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aaforever

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A mutual friends GF set me up with her friend who lives two hours away. She's 42. Im 36.

 

Date #1: Blind date. Just a few drinks, it goes great. End of date, I go for the kiss but she turns her head. But... she turns back real fast and lets me give her a little one. I left worrying I went for the kiss too soon.

 

Date #2: She drives 2 hours down to see me on a Sunday night! That said a lot to me about her interest level especially since she had to work in the morning. The first thing that was odd was I went to hug her but she gave me sort of a half hug. We order food and drinks and pick up where we left off. She seemed happy to be around me. She opened up about her past relationship and said it was abusive. She said she spent two years after without listening to music because the sound of silence was more pleasant. This took me back a bit. But explained the skittish nature of her hug and reaction to my kiss. I decided to go slow and keep physicality to a minimum. We ended up having a great time. We even joked about going on a trip together somewhere. At the end of the night I wasnt sure if I should kiss her, so I didn't. Either she left thinking I wasnt interested or she was happy I'm taking it slow. I couldn't tell. (I bring this up to her later on)

 

 

Next day: I txt her, I had fun with you! I told her she was different than the girls Ive met here. Its refreshing. Lets do it again. She said you are so sweet, I had so much fun too. I suggested I drive up to see her this time and offered to take her to dinner or even make her dinner if she was comfortable. She says 'Oh that sounds nice but Im crazy busy this weekend. Next time for sure!'

 

There was a part of me worried inviting myself to her place to make dinner was a bad move considering her skittish nature.

 

The weekend: I give her space and dont text her during the weekend. I dont hear from her Thursday-Monday.

 

Monday: I decide to call her to see how her weekend was. I leave a message. She calls back in 20 minutes. She sounded happy to hear from me. She said she felt like she was getting sick. She had a hair appointment on the weekend and they messed up the dye. She cancelled plans she had Saturday night to try to fix it. She said she's hoping to get it fixed this week cause its embarrassing.

 

Me: Well next time I come up we'll go hide and hangout somewhere dark where no one can see you!

Her (laughing): Ok yes like pitch black dark lol

Me: I bet you look fine though.

Her: I don't know about that.

Me: I said well let's see how you feel. I want to take you out again.

Her: Yea lets keep in touch this week and see how the week pans out.

Me: Ok cool. Also am I crazy but I worried inviting myself to your place for dinner was abit too forward. In case it was, I want you to know I genuinely just wanted to do something nice for you since you drove all the way down to see me. That was my intention. Plus, I didnt want you to think I wasnt interested in you since I didnt go for the kiss last time. I definitely stole that first one from you!

Her: Haha you did steal it! But no thats really nice of you to say. I got a good read on you, you're fine.

Me: Ok cool talk to you soon, feel better.

 

A day later:

Me (text): Hey you I hope youre feeling better!

 

That was yesterday morning. Havent heard back from her since. Super strange. Not sure what it means or how to proceed. Any thoughts?

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She doesn’t seem interested. You’ve asked her out twice wirh no agreement to a date plus no response to your last text. I’d wait for her to contact you. Interested people act interested.

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That's what I was afraid of. This happens constantly.

 

Why is it so hard for people to say things like this when they're not interested or scared after a few dates:

"I don't think I'm ready to date right now"

"I think you're a great guy I'm just not sure we click"

"I thought I was ready for a relationship, I don't think I am right now"

 

Instead people just resort to excuses and disappearing acts.

I just don't get why people operate this way. It's so damn inconsiderate.

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MaleIntuition
That's what I was afraid of. This happens constantly.

 

Why is it so hard for people to say things like this when they're not interested or scared after a few dates:

"I don't think I'm ready to date right now"

"I think you're a great guy I'm just not sure we click"

"I thought I was ready for a relationship, I don't think I am right now"

 

Instead people just resort to excuses and disappearing acts.

I just don't get why people operate this way. It's so damn inconsiderate.

 

It could be because she wasn’t certain and needed time to sort out her feelings towards you. However, I think you might have scared her somewhat by giving off some needy-vibes when you apologise for a date invite.

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Next day: I txt her, I had fun with you! I told her she was different than the girls Ive met here. Its refreshing. Lets do it again. She said you are so sweet, I had so much fun too.

 

I know some people do speak like this and mean nothing by it, but to me that sounds a bit condescending, a put down.

At that point she was signalling lack of interest IMO. and in fact from that moment on nothing positive was achieved from your point of view.

 

Puppies and kittens are "so sweet", little kids are "so sweet", serious potential lovers are not "so sweet"...

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Stop being so sweet and be a little more aloof/distant/mysterious. Be a challenge.

 

once in awhile, be lustful/sexual in your eye contact/body language to assure her you desire her sexually.

 

Put the church boy to bed before you go out on dates.

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She's not interested, for her own reasons that you'll never figure out. Just end any contact and move on. Make it a habit to ask women out on specific outings and days/times; if someone is giving you vague responses and not offering to reschedule, it's time to move on.

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**UPDATE

 

So I reached out to her. But I wanted to say this first in response to some of the people suggesting I be more aloof and mysterious…

 

I’m here to show these girls I’m real genuine down to earth gentlemen. I’m not some mysterious too cool for school actor. I’m not going to manipulate her feelings to get her to fall for me. I don’t want to be that and I don’t want to be with anyone who wants that or falls for that. So if no one wants me for who I show them I am then what’s the point of even trying to get involved with anyone anymore? Don’t you guys see something wrong with society if being upfront, transparent and considerate push people away? I’d like to believe there’s a rare needle in a haystack type of woman who actually is “upfront, transparent and considerate” and sees value in that and actually desires someone like that, but I’ve never met a single one in my life. All I hear is I wish I could find a “good guy” and then (my favorite) when they do find one they go “he’s so good he can’t be real, so I’ll just conclude he’s not real and go away”. And let’s not forget about the classic, “Chivalry is dead”. No, it’s not dead you just don’t want it or care about it. It means nothing to anyone anymore.

 

So here’s what I texted her:

 

Me:Hey I hope you’re doing ok. I want to plan something with you this weekend. If you think you’ll be tied down I understand but just in case you’re no longer interested please let me know. No hard feelings.

Her (immediate response): Hey! No, this weeks been trying to say the least. I’ve been all over the place. I was sick and got better. Then my dog got sick and has been sick for days now. She isn’t eating and very low energy but Im hoping she recovers. I just have a lot going on.

Me: Sorry to hear its been a rough week for you. Hopefully things smooth out soon.

Her: Me too. She hasn’t eaten in a couple days and sick all over. She’s on a new diet hoping she’s better by tomorrow. She’s starving.

Me: Sorry to hear. I’ll let you go. Good luck with your dog.

Her: Thank you so much.

Her: Hope you’re good.

 

This is the same person who said to me: “Everytime I get involved with someone, I put so much time in and they end up disappointing or being something they’re not. Am I supposed to keep going through the same routine until I’m 50?”… “I’m tired of putting all that time in. I just want someone who’s real. Is that too much to ask? lol.”

 

Well, here I am! And once again, they don’t really want it…

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CautiouslyOptimistic
**UPDATE

 

So I reached out to her. But I wanted to say this first in response to some of the people suggesting I be more aloof and mysterious…

 

I’m here to show these girls I’m real genuine down to earth gentlemen. I’m not some mysterious too cool for school actor. I’m not going to manipulate her feelings to get her to fall for me. I don’t want to be that and I don’t want to be with anyone who wants that or falls for that. So if no one wants me for who I show them I am then what’s the point of even trying to get involved with anyone anymore? Don’t you guys see something wrong with society if being upfront, transparent and considerate push people away? I’d like to believe there’s a rare needle in a haystack type of woman who actually is “upfront, transparent and considerate” and sees value in that and actually desires someone like that, but I’ve never met a single one in my life. All I hear is I wish I could find a “good guy” and then (my favorite) when they do find one they go “he’s so good he can’t be real, so I’ll just conclude he’s not real and go away”. And let’s not forget about the classic, “Chivalry is dead”. No, it’s not dead you just don’t want it or care about it. It means nothing to anyone anymore.

 

So here’s what I texted her:

 

Me:Hey I hope you’re doing ok. I want to plan something with you this weekend. If you think you’ll be tied down I understand but just in case you’re no longer interested please let me know. No hard feelings.

Her (immediate response): Hey! No, this weeks been trying to say the least. I’ve been all over the place. I was sick and got better. Then my dog got sick and has been sick for days now. She isn’t eating and very low energy but Im hoping she recovers. I just have a lot going on.

Me: Sorry to hear its been a rough week for you. Hopefully things smooth out soon.

Her: Me too. She hasn’t eaten in a couple days and sick all over. She’s on a new diet hoping she’s better by tomorrow. She’s starving.

Me: Sorry to hear. I’ll let you go. Good luck with your dog.

Her: Thank you so much.

Her: Hope you’re good.

 

This is the same person who said to me: “Everytime I get involved with someone, I put so much time in and they end up disappointing or being something they’re not. Am I supposed to keep going through the same routine until I’m 50?”… “I’m tired of putting all that time in. I just want someone who’s real. Is that too much to ask? lol.”

 

Well, here I am! And once again, they don’t really want it…

 

First, I agree 100%, don't be all mysterious, someone you're not, etc. Just be you. If you want an idea of how behaving that way turns out, read AmazonRambo's most recent thread.

 

I wouldn't reach out to this woman anymore. I don't understand why she can't just be upfront with you, but it sounds like she's not into a relationship.

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**UPDATE

 

So I reached out to her. But I wanted to say this first in response to some of the people suggesting I be more aloof and mysterious…

 

Well good luck with that then. :bunny:

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Me: Sorry to hear. I’ll let you go. Good luck with your dog.

Her: Thank you so much.

Her: Hope you’re good.

 

 

Why did you close it down prematurely with "I'll let you go" and then when she said

"Hope you're good", which was an opening for you to say something else, you then gave up...

 

Yes it may be just another excuse, but a sick dog is a huge thing to most dog owners and you weren't exactly forthcoming and friendly...

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I think you've come to the right conclusion.

 

Give her a month, then see what's up. That should allow more than enough time for whatever bug to run through everyone she knows and for her to get through the holidays.

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Why did you close it down prematurely with "I'll let you go" and then when she said

"Hope you're good", which was an opening for you to say something else, you then gave up...

 

Yes it may be just another excuse, but a sick dog is a huge thing to most dog owners and you weren't exactly forthcoming and friendly...

 

Please. I've asked this girl out multiple times since our last date. I'm the only one that has initiated contact since.

"Hey I hope you're feeling better" was ALSO an opening for HER to say something, but she didn't...for days...until I questioned her interest level.

 

I wouldn't say that's being very "forthcoming" on HER end, would you?

I'm doing what she's doing by not responding, but now somehow I'm wrong? But what is she when she does it?

 

But wait, I thought I was supposed to be aloof and mysterious! Well, now I'm aloof and mysterious. Oh but now I'm not forthcoming and I'm unfriendly. :lmao:

 

At the end of the day, if you don't reciprocate interest in me. I'm no longer interested in you. When you don't answer texts it's inconsiderate to me. When I'm the only one initiating contact, that's you being NOT interested in me. I don't care what's going on in my life. If my dogs sick and I'm going to be occupied for a long period, I'm making it a point to reassure this person that I'm interested and to not go anywhere. She hasn't done that. It takes two minutes to write a reassuring text. Everyone has two minutes. If you don't put the effort in to show the other person you're interested then why should I continue doing what they're not doing?

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mortensorchid

My suggestion to you and all others is this about texting vs. calling ...

 

If you like this woman and you want to see her again, CALL her do not text her. I am also 42 (about to be 43), I was there before texting too off. It's with us and a great thing, I do not deny this, but it's a passive form of communication not a direct one. Know how many OLDs and whatnot I have been on who we'd end up texting for a day or two afterward and then never hear from the other again? A lot. Because they did not call me.

 

So in the future, if you like the woman and you really want to see her again, CALL her. This is a direct approach and sends the best message to the woman that you want to see her again. Not texting.

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At the end of the day, if you don't reciprocate interest in me. I'm no longer interested in you. When you don't answer texts it's inconsiderate to me. When I'm the only one initiating contact, that's you being NOT interested in me. I don't care what's going on in my life. If my dogs sick and I'm going to be occupied for a long period, I'm making it a point to reassure this person that I'm interested and to not go anywhere. She hasn't done that. It takes two minutes to write a reassuring text. Everyone has two minutes. If you don't put the effort in to show the other person you're interested then why should I continue doing what they're not doing?

 

Totally agree, it takes 30 seconds to send a text, if they can't even be bothered with that then there you have it. Move on swiftly...

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**UPDATE

 

So I reached out to her. But I wanted to say this first in response to some of the people suggesting I be more aloof and mysterious…

 

I’m here to show these girls I’m real genuine down to earth gentlemen. I’m not some mysterious too cool for school actor. I’m not going to manipulate her feelings to get her to fall for me. I don’t want to be that and I don’t want to be with anyone who wants that or falls for that. So if no one wants me for who I show them I am then what’s the point of even trying to get involved with anyone anymore? Don’t you guys see something wrong with society if being upfront, transparent and considerate push people away? I’d like to believe there’s a rare needle in a haystack type of woman who actually is “upfront, transparent and considerate” and sees value in that and actually desires someone like that, but I’ve never met a single one in my life. All I hear is I wish I could find a “good guy” and then (my favorite) when they do find one they go “he’s so good he can’t be real, so I’ll just conclude he’s not real and go away”. And let’s not forget about the classic, “Chivalry is dead”. No, it’s not dead you just don’t want it or care about it. It means nothing to anyone anymore.

 

amen brother ben.

 

as for this chick I think she doesn't know what she wants. She'll figure out whether it's you or not. Maybe it's too late by then, who knows. I wouldn't wait around.

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I agree about calling rather than texting as long as it's quick calls at reasonable times.

I'm in my forties and texting doesn't promote 'feelings' for me.

Plus there is a lot more room in a call for telling and finding out what is going on in another person's life and you have something to 'read' in a call as in tone of voice, expression, all of that. Al that is absent in a text pretty much.

 

I won't comment on the hair dye incident as I'm sure at your age you are very aware of a woman's hair being the first thing people see when they see her even though your texts trivialised it.

She's been having a tough time of things with sickness as well and her dog being so sick - that is a long time for an animal to not be eating.

 

Over and above all this though, she has been in an abusive relationship.

If she is not interested then telling someone you are not interested can provoke a nasty response. It happens online heck of a lot but also happens IRL too. Abusive messages, being followed and stalked after just one meet/date, people turning up at your door, blowing up your phone - all has happened to me just from expressing I wasn't interested in dating. This is scary stuff even when not having previously been in an abusive relationship.

These are things someone who has been abused would instinctively want to avoid at all costs if they are not yet ready to date.

 

She simply doesn't know you anywhere near well enough to know how you might react to her saying she is not interested. If you have come across needy at all then her radar will be up and she will not want to rock the boat.

 

So, if she is not interested be considerate of that and let her actions speak. If she is not initiating contact then that is your cue that she doesn't want to date you.

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todreaminblue

what gemma wrote....

 

 

let her initiate.....if she does then the people on here saying she wasn't interested don't really know her do they.....as a woman in her forties i also agree calling to organise dates is better than texting.....i feel you have been respectful of her in your messages and stating fact rather than neediness...you were honest...she said she got a good read on you....she may or may not be interested in you time will tell..just be you glad to hear you arent going the aloof route ...turns some women right off...deb

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CautiouslyOptimistic
My suggestion to you and all others is this about texting vs. calling ...

 

If you like this woman and you want to see her again, CALL her do not text her. I am also 42 (about to be 43), I was there before texting too off. It's with us and a great thing, I do not deny this, but it's a passive form of communication not a direct one. Know how many OLDs and whatnot I have been on who we'd end up texting for a day or two afterward and then never hear from the other again? A lot. Because they did not call me.

 

So in the future, if you like the woman and you really want to see her again, CALL her. This is a direct approach and sends the best message to the woman that you want to see her again. Not texting.

 

Eh, I disagree. I am 45, and prefer texting one thousand times over talking on the phone. I just don't enjoy talking on the phone, period.

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**UPDATE

 

First of all thanks to everyone for their responses here.

 

I’ll just start by saying, I’m no longer interested. But I did reach out again to her yesterday because I do genuinely care about her situation. Both of us, coincidentally, have been going through a rough patch actually. I have a cousin who was comatosed due to a heroin overdose this week and my christmas plans were cancelled due to family conflict so I’ll be solo this year. I opened up to her about this. We talked about silver linings and how they can benefit us and help motivate us to achieve so much for ourselves. It was a brief back and forth but ultimately she just said to ‘keep your chin up’, ‘we got this’, etc. I wished her a Merry Christmas and told her to enjoy the holidays. I left it at that. See now someone on here will say ‘Oh, you shouldn’t have told her about your problems’ now you seem needy blah blah blah. Well, it doesn't matter now because I'm no longer interested. But even if I was, I would have still said the same things. It doesn't mean I'm needy. This is me having a genuine conversation about whats going on in my life, just as she has with me with the intent of reassuring her she's not alone. I don't care how anyone interprets that, that's what it is. And also, as much as she’s screening me as a potential partner, I’m screening her too. If I open up about something and I don’t get much investment on her end about my situation then why should I invest in hers. And what type of relationship would that be for me with this person. The type where the world revolves around them? Sorry, I’ve already played the role of the white knight in my last relationship. It was awful. But still, I’m always invested as long as it’s both ways.

 

Honestly, I just don’t think this person has a clue what she had in front of her face with me. And what’s crazy is based on her past, she deserves someone who will treat her right. She’s very attractive and unfortunately, probably used to people chasing her because of that. I’m just not that guy. I need to see more before I go out of my way. And if you’re not going to agree to dates then how will I know you’re worth the pursuit? I’ll do it a bit in the beginning to show I’m interested but if you just stop reciprocating and expect the generic cat and mouse game then I’m out. That should have phased out in your teenage years. I mean, you got a guy showing you he’s emotionally available, considerate to whats going on in your life who treats you with nothing but respect and class, overcame adversity just like her, is self-made just like her and that’s not enough for you to say ‘hey Im going through a lot right now but don’t you dare go anywhere.’ Obviously none of that is desirable enough for her or she’s blind. But what’s funny is after the honeymoon stage is over, that’s when they all want those qualities, but it won’t be there because they fell for the hot “mysterious and aloof” actor. I’m trying to show these girls upfront that Im a high quality long term partner so their is no "mystery" about what they are investing in. Obviously sex appeal is important but trust me, I get a lot of compliments. I don’t know how many of my friends girlfriends constantly try to set me up or say things like ‘how has no one scooped you up yet.” Someone on here suggested “cold feet”. I’m starting to think most of these girls when they get to know me see that Im the real deal and they get scared. I don’t think they’re ready for this to be perfectly honest. Whether its due to immaturity, insecurity, whatever it is. I think it’s too much too soon for them and honestly, I’m ready to throw in the towel.

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She's just a chick who isn't interested. That should not rock your world to the point where you let it affect who or how often you date.

 

She treats you the way she feels about you: not invested.

 

If she is smart, she will not be falling for anyone right now because she's not in the head space to be in a relationship. I'm sure her friend knows that, but wanted to play matchmaker so that she (the friend) can feel better about this woman's love life.

 

She sounds like she's still dealing with the aftermath of her abusive relationship, it's taking her longer to get her "sea legs" and she's not going to get over that by getting under someone new, no matter how great he thinks he is for her.

 

All that to say: don't let this bump in the road cause you to give up on anything. You don't get every job you apply for. We all don't get something we're after in life--you don't shut down because of it.

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  • 4 weeks later...
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***UPDATE

 

We went out again.

 

Heres what happened:

I get a ‘Merry Christmas’ text out of the blue. We start talking. I had no intention to ask her out this time so I just kept it casual and asked about her Christmas. I was at the store at the time and on a whim I threw out a flirty joke which could have completely turned her off or maybe made her laugh. At this point I didn’t really care, so I was just throwing it out there to have fun but surprisingly she was receptive to it and I decided to ask her out again and give it one last shot.

 

I said to her:

“So Im at the store right the now. All Christmas items are half off. I see a Rudolph Doll and a pair of red and white Xmas lingerie. Which do you want?

Her: Duh!! The lingerie!

Me: Ok Ill get them but the only way to get them is if I get another date with you.

Her: Deal!! (hearts)

Me: Saturday?

Her: Perfect.

Me: Ok great. Well go out to dinner.

Her: Ok!

 

I text her later in the week.

Me: We still on for Saturday?

Her: Yeah! Dinner?

Me: How does Dinner and a comedy show after sound?

Her: Let's just do dinner and take our time.

Me: Ok.

 

I offer to pick her up she says let’s meet there. I say OK.

We go to a small quaint Italian spot. She loves it. We have a nice time/conversation. No flirting.

 

I ask her how her New Years was. And she tells me she was supposed to spend it with a “friend” from Germany that was in town. A guy. Not sure what the relationship was there but I didn’t pry. I just said ok. She said he got sick and couldn’t make it so she spent it with her family.

 

When I’m paying for the check she says:

 

Her:’Are you staying in town or driving back home?’

Me: ‘I’m gonna drive’.

Her: Ok.

Me: You feel like taking a walk by the boardwalk before I go? (This was by her place)

Her: Sure!

Her: Actually, let’s do something around here I used to live here and know a good spot to grab a drink.

 

I say OK and we go.

 

We’re at the bar and she seems a bit more relaxed. She’s showing me pictures of her family and we’re just really having a good conversation.

Then I ask her:

Me: So what is it that you’re looking for?

Her: (quickly changing the subject) I don’t know. Hey did you see the new Star Wars yet?

 

I’m like ‘Ok this girl either doesn't know what she wants or she's not that interested in me as a partner’.

 

We sit outside she keeps ordering drinks now. We start telling stories, having a good laugh and she says 'we should hang out downtown next time'.

I say ok. I walk her to her car take her hand and say…

 

Me: ‘So this has been bugging me. I have something for you that I completely forgot to give you last time.’

Her: What?

I go for the kiss.

She turns her head SO FAST! Almost as if she was in shock.

At this point Im so frustrated and I say: Well that sucks.

She just laughs and then notices a ticket on her car. So she changes the subject to that.

I wish her goodnight and walk back to my car.

She immediately texts me: Please message me when you make it home!!!

 

At this point I’m just confused again and over it.

 

I text her in the morning:

So Im probably breaking the rules here but I have to know. Was last night at the car a:

1. I’m not interested no

2. Let just be friends no

3. Lets take it slow no

4. I don’t know what I want no

 

She replies:

No no it just caught me off guard. Usually that stuff happens naturally because there’s chemistry and you just go with the flow. Maybe that hasn’t happened for us we should just stay friends. I think you’re super cool and fun

 

Me: Yea maybe it hasn’t. I thought we had some chemistry but maybe I read it wrong. So if it came across as a curve ball, I apologize. It was my way of creating some sparks I guess.

 

I go on to say…

 

This happens a lot. I find myself liking the person more than they like me. Maybe I overextend too early and don’t let things build. Not sure. I do know, at this point in my life, I’m not interested in friendship. Im looking for a relationship and a real connection with someone. I’m just not sure that it’s out here for me. I hope theres no hard feelings because I really think you’re great and I hope you find what you’re looking for. You deserve someone awesome. Maybe I’ll see you around.

 

Her: I understand, I know single is tough sometimes but Im recently out of a relationship. Im sorry if I came across like “NO!!!” It just caught me off guard. I like to take time with dating and not rush into anything. If you don’t want to stay friends it sucks, but I can understand and respect that.

 

That was Sunday and I haven’t responded. Yesterday, I noticed she 'liked' something I posted online (whatever that's worth). I honestly don’t really know what to say. I guess our ideas of taking it slow are different? I know it’s only been three dates but these are 100 mile drives, and I’ve only been able to get three dates over the past two months, Im constantly reaching out to her she's constantly busy and having excuses and I can’t even touch her without her spazzing out.

I just don’t know whats going on. Maybe Im just inexperienced at dating or shes just not ready to get involved with someone. Who knows. Anyone have any thoughts?

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Obviously she friend zoned you, recent interest was due to wanting a safe night out with a guy she had no romantic intentions with. Her actions are very crappy in my opinion, she knew the score and she knew what she was doing. Then she acted like, gosh, you were asking me on dates and offering to buy lingerie because you were interested my romantically?!!! She used you for a night or two out. "It sucks if we can't be friends" would have been met by me with a clip from Family Guy of the maid saying, "No. Nooo, nooo." followed by delete and block.

 

 

Now, as far as coming off needy, reading your interactions you did seem needy. Whether you like it or not or agree with it or not, coming off as needy is not attractive. You are trying to attract a woman. Chances are very slim you are just going to stand there, say hello, act nice and have a woman be attracted to "who you are" or give you 3-4 dates for her to find that attraction. You could make the greatest tasting steak in the world... one that people would pay $10,000 to eat in a heartbeat... but if it looks like a pile of dog poo, nobody will eat it. If you want to sell that steak, what do you do? Dress it up to be appealing to your audience.

 

 

You don't need to change who you are, but you need to turn women on and build attraction. You need to pique interest in who you might be, make her want to know more and grow the attraction. Women want to go out with a guy that intrigues them, being needy and plain and no mystery is not intriguing whether you like it or not. If you are not exciting, interesting, "different" and attractive via personality, it will be a rough go. You can argue the merits of love me for who I am vs. acting in a way that attracts women, but in the end you'll be arguing with yourself at home on a Saturday night while she is out with a guy that makes her want to be with him.

 

 

It's interesting you mention how you "didn't care" and texted her about lingerie...that piqued her interest. Was that you or was that an act? (Hint: That is who you are too).

 

 

 

You mentioned how you were sympathetic to her being sick and her dog being sick...that did not pique her interest, at that point you were her safe friend, her sexless buddy that would probably drive 2 hours to give her soup and leave without her having to worry about doing anything in return.

 

 

So you can interact with her like her buddy, or you can interact with her like the guy that wants her to wear lingerie. You can stand on a soap box and tell everyone you will not change and you will be who you are and if they don't like you it's their loss, or you can work to get better at attracting women early on so they give you the chance to show what a great guy you are. I would just make sure while you are on the soap box, that you remember you are also the guy that suggested buying her lingerie so maybe the nice, caring, concerned because she is sick guy is a bit of an act too.

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