn't anything you could have done differently. He wasn't feeling it, and that's okay.

I know you're hurting but resist the urge to over-intellectualize your pain. No amount of psychology or research will change the reality of the situation. Finding a serious connection with someone is hard! Just because he didn't want something more with you doesn't make you something less. You are already a wonderful, special, complete human. You yourself are enough. You deserve nothing short of a partner who wants to build a life with you.

Always be yourself, and have confidence in that self. If someone can know you and decide they feel better off without you, you don't want them in your life! The man of your dreams won't have to be talked into a serious relationship. He will put you first because he wants to. And you will find him not by compromising your values or desires, but being unapologetically yourself.
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Old 31st December 2017, 9:04 PM   #30
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Because I wasn't interested in a relationship at that moment. I was more interested in devoting my time to Dragon Age Inquistion
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