Not ready for commitment but now has a gf

[p011yp0ck3t]

I was seeing a kid last semester from another country. He played sports at my college & all of the sports kids are known to be players when it comes to females. He did some questionable things in the beginning like he would say inappropriate things mentioning a green card & all of that. I also found out he kissed someone else, even though me & him just started talking & getting to know each other that situation caused me to be checked out & his player status was verified by that. He also met up with his ex without telling me & I remember that was another reason I didn’t trust him. He made a comment about my major & how he did t care about it & I’m very passionate about what I’m studying so that was really hurtful to me bc it’s a part of who I am. So me & him stopped talking then & that was it.

 

He reached out to me about a month after this fall semester started. I found out through friends he was asking about me & wanted to say hello & talk to me, which I thought was sweet but I didn’t understand why it took him so long to reach out. So we met up & talked about what happened, he apologized, & I apologized for some of my actions as well. He told me that he liked me (which he didn’t tell me when we we’re together). He mentioned getting to know each other again & I told him what I was looking for. To spend time together, have fun, & to see where things go. I made it very clear that i wasn’t not interested in a hookup, or sex without monogamy bc i just can’t do that. But if that’s what he wants that’s fine but I’m not getting involved & if we decide we both want a relationship out of this we would take it from there. He was down for that. So we tried & things were going well up until like the second week in when he started saying things to me that were red flags. He was saying how he’s attracted to me physically but not emotionally & he wasn’t about the feelings or anything & how he thought I was more into him then he was into me. I was really annoyed & frustrated with that & it bothered me so much. He would bring up how he wanted to be intimate (like have sex) but i would tell him how could i be intimate with you when i don’t even know how you feel after you just said you’re only about the physicality’s of this no emotion. Things went downhill after that.

 

Someone told me that they saw him hooking up with girls at the bar a couple of weeks ago so obviously I confronted him about that & it happened before we started seeing each other again. He got really mad, he told me about his past relationship which I guess is a reason why hes scared? we were fine but then i decided to meet up with him the next day bc i didn’t understand what was going on. He decided he couldn’t do it anymore & he didn’t know what he wanted from this. He didn’t know where he would be after college if he would even be in the USA. He told me he wished I didn’t care so much & it just seemed to me all he wanted was sex with no strings attached. He had to go to practice & we didn’t accomplish anything bc he said he didn’t want to stop seeing me. So I texted him later & asked him if he wanted to meet up again & he said no & he didn’t think we should talk anymore. Later i was eating dinner with one of my friends who also knows him and while i was eating she went to get food & talked to him for like an hour & he told her something completely different than what he told me. He told her that he was scared & wasn’t ready for commitment but he respects me a lot as a person & it wasn’t my fault. I asked him for closure & he never texted me back. I deleted him on social media because that’s how I move on.

 

I thought it was my fault & felt like I shouldn’t have cared so much so quick but when you previously had something with someone I feel like that’s hard to do.

 

I found out a week later he’s already seeing someone else. Not to be cocky but she’s nothing compared to me. I texted him about it because I was so angry & upset which I know I shouldn’t of done this but I wanted to let it out. I told him I lost respect & hated him & I didn’t want him to ever hit me up again. I know it was immature but I was so hurt by the situation. We went back & fourth with each other & that was it.

 

I posted a picture on Instagram, my account is public. We don’t follow each other, I unfollowed him & he liked my picture. I texted him, which I shouldnt have done but I told him to stop creeping on my instagram & he said it was his “bad” and one of his friends liked it & have a good one. I told him to stay away from me & that we’re not cool & that I’m good over here & he can stay over there.

 

I feel terrible because I still have feelings for him & I really thought things would be different & work out this time bc he told my friends that he wanted to date me last year & make it official.

 

He’s still someone that other girl & i flipped out on him for talking to someone else after not even a week of us not seeing each other anymore. he said they’re not dating blah blah. He went to her house for thanksgiving with her sister & her sisters boyfriend.

 

Update: after thanksgiving i found this out...

 

his friend posted a picture of him & the boys said “Don’t even try... (his name) *bobby has a gf ?”

 

I’m not too sure if this is a joke or serious but I talked to one of his friends that’s a girl that he introduced me too & she said she heard he has a girlfriend, the only thing is I know she liked that picture so idk if she’s assuming that or someone actually told her.

 

I was at a party this weekend & he was there. I went with another sports team & when we got there he purposely cut in front of me while I was talking to my friends to say hello to them... it was so awkward so I walked away with my friend Cathy & we went to say hi to another group of people & he followed us & did the exact same thing... he posted a picture of him & his gf on Instagram from that night & I am heartbroken.

 

I’m so hurt because he told one of my friends he couldn’t talk to me because he wasn’t ready for commitment & now he’s committed to someone? & he wasn’t sure if he can even stay in the USA. How does this make any sense at all?

 

This makes me wonder what if I wasn’t so serious & just see where things went if it would have worked. I really am like hating myself for knowing it I’m going to date someone I’m going to want a relationship. Like that’s what I want, I’m not looking to waste time, but like why can’t I just be comfortable with seeing where things go?

 

Do you think this is gonna last? Like I’m so hurt. & I don’t even know why I still care...

[smackie9]

Maybe he wanted to have sex first before committing to a relationship...so he found a girl that was ok with that. Or he simply found someone he really likes. Looks are not everything you know. some guys prefer someone who isn't judgey and always questioning. Maybe this girl is temporary and she doesn't know it.....his biz not yours to worry about. Things just didn't work out between you two...no one needs their balz busted over it.

[d0nnivain]

For whatever reason even though you can't see it, she has something he likes. Yes, it hurts because you got rejected. It hurts more because from your perspective you were replaced very quickly.

 

 

It's really not you. It's just something about the way they fit together.

 

 

Write him off. Next time don't give your heart away so easily & listen when a guy tells you he can't fully commit.

[stillafool]

She has captured him emotionally. As said by others looks aren't everything as there are lot's of pretty people. Personality is what sets you apart.

[kendahke]

Maybe she's known him longer than he's know you?

 

Maybe she can travel with him back to his country and therefore she's a better candidate for committing to than you?

 

Maybe she's just a short term girlfriend who doesn't mind sex right now and is cool with the fact he's leaving the country?

 

Whatever his reasons, it boils down to him not wanting to be committed to you. Yeah, it hurts. You two never sounded like you were a good fit from the start. Sounded way too forced to me.

 

You got your closure, so now move on.