Jump to content

BF lies, should I be concerned? **Updated**


Taryanoriley

Recommended Posts

So my bf of 4 months lies about going to college after work. I know because I see him active online playing his favorite computer game/he is really addicted to it but he doesn’t know that I see. The thing is when we started dating, he did go to class but he kept skipping classes to see me and now he doesn’t attend at all. I was wondering why do you guys think he’s lying to me about it:/ is it because he doesn’t want me to think he isn’t going or he just doesn’t want to see me after work. Because sometimes I ask him if he wants to hangout and he says he has class later*_* :(((

Link to post
Share on other sites

I would be more concerned about the fact your BF is irresponsible and addicted to online games.

 

He is seriously dropping out of college to visit with his girlfriend and play games?

 

Who is paying for college? Who is enabling this loser behavior?

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Why haven't you told him that you know he's lying because you see him online playing?

 

I haven’t told him because I don’t want to start a fight. He will start telling me I don’t trust him and all blame will be on me. Also I don’t want to look like a stalker :/

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I would be more concerned about the fact your BF is irresponsible and addicted to online games.

 

He is seriously dropping out of college to visit with his girlfriend and play games?

 

Who is paying for college? Who is enabling this loser behavior?

 

The thing is he is staying in the states on a student and work visa. He actually doesn’t need to go to college he finished 2 degrees in Europe. But we are probably gonna her married and he will get a green card.

Link to post
Share on other sites
The thing is he is staying in the states on a student and work visa. He actually doesn’t need to go to college he finished 2 degrees in Europe. But we are probably gonna her married and he will get a green card.

 

 

After 4 months of dating, you're talking about getting married to this guy, but you are afraid to bring up his lying about going to class for fear of getting into a fight and him turning it around on you??

 

I think him not going to class is the least of your problems.

  • Like 14
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
After 4 months of dating, you're talking about getting married to this guy, but you are afraid to bring up his lying about going to class for fear of getting into a fight and him turning it around on you??

 

I think him not going to class is the least of your problems.

 

THank you for your response. You re right:( well not get married soon but in the future because he can only stay in the states if we get married. And honestly he’s such a great guy and we do love each other. Problem is the small lies...

Link to post
Share on other sites
THank you for your response. You re right:( well not get married soon but in the future because he can only stay in the states if we get married. And honestly he’s such a great guy and we do love each other. Problem is the small lies...

 

Its highly alarming that the topic of marriage has come up after 4 short months of dating.

 

Its alarming that you would even consider marriage with someone you can't communicate with.

 

Its alarming that he LIES TO YOU. Guess what else he may be lying to you about?

 

This has red flags ALL OVER IT. Do you parents know about this? That you have discussed marriage with this man who is desperate to get marred for a green card?

 

How old are you? This doesn't sound like a very good situation.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Are you not concerned that he is using you to get the green card? :confused:

 

I don’t think he’s using me. He has a family business here so he can stay here for a long time. I just don’t want him to move back. We do really have a connection.

Link to post
Share on other sites
THank you for your response. You re right:( well not get married soon but in the future because he can only stay in the states if we get married. And honestly he’s such a great guy and we do love each other. Problem is the small lies...

 

I don't want to sound like an ass, but I have seen this played out numerous times, most recently with my ex bf. He was married to a woman from Sweden and as soon as she got her green card and established herself in the US, she divorced him.

 

It's only been 4 months, and you've already caught him in lies.

 

The fact that you don't want to bring it up to him so as to not cause a fight is very alarming. Him blameshifting things back onto you reeks of addiction issues (alcoholics are known for this).

 

If you're afraid to communicate with him, how are you going to have a sustaining relationship? The foundation is already shaky.

 

What's his previous dating history like? Did he want to live in the states prior to meeting you? What was his plan if he hadn't met you?

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
I don’t think he’s using me. He has a family business here so he can stay here for a long time. I just don’t want him to move back. We do really have a connection.

 

Great! He can stay here for a long time without using you.

 

Please do not marry him for a long time and watch his actions. So far, they suck.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
I don’t think he’s using me. He has a family business here so he can stay here for a long time. I just don’t want him to move back. We do really have a connection.

 

So let him. Whose idea was it to get married? You two are nowhere near ready to even be talking about marriage and green cards yet.

 

And why did he even bother getting a student visa if he doesn't need more education and he can work for his family in the US anyway?

 

Something is really off here, OP.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
healing light

I'm not saying this because I don't think this situation has red flags--because it does--but some people silence their computers during class and **** off on them/play games while professors lecture. I've seen it happen and it can look like they are typing notes depending on the game.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
So my bf of 4 months lies about going to college after work. I know because I see him active online playing his favorite computer game/he is really addicted to it but he doesn’t know that I see. The thing is when we started dating, he did go to class but he kept skipping classes to see me and now he doesn’t attend at all. I was wondering why do you guys think he’s lying to me about it:/ is it because he doesn’t want me to think he isn’t going or he just doesn’t want to see me after work. Because sometimes I ask him if he wants to hangout and he says he has class later*_* :(((

 

Is this the Muslim guy?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

You can't marry somebody you barely know just to keep him from leaving the country. More importantly if he has a family business in the US he should be eligible for an H1B work visa. He really doesn't need you to deal with his immigration status. Also do you understand that giving somebody a green card through a sham marriage is a Federal Crime; plus such arrangements come with financial obligations? If you divorce you will be required by law to pay him alimony.

 

 

Since you know he is a liar why do you trust that he has the degrees he mentioned to you?

 

 

You need to get your head out of the clouds, stop thinking love is a fairy tale & make some logical assessments of this situation.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

It's still possible for him to play a game online so cut him some slack. I used to play my SIMS computer game while in class all the time. I even used to be on Facebook and other social sites to kill time.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
It's still possible for him to play a game online so cut him some slack. I used to play my SIMS computer game while in class all the time. I even used to be on Facebook and other social sites to kill time.

 

Did you lie to your SO about it? This guy is LYING to her about something you feel he should get some slack for.

 

Besides, this relationship seems to go beyond simple gaming....

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Did you lie to your SO about it? This guy is LYING to her about something you feel he should get some slack for.

 

Besides, this relationship seems to go beyond simple gaming....

 

She's assuming he's lying because she said she sees him online according to the original post.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
She's assuming he's lying because she said she sees him online according to the original post.

 

Provided that she is accurate in that she is observing his bf playing games when he should be in class as he claims he has been, yes, lying.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

He has an addition to vid games? Dealbreaker. Toss him back, find someone else.

 

You want to marry a man or a boy?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
So my bf of 4 months lies about going to college after work. I know because I see him active online playing his favorite computer game/he is really addicted to it but he doesn’t know that I see. The thing is when we started dating, he did go to class but he kept skipping classes to see me and now he doesn’t attend at all. I was wondering why do you guys think he’s lying to me about it:/ is it because he doesn’t want me to think he isn’t going or he just doesn’t want to see me after work. Because sometimes I ask him if he wants to hangout and he says he has class later*_* :(((

 

he just doesn’t want to see you after work

 

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
Life_Hope_Love

Dear Swedishfishy,

I'm sorry you're going through this. Relationships aren't always easy. But I know that trust is always important. Have you tried talking with him openly about these serious concerns?

I saw this article and thought it may be help shed some light on how you're feeling. Blessings to you dear!

 

White Lies Are Still Lies No Matter the Intent | Focus on the Family

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you are pretty sure he is lying about going to college, it should be a concern to you. Lies are lies. If he lies about this, he will lie about other things.

 

If he is on a student visa, he may well have to engage with his studies to retain his student visa. It depends how strong the laws of your country are about this. If your country does not care whether he engages with college or not, then he may have only started that course for the visa. He might not have any interest in the studies. This is not an excuse to lie to you and it does not demonstrate that he has the ability to apply himself either. That is a red flag if you are considering marriage.

 

Basically, I would not marry him. That way, you will know his true motivations for being with you. If he really wants to be with you, he will have to get to the stage of some kind of work visa - which means he would have learn and do some work. He will know he can't rely on marriage as an easy route to a green card.

 

He may have a lot of redeeming features but lies are a serious character flaw.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
  • Author

We have been in a relationship for about 5 months and he lies all the time and most of the time I don’t tell him that I know but when I do he blows up on me and makes me feel soooo much guilt:( It’s like I’ve done something wrong when it’s actually him lying and doing the wrong thing and he never comes clean just gets angry and blames me and even breaks up with me. Guys why does he pu the blame on me and breaks up with me every time after I confront and then I have to beg him For forgiveness? Is this emotional abuse? ?

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...