aspentree1 Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 (edited) Hello to everyone, first time posting here. Just wondering if a man (middle aged in this case) can be interested in a woman but not show it towards her. What I mean is the typical signs like flirting, gazing into eyes, physical touch etc. What he does do is always initiate conversations when theres no reason to, always seems to show up at the times I'm in a certain area, ask when I will be around again, show pictures of his grown children and material possessions. He also tries to impress in other ways too. He gets very happy when he first sees me and lights up while always saying my name. What he doesn't do is what I wrote at the start. There is no flirting at all, the eyes are intense, but dull/dead looking, yet the focus is strictly on me at all times. I won't go on, but just absoulutly no sign of lust/love/ interest LOL like you would normally feel from someone. This was happening in a workplace. I don't work there but did have to visit there somewhat often. I'm no longing having to visit there and did inform him on my last visit. There was no reaction and he said I'm sure we will run into each other sometime, it's a small world. So about half minute later he calmly says maybe I should get your number in case some work comes up, or we could get together sometime. I can't remember exactly the words but similar to that. I did give my number. Do you think he kept the flirting and other stuff hidden because it was in a place of business? Do you think he will actually call LOL Its not like we had a date somewhere or letting the person know they are interested. If he does phone I wonder how long you wait to phone someone in this kind of situation if you were interested all along. Its been two weeks now Edited December 17, 2017 by aspentree1 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 This man sounded interested to me. Whether or not he's interested enough to manufacture a reason to call is another matter. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 Let's turn this around: Would you actually want a guy who can't show attraction? I can imagine a whole world of feeling unappreciated and of having a partner who doesn't appear to be attracted to me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 Hello to everyone, first time posting here. Just wondering if a man (middle aged in this case) can be interested in a woman but not show it towards her. What I mean is the typical signs like flirting, gazing into eyes, physical touch etc. What he does do is always initiate conversations when theres no reason to, always seems to show up at the times I'm in a certain area, ask when I will be around again, show pictures of his grown children and material possessions. He also tries to impress in other ways too. He gets very happy when he first sees me and lights up while always saying my name. What he doesn't do is what I wrote at the start. There is no flirting at all, the eyes are intense, but dull/dead looking, yet the focus is strictly on me at all times. I won't go on, but just absoulutly no sign of lust/love/ interest LOL like you would normally feel from someone. This was happening in a workplace. I don't work there but did have to visit there somewhat often. I'm no longing having to visit there and did inform him on my last visit. There was no reaction and he said I'm sure we will run into each other sometime, it's a small world. So about half minute later he calmly says maybe I should get your number in case some work comes up, or we could get together sometime. I can't remember exactly the words but similar to that. I did give my number. Do you think he kept the flirting and other stuff hidden because it was in a place of business? Do you think he will actually call LOL Its not like we had a date somewhere or letting the person know they are interested. If he does phone I wonder how long you wait to phone someone in this kind of situation if you were interested all along. Its been two weeks now 90% of the time if a man is going out of his way to interact with you, especially if he is single and thinks you are, he is interested. In this case it sounds like he is unsure if you are interested so he's making it sound like it's work related so it won't be awkward if you aren't interested. If you are interested, accept his offer if it should come up, and then when you are out you'll be able to tell for sure. Until then all you will be able to to do is guess. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 (edited) Not sure about the rest, think l'd go with final word but hell yeah. l never ever use to show any attraction to a women early on. l'm not sure why , pride or something. A little bit of not putting myself out there too until l could see what she was about , or something like that. l still do it now sometimes too mainly if she's extra good looking .l dunno , sometimes they have this way as if they expect you to fall at their feet , not this puppy haha. Edited December 17, 2017 by Chilli Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 Its been two weeks now a) he's not interested or b) he's interested and too shy to call 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 (edited) Why are you even interested in a guy who is dead behind the eyes? My guess in the work environment he is "putting on a show". "I am a really friendly guy, so pleased to see you...", but the emotion isn't there. He didn't even react when you said you were not going to be there any more. Stay away, this is not a guy you want to get involved with. Is he even single? Edited December 17, 2017 by elaine567 removed quote 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 He's interested, but clueless about how to show it, and how to flirt. And yes, probably shy since he hasn't called yet. Hopefully he will if you are interested in him, and hopefully this "dead eye" bit doesn't turn into a "dead fish" bit . Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 He has your number but hasn't called. That is not great. Do you have a way to get in touch with him? If so reach out a few dates before you next scheduled visit to his place of work & see if he'd like to join your for lunch. Time your trip to be there mid-day. If he does not increase his level of interest while outside of the physical confines of his workplace, you may have mis-read the situation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 If so reach out a few dates before you next scheduled visit to his place of work & see if he'd like to join your for lunch. She has no more "scheduled visits" to his place of work. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 nah , he's no dead eye don't worry about that one. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 She has no more "scheduled visits" to his place of work. Then she needs to make one up. If there is so much as shoe store or grocery near where he works she can tell him she's going to be in the area. He doesn't need to know it's contrived. It also doesn't matter that she get whatever is in that store delivered to her house via an internet order. She's trying to arrange to "bump into him" Her other option is to be bold enough to simply ask him out but that does not seem like it will work in her favor here. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 Yeah he's interested. In WHAT I don't know. The "dull/dead eyes" thing would creep me out. Something's off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 It does sound like he is attracted to you, but refrained from pursuing anything in this professional setting, but the dead/dull eyes has thrown me off as well. Yes, it's possible to not flirt at all in this setting. I don't know if you've flirted, and hopefully you haven't, which makes it just as difficult for him to gauge the situation and your interest and availability. Hopefully he reaches out, or follow d0nnivain's advice and "be in the area" at some point. See how he behaves in a personal setting. If a midday lunch doesn't work, there's always a happy hour drink after work, and if he's interested, he'll take you up on it. Maybe he needs a nudge. Questions - Do you know he's single? Was he shmoozing and networking? I don't know what capacity you work, but would it require some schmoozing, and thus his seeming interest in you? Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 Maybe he hasn't messaged/called you because he hasn't thought of an excuse to, he might say Merry Christmas or Happy New Year though... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 You should have exchanged numbers. Anyways give him a call at work to say hi, and ask him if he would like to join you for lunch. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aspentree1 Posted December 17, 2017 Author Share Posted December 17, 2017 Thanks for the great replies! A little bit more info: He's very outgoing and talkative and does smile a lot just not in that flirty way lol. He is single for sure and has been for many years according to him. Our conversations have been very brief (due to workplace situation) so 5-10mins at most and this has been over the course of 2 yrs. So very long time although there was a time where he seemed to back off and not be chatty towards me. It picked up again this past few mths. As for me I'm a gentle, calm happy kinda gal (introvert and shy but able to talk) I smile at everyone type person and easily approachable. I'm not flirty or outgoing and have never shown signs of that towards him. But I was relaxed enough to show openess. The 'dead' eyes LOL Well I tried to look at him 'in that way' meaning giving him some signals but it didn't work and overall his eyes don't have any emotion ugh! BUT one time a year or so ago he was telling jokes to someone and looked over at me for I guess a reaction and he definitly had the glint and flirt in his eyes..so he is capable. I won't chase (go to the workplace). I've chased all my life and just realized this not long ago. I've actually never had a man chase me so this would be the first if he calls. Besides it would be weird for me to show up there. I'm ok with this because I gave my number and the ball is in his court. I don't know much else about him besides family stuff so he may not be suitable for dating anyway. I will go though if he phones but with an open mind and eyes since I don't know anything about his past etc. My instinct tells me he is too shy to call because there is kind of no reason, but on the other hand he is so outgoing and confident I can't see him freaking out over a call. Oh well either way it will be interesting to see the outcome, if any. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 I won't chase (go to the workplace). I've chased all my life and just realized this not long ago. I've actually never had a man chase me so this would be the first if he calls. Besides it would be weird for me to show up there. I'm ok with this because I gave my number and the ball is in his court. I don't know much else about him besides family stuff so he may not be suitable for dating anyway. I will go though if he phones but with an open mind and eyes since I don't know anything about his past etc. Good plan, and smart move. You just keep doing YOU. If he doesn't realize your fabulosity and do something about it, it is his loss - you're the one that got away!! Even better that you didn't offer to give him your phone# until he asked for it; you haven't "broken the spell." As you said, the ball is in his court now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 My instinct tells me he is too shy to call because there is kind of no reason, but on the other hand he is so outgoing and confident I can't see him freaking out over a call. Oh well either way it will be interesting to see the outcome, if any. oh well like everything else in life, it's a crap shoot Link to post Share on other sites
Author aspentree1 Posted December 25, 2017 Author Share Posted December 25, 2017 Update: Ieris-You were right LOL Received a text message today (Christmas) from him wishing me and my family a Merry Christmas etc. It was nicely written. Since I don't know his number (now I do LOL) I replied with a Merry Christmas but don't know who this is message. He replied apologizing, and stated his name and the workplace. I wrote back thanking him and that it was very thoughful to send Christmas wishes. Also that I wish him and his family all the best etc. I also told him to keep in touch. I didn't know what to say because I still don't know his intentions. He replied 'for sure I will' and wished me a Happy New Year. So I've been thinking..theres no way I would ever have to courage to text someone on Christmas day that I somewhat don't know. I would on Christmas Eve, but never would on Christmas Day because I wouldn't want to intrude on any festivities. I don't mind that he did though because it doesn't bother me. What I guess I'm trying to say is, if you are just a casual friend/aquaintance theres no way you would send out a message. You probably wouldn't even be thinking about that person on Christmas that you use to see at work. Am I right? Or maybe he's the type that gets all sentimental and goes through their phone and sends out a greeting to all his friends. That's ok too, but I'm thinking there's more to this Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 I'm not sure what he wants, but if you're interested, text him back that you should grab a coffee or tea after new years. Sounds like you both would need to talk about your opinions on dating people at work. I once dated someone at work (wouldn't want to do it again), and when we were AT work, I always did my best to act professional and not seem attracted. It was too awkward and I didn't want anyone else in my business. Outside of work was much more relaxed and another story. I've also found out way after the fact about guys who had huge long term crushes on me that I never suspected. Most recently, two were from other far away countries, so it may have been differences in cultural cues, but I really had zero idea they liked me as more than a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Kevinehv Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 Seems to me like he is indeed interested but doesn't know how to flirt or is too shy or something. It's best you take the lead. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 BUT by wishing you Happy New Year now, he obviously was not planning on contacting you again before New Year nor does it seem he was planning to send you a Happy New Year's day message either. Link to post Share on other sites
Cullenbohannon Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 (edited) Oh. For God's sake, men get roasted for even batting a eyelash at a woman at work. Maybe he was being professional. A Christmas message IS special. Your turn to reach out. Edited December 25, 2017 by Cullenbohannon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LilySun Posted December 25, 2017 Share Posted December 25, 2017 90% of the time if a man is going out of his way to interact with you, especially if he is single and thinks you are, he is interested. In this case it sounds like he is unsure if you are interested so he's making it sound like it's work related so it won't be awkward if you aren't interested. If you are interested, accept his offer if it should come up, and then when you are out you'll be able to tell for sure. Until then all you will be able to to do is guess. There is a saying that if a guy even bothers to talk to you at all, he's interested. Well not every guy.. It's an exaggerated theory but has some truth to it. If he's single and getting your number.. That would be enough to convince me. Not everyone behaves the same towards someone they like, and flirting isn't a natural skill for everyone either. Some people just need to warm up on a friendly basis before putting themselves out there. Could also be he just isn't too experienced and doesn't know the best approach. As for why he hasn't called, that part is a little confusing. Maybe he is very nervous and doesn't know what he'd say. Link to post Share on other sites
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