Lexxi Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 I met a new guy from OLD who lives a good 1 1/2- 2 hours away. We met a couple of days ago at a halfway point in a sports bar and hit it off and talked about seeing each other again. The problem is that distance and I would like to see him again this weekend, and he’s offered to drive up to me but mentioned the long drive and that he would really like to stay over if he’s driving that distance. I have two young kids that stay with me 50% of the time so it would definitely be the weekend I don’t have them. Is it odd to have this guy come over after a dinner or drinks? I’ve been out of the dating scene for so long that I don’t know how people do it now, sorry guys! I know people who want to continue seeing each other will eventually go to each one’s residence, and if that were the case, I’d prefer he come to mine. But at the same time, don’t want him staying the night just yet. We talked about ordering a Pay Per View event to watch that we’re both into this weekend after dinner/drinks. But then would feel awful having him leave and taking that two hour drive back home. Any thoughts and/or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 I think it's too soon. You need to get to know him a bit better before putting yourself in this position. He most likely is a great guy and nothing will happen but you still can't be too sure just yet. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 I wouldn't do it. It's a valid concern, but it's too soon. And I would definitely not allow it if the kids are home. Not until you know that he will be a part of your lives, forever... Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 I think I'd stick to meet halfway for a few more dates before you move on to that. With that said, the last man I dated....he slept on my couch on our first date (for the same reason....distance). We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it turned out, and he was a gentleman and harmless and we dated for ten months. I can't really advise someone to do that though lol. It sounds very reckless, I know. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 You have only met him once in person and presumably you live alone when your kids aren't there, which makes you a vulnerable target. For that reason my advice is don't risk it, especially for a guy who lives out of town. Have you been able to verify his identity? Is he already married or in a relationship? They are just some of the questions I would have if a guy was willing to drive two hours for a date. The fact that he has already subtly pushed for it would not make me feel comfortable about making a special allowance for him. At the very least, he looking to get laid. Think it over carefully. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIvy Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 I wouldn't let a guy stay over unless we have been dating for 6 months or more, and he has proven himself to be a decent guy. Also, when he meant stay over, did he mean your place? That just seems entitled to me... Also 1/1/2-2 hours isn't that far, so why does he need to stay over? Maybe to smash? He already wants to stay over after just 1 date? Hell no. I would just keep meeting half way or you both can alternate, one day you drive over to his location and vice versa. I known people who had long distance relationships for years, so he can manage a 2 hour drive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lexxi Posted December 26, 2017 Author Share Posted December 26, 2017 Thank you all. I will definitely wait it out then, just wasn’t sure if it was appropriate due to the distance, but yes, for safety reasons, we’ll meet halfway. I do know he’s a divorced single father and saw his Instagram (the link was actually on his dating profile), and appears to be harmless, but then again a lot of serial killers can appear that way at first too. How can I politely explain to him I want to continue seeing him but just keep meeting halfway for now without sounding like I’m trying to hide something from him or sounding shady? Cause I’m assuming that might appear that way eventually, that I’m somehow hiding something if I don’t want him to come to my home. Also don’t want to offend him by giving him the idea that I fear for my safety around him and I can’t invite him over to be alone with me. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 Thank you all. I will definitely wait it out then, just wasn’t sure if it was appropriate due to the distance, but yes, for safety reasons, we’ll meet halfway. I do know he’s a divorced single father and saw his Instagram (the link was actually on his dating profile), and appears to be harmless, but then again a lot of serial killers can appear that way at first too. How can I politely explain to him I want to continue seeing him but just keep meeting halfway for now without sounding like I’m trying to hide something from him or sounding shady? Cause I’m assuming that might appear that way eventually, that I’m somehow hiding something if I don’t want him to come to my home. Also don’t want to offend him by giving him the idea that I fear for my safety around him and I can’t invite him over to be alone with me. A gentleman will understand perfectly why you're not ready for this step after just one date. If he doesn't understand, he's not a gentleman. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 Thank you all. I will definitely wait it out then, just wasn’t sure if it was appropriate due to the distance, but yes, for safety reasons, we’ll meet halfway. I do know he’s a divorced single father and saw his Instagram (the link was actually on his dating profile), and appears to be harmless, but then again a lot of serial killers can appear that way at first too. How can I politely explain to him I want to continue seeing him but just keep meeting halfway for now without sounding like I’m trying to hide something from him or sounding shady? Cause I’m assuming that might appear that way eventually, that I’m somehow hiding something if I don’t want him to come to my home. Also don’t want to offend him by giving him the idea that I fear for my safety around him and I can’t invite him over to be alone with me. I would Just say I don’t feel comfortable yet with you staying over. He should understand. To be frank, I am not so thrilled he asked you if he could stay over at your place, even given the distance. I think it is too forward and for me set off a red flag. You are worried how he will take it but he didn’t seem too worried about how you would take it, asking you if he could stay over at your place. You are being more considerate than he is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 He's looking for sex. Offer to meet him in his town if his objection is the distance. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 Of course he is looking for sex. We are all adults here....guys want to get laid, and they will drive the 2 1/2 hours to get it. But for the long haul...it's doubtful he won't stop looking for other options. My advice: It would be in your best interest to limit yourself to guys who live say like 20 to 30 mins away...especially since you have kids and have to work around a schedule. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 A gentleman will understand perfectly why you're not ready for this step after just one date. If he doesn't understand, he's not a gentleman. This. If he really likes you, he will never want to make you uncomfortable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts