Weird Situation..Shy or Confused

[Jon5150]

I met a girl online. Went out for the first time couple of weeks ago. She was painfully nervous and awkward. It made me nervous. Date went ok. She looked beautiful. I left a few hours in because I had plans later. I offered to walk her to her car and she laughed awkwardly and said no thank you. We hugged each other and said bye and she looked in both directions confusing while laughing. It was a bit strange. I text her a few hours after and she said she had fun. I text her a few days later and she accepted another date. We went out Sunday. She kept turning off the wrong exit and was late. I ran back to my car to grab something and saw her getting out of her car. I waved and she looked but looked away quickly. Weird. I met up with her at the bar we went to. She looked..sexy. She was constantly fidgeting and playing with her hair. She was sweating, too. We ate pizza and had a few drinks. We laughed and had a great time. We walked around for a few hours later. She laughed at my jokes and we told stories. It went smooth. I walked her back to her car and opened her car door for her. She was really hesitant and confused. She said.."Oh..thank you.." She put her stuff in her car...had her back turned for a while..played with her hair..then turned to me quickly without making eye contact. She hugged me and before you knew it..we were making out. She had her arms around me. She told me to drive safely and I told her goodnight. I heard her giggling while closing the door. I had a devilish smirk ear to ear. I text her a few hours later had a good time yada yada. She thanked me for a good night.*

 

 

I reached out Tuesday to ask when she was going out of town for the holidays. Asked how her day was.. asked me.. told her I got an interview invite for a promotion. She was excited for me asked when it was. Jan 2nd.. so I guess that means I'm drinking beer instead of whiskey on NYE lol. Another way of saying I'm taking it easy on NYE because of my interview. I wasn't trying to ask her out for NYE..I wouldn't push that on her..although..she did ask me on our last date if I had plans for NYE. She didn't respond. Which was weird. Haven't heard from her since Tuesday. I didn't get around to asking her what her schedule was like for the holidays. Her behavior clearly shows nervous or has anxiety. I'm thinking about reaching out this weekend to see if she wants to go out again. I logged into the site we met on and noticed she keeps viewing my profile. Definitely strange. Does she seem nervous, disinterested, confused about her feelings or my intentions, or generally shy with dating? I figured she lost interest until I logged in and noticed she viewed my profile. Obvioiusly she's throwing me something. Should I reach out to her this weekend or let her contact me again? To get it oit of the way..her profile clearly said she's not looking to "hook up". So..I doubt she's being flaky because I haven't tried to get her in bed. Although..there are some hints she's attracted to me.

Edited December 23, 2017 by Jon5150
Title

[Jon5150]

Just to add..this is common thing with my dating life. Once I start being a gentleman...opening doors..paying the bill..they often act weird, flaky, and confused. Many women have told me.."You really confuse me." I get a ton of mixed signals. I'm a very handsome guy and have a great sense of humor.

[Mr.Me]

I think your massively over thinking it.

I'd text her with an invite and see what happens.

 

Trying to delve into why humans are the way they are or why they act a certain way is hard on you and fruitless in the end.

[spiderowl]

Next time a girl says 'you really confuse me', ask her why.

 

It sounds like she was shy and maybe even socially awkward. I think if you could be consistent with her, that would help.

[jjgitties]

the problem with your post is we are reading your particular perspective on the date and what you think of her. its pretty much next to impossible to gauge correctly without the other persons post of what they think of you and how the date went.

 

as others have said, you are over thinking and over analyzing. if you are somehow seeing that she keeps checking your profile, that obviously means she is thinking about you and i can only guess she is checking to see if there are any updates.

 

if the dates went well as you claim, and you have not big plans or dates for NYE, then ask her out for NYE.

[GemmaUK]

If people keep saying 'you confuse me' then you are giving out mixed signals which is likely why you get mixed signals in return right there right then on actual dates.

 

Your last text didn't appear to have anything to respond to when you were saying you'd need to take it easy on NYE and you didn't try to find out if she was free at all, nor ask her out again. That would have been prime time to ask her.

You haven't been in touch since Tuesday.

I wouldn't be confused by the lack of contact and would assume you weren't interested as you haven't displayed any further interest.

[Jon5150]

I asked he out for next weekend. She has a friend comong back in town with her to visit next week. She invited me out with her friend and said I could bring my friends along. The only plans I have is for NYE with friends. Here's the thing with NYE. I will leave that up to her. NYE shoukd be spent with your family and or friends. I've had women throw the WORLD of interest at me..and I've made one wrong move..asked them out on one iffy date..then they run off scared. In my early 20's I went on a few dates with a girl. We really hit it off. Showed me the world of interest. Then I asked her out for NYE..ran scared. It's early. So if she really wants to spend NYE with me..she can certainly hint that let me know. Early this morning when I got back from a concert I asked if her friend was down for live music next weekend and she hasn't responded yet. We'll see. I think she has dating anxiety or is very flaky. I've never been a fan of going out with their friends this early..but if her friend is in town visiting I get it. I like to keep friends away until we've been dating a month or two. I've had a couple girls invite their friends out with us after a few dates. Their friends didn't like me..and they fled. I've had a friend that hung out with a girl I was seeing and her friend. My friend ended up getting into an argument with her friend..and things fell quickly. So..that's why I'm hesitant with the "friends" thing and asking them out on major holidays.

[Kevinehv]

Seems to me you are the one playing hard to get and maybe read about dating tips a little too much on the Internet.

 

Sure you shouldn't be ALL over a girl but the way I see it you are trying to look like you do not really care about her that much. So in this case you should contact her a little more, especially because she's shy.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm going with nervous/shy/socially awkward. I have a friend like this. She is married now, but was single for a very long time and I'd bet anything this is how she behaved on dates. (Her personality is endearing....she's gorgeous, intellectually brilliant and professionally very successful....but she's super super quirky).

[Jon5150]

Seems to me you are the one playing hard to get and maybe read about dating tips a little too much on the Internet.

 

Sure you shouldn't be ALL over a girl but the way I see it you are trying to look like you do not really care about her that much. So in this case you should contact her a little more, especially because she's shy.

 

Here's the thing..she's new to the area. Brand new. Like two months. New career..never lived here. This is new...she's probably under enough stress. I don't want to be tjat guy that is blowing her up...SLEEP WITH ME..SLEEP WITH ME..DATE ME..DATE ME.. I'm going to give her space. But..if you're not going to reply to text's and give me mixed signals...I'm going to assume you're unsure and I'm going to back off.

[heartbrokenlady]

As far as her nervous behaviour, it is because she IS nervous. I identify with that! Social anxiety is horrible. But she's dating so she's making the effort.

[rightondude]

she could be cheating on her SO with you and is nervous because she's doing so

 

she could be a space alien and your human ways are leaving her confused

 

she could just be a nervous, socially awkward person due to genetics and past events

[Chilli]

Seems to me you are the one playing hard to get and maybe read about dating tips a little too much on the Internet.

 

Sure you shouldn't be ALL over a girl but the way I see it you are trying to look like you do not really care about her that much. So in this case you should contact her a little more, especially because she's shy.

 

 

Yaeh , that's what l thought. You sound confusing to me actually , too much bs , if ya like her just bloody show it , be yourself , ask her out , ring her up.

She'll let you know if your too much or say is no thanks if she's not interested , so be it.

Can't expect her too especially being such a nervous type but she'll settle down if ya keep seeing each other.

Could be the coolest person you ever met later on,

[jjgitties]

I find it interesting that you posted that you have been told by other women in that past that you give off mixed signals but in your last post you accuse this woman of giving you mixed signals.

[Jon5150]

Yaeh , that's what l thought. You sound confusing to me actually , too much bs , if ya like her just bloody show it , be yourself , ask her out , ring her up.

She'll let you know if your too much or say is no thanks if she's not interested , so be it.

Can't expect her too especially being such a nervous type but she'll settle down if ya keep seeing each other.

Could be the coolest person you ever met later on,

 

I don't see how I'm being confusing honestly. I go out with her..treat her like a lady on dates..text her that night to tell her I had a great time and say goodnight..I text her 2-3 days later and "Hey how's your week going...yada yada..lets go out again." Text her a couple days later..hey how's your day...yada yada." Then I see her on the next date..repeat until we really get comfortable with each other and things take off. I pursue respectfully. If they don't reply to a message..I assume they're being flaky and I back off a bit. I'll stay persistent..but I won't beg for their attenttion either. It's like the used car salesman that keeps nagging you to sign off on a car when you barely know anything about the car..and not aure if you want to commit to buying it.

[Chilli]

Hard to explain but nope ya def' don;t beg or or start nagging her, especially if she doesn't answer.

 

Has she gotten back to you yet ? How longs it been ?

[Jon5150]

She got back to me last night and said she and her friend might be down for live music. She asked what band and I told her. Said I'd be down for Sat..let me know..we'll have a good time. She's away visiting family...so Im not expecting responses right away.

[Jon5150]

She sent me a text yesterday saying she would let me know and wished me a merry christmas. Now I wait in date limbo. Should I avoid all contact until she gives me an answer?

[Jon5150]

Haven't heard from her since Christmas..which is no big deal..but if we have plans in the air you would THINK they would make up their mind as to what they want to do or if they want to go out rather than leaving me hanging. I reached out today and wished her a safe trip back and asked how her Christmas was.

[Jon5150]

She got back to me last night. We talked about each others Holiday and what now. Never mentioned if we were going out or not. So by now it's obvious that she's plauing games or is disinterested. I'm not going to ask her if she still wants to go because I'm not a babysitter..she can tell me. I don't get it..yo..you need to tell a dude whether you're down to go out with him..the plans were up in the air for tomorrow. High school behavior. If you're not interested..don't lead me on.

[Jon5150]

Now I've entered a world of mixed signals..or she really is super shy and awkward. I contacted her on..Friday..Hey are you ladies still up for going out tomorrow? (Saturday) She got back to me a few hours later and accepted. She sent me a text me a text a few hours before we went out Saturday and said they were going late...only 30 mins late. Gave her detailed directions on how to find the bar in the casino. She thanked me greatly for it. They showed up..she was nervous..we all talked listen to live music. I bought them a couple round of drinks. She told me "I get next round." She went up to get drinks for everyone..didn't ask what I wanted. I tried getting her attention..but she kept walking. I just laughed and shook my head. Her friend asked.."Did she ask you what you wanted? "No lol." That's when her and the friend started talking. She said, "Listen..I'm her best friend..you're cute..she likes the way you plan things out and listen to her..but you BETTER take care of her." I was shocked...and respected that. "Yes ma'am haha." She came back a few mins later..."So I forgot to ask you what you wanted. I laughed and told her. She bought me a few more rounds. I was tipsy. We both were. Her friend and I drug her out to the dance floor. She wouldn't dance no stand close to me. I did eventually get her to dance with me a kittke..but acted super weird. I thought.."Meh..maybe she doesn't dig me. I tried." We left and I asked them if they wanted to eat. They acted awkward about it but said they wanted to go home. Ok..I'll make sure your uber driver picks you up. We stood in the lobby and talked. When the Uber driver showed up..her friend immeditely takes off for the car. Left was me snd her. "She said..I'm so cold haha." I put my arm around her and said.."Makes the two of us." She put her arm around me. She laughed nervously and smiled. When we got back to the car she looked in my eyes and we made out for a little bit. She said "Please let me know when you get home." "Don't worry about me..you let me know when you get home." "Ok haha." Said goodnight and walked off. When I arrived home I got a txt from her asking if I made it home. "Yeah..had to stop at taco bell first lol..as long as you ladies are fine." "Ok..I was getting worried." I thought..Oh..wow..alright. She sent me a text immediately after that said goodnight! By now I was thinking..alright..I guess she really is just shy. So I went for it. I asked her and the friend out for NYE. She sent me a text back yesterday afternoon and said they decided to go out with another friend. She thanked me for the invite. She thanked me for everything the night before and said they had an awesome time. I told her I had fun. I said.."I woke up with a headache..I wonder if it was from the Taco Bell or the whiskey you bought me last night haha :p" Didn't respond. Weird. She's done that before in conversation. Still a red flag for me. I txt her around 12 this morning and said happy new year. She replied and said with you too with a bunch of kiss emojis. Some would say..she's flaky..some would say..she's just shy and I need to be persistent. Her friend told me she really appreciates the fact that I listen to her and plan everything out. She loved the fact that I gave her detailed instructions on how to walk through the casino. Well..isn't that what a normal guy should be doing when dating someone? Tells me she's not used to dating a gentleman and it's intimidating to her. I've gone through this before with women that have had very bad pasts with men. When I court them..they act very awkward and shy. A dated a girl over a year ago that had nothing but bad relationships. Her ex had a breathalyzer on his ignition. Sometimes she had to blow for him to start his car..if that says anything. My friends wife set me up with her. After a few dates she said she wasn't ready for anything..liked me a lot..but wanted to be friends "for now."I turned her down as that isn't what I'm looking for. She tried contacting me several times after but I ignored her. My friend eventually said, "You just made her nervous because she's not used to be treated good..she thought she just needed more time to get used to it." Not my cup of tea. He eventually told me again, "She has issues..avoid that." I'm beginning to think that's the same case here.

Edited January 1, 2018 by Jon5150
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[act00]

You've spent a lot of time describing her every action and behavior as "weird" or "strange." Is she weird? Do you want to keep on going out with her? Are you over-analyzing? Are you judgmental and critical? I don't see what's off in any way of being appreciative of some detailed directions, and this lady was making sure to see you while her friend was in town, and it sounded like you had a nice evening. She doesn't like to dance. If dancing is important to you, you may need to move on; otherwise, don't force it and go do something else you can enjoy together.

 

Because of the holidays, give her a pass if she's slow to respond, but if she's this lackadaisical always about meeting up and talking with you (texting), maybe it's because she's really not interested or a little on the fence. If you think it's because she's profoundly shy and you have to push more, accept the fact that it's going to take a lot of work on your part...decide how much and how far before you give up on it. At some point she has to feel more comfortable and take some initiative on her own. If she loses boyfriends constantly because of this behavior, it's up to her to fix it. It's nice if you can be patient with her and guide her, but at what point do you throw your hands up and call it a day?

 

Stop microanalyzing everything she does as weird or strange. When you encounter a new situation, sometimes you're a little awkward. It sounds like she has been very appreciative, even if it's something she's not used to. Why is her being appreciated so odd to you? If you have a stream of multiple women dropping you, and you equate it to your chivalry, are you being creepy weird about it? Is it something else?

 

Your descriptions so far sound like things are going well...things are a little hectic, but she seems interested and her friend seems to be backing that up.

[Jon5150]

I definitely do need to stop over analzying lol..but her behavior is strange. I reached out to her today and asked jow her NYE was. I was going to ask her out again this weekend. Would've been our fourth date. No response. I logged into the dating app we met on. I hadn't logged on in a week. Once again..I noticed she's been viewing my profile. Now..this is definitely weird behavior. She's definitely "thinking" about me. Maybe she's confused by my behavior..but I've made it apparent that I'm interested..but I'm not going to smother her. At the same time..I'm starting to want her to take some initiative.

[Jon5150]

So despite the weirdness..things are really taking off. We went out the weekend after NYE. We went bowling and had a great time. I teased her a lot. When she was about to bowl I would poke her in the back to distract her. I would walk up to the lane with her and show her tips. I would put my hands on her hips to position her correctly. She was all smiles and giggles. We left the place to go get something to eat. I didn't have my phone on me so we used her phone to find the place we wanted to eat. She ended up taking us the wrong way and we walked 2 miles in the rain. She felt embarrased..but I still have her my hoodie so she could cover her hair. We got to the bar and we ate and drank. She had a gleam in her eyes when she looked at me. We made out passionately at her car. I picked her up at her place last night. We went to a hibachi grill. It was her favorite and I had no clue. We had an awesome time. She ate off of my plate..offered me her food. She even covered our $65 bill. We went to the movie threater. We sat in the bar and drank. She brought up the relationship talk. How many relationships have you had..how long have you been single ect. She told me she wasn't looking for anyone online and thought I was the most attractive guy she's met online. That's when I knew she was into me. We played in the arcade and had a good time. She held onto me during the movie. When I took her home she was completely quiet..I did most of the talking. I walked her up to her apartment. We were all over each other. She wouldn't let me in because it was "too messy" I said.."Its ok..I get it lol."

 

That's where I stand. She's getting more and more comfortable with me. At this point..it's obvious she's totally into me. Should I begin seeing her more than once a week?

[Boomerang3378]

Ok so this is what may have happened. Assuming this is the message you sent to her to which she did not reply to:

 

so I guess that means I'm drinking beer instead of whiskey on NYE lol.

 

If you sent her the above message and she did not reply does not mean that she is confused or nervous or this or that (in my opinion) What you do need to know is that YES she is attracted to you and YES she does like you BUT what you also need to know is that girls who are involved in online dating are ALSO attracted to other men as well.

 

How it works is as follows: Most (NOT all) girls involved in online dating make a shortlist of men whom they find attractive and with whom they want to have something romantic with and try them out one by one. Which is sensible.

 

What I think is that this girl was busy talking to some other guy/s WHILE she was talking to you. And found him more prospective and wanted to give him a shot or some preference. That is why she did not reply as she was willfully engaging herself in a conversation with some other guy.

 

The other scenario is that she was actually really busy doing something else.

 

My advice to you is that since you have success in online dating, it must mean that you are above average in attractiveness. Use this to your advantage and date as many girls who are willing to date you. Do not waste time on one girl by thinking she is special/unique/shy/confused/beautiful/this/that etc...

 

Some women (I am not saying that this woman is doing this) deliberately act this way: hot/cold/shy/confused in order to keep a guy hooked and questioning himself. In this way the guy remains in doubt and keeps thinking what he did wrong.

 

The bottom line is to stop thinking too much of this girl because you think she is special or beautiful. There are other beautiful special women out there who do not play games. Invest your time to find one of them. It will be worth it.