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Old 13th December 2017, 1:13 AM   #1
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Back burner girl

Still working at OLD and not getting anywhere. Is anyone succeeding at it?? I'm beginning to wonder.

How do you deal with never being someone's first choice on a dating site?

Met another guy who messaged me. I liked him and thought there was chemistry there... suddenly he's become quiet, tossing out four word messages every now and then like bread crumbs that essentially say nothing... "hey, how was your day?" or something equally inane. If I answer back while he's still online he'll say "great. Going to bed. Goodnight". And that's it.

Apparently these dopes don't realize you can see whether or not they've actually logged off... instead I see he's been staying online for half the night talking to someone else while meanwhile he's saying he's going to bed apparently just to get rid of me.

Still, he's been trying to call every two or three days because we got as far as exchanging phone numbers initially. But I won't answer the phone. Why take it any further when you already feel relegated to the back burner? Not very flattering.

Now, I realize it's going to be rare to be anyone's "priority" on OLD. But how much are you willing to turn a blind eye to, and is it wise to do so? Should I answer his calls? Or based on the fact he's always online chatting with someone else (seemingly) more than he ever does with me, be a deal breaker?

I swear online dating makes my head spin... what to do, what not to do... Do I have too much pride to be online dating? I think so at times.

Last edited by Fair; 13th December 2017 at 1:15 AM..
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Old 13th December 2017, 1:16 AM   #2
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OLD is a waste of time for most people
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Old 13th December 2017, 1:22 AM   #3
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OLD is a waste of time for most people
It's not online dating, it's dating period. This is how it's always been.
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Old 13th December 2017, 1:25 AM   #4
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It's not online dating, it's dating period. This is how it's always been.
I guess you're right. I never was any good at this in any sphere... it's tough. Maybe I don't have what it takes, period.
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Old 13th December 2017, 1:29 AM   #5
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I guess you're right. I never was any good at this in any sphere... it's tough. Maybe I don't have what it takes, period.
dating in all its forms befuddles most people, including myself
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Old 13th December 2017, 1:30 AM   #6
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dating in all its forms befuddles most people, including myself
It's amazing so many people are in relationships or married... I don't know how they do it.
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Old 13th December 2017, 2:17 AM   #7
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There should be some kind of dating etiquette for OLD. For example if someone gave you their number in real life and then crossed the room to sit and flirt with someone else right in front of your face for six hours, would you call that person? Probably not. But on OLD... they're essentially doing the same thing, and then honestly expect you to be thrilled to get a call from them. Bah! Who needs it?
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Old 13th December 2017, 5:02 AM   #8
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So he tried to call you multiple times, but you never pick up? No wonder he lost some interest... You should expect him to talk to other women, just like you're allowed to message other guys. His excuse to end the conversation was lame, but a lot of people use that one online. In fact, I'm pretty sure some girls have used it on me.

Having said all that, I'm also not a fan of OLD. People in general are too flaky. Like it happens often to me that women just suddenly stop replying, or as in your case, the replies are getting shorter and you can tell they're not into it. I just try to let it go and move on to the next one
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Old 13th December 2017, 5:18 AM   #9
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Isnít the point of exchanging numbers to move the conversation away from the dating platform towards a more personal communication method?

When he calls: itís most likely to set up an actual date? Not answering- multiple times - makes you seem uninterested to move forward, and unless he is looking for a pen pale it makes sense to ďmove onĒ from his perspective.

You have never met and are neither first nor second choices. Right now you are mostly a bunch of pictures and vague ideas.
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Old 13th December 2017, 6:26 AM   #10
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Granted, they are or have been online, which means they're perusing or texting, but do remember that it might look like they're online, but they're not. I've left my browser open on the computer when I head off to bed or went to do other things, and I've heard people say here at LS that they think the apps might keep people "logged in" for an hour or so after they sign off or close the app. It is possible the guy went to bed.

Second, I think you're shooting yourself in the foot by not answering the phone. Part of this courting process is to move away from texting and the dating site. It's nice to hear their voice, sense of humor, tone, if you get along in real life, even though you have yet to meet. See if there's some chemistry. He could have wanted to talk in person and ask you out at that time, but you won't answer the phone, so I guess we'll never know if there was something there worth pursuing.

Accept the fact that people are on there to meet women/men, and are likely talking to more than one person, just like you are. You're not expressing much interest, so what do you want him to do?

Dating is a risk, and you kind of have to develop a thick skin and just enjoy the ride. Take a break once in awhile. If it's not for you, it's not for you, but you won't have the opportunity to meet the potential "one" if you don't put yourself out there a little bit and take a chance.
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Old 13th December 2017, 10:47 AM   #11
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All of your posts on this subject make clear that you're not in the right emotional headspace to be doing OLD. You're way too invested at a point when you really shouldn't be. Who cares if you're not someone's first choice when it really doesn't matter? The guys (emphasis on the plural, which means more than one) you pick aren't your first choice, either. Would you rather be the first choice of someone who is completely incompatible with you?

Expectations are resentments under construction. You need to check yours because they're making you bitter.
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Old 13th December 2017, 11:44 AM   #12
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It's amazing so many people are in relationships or married... I don't know how they do it.
It's by chance in my case. My husband and I had mutual friends, but we never hung out together. I only knew of him because he was at one time dating my best guy friend's sister. I saw him at my work (night club), liked what I saw, my friends helped me out with the rest bringing us together.
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Old 13th December 2017, 1:12 PM   #13
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So he tried to call you multiple times, but you never pick up? No wonder he lost some interest... You should expect him to talk to other women, just like you're allowed to message other guys. His excuse to end the conversation was lame, but a lot of people use that one online. In fact, I'm pretty sure some girls have used it on me.

Having said all that, I'm also not a fan of OLD. People in general are too flaky. Like it happens often to me that women just suddenly stop replying, or as in your case, the replies are getting shorter and you can tell they're not into it. I just try to let it go and move on to the next one
So basically you agree with me about OLD and have the same complaints yet you blame me for not answering the phone?

Incidentally I decided not to answer the phone AFTER I picked up on the fact that he was talking to someone else he's more interested in online, while brushing me off to get me out of the way. Re-read post.
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Old 13th December 2017, 1:55 PM   #14
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I know talking to multiple people online is somehow the universally accepted rule, but it is, in my opinion, the number one reason why it doesn't work.
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Old 13th December 2017, 1:57 PM   #15
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I know talking to multiple people online is somehow the universally accepted rule, but it is, in my opinion, the number one reason why it doesn't work.
I'll have to disagree with this. I found no success on OLD while talking to one woman at a time. When I started talking to and dating multiple women simultaneously, I started finding success.
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