Jaxxgirl76 Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 (edited) I was dating this girl and we'd been dating a year. She has three children who give her a lot of grief and I have been trying to be her Rock and her support. I feel like when she needs me I am always there for her for things. I'm there to help her with emotional issues, physical issues, any issues that may arise. When I need her though, she is not there for me. I can cry and she ignores me, I can be sick and she doesn't notice, doesn't ask me how I am or feeling. when I have told her before that this makes me uncomfortable she says that's just the way she is. I don't agree I believe that is just a cop out so that you can continue the behavior. She always tells me that relationships are about giving and all I seem to worry about is what I'm getting out of it. Really? I'm not really getting a lot out of it and she's getting everything so why wouldn't she say that? Any thoughts on this? She says that she has learned to be this way through the trials and tribulations of her past. Which I admit hasn't been pretty. But does that mean that I deserved to deal with her past? Edited December 12, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 (edited) l dunno , past is a pretty piss poor excuse after being together 12mths. There should be the trust and feeling there by now to be treating you better past or no past , especially considering everything you do. Can't stand hard cold women myself. One of the biggest and nicest things in a relationship is in how you are with each other, treat each other, make each other feel , Don't think you'll have much chance of change in her so if you don't wanna be treated like that then your gonna have to decide if you wanna put up with it or not.Meanwhile though toughen up a bit on her. Edited December 12, 2017 by Chilli Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 This is all dysfunctional: First mistake...Being a rescuer (White knight syndrome) You enable her selfish behavior without knowing it. Selfish people are narcissistic...only out for themselves, and take advantage of what they can get out of you. Second mistake: taking on her baggage that she can't let go of : If this is true about her, chalk it up as her being broken...her past: not your problem. This can't be fixed. Save yourself the grief and get out of this unhealthy relationship. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 You are still in love with your ex so surely it is time to let this one go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 I would wager that her "trials an tribulations" of the past were problems she caused by being selfish and self centered. All of her horror stories of her problems in the past probably conveniently leave out the part that she was a major, self-centered, douche and was the actual cause of the issues. She doesn't need be there for you to get your support either, you are showing her that if she puts 0 effort into making you happy or showing she cares much, you will still be there for her and that is not going to do much for you in the long run. When my ex fiancée she was telling me how horrible I was and all the things wrong with me one time, I stopped and told her...I paid the mortgage, I paid the heat, cable, water, electricity, bought food for her and her kids, bought her a car, paid that insurance, bought her kids clothes and beds, was nice to her friends and family when they came over, etc., whereas she basically ignored me, rejected my efforts to spend time with her, had no interest in anything I was doing, was stand-offish to friends... I told her I knew what she was getting out of the relationship but asked her to tell me one thing she believed I was getting out of the relationship from her. The look on her face while she tried to come up with one thing said it all. It was a pure, honest look of "you got me there". I would issue a direct challenge and ask her what advantage is it for you to continue to see her. I'd be willing to bet there will be an awkward silence for a while as she realizes there is nothing she can say. Self-centered people don't think about benefits for anyone but themselves. She will probably have no concept of what would even be a benefit to someone else in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 Hoover. Don't let her suck the notion that women can be warm, caring creatures out of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 She always tells me that relationships are about giving and all I seem to worry about is what I'm getting out of it. Really? I'm not really getting a lot out of it and she's getting everything so why wouldn't she say that? Any thoughts on this? She says that she has learned to be this way through the trials and tribulations of her past. Which I admit hasn't been pretty. But does that mean that I deserved to deal with her past? Partially true. But both people in the relationship need to give. You are giving, and it sounds like she is not. You should talk to her about this and state clearly what it is you need from her. If she is unwilling to agree or put in the effort then it's probably time to end it. Link to post Share on other sites
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