iamme10 Posted December 15, 2017 Share Posted December 15, 2017 Hey all, So several weeks ago, I met this girl at the gym - she started a conversation with me and we chatted for about 15 minutes about a range of things and found some common interests, so I told her if she ever wanted to meet up for coffee and speak French (one of our common interests) that would be cool. So she gave me her Facebook info and we parted ways. After I got home that afternoon, I sent her a quick note to say it was good to meet her, and we ended up chatting most of the rest of the day on Facebook. Over the next few weeks, we were chatting pretty frequently on Facebook, and I asked her out to dinner at two different points in time. The first time she canceled due to car problems but asked if we could reschedule for a different day. I saw her the following day at the gym she seemed happy to see me and we chatted a while, so I didn't think anything of the fact she had canceled. The 2nd time she couldn't make it since a last-minute practice came up for her crossfit competition, but said things should settle down after her competition. During this whole time, we were chatting almost daily on Facebook. I was initiating most of the time, but she seems a bit shy, so I attributed it to that... The week before her competition, I told her I'd love to come cheer her on, so she gave me the details of the competition. I also asked if we could move the conversation to text messaging and she said 'I meant to tell you earlier you could text'. Fast forward to her competition - there was some down time between her events so we were hanging out with her other friends from crossfit. At first when I'm there, it seems she's glad I'm there, but as the day goes on, it seems she starts avoiding eye contact and getting more quiet. She mentioned being disappointed in her performance, so I attributed it to this at the time, but now I'm wondering if I was putting her on edge somehow. I did feel a bit out of place at the competition and so maybe didn't give her enough space? In any case, I wasn't able to stay for the whole thing, but after I left, she sent me a message thanking me for coming. Later that night she texted me and we chatted for a while about her comp and how she felt she did. Its been a few weeks now since I went to see her competition, and with the exception of some texting over Thanksgiving, her texting has really fallen off. If I text her, she'll usually reply to my first text, but not really to any further ones. So at least from the texting side of things, I've been trying to give her space and only text every other day, maximum. Outside of texting, I have been asking her if she wants to hang out. One weekend I asked if she wanted to join me for a coffee on the way to the gym - she replied that she can't join for coffee but would be at the gym. The next weekend I asked if she wanted to practice French together and she said she's not sure how well she can speak French. Long story short, it seems like I was hitting it off with this girl for a while - especially since we were chatting a bunch and sharing some personal things and then it all really slowed down, so I'm confused about what happened. I feel I somehow screwed up when I was at her crossfit competition. Its been a while since I've been so attracted by someone, so I really want to know if I can salvage this... She seems a bit shy and demure, so I'm wondering if something I did was too much pressure on her and she's feeling like I came on too strong. Should I point out to her that it seems she's more quiet recently and ask whats wrong? Or apologize for coming on a bit too strong at the competition? Both? I'd appreciate any advice you all might have... Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted December 15, 2017 Share Posted December 15, 2017 Did you ever, when asking her out state that you were asking for a 'date'? All the chatting you did, did you tell her how you felt about her and that you fancy her? Did you ever compliment her looks rather than achievements? Did you ever kiss her? Did you ever flirt with her? I think she was initially interested but figured this was just a friendship (if you didn't do any of the above). Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 15, 2017 Share Posted December 15, 2017 She's not interested if she keeps giving you excuses not to. Hitting it off doesn't mean romance...it just means you get along. An interested person will say YES! at any opportunity to see you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamme10 Posted December 15, 2017 Author Share Posted December 15, 2017 Did you ever, when asking her out state that you were asking for a 'date'? All the chatting you did, did you tell her how you felt about her and that you fancy her? Did you ever compliment her looks rather than achievements? Did you ever kiss her? Did you ever flirt with her? I think she was initially interested but figured this was just a friendship (if you didn't do any of the above). Thanks for the reply. I never specifically stated when asking her out it was for a date; also never kissed her (haven't had the chance yet); also never really told her how I felt about her. I did compliment her, both on looks and in general, but not in an overbearing way. I'm horrible at flirting, so didn't do much of that. I did text her once saying I was thinking of her and hoped she was doing well, and got an "aww thanks" back from her along with a bunch of other messages, so that seemed to be received well. But it was actually after that day where the messages really dropped off... Maybe that scared her off as too much? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 15, 2017 Share Posted December 15, 2017 She thought she found a friend, but now she knows you have a romantic interest in her so she's backed off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamme10 Posted December 15, 2017 Author Share Posted December 15, 2017 She thought she found a friend, but now she knows you have a romantic interest in her so she's backed off. Makes sense, although I was thinking based on some earlier compliments I gave her (about her smile, laugh, etc) that she would have figured that out, and she kept talking to me after. Maybe she just liked the attention... Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 15, 2017 Share Posted December 15, 2017 IMO she should be the one to reschedule not YOU. I think you should kool it on FB. You end up in the friends zone being too available. You don't want to be someone's bloody penpal. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 15, 2017 Share Posted December 15, 2017 She thought she found a friend, but now she knows you have a romantic interest in her so she's backed off. ^^^^^^this Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamme10 Posted December 15, 2017 Author Share Posted December 15, 2017 ^^^^^^this Yeah was afraid of that... do you think there's any use in saying something like "in my excitement to get to know you I might have come on too strong - if i haven't completely scared you off, I'd like an opportunity to start again on the right foot"? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 15, 2017 Share Posted December 15, 2017 Yeah was afraid of that... do you think there's any use in saying something like "in my excitement to get to know you I might have come on too strong - if i haven't completely scared you off, I'd like an opportunity to start again on the right foot"? no, you never say **** like that 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 15, 2017 Share Posted December 15, 2017 Say NOTHING Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted December 15, 2017 Share Posted December 15, 2017 I think it's equally possible she thinks you are looking for a pal and not a date. Why not ask her on a proper date and see what happens? Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 You didn't mention once trying to kiss her on any of these outings. If a man didn't attempt to do that at some point, I would assume he's not interested in me that way. I think she thought that you were going to be friends but when she realized you may be thinking otherwise she got nervous. Can it be saved? Perhaps. What you need to do is talk, and I mean you need to talk with your voices as in on the phone or face to face. Tell her that you feel / felt otherwise and was hoping that you two would be an item, ask her how she feels. See what she says. At least you will have an answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iamme10 Posted December 16, 2017 Author Share Posted December 16, 2017 (edited) You didn't mention once trying to kiss her on any of these outings. If a man didn't attempt to do that at some point, I would assume he's not interested in me that way. I think she thought that you were going to be friends but when she realized you may be thinking otherwise she got nervous. Can it be saved? Perhaps. What you need to do is talk, and I mean you need to talk with your voices as in on the phone or face to face. Tell her that you feel / felt otherwise and was hoping that you two would be an item, ask her how she feels. See what she says. At least you will have an answer. Thanks for the advice - although we never really went on any outings (she had to cancel 2 of them, and the other was more of an athletic event she was participating in, so not really a kissing/date type event). My last attempts to do something with her were pretty nonchalant (i.e. I'm going to this place, want to join me?) but she wasn't available for either. So I can try to get her to see me face to face, but so far the only place that has happened is the gym where we met... Otherwise I'll see if I can get her on the phone, but there as well, we haven't connected so far. Edited December 16, 2017 by iamme10 Add more info Link to post Share on other sites
Aiuta le mani Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 Hey man! don't beat yourself over this for too long! Look for an opportunity to talk to her and ask her if everything is OK between you too! The truth is always best! get a face to face and be honest my friend! you will get your answers and move forward! Link to post Share on other sites
Grey40 Posted December 18, 2017 Share Posted December 18, 2017 Too much daily talking, way too much investment on your part early on. After she canceled date 2 you should have cut off contact with her completley. Talking and texting too much before actually meeting up one on one for a date is a terrible idea. It’s fine if you’re 18 or something, but you just waste so much time. Trust me, talking to her for a week plus or a couple of days is not going to make her change her mind. If she’s attracted and interested at some level romantically she’ll agree to go out with you, and will not cancel more than one time unless something really drastic happens that’s out of her control. That’s where the daily texting and talking really hurt you. By pulling back totally you would have shown her that you’re not waiting around for her schedule to free up. You have to set the precedent that you don’t play games. You either want to go out or you don’t. You don’t say that, but you show it through your behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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