My Dating "adventures"

[Lorenza]

I don't know what's wrong with people nowadays. Nobody respects anyone. I know I'm guilty of being flaky in the past as well, but I've learned to treat guys as real people and not just generic online profiles (it's easy to get that illusion, especially on dating apps). I stopped cancelling dates and try to keep the conversation going instead of just disappearing, unless it's really going nowhere. I'm hoping to earn some karma points, but it doesn't seem like karma is going to reward me anytime soon, haha.

 

Misadventure #1 - met a guy in a pub, we took a beer. He seemed really nice at first and especially keen on meeting. Not really my type physically, but I could see myself liking him. Unfortunately he had to argue about eeeeverything little thing I said and tried to oppose most of my opinions. Even when I got back home, he kept on sending me links and writing longest messages about the topics we discussed. I told him I'm not looking for someone to debate. He kept going anyway! Asked me out again in few days and I was like nope, I don't have the mental strength to argue with someone and asked him to stop messaging me.

 

Misadventure #2 - another guy simply didn't turn up. It took me 50 min to get to the appointed place, what a complete waste of my time. He even confirmed the day before! I sent a couple of messages telling him I've waited enough and I'm leaving, but when I saw him online but not opening the messages, I didn't even bother wainting for his explaination and blocked him. Horribly disrespectful! How difficult it is to let someone know you won't make it, even if it's an hour before...

 

Misadventure #3 - I was chatting to a guy about a year ago. He seemed like an extraordinary person and a rather talented artist able to live off of it. Unfortunately, back then I was suffering from anemia and chronic exhaustion so I told him I really can't make the long ride to the town and would be glad if we could meet in the South. He took it somehow wrong apparently and responded in an awfuly rude way, so I immediately told him goodbye which followed up by him writing a couple lof messages how I'm lazy and he won't bother with me.

A week ago someone messaged me on a local dating site (apparently with fake pictures and profile info). After having a rather pleasant conversation, the asked me on a date in town and I agreed. Then he immediately revealed he's the artist from last year, told me off really rudely and said (very proudly) how I can go f myself and he won't meet me.

 

Misadventure #4 - met up with a guy from an OLD. He claimed he's looking for something serious and was adamant that we meet instead of chatting online and even suggested to come to my area for a date. We met in a pub and after about 20 min it became clear he is hinting on me giving him some free lessons (I teach playing a certain instrument). I got really irritated and was quick to end the date saying I'm needed at home.

 

Ugh, this is so exhausting. Really needed to vent about these awful guys. Any insights are welcome.

[Shining One]

Unfortunately, these things will happen. The best you can do is brush it off and move on. You're doing well by cutting things off when you do, wasting as little time as possible. Try not to let these get you down.

We met in a pub and after about 20 min it became clear he is hinting on me giving him some free lessons

Are you sure this wasn't a double entendre?

[Lorenza]

Unfortunately, these things will happen. The best you can do is brush it off and move on. You're doing well by cutting things off when you do, wasting as little time as possible. Try not to let these get you down.Are you sure this wasn't a double entendre?

 

It didn't sound like an attempt to sleep with me. He wasn't flirting at all, just acting really friendly and asking way too many questions about my lessons, mentioning how happy he would be if I could help him out with a piece and that he has the score with him

[Mystyry]

Ugh. How annoying. Sorry about all of your misadventures. Hope you are able (or soon will be able to) find some humor in it. Maybe all the normal ones already left for vacation and we should all try again in the new year? That is definitely what I am beginning to suspect as well.

[todreaminblue]

take some time off from dating for a little while....get your bounce back...maybe theres another form a dating other than online that you coudl try later......spend time with people who make you smile and laugh and get back your groove...they say when you stop looking you find what you are looking for test out the theory it may be your solution..im sorry you met some doozies...i have similar stories..yuck huh.......i stay away from dating sites.............deb...

[mortensorchid]

I wonder sometimes what our lives would be like if OLD never happened. I remind myself when I read stories like this from others or think of the things that happened to me that these people are like this no matter what. All you can say is that these guys are/were losers or they don't deserve you to begin with.

 

All you can do is keep moving forward. Focus on you and not disturbing the universe.

[Purepony]

At least your getting some activity I don’t even get messaged back. My friends now just laugh.

I just can’t grasp how when I used to not care or had a gf I would get offers and meaaages left and right :/

[Mkn1010]

I've already expressed my opinion countless times here that OLD is just not the way to go! I'm presently having the most success to date in 3 years with a guy I met in real life who (like me) doesn't use any social media accounts.

 

 

I really really wish I hadn't slept with some of the OLD losers I did back in the day and spent so much time being upset. My self-esteem suffered and I'm trying to heal STILL from the trials of that crap!

[viatori patuit]

I met my wife on tinder. I also met some KOOKS. One girl told me she had two felony meth convictions on the first date. She said she was all good though, she had been clean for seven months......

 

To me it was all good fun. Expectation management was key. I basically want to make it out of the date physically and mentally intact. The first night I met my wife I did not have a clue we would end up married. I actually had two dates that night. It just takes time.

 

Enjoy the ride. Things work out inn their own time.

[Popsicle]

I don't know what's wrong with people nowadays. Nobody respects anyone. I know I'm guilty of being flaky in the past as well, but I've learned to treat guys as real people and not just generic online profiles (it's easy to get that illusion, especially on dating apps). I stopped cancelling dates and try to keep the conversation going instead of just disappearing, unless it's really going nowhere. I'm hoping to earn some karma points, but it doesn't seem like karma is going to reward me anytime soon, haha.

 

Misadventure #1 - met a guy in a pub, we took a beer. He seemed really nice at first and especially keen on meeting. Not really my type physically, but I could see myself liking him. Unfortunately he had to argue about eeeeverything little thing I said and tried to oppose most of my opinions. Even when I got back home, he kept on sending me links and writing longest messages about the topics we discussed. I told him I'm not looking for someone to debate. He kept going anyway! Asked me out again in few days and I was like nope, I don't have the mental strength to argue with someone and asked him to stop messaging me.

 

Misadventure #2 - another guy simply didn't turn up. It took me 50 min to get to the appointed place, what a complete waste of my time. He even confirmed the day before! I sent a couple of messages telling him I've waited enough and I'm leaving, but when I saw him online but not opening the messages, I didn't even bother wainting for his explaination and blocked him. Horribly disrespectful! How difficult it is to let someone know you won't make it, even if it's an hour before...

 

Misadventure #3 - I was chatting to a guy about a year ago. He seemed like an extraordinary person and a rather talented artist able to live off of it. Unfortunately, back then I was suffering from anemia and chronic exhaustion so I told him I really can't make the long ride to the town and would be glad if we could meet in the South. He took it somehow wrong apparently and responded in an awfuly rude way, so I immediately told him goodbye which followed up by him writing a couple lof messages how I'm lazy and he won't bother with me.

A week ago someone messaged me on a local dating site (apparently with fake pictures and profile info). After having a rather pleasant conversation, the asked me on a date in town and I agreed. Then he immediately revealed he's the artist from last year, told me off really rudely and said (very proudly) how I can go f myself and he won't meet me.

 

Misadventure #4 - met up with a guy from an OLD. He claimed he's looking for something serious and was adamant that we meet instead of chatting online and even suggested to come to my area for a date. We met in a pub and after about 20 min it became clear he is hinting on me giving him some free lessons (I teach playing a certain instrument). I got really irritated and was quick to end the date saying I'm needed at home.

 

Ugh, this is so exhausting. Really needed to vent about these awful guys. Any insights are welcome.

 

Glad you typed this out so folks can see what the typical woman out there trying goes through. I would have reacted the same way in all scenarios except maybe the last one. People are always take advantage and ask for free stuff, it doesn’t mean they don’t like you. You just say you’d have to charge them and then that stops.

[act00]

I think you have to curb your expectations. It might work, it might not, and you got some good stories out of it. It's always good to take a break if you feel frustrated or you somehow manage to attract the crazies. Get yourself grounded again. I don't have major issues with OLD. Maybe it's because I'm older. There are some nuts out there, but my experiences have been overall good. Nothing has stuck, but it hasn't turned me off of it completely. Presently I'm off line. I'm dating someone who fixed me up, but I'm not sure about this one. Good guy and all. We'll see.

[Lorenza]

Ugh. How annoying. Sorry about all of your misadventures. Hope you are able (or soon will be able to) find some humor in it. Maybe all the normal ones already left for vacation and we should all try again in the new year? That is definitely what I am beginning to suspect as well.

 

I do find humor in it, but at the same time I'm so damn irritated hoping 2018 will bring something to the table. I've counted all my "first dates" this year - I've had 14 first dates (well not that many, but still) and only been kinda intrested in two of them. Unfortunately one was a cuckold and the other one too passive.

Then there was a nice guy with impossible body odor who bored me to death talking about his degree in physics;

A shy guy who could barely speak out of nervousness and didn't look me in the eye;

A former drug addict (I only found out on a second date);

An adventurer who was impossible to set up dates with;

And so on..

[Lorenza]

Glad you typed this out so folks can see what the typical woman out there trying goes through. I would have reacted the same way in all scenarios except maybe the last one. People are always take advantage and ask for free stuff, it doesn’t mean they don’t like you. You just say you’d have to charge them and then that stops.

 

I don't want to give out lessons at all, free or not. Dating is supposed to be fun and what's so fun about bringing your job into it. Usually I just say: "if I was a lawyer, would you ask for a consultation?" just to point out how ridiculous their requests are

[No_Go]

L, 14 first dates in an year is too much IMO, no surprise you feel exhausted. I had 2 first dates and still feel like I could have spared half (and counted 12 first dates in my lifetime total).

 

Why don’t you step away from dating for a little bit? Even 3 months date-free are going to help you re-gain your perspective, be more aware (pre-meeting someone), be more excited etc. I’m following this strategy myself and had the best fall in my life, not even exaggerating. Lots of fun self-dates (doing things I like to do in places I like to visit). Once I’m back on in at least I’ll be recharged not exhausted.

 

Dating without any breaks... especially after a string of terrible men... I just don’t understand how people can voluntarily do it, it is a pure torture...

 

I do find humor in it, but at the same time I'm so damn irritated hoping 2018 will bring something to the table. I've counted all my "first dates" this year - I've had 14 first dates (well not that many, but still) and only been kinda intrested in two of them. Unfortunately one was a cuckold and the other one too passive.

Then there was a nice guy with impossible body odor who bored me to death talking about his degree in physics;

A shy guy who could barely speak out of nervousness and didn't look me in the eye;

A former drug addict (I only found out on a second date);

An adventurer who was impossible to set up dates with;

And so on..

[Lorenza]

L, 14 first dates in an year is too much IMO, no surprise you feel exhausted. I had 2 first dates and still feel like I could have spared half (and counted 12 first dates in my lifetime total).

 

Why don’t you step away from dating for a little bit? Even 3 months date-free are going to help you re-gain your perspective, be more aware (pre-meeting someone), be more excited etc. I’m following this strategy myself and had the best fall in my life, not even exaggerating. Lots of fun self-dates (doing things I like to do in places I like to visit). Once I’m back on in at least I’ll be recharged not exhausted.

 

Dating without any breaks... especially after a string of terrible men... I just don’t understand how people can voluntarily do it, it is a pure torture...

 

Most of those dates were in the beginning of the year though. I've only gone to six during the last 4 months (and I'm counting the one who didn't show up, though it's not really a date). Usually very short ones too, I would just grab a beer after work, talk a bit and go home

[sdraw108]

L, 14 first dates in an year is too much IMO, no surprise you feel exhausted. I had 2 first dates and still feel like I could have spared half (and counted 12 first dates in my lifetime total).

 

I disagree actually. I think the OP's problems are very common, and dating is a numbers game. You have to wade through the endless torrent of crap dates to find the good ones! If you limit yourself to just 2 a year you might never meet anyone good. The odds just aren't in your favour.

 

I try to maintain a positive attitude. If a date is bad, well I had an interesting evening socializing with a stranger over some drinks. No big deal. Human interaction is a good thing even if it doesn't serve an end goal.

[CptInsano]

Stories like these are exactly the reason why I never did OLD. I like meeting people, but I prefer to meet them prior to having a date with them, so I don't end up with a series of dates that mean nothing and distort my perception of women.

[Shining One]

I don't want to give out lessons at all, free or not. Dating is supposed to be fun and what's so fun about bringing your job into it. Usually I just say: "if I was a lawyer, would you ask for a consultation?" just to point out how ridiculous their requests are

Unfortunately, these sorts of requests are incredibly common. The majority of women I've gone out with have asked for free IT services at one point or another.

[Popsicle]

I don't want to give out lessons at all, free or not. Dating is supposed to be fun and what's so fun about bringing your job into it. Usually I just say: "if I was a lawyer, would you ask for a consultation?" just to point out how ridiculous their requests are

 

Yes they would ask for a consultation if you were a lawyer. I do agree with you that there is nothing fun about bringing your job into dating.

[caveman621]

I've said this in a lot of other posts, but, for OLD, just don't expect to meet a LTR every date. Go out, have fun, chat. That's it. If there is absolutely no chemistry, block and move on. Just don't invest a lot in it until you think there is a possibility.

 

And, my current fiance (who I met in OLD) is on some chat groups and tells me these awful stories of horrible men that other women share. It boggles my mind. But, I guess, as a member of the male sex, I just want to say, we're not all jerks! It seems that there are a lot of jerks out there, but don't give up!

[Lorenza]

Unfortunately, these sorts of requests are incredibly common. The majority of women I've gone out with have asked for free IT services at one point or another.

 

I find it incredibly rude... I'm not even comfortable asking my friends for free services, not to mention strangers on dating sites.

[Lorenza]

I've said this in a lot of other posts, but, for OLD, just don't expect to meet a LTR every date. Go out, have fun, chat. That's it. If there is absolutely no chemistry, block and move on. Just don't invest a lot in it until you think there is a possibility.

 

And, my current fiance (who I met in OLD) is on some chat groups and tells me these awful stories of horrible men that other women share. It boggles my mind. But, I guess, as a member of the male sex, I just want to say, we're not all jerks! It seems that there are a lot of jerks out there, but don't give up!

 

Well, as you read in my OP, those dates weren't fun at all, with or without any expectations... :/ and usually I have very low expectations to begin with, kinda ready for a disappointment by a default

[No_Go]

Most of those dates were in the beginning of the year though. I've only gone to six during the last 4 months (and I'm counting the one who didn't show up, though it's not really a date). Usually very short ones too, I would just grab a beer after work, talk a bit and go home

 

Ok, but still - why keep dating if you feel burned out and disappointed? I don't mean give up, just take time off to refocus/recharge.

 

I'm personally totally not buying the 'numbers game' view. To me in dating quality >> quantity. I.e. one good date per year is better than 10 crappy ones. And landing on one good date is more than luck: OLD gives an amazing opportunity for pre-screening the dating objects, especially some more extensive platforms like eHarmony, OKCupid etc.

[Popsicle]

Quantity or quality is a valid debate.

 

I can't tell you which is better or which works more, I can only tell you what I'm comfortable with. I prefer quality over quantity and could never do tons of dates (or multidate). But to each his/her own. I think both methods have merit as long as you can tolerate it.

[Shining One]

To me in dating quality >> quantity. I.e. one good date per year is better than 10 crappy ones.

While I agree with this, you have no idea how a date will turn out until you are on it. I've been on terrible dates with women who were perfect on paper and excellent dates with women who were only "acceptable" on paper.

Quantity or quality is a valid debate.

I'd say that quantity leads to quality. When I increased my frequency of dates, I evaluated more women within a shorter period of time. Of course, I met more incompatible women, but I met compatible women too. If I had limited myself, I would not have met some of those compatible women.