Qkrwodud Posted December 15, 2017 Share Posted December 15, 2017 I met this guy about two weeks ago and we had 5 dates since then. He introduced me to his best friends, his boss and people he was close to within those times. Last Saturday he told me that he liked me very much but also afraid of the feelings because he was heartbroken before. I didn't say anything to him at the time but it started messing my head. He has been consistently texting and calling me everyday since I met him. But on Wednesday he sent a text and I replied but no answer. I called him the same night to tell him some inside joke and the phone conversation was great. But as time goes I began to feel scared as well because I started to liking him a lot. As he did, I had been heartbroken and I didn't let myself to be that way since my last 5 year long relationship. Since he didn't text or call yesterday I started to have feelingfeelings that he he might be pulling away. I called him and told him that I was attracted to him and started to liking him but also very scared. He said he was always like this and needed time to open his heart. He said we like each other and enjoy each other's company so let's not think ahead of time and see where it takes us. I said it sounded right but I'm just not sure if it was right thing to do. He said let's talk about this in person next time we see each other. He hasn't contacted me today and we don't have any plan to see on this weekend. Should I read into this or am I just paranoid? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 15, 2017 Share Posted December 15, 2017 If a guy said that to me I would drop him like a hot potato. He has baggage. Don't make his problem your problem. keep your feelings in check...stop investing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted December 15, 2017 Share Posted December 15, 2017 I'd trust your instincts. "Afraid of developing feelings" comments are usually an excuse for a lack of strong interest or a cover for hot and cold behavior. When someone is strongly interested, their actions and words aren't vague or inconsistent. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 15, 2017 Share Posted December 15, 2017 OP, is the man being discussed here a different one from the one you posted about a couple weeks ago or the same one? I noted you didn't respond to any of the comments in that thread. Perhaps you could enlighten us? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Qkrwodud Posted December 15, 2017 Author Share Posted December 15, 2017 No not the same Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 15, 2017 Share Posted December 15, 2017 Let me guess: he's recently single? His behavior (rushing to introduce you to his friends and boss) and words (afraid of being hurt) are typical of a man still hung up on his ex and looking for a rebound. I am not saying he's still in love with her but he has not made peace with what happened. Do not date men recently single or *afraid* of getting involved, they will abandon you shortly after. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Qkrwodud Posted December 16, 2017 Author Share Posted December 16, 2017 He broke up last year. So him introducing to these people had nothing to do with him liking me? I should not initiate any contacts from my end right? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 He broke up last year. So him introducing to these people had nothing to do with him liking me? I should not initiate any contacts from my end right? Men live in the moment much more than us women. He introduced you to his friends and boss because *at the time* he felt excited about being with you and he wanted to introduce you. It just means at the time he wanted to introduce you. THEN he got scared (his words) which means his feelings changed. In men language when they say *lets take our time* or *I am scared* or *lets see where things go* it all means '''''I am not feeling it very stronly''''. One other thing, when you start dating a man and it's at the very beginning, ****you do not ask him why he's withdrawing**** you let him take the space he wants and you get busy doing your thing. You've had a total of 5 dates with this man, you should barely notice if he drops off the face of the earth. If a man wants to leave your life....let him. Don't ask why, let him dissapear. So finally to answer your question, yes I think he's putting space between you 2 and you should get busy with something else. Let him be with his thoughts, let him wonder about you, let him see you are doing fantastic without him by not contacting him. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Qkrwodud Posted December 16, 2017 Author Share Posted December 16, 2017 Men live in the moment much more than us women. He introduced you to his friends and boss because *at the time* he felt excited about being with you and he wanted to introduce you. It just means at the time he wanted to introduce you. THEN he got scared (his words) which means his feelings changed. In men language when they say *lets take our time* or *I am scared* or *lets see where things go* it all means '''''I am not feeling it very stronly''''. One other thing, when you start dating a man and it's at the very beginning, ****you do not ask him why he's withdrawing**** you let him take the space he wants and you get busy doing your thing. You've had a total of 5 dates with this man, you should barely notice if he drops off the face of the earth. If a man wants to leave your life....let him. Don't ask why, let him dissapear. So finally to answer your question, yes I think he's putting space between you 2 and you should get busy with something else. Let him be with his thoughts, let him wonder about you, let him see you are doing fantastic without him by not contacting him. Thank you! Exactly what I needed to hear 1 Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 Thank you! Exactly what I needed to hear I don't agree with much of the above, too many assumptions without knowing this individual and unique man. Sure, he could be making excuses for pulling back. Or he sincerely likes you and is interested but doesn't want to rush into anything too quickly. If you are into him, you could assume positive intentions, spend time with him and see what develops between you. Everybody has relationship baggage. Even after working through it, it can result in some taking a more cautious approach and not rushing things or other behaviors and emotional styles, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 I don't agree with much of the above, too many assumptions without knowing this individual and unique man. Sure, he could be making excuses for pulling back. Or he sincerely likes you and is interested but doesn't want to rush into anything too quickly. If you are into him, you could assume positive intentions, spend time with him and see what develops between you. Everybody has relationship baggage. Even after working through it, it can result in some taking a more cautious approach and not rushing things or other behaviors and emotional styles, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. Her words: 5 dates since then. He introduced me to his best friends, his boss and people he was close to within those times. Five dates in 2 weeks and introducing her to friends and boss are not the action of a man that wants to take things slow. They're the actions of a man suddenly feeling excited about dating a woman and ecalating it fast. Men that want to take things slow do take things slow but slow doesn't mean they lack constancy in their approach, they don't go from hot to cold and don't leave you hanging with no reply to messages. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 I know you feel you are an expert in dating due to going on 200ish dates but I definitely don't agree with many of your opinions and this is one of those times. No matter, my opinion doesn't matter here either, it's just an opinion that anyone is welcome to disagree with. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 You are over reading this, you are too invested for how short your interactions have been to date & you are both going too fast. 5 dates in two weeks is seeing each other every 3 days. You have also met a lot of people. Assuming those intros were simply convenient, as opposed to scheduled, don't over read the significance. If you & these other people were wherever at the same time, you got introduced. It was polite not a declaration of undying love. Stop fretting about the lack of daily contact. Daily contact is waaaayyyyy too much this early. This is somebody you are just getting to know not your BF of 2 years. Enjoy your weekend without him. Monday text him something breezy about how much Christmas shopping, wrapping or whatever else you did & ask if he wants to meet for a drink or sleigh riding or whatever on Wednesday. Keep it light, fun & casual. No deep issues. No sentimentality. No future planning. Assuming you are still talking no early then Dec. 26 you can find out if you have a date for NYEs but don't get any deeper than that. Stop emotionally investing. Show him that you two can get to know each other without jumping to wedding planning. His insane overly excited pace put too much pressure on. You need to take the pressure off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 It always amazes me that people thinking because their dates introduced them to friends and relatives that it actually means something. I used to introduce everyone (man and woman) to my friends and relatives when I was single and it had nothing to do with my romantic interest in them. If I had had kids it would be a different story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Qkrwodud Posted December 16, 2017 Author Share Posted December 16, 2017 You are over reading this, you are too invested for how short your interactions have been to date & you are both going too fast. 5 dates in two weeks is seeing each other every 3 days. You have also met a lot of people. Assuming those intros were simply convenient, as opposed to scheduled, don't over read the significance. If you & these other people were wherever at the same time, you got introduced. It was polite not a declaration of undying love. Stop fretting about the lack of daily contact. Daily contact is waaaayyyyy too much this early. This is somebody you are just getting to know not your BF of 2 years. Enjoy your weekend without him. Monday text him something breezy about how much Christmas shopping, wrapping or whatever else you did & ask if he wants to meet for a drink or sleigh riding or whatever on Wednesday. Keep it light, fun & casual. No deep issues. No sentimentality. No future planning. Assuming you are still talking no early then Dec. 26 you can find out if you have a date for NYEs but don't get any deeper than that. Stop emotionally investing. Show him that you two can get to know each other without jumping to wedding planning. His insane overly excited pace put too much pressure on. You need to take the pressure off. I thought it was important because when he told me about being scared, he mentioned that he introduced me to the most important people in his live except his mom, it meant something. I agree with you about him being in crazy pace and put pressure on me. I need to take it off. Thank u. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Qkrwodud Posted December 16, 2017 Author Share Posted December 16, 2017 It always amazes me that people thinking because their dates introduced them to friends and relatives that it actually means something. I used to introduce everyone (man and woman) to my friends and relatives when I was single and it had nothing to do with my romantic interest in them. If I had had kids it would be a different story. As I wrote above, it was important because when he told me about being scared, he mentioned that he introduced me to the most important people in his live except his mom, it meant something.* Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 OK so ask him how he would like to proceed. Set some guidelines with him like how many times a week you will be communicating, how often you will see each other, etc. Maybe that will make him feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 OK so ask him how he would like to proceed. Set some guidelines with him like how many times a week you will be communicating, how often you will see each other, etc. Maybe that will make him feel better. I think it may be already to late for that. Last Saturday he told me that he liked me very much but also afraid of the feelings because he was heartbroken before. ...He has been consistently texting and calling me everyday since I met him. But on Wednesday he sent a text and I replied but no answer. ...I called him the same night ...he didn't text or call yesterday ...I called him ...He said let's talk about this in person next time we see each other. ...He hasn't contacted me today and we don't have any plan to see on this weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 It really doesn't matter if he is scared or whatever the baggage is or is not, forget this idiot and move on. I promise you that he will do nothing but disappoint you left, right and sideways. GET OUT. Whatever the problem(s) is/are, is not your concern. Remember, communication is key to everything and anything. This guy is telling you no at this moment. He may back peddle, he may make an excuse and you may want him to do or say something that he implies, but he will take the coward's way out and probably break up with you via email or text message. Don't believe me? Go down the path and see what happens. If you don't think prison's bad, you can go to prison too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Qkrwodud Posted December 16, 2017 Author Share Posted December 16, 2017 Updates: he texted me today asking how my weekend was going. Haven't answered him yet. I should just reply casually and see where it goes right? Don't read too much into this? Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 Do you have a gut feeling about him and what you want to do? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 Updates: he texted me today asking how my weekend was going. Haven't answered him yet. I should just reply casually and see where it goes right? Don't read too much into this? Yup. When somebody is scared, the best thing you can do is be strong .. . calm & strong. If you act like it's all good & you are not stressing & freaking out, like a scared puppy, he will come around. Be chill & he will be OK. If he's not, well, . . . then you need a guy with a better head on his shoulders who is not such a fraidy cat. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 he mentioned that he introduced me to the most important people in his live except his mom, it meant something.* You need to make your own analyze of what men tell you. He can say all he wants that introducing his friends and colleagues is important but in the grand picture when something is THAT important to people they take their time they don't rush into it. There was a time in my life that introducing my family and friends was an important step to me so I waited 3 months to make sure I was introducing a serious man, not 5 dates. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 I hate it when people are like this. You don't put yourself in a position where you are lamenting your damage or your bad experiences or your baggage because it makes you look bad. If you do, people will see you as a walking train wreck and they will do something terrible to you at some other point, because they will make their baggage happen again and disappoint you. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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