Should I stay or should I go?

[thebiglimp]

this question is mostly directed to the girls, and regards hookups. i've been in a situation, just last weekend, as i'm sure we all have been at least once, i slept over at a girl's place who i had just met the night before.

 

and the question is about the etiquette the morning after.

 

being a weekend bum that i am with a hangover from night before, of course i wanna lounge around at a woman's place that's certainly better kept up than my dirty little apartment. but i always find it awkward to ask them blatantly.

 

'do you want me to stay' sounds like 'do you like me?'

'do you want me to go?' could make them uncomfortable for similar reason, and if the girl is to say 'yes', it could seem like they're rejecting you and i'm sure they won't be comfortable with that either.

 

so how do you girls convey that you either want the guy to spend more time with you or you want them to leave?

 

as for my situation, she wasn't saying anything, letting me lounge and even ordered food for us, but i excused my self after couple hours because i needed to get back to my dog. but i get the feeling she wanted the company.

[Arieswoman]

biglimp,

If you took the trouble to actually get to know girls before sleeping with them then you'd know the answer to the questions you pose.

 

I think you need to up your game a bit - how about making a start by cleaning your place out?

 

And what about your poor dog whose been left all night? Doen't he/she even factor in this?

 

I certainly wouldn't want any hungover guy hanging around my apartment.

 

Maybe you should grow up a bit and stop getting drunk and sleeping with strange women

[d0nnivain]

Ask her out to breakfast. Lounging around at her place & expecting her to make you breakfast at this point -- the morning after what she's not sure isn't just a ONS -- is too awkward & pushy.

 

If you would like to see her again, text later that day & call her using the voice feature the next day.

[elaine567]

I may be wrong but I do not think thebiglimp is trying to see these women again, he only wants a way of being able to lounge around at their nice clean, tidy place for a while whilst he gets over his hangover, without it being awkward...

 

Meanwhile his poor dog is left unattended...

[d0nnivain]

I may be wrong but I do not think thebiglimp is trying to see these women again, he only wants a way of being able to lounge around at their nice clean, tidy place for a while whilst he gets over his hangover, without it being awkward...

 

Meanwhile his poor dog is left unattended...

 

Then he should go home.

 

If he's unwilling to clean his own place, then he should pay to have someone else do & get a dog walker.

[GemmaUK]

I may be wrong but I do not think thebiglimp is trying to see these women again, he only wants a way of being able to lounge around at their nice clean, tidy place for a while whilst he gets over his hangover, without it being awkward...

 

Meanwhile his poor dog is left unattended...

 

Yeah, that's what I got from it too.

[thebiglimp]

Well i did ask her today for dinner and she said no..

 

What’s strange to me is how passive she was to my presence there. Like, i couldn’t figure out whether she wanted me there or not for 6hrs i was there waking up with her, having breakfest, and casual sex twice.

 

This is my guess-

I did fail to perform in bed properly cuz of my hangover,

and maybe she was keeping me around to see if i could get her needs fulfilled but after i left, didnt see it worthawhile to give me a second chance.

 

Im ok with that- you win some you lose some

 

But it is strange how she could treat me like a sexual object, not a person. Now i get why people say ONS can be demeaning.

 

Im just liiiittle hurt, but if a guy did that to a girl that would be depressing

Edited December 17, 2017 by thebiglimp

[smackie9]

Every situation is different, every woman is different. So an ONS may not be demeaning to a lot of women who choose to do it.

 

If I just met someone and slept with them in the same night, the understanding would be that it was just about having sex...no other expectations. So I really don't know what the issue is here.

 

Buying breakfast doesn't mean she wants a relationship....she was hungry and didn't want to be rude, so she ordered in for the both of you. No one likes to eat alone, so she probably thought it was a nice finish to a ONS. IMO you read too much into it.

 

You ended up liking the girl this time? OK so you gave it a shot, and she said no. Oh well you can't win them all.

 

BTW woman are not so naive....they know you are only there for sex.

[thebiglimp]

Yeah ive had a ONS situation before where i asked the girl if she wanted me gone and she said she’d tell me so if she did, so everyone communicates differently for sure.

[snowboy91]

Yeah ive had a ONS situation before where i asked the girl if she wanted me gone and she said she’d tell me so if she did, so everyone communicates differently for sure.

 

This.

 

But keeping that in mind, some people are not as good at communicating their needs in that kind of situation. And after a single night together you know virtually nothing about their communication style. If they were being passive I'd always err on the side of caution and leave, but if I was interested in them I'd follow up with a date. On the other hand, if they explicitly tell you to stay for breakfast or the rest of the day, I'd go for it! Unless of course you already have plans for that day.

 

All that being said, it does sound like you're trying to use your ONS for a comfortable place to lounge around, so you're invading privacy just to feel at home. If you enjoy being in a tidy dwelling, then try and keep your own place tidy.

[GemmaUK]

Did she offer up another day for dinner?

[kortz]

The way I do it (from both sides of the ONS)...

 

Wake up and when you're both out of bed, offer to make her a coffee. Then while engaged in some small talk, ask her what her plans are for that day. If she wants you out of her place/wants to get out of your place, she'll make up some plans and head off after she cleans herself up and finishes her coffee. If she wants to stay/wants you to stay she'll probably say "I have no plans how about you?", so if you want to hang out you can say I have no plans either, you want to hang out? If you want to leave/want her to leave, make up some plans and politely excuse yourself.

 

But as others have said, clean your damn apartment and look after your dog rather than hanging around women's places like a bum!

[marjohnee]

But it is strange how she could treat me like a sexual object, not a person. Now i get why people say ONS can be demeaning.

 

A bit rich considering you stay the morning because you're hangover and enjoy lounging in a tidy place, while not being opposed to sex on top. Sounds like you treat her like an erotic hotel.

 

Besides, she might just want to avoid being rude by telling you to GTFO and just hope you get going on your own.

[thebiglimp]

um she didnt counter offer the dinner date but i did ask for a spontaneous drink and she said yes to that, so i figured she just wanted a simple no string thing.

 

and yeah, the first morning, i remember now she did cancel a brunch with her friends to lounge around so i guess that was the sign for me to be ok to hang around.

 

everyone communicates differently but with rational ppl (by that i mean older and more experienced like she was) it's been my experience so far up to now that if you poke and prod gently the answer usually surfaces pretty plainly.