Did he use me for sex?

[Kkristine]

I went out on a 1st date last night with another couple we know. (We had met prior) We went to dinner and bowling first, which it was awkward throughout because we were both quiet. I didn't think he was into me because he was kind of standoffish. We did start chatting it up towards the end.

 

We then went to a bar for a couple of hours and had a great time. I ended up going home with him and we stayed up until 4 in the morning, and then we had sex. He was super sweet the entire time and when we first started kissing, he said he had wanting to do it all night. I asked him if he was nervous throughout our date, and he said no. He's just very laidback and quiet. He did tell his friend that he liked me.

 

This morning, he woke me up early. He was already dressed and apologized, but he had work stuff to do. So, he drives me to my friends house that lives close to him. He didn't converse much. He was just very standoffish, and when he left, I gave him a hug. Then, he left. No kiss or anything.

 

His friend said he has a routine and he's always up early and out and about. He is set in his ways. He is much older than me, and very mature. He was in an 8-year relationship, and isn't the type to sleep around. Very nice guy, his words.

 

I was just taken back by his demeanor this morning. His actions were similar to the beginning of the date yesterday, but a bit more distant.

 

Did he just use me? Or, am I thinking too much into it? I think it's his personality, but at the same time, who knows.

[SevenCity]

I’m not sure how he used you if you willingly had sex. Doesn’t sound like he made any promises of a relationship and he could have negated the possibility assuming you sleep with a lot of guys on the first date.

 

Why not call him and thank him for a good time? You’ll have your answer pretty quickly depending on this response.

[BaileyB]

Not e kind of guy to sleep around... And yet, he slept with you in the first date.

 

If you don't want to be "used for sex," you should consider waiting for a while until you are sure that he really likes you, and will stick around after the sex.

[Kkristine]

I’m not sure how he used you if you willingly had sex. Doesn’t sound like he made any promises of a relationship and he could have negated the possibility assuming you sleep with a lot of guys on the first date.

 

Why not call him and thank him for a good time? You’ll have your answer pretty quickly depending on this response.

I told him I never had sex on the first date before. He was number three for me, which he replied, "Maybe third times a charm." lol

 

I guess I'll just text and see then.

[alphamale]

I guess I'll just text and see then.

 

that's a good idea

[carhill]

Yeah, call him up....

 

Reading the story, I was getting this picture of James Dean, well had he lived

[rightondude]

I don't think he used you for sex, but he did get himself some sex pretty quick, so that may definitely change how he pursues you from here on out.

[SevenCity]

I told him I never had sex on the first date before. He was number three for me, which he replied, "Maybe third times a charm." lol

 

I guess I'll just text and see then.

 

I would have a hard time believing that after having sex with a girl on a first date.

 

Yea, call him and see what’s up.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I told him I never had sex on the first date before. He was number three for me, which he replied, "Maybe third times a charm." lol

 

I guess I'll just text and see then.

 

What do you mean he was number three for you? I thought it was your first date.

[act00]

I wouldn't say he used you, but he certainly got something out of it...hopefully you did too. He was cold for a majority of the date, which I presume was kind of a fixup date. At some point you connected, things went well, sex ultimately happened, and then he went back to his ways. You're left feeling rather rejected and feeling used. Understandably so, but you fell into bed with someone who was pretty standoffish a majority of the night, and he certainly didn't adjust his behavior for his unexpected guest that was pretty awesome at some point. This is not to say he didn't like you or he was using you. Maybe he's so set in his ways, he's not worth pursuing any further. He seems really closed off. These friends of yours? They shouldn't be fixing him up with women if he is so wrapped up in his routine, he can't bend a little for coffee and chitchat before sending you home, make you feel welcome and wanted.

 

He sounds like someone who is emotionally unavailable and too stuck to his habits to exist and grow a relationship with someone who is not going to line up with his ticker-tape daily routine. He seems unbendable, cold.

 

At this point, if you're interested, see what happens, but for me, this level of standoffish, I would consider this a mistake, and don't do it again, and I really can't function with someone who runs cold.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I wouldn't say he used you, but he certainly got something out of it...hopefully you did too. He was cold for a majority of the date, which I presume was kind of a fixup date. At some point you connected, things went well, sex ultimately happened, and then he went back to his ways. You're left feeling rather rejected and feeling used. Understandably so, but you fell into bed with someone who was pretty standoffish a majority of the night, and he certainly didn't adjust his behavior for his unexpected guest that was pretty awesome at some point. This is not to say he didn't like you or he was using you. Maybe he's so set in his ways, he's not worth pursuing any further. He seems really closed off. These friends of yours? They shouldn't be fixing him up with women if he is so wrapped up in his routine, he can't bend a little for coffee and chitchat before sending you home, make you feel welcome and wanted.

 

He sounds like someone who is emotionally unavailable and too stuck to his habits to exist and grow a relationship with someone who is not going to line up with his ticker-tape daily routine. He seems unbendable, cold.

 

At this point, if you're interested, see what happens, but for me, this level of standoffish, I would consider this a mistake, and don't do it again, and I really can't function with someone who runs cold.

 

This can be summarized in three words:

 

Sober.

Drunk.

Sober.

[basil67]

When you have first date sex with a guy, go in with the realisation that it will very likely be a one night stand. Sure, it can lead to a relationship (I had first date sex 25 years ago and we're still together) but it's essential to only do this stuff if you're OK with it not leading to anything.

[mortensorchid]

I don't know what to make of not just his behavior but yours as well. Did you go into this knowing that he was the way he was (as in stand offish)? You just met him and you had sex - it was a one night stand. You didn't intend for it to be that way but that's what you ended up doing.

 

So ... The best thing to do is just close the book and move on, on both of your parts. What do you have now that you have done IT? He doesn't sound interested in you. Also, based on his behavior he might be ashamed that he did what he did with you. Are you that pleased with fact that you did what you did with him? I can tell you that I have had three of these in my lifetime. Without going into too many details, I didn't feel good about myself after I had done either of the first two. The third one was with a friend, and we had agreed this would be a one time instance. He doesn't live in my city anymore, otherwise we might still be friends. But I digress ...

 

I hope you got something out of it because he's done with you. And you are with him, you just don't know it yet because you have a female clinginess which we have to get over in order to be more rational.

[Saracena]

Did you know him beforehand? I'd like to know exactly how this date came about?

 

In fact, I've leave it up to him to make contact. That way you'll his intentions and whether it was a ONS or not.

[sdraw108]

Maybe he does get nervous (despite what he said), and alcohol loosens him up. That would explain why he was standoffish before and after.

 

There's no sense over-analysing it at this stage. Try to arrange the next date, and then you'll find out, based on how much interest he shows.

[Kkristine]

What do you mean he was number three for you? I thought it was your first date.

It was out first date, but the 3rd guy I'd been with.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

It was out first date, but the 3rd guy I'd been with.

 

Ever? Or as sex on a first date?

[Kkristine]

Did you know him beforehand? I'd like to know exactly how this date came about?

 

In fact, I've leave it up to him to make contact. That way you'll his intentions and whether it was a ONS or not.

I met him a week prior when I was with mutual friends. We chatted for about an hour.

He texted his buddy the next day and asked if we could go on a double date.

[Kkristine]

Ever? Or as sex on a first date?

Yes, ever. I've been with three guys total.

[Kkristine]

Maybe he does get nervous (despite what he said), and alcohol loosens him up. That would explain why he was standoffish before and after.

 

There's no sense over-analysing it at this stage. Try to arrange the next date, and then you'll find out, based on how much interest he shows.

My good friends (one of which who has known him since high school) has said he's always been very quiet and rarely talks.

[stillafool]

What made you decide to have sex with this guy? Did the other two guys stick around after sex? As long as you wanted the sex too you weren't being used. You knew what was happening. If you are looking to be in a relationship with a man this is not the way to go about it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Yes, ever. I've been with three guys total.

 

OK, well, I think his comment about "third time's a charm" was crass and all-telling, in my opinion. He really wanted to be the one to get you to have sex on the first date. Whether that's all he was after remains to be seen. For your sake, I hope not (if you like him), but in the future, don't do this again. (Not trying to make you feel bad.....we have ALL done things we regret!! )

[Eternal Sunshine]

If you wanted sex too, you weren't used.

 

But...I have known plenty of men that are into having LTRs and say they are not into "hook ups". Yet none of them turn down a hook up if it lands in their lap.

[Art_Critic]

Yet none of them turn down a hook up if it lands in their lap.

 

or on their face

[newyorker11356]

If you wanted sex too, you weren't used.

 

But...I have known plenty of men that are into having LTRs and say they are not into "hook ups". Yet none of them turn down a hook up if it lands in their lap.

 

I'm a guy, and I sometimes say this.

 

What most of us guys mean when we say this is that while we prefer LTR's, and are ideally looking for that, we won't exactly turn down a hookup opportunity either if it falls in our lap .