alex1030 Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 Can a relationship between a mom with 2 kids survive with a childless man? It seems like to me that no matter how well intended the guy is something is always amiss. Has anyone had success? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 My personal opinion is that, regardless of gender, this type of relationship success is found rarely. I've seen it, but not without struggles, usually. I know of one instance where it has worked out very, very well, but it's due to the extreme maturity of the childless person in the relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 Can a relationship between a mom with 2 kids survive with a childless man? It seems like to me that no matter how well intended the guy is something is always amiss. Has anyone had success? Not unless the man and the woman come to an unshakable, united front agreement early on on how her children will be disciplined. It also depends upon whether or not the childrens' father is in the picture and how he feels about a strange man being under his children's roof. At the end of the day, her first loyalty is to her children and not you because they are her children and you're not. You're not even her husband, which would give you a better footing--but if you don't get the first thing I mentioned above straightened out, you're not going to be that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author alex1030 Posted December 14, 2017 Author Share Posted December 14, 2017 Not unless the man and the woman come to an unshakable, united front agreement early on on how her children will be disciplined. It also depends upon whether or not the childrens' father is in the picture and how he feels about a strange man being under his children's roof. At the end of the day, her first loyalty is to her children and not you because they are her children and you're not. You're not even her husband, which would give you a better footing--but if you don't get the first thing I mentioned above straightened out, you're not going to be that. Already off to a bad start...children's bio dad is very involved and she introduced new bf after one month of dating. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 That's just plain irresponsible. If I was in that situation it would be at least 6 months before kids are introduced and a criminal background check. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 Back when I was doing that stuff, it was more reinforce what the mother's style of parenting was as well as offer my own unique influence as a role model. However, save for one lady who had a 15yo at home and a 22yo married, all the ladies I dated or had relationships with in that situation had pre-adolescent children. I never really dealt with teenagers. By and large the kids were pretty good. I liked kids and wanted some of my own so never really had an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 Already off to a bad start...children's bio dad is very involved and she introduced new bf after one month of dating. Ooooh, bad form. Yeah, she needed to hold off on doing that. What is the specific issue that bring you to us? Link to post Share on other sites
Author alex1030 Posted December 14, 2017 Author Share Posted December 14, 2017 Ooooh, bad form. Yeah, she needed to hold off on doing that. What is the specific issue that bring you to us? my specific issue is that i have my boys and he has his boys and we are blended. My bf's ex wife is constantly jumping relationship after relationship it puts a strain on our relationship because my bf starts to freak out over the potential effect on children then I absorb it. She has hinting at moving her boys to the places where these new randoms live, usually miles from us.I have never dealt with this situation before and looking for some sage advice. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 Perhaps rephrase the question? It sounds like this is anything but a childless man. Totally different dynamic. I'll retitle. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author alex1030 Posted December 14, 2017 Author Share Posted December 14, 2017 all her boyfriends are childless. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 all her boyfriends are childless. Well, he has no control over this, and it sucks, but it is what it is. And how many "miles" away are we talking? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 That's cool but it's difficult to give advice regarding third parties not participating. However, if you want speculation, sure they can work out. Anything is possible. What bearing does that have on your relationship issue? Do you think it'll change things if BF's ex has a successful relationship with a childless man? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 A childless man is a free agent basically. He can live anywhere, he is not tied to the mother of his children or schools or a specific area. If he decides to drag the bf's ex wife and the kids miles away, then he can do so, time and time again too. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 When my sons were ages 13yrs and 8yrs I met a childless man and started a serious relationship with him. One year later he moved in with us and we were together for 8 yrs. I guess I could say it worked but it was also very hard and at times dysfunctional. We tried the best we could but everyone had their own point of view and perspective. It was always a struggle and I'm kind of amazed that we stayed together as long as we did. Even more amazing is that when we did finally break up it had nothing to do with my kids as the oldest had moved out and my youngest was 16 and didn't really have a problem with my bf. We broke up because we reached a point where we realized we were just a bad match. When we met years earlier we were two broken people looking for a life raft to hold onto....but that's another story. As for your question, yes it can work. Yes my ex and I had problems due to my having children but those problems had nothing to do with him being childless. As a matter of fact, I'm sure if he had brought children of his own into the mix it would have only compounded the problems. I'm not sure what kind of sage advice you are looking for. There is nothing you can do about your bf's ex. You certainly don't get a say in who she dates or how she parents her children. If your bf is bringing his misery into your life because of how his ex behaves then your problem is with him, not her. You have to communicate your feelings to him but don't make it about his ex. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 I'm not sure what kind of sage advice you are looking for. There is nothing you can do about your bf's ex. You certainly don't get a say in who she dates or how she parents her children. If your bf is bringing his misery into your life because of how his ex behaves then your problem is with him, not her. You have to communicate your feelings to him but don't make it about his ex. A agree with this^^^. You need to have a conversation with your BF about keeping this drama out of your relationship and get a handle on it. If her actions are jeopardizing the welfare of the children, then he needs to take it to court. It's either that or find a new BF that doesn't have this kind of baggage and be the wiser not to take on another relationship like this again. Link to post Share on other sites
rushed Posted December 14, 2017 Share Posted December 14, 2017 I'm a single mom of 2 (13 year old daughter, 12 year old son) in a relationship with a childless man. We've been together for over a year, live together, and things are going quite well. I have 50/50 shared custody. I think things have been working for us because: * My kids are relatively well-behaved, polite, and get good grades. * My boyfriend doesn't ever try to discipline them. * I get along well with my ex-husband. We're both easy-going and flexible with who has the kids and when. * I'm independent financially. I have a good job and can pay my own bills. I don't rely on anyone for money. * My boyfriend is a pretty awesome guy. He understands that my kids can be with us at any time. He's not jealous of my ex-husband. (My ex-boyfriend used to get jealous that I would be texting with my ex-husband. I was like, "Dude, I'm talking to him about the kids!") He never insists on how I should parent my kids. He just makes kind suggestions (e.g. "Maybe staying up all night isn't a good idea." "When I was a kid my mom never gave me a choice regarding extra-curricular activities."). And he doesn't get hurt when I don't follow his suggestions. * I make sure we have time alone and plan dates for just the two of us. I know an important factor for my boyfriend is that I get along well with my children's father. Their dad doesn't interfere in our lives and there is no drama. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted December 15, 2017 Share Posted December 15, 2017 It worked well for us only it was in reverse. It was I who had 3 little boys and my wife was childless. It worked because one I made it clear at our initial relationship beginning my sons come first. As our relationship grew I made it clear I couldn't marry anyone that didn't truly love my kids. I had my radar up because I've seen to many times a guy will fame liking the kids to win a woman over. I watched my girlfriend at the time be the most loving giving soul to those boys when she was around them. She truly embraced and came to love those little boys. Two years in we got married and each son will tell you today, I have 3 parents and step mom is the best parent I have. Another key to our success is I was the soul disciplinarian, I did not lay that on her to do ever. My oldest is 27 now and not one single time did one of those boys ever disrespect her. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 15, 2017 Share Posted December 15, 2017 The previous two posts are SO important! Part of the reason my relationship with my ex-wife failed is b/c we did not sit down and adequately talk about our disciplinary roles/philosophies. We thought we had, but it was clear we hadn't. It didn't help that her older boy was manipulative and jealous of my older. Any blended families can work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
meigemann Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 Hello, I have personally never dated a man who has not had children but I would be very hesitant to lump all men into the same category. While I believe it would be an adjustment for a childless man to enter into a relationship with a single mother I do believe it is possible to establish and maintain a healthy relationship. With that being said both of you would need to be open and honest with your feelings going into the relationship and it may take a little added patience from each of you in the beginning. Hope this helps and good luck to you and your family Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 I was a single mom when I met my husband. I had a 12 yo boy who is now almost 16 . It works great. Like other posters said , he never disciplines my son, my son is a good kid, nerdy, good grades. My husband brags about him to other people. I wouldn't say they are very close but there is no conflict whatsoever. My ex isn't in the picture he just calls my son every three weeks and they speak for about 1h. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts