Jump to content

Story Time : Pretty sure I just let the girl of my dreams slip away


TinyTurtles

Recommended Posts

Hi everybody,

 

Let me start by saying I'm not really sure why I'm writing this. Maybe I'm looking for someone who's had a similar experience, some supportive words or maybe I just want to get it off my chest. I just felt like writing down how I feel. It's a story you've probably heard a million times before, but here goes. It might turn into quite the letter, so feel free to skip it if you don't feel like reading :)

 

Let me start by telling you all a bit more about myself. I'm 27, not bad looking (or at least I think so), never had any troubles around women and have had a few girlfriends over the past years. The only problem is that none of my relationships last very long, because I just don't fall in love. After a couple of months my flame slowly dies out and things just fall flat.

 

Now let's go back in time 6 years. I'm at uni and my best friend stumbles into my room and proudly announces he has a new girlfriend. We were like brothers, so obviously I'm happy for him. A couple of weeks pass and I eventually get to meet her. She turns out to be absolutely amazing and we hit it off great. But of course she's my best friend's girl, so there's no way in hell I'd ever think about her in a sexual way.

Four years pass and me and my best friend fell apart. Lots of things happened and let's just say we didn't consider each other as friends anymore. I'm still in contact with his girlfriend and we still get along great and have the best time whenever we see each other.

Enters the day where she texts me that she and my ex-best friend broke up. Apparently things weren't working out anymore. I comfort her and whatnot and that's that. I still couldn't see her as anything more than a good friend and obviously neither could she. Also, the timing was completely off for me to do anything as she needed time to recover.

About a year passes. She's had a couple of new relationships, but nothing major. We still see each other on regular occasions and just enjoy doing things together.

 

This is the point where I start to realise that after knowing each other for five years, I still can't point out a single thing I dislike about her, and that whenever we're together I can't stop smiling like an idiot. I feel happy for three days straight after meeting up, that she's the first person I want to call when I have something to tell, that she's the first person I think about in the morning,... You know where this is going. Basically, I realise that this might be the first time in my life I've actually been hopelessly in love. Or rather, I finally admit to myself I'm in love with her.

Bare in mind it took a really long time for me to allow myself to see her as anything more than a friend. She'd always been the one person that was completely off limits to me. After realising I love her I just froze. For the first time in my life I was afraid to make a move or even tell her. I couldn't stop thinking 'what if I screw it up'.

Then, one night after a party and one too many drinks I finally tell her how I feel and try to kiss her (don't ever do this!). She was having a really rough time back then, so the last thing she needed was me doing dumb stuff like that, but obviously drunk me decided to ignore all those things and royally screw up. She understandably gets mad for being an idiot and tells me we'll never be able to be anything more that friends.

We spend some time in the NC zone because things got awkward after that, but after a while we meet up again because we miss hanging out and talking together.

We slowly start rebuilding our relationship and trust for each other (this was exactly one year ago) and after a couple of months we're back to being where we were before.

 

Queue the past three months, and this is where things start getting confusing for me. We start growing closer together. We're texting every single day, she ends up inviting me over for movie nights and we end up cuddling on the couch together, we sleep and cuddle in the same bed when we go on a trip with friends and share a few drunk kisses and some of the most intense slow dances I've ever had. So at this point I start getting my hopes up, but I'm still hesitant, because I ****ed up so badly a year before and she clearly told me back then 'I don't think we can ever be more than friends'. I don't want to go back to not talking or worse (screwing things up permanently), because that would devastate me, so I don't do anything even though she's giving me every signal.

 

Last chapter : This past weekend I finally decide I've had enough and I ask her if she'd consider dating me. No commitments, just taking it slow and seeing what happens. She tells me she's been waiting on me to ask her out for the past three months, but that I'm too late now. Apparently two weeks ago a guy she's had a crush on for the past couple of years broke up with his girlfriend of six years and showed up on her doorstep in the middle of the night declaring he likes her. WORST TIMING EVER!!! Screw that guy! But yeah, they've just started dating and like all new relationships they're head over heels for each other and obviously she's not willing to drop everything for me anymore. I waited too long and she moved on.

 

So now I'm left feeling absolutely crushed. She is my dream girl in every single way and I let her slip right through my fingers. What if this was my one shot at true love. I'm a positive guy and I bounce back fast, but this is the first time I've ever felt completely lost. The only slither of hope I have left is that they end up crashing and burning somewhere along the way, but that's not looking very likely. Or at least not for quite a while. I also don't want to stop seeing her, because I do enjoy every second I get to spend with her, but I don't know how I'll cope with seeing her with another man. So yeah, feeling pretty damn lost at the moment.

 

Anyways, so far for my story. If you stuck with me till the end, thank you for reading. I feel glad I got that off my chest, even if it is to a bunch of strangers on the internet and my story ends up getting lost somewhere on the world wide web :) Feel free to leave a reply (or not), and don't make the same mistake I made I guess, because this is the worst I've ever felt in my entire life.

Link to post
Share on other sites

At this time you feel she is your dream girl because you can't have her.....there are plenty of dream girls out there, you are just too blinded by this girl to see them.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, I am sorry to hear. That said....

 

1. I don't get this current trend of guys being cuddle-buddies up to and including sleeping in the same bed w girls they aren't having sex with. Stop that! Nothing good can come from this. Anyway I suspect THIS put you in the...*ahem*...cuddle-buddy zone. I mean, you are thinking about why this didn't work out, yet all this time in the same bed together and NEITHER of you desired the other enough to push for sex? :confused: Yeah, exactly...

 

2. In light of 1. above I'm not positive it is bad timing though. I mean, her current boyfriend only did basically what you had done previously--proclaim his feelings to her suddenly. She said yes to him though.

Edited by Imajerk17
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

@TinyTurtles ~ Sorry to say this but you're just an option to her, whereas you are making her your priority. If she wanted you should would have made a move so this just shows low interest on her part. Don't hang around waiting for her to break up with the other guy, don't be anyone's Plan B. I think you should simply keep her as a friend and date other people.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
mortensorchid

All I can say is that you live, you learn, you move on.

 

Next time you won't be like this. Good luck.

Link to post
Share on other sites

In my opinion, where you went wrong was "cuddling on the couch" and "cuddling in bed" without making a move. That was your opportunity, and you missed it. I'd just back off entirely and go look for another gal, not putting much effort into being friends with this "girl of your dreams" anymore. If things don't work out with her new guy, maybe she'll give you a shot, but I doubt it. It doesn't sound like she feels the same way as you do.

Link to post
Share on other sites
So now I'm left feeling absolutely crushed. She is my dream girl in every single way and I let her slip right through my fingers. What if this was my one shot at true love. I'm a positive guy and I bounce back fast, but this is the first time I've ever felt completely lost. The only slither of hope I have left is that they end up crashing and burning somewhere along the way, but that's not looking very likely. Or at least not for quite a while. I also don't want to stop seeing her, because I do enjoy every second I get to spend with her, but I don't know how I'll cope with seeing her with another man. So yeah, feeling pretty damn lost at the moment.

.

 

You don't cope with that, you cut it out like cancer.

 

The girl sounds like she friend zoned you a long time ago. She knows she can always fall back on that excuse, since she told you that's all you would be, while using you as an emotional pin cushion until she found a man that she is interested in. I don't think she's a dream girl. You've just got a lot of emotions tied up in this situation. Your best bet is to cut contact and move on. Actually, you should have done that the first time she clearly said she only considered you a friend. Now she's said it twice. If you keep orbiting, it's on you 100%. But don't be hard on yourself. We've all done this in the past.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine
Well, I am sorry to hear. That said....

 

1. I don't get this current trend of guys being cuddle-buddies up to and including sleeping in the same bed w girls they aren't having sex with. Stop that! Nothing good can come from this. Anyway I suspect THIS put you in the...*ahem*...cuddle-buddy zone. I mean, you are thinking about why this didn't work out, yet all this time in the same bed together and NEITHER of you desired the other enough to push for sex? :confused: Yeah, exactly...

 

2. In light of 1. above I'm not positive it is bad timing though. I mean, her current boyfriend only did basically what you had done previously--proclaim his feelings to her suddenly. She said yes to him though.

 

 

I don't understand cuddle buddies either. I mean what happens when OP gets an erection? Does he hide it from her? Do they just both ignore it and continue to cuddle? I just don't get the logistics of it.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't understand cuddle buddies either. I mean what happens when OP gets an erection? Does he hide it from her? Do they just both ignore it and continue to cuddle? I just don't get the logistics of it.

 

As a man, I'm so happy I was never a "cuddle buddy." :lmao: Sounds absolutely dreadful...

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
MaleIntuition

Easier said than done, but try to not blame yourself for perceived mistakes. It takes two to form a relationship. Casting aside stereotypes; she had been waiting for you to ask her out for three months after already rejecting you once? That sounds like an excuse, she knew what you wanted. You didn’t miss an opportunity, she did.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Wow, thanks for all the replies guys.

 

I guess she did zone me off quite some time ago, but I just refused to accept it. I mean, I do have her placed on a pedestal in comparison to other women, so yeah, what are you gonna do. It was just so confusing these past couple of months. I tell her how I feel, she rejects me and then six months later all of the sudden she starts inviting me over for movie nights, we start kissing, and then she tells me she's been waiting on me to kiss her or ask her out for the past couple of months. Maybe she truly did change her mind and was willing to give it a shot, but at this point I was too scared about misreading the signals again to try anything new.

 

About the cuddle-buddies part. I don't even know myself. I've never been scared to make a move on a girl. If you don't try you'll never know right. It was just with her. Maybe because she's the first girl I've ever cared this much about, I don't know. I mean come on, a movie night when her roommate is out of town. Doesn't get more obvious than that right and I knew it. And still I go over there end up on the couch with her and just freeze like an idiot, even though at that point I was pretty sure what we're both waiting for. This was two weeks before the other guy showed up on her doorstep mind you, so if there ever was a window of opportunity I guess that was it.

 

Anyways, I'm pretty sure I'll recover. Like I said, I do bounce back quickly, it's just that these are the first few days and It's hard. I'm just mad at myself for being such an idiot and not saying or trying anything sooner. Would it have made any differences, maybe, maybe not, I'm not sure, but right now I'm just stuck playing out every 'What if' scenario in my mind and it's not a fun feeling.

 

About cutting her out completely. I don't know if that's what I want to do, because we do get along great, but I'll definitely need some time off for my mind to reset. First I need to be able to see her as a non-love interest. I don't want to be that guy who's secretly waiting for the girl of his dream, trying to hold on to that last slither of hope. I know if I do that I'll just be lying to myself and it would put too much strain on my feelings. Guess we'll just have to wait and see

Link to post
Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara

She said you would never be able to be anything more that friends, so why would she then expect you to ask her out a couple of months later? That makes no sense.

 

If she changed her mind, then she should have told you that. The fact that she didn't suggests that she wasn't really that keen. Evidently she was way more interested in this other guy.

 

I would advise you to cut your losses and move on, but you have idealized her so much that it is probably going to take some time to get over.

 

For your sake, I hope it isn't too long.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't understand this cuddling and flirting thing with "friends." Friends don't do that. In addition to cuddling while watching movies, you slept in the same bed and cuddled, shared some kisses, and romantically slow danced...not what friends do. It seems she keeps you around for some affection and something sort of like a boyfriend until she meets someone she is truly interested in. Maybe this behavior was her way of hinting to take it to the next level, but when cuddling and flirting is part of this "friendship," how are you supposed to know? She could have expressed her feelings or made a move on you. I think it was up to her to do so, after the blowout a year prior. It was up to her to let you know she was ready. I think she's too wishy-washy, and I just don't see her as taking a huge interest in you if she quickly responded to some other guy she was crushing on. Sorry. I really am. Don't cuddle with "buddies." You don't cuddle up with your dude friends...friends don't cuddle.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

About cutting her out completely. I don't know if that's what I want to do, because we do get along great, but I'll definitely need some time off for my mind to reset. First I need to be able to see her as a non-love interest. I don't want to be that guy who's secretly waiting for the girl of his dream, trying to hold on to that last slither of hope. I know if I do that I'll just be lying to myself and it would put too much strain on my feelings. Guess we'll just have to wait and see

 

 

I've had a very similar experience myself. A close friend, who I was VERY attracted to, threw all sorts of signals at me 4 years into our friendship. But I was too cowardly to act on it, there's no other way of putting it.

This summer she suggested we go on holiday together, she found this romantic retreat, we went there for 8 days. Nothing happened, I made no move.

Haven't seen her since we got back, it's been 4 months now.

She contacted me this week, seemingly intent on giving me chance #124. Which I'm pretty sure I won't take either..:rolleyes:

 

I think the lesson is, don't make friends with people you're attracted to. If you're friends first, making that move, having the awkward conversation becomes this impossible hurdle. If you'd declared you're romantic interest from the start, it's so much easier.

 

That being said, if she's dating someone else you're making a huge mistake if you keep hanging out with her. That will only prolong the hurt.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You do know that there was nothing stopping her from telling you that she'd reconsidered your previous offer and that she would like to explore that, too--since she knew her mind well enough to be waiting on you.

 

I'd have done what you did--not broach the subject because she set her hair on fire over it the last time you did. She obviously lead you to believe that the only thing you could hope for from her was platonic friendship. I think it was kind of messed up that she kept that to herself, knowing that you did have those feelings and you did make a move.

 

Well, I would give her all the space she needs to go have fun with this relationship. I would not make myself available to be her emotional tampon, that's for sure. You don't want to be her male girlfriend: you want to be her man and she's not giving you that opportunity. And for the sake of all things good and holy, stop the cuddle buddy stuff unless you want to be a male girlfriend forever.

 

It sucks, I know, but in the long run, putting distance between you and her will be what you need to finally get her out of your system and make you emotionally available for someone who does wants to be with you in that way.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
She said you would never be able to be anything more that friends, so why would she then expect you to ask her out a couple of months later? That makes no sense.

 

If she changed her mind, then she should have told you that. The fact that she didn't suggests that she wasn't really that keen. Evidently she was way more interested in this other guy.

 

I would advise you to cut your losses and move on, but you have idealized her so much that it is probably going to take some time to get over.

 

For your sake, I hope it isn't too long.

 

Exactly!! I don’t blame you for not making a move after her reaction from last time. It was very poor communication on her part. Why did she reject you and come back a year later, and now has found another. I think you were her backup plan.

 

I also noted that your previous relationships were brief as you didn’t fall in love, but that it took years for you to realise that you loved this woman. Perhaps it just takes time to build that connection.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
todreaminblue

i don't agree with the cuddle bed thing either not with a guy friend.....its not respecting friendship boundaries at all.......either is intense slow dancing.......she said you took too long and she was waiting....she should have made a move and women who truly want to be with a guy...will make it clear.....no confusion......especially when they have already said no.....if she was interested it was her place to tell you yes....she would have picked up on your interest trust me....

 

she didnt :wait: for the crush guy did she?

 

as soon as he was available she was in there...this girl doesnt muck about....when she is truly interested....no wait...no delay

 

move on with your head held high this isnt your dream girl......she is out there waiting for you still......deb

Link to post
Share on other sites
Aiuta le mani

Hey friend! Thanks for sharing your heart here! It is not easy for some people to move from friendship to romantic relationship, but it is a great way to get to know someone deeply and see their real self before pursuing something else. About your specific situation, I see that you have tried to move to the next step in your relationship with this girl twice and both times, she has turned you down. Do you think that she is interested in you romantically if she has said no twice? Did she have the opportunity to let you know that she was interested in something else during the time before your last conversation? If she is head over heels with this new person, what are you waiting for before you make your final decision? What have your friends have told you about this relationship? It is always good to get the perspective of someone that sees the situation from the outside! Talk to others that care about you and get their opinion and make a final decision and remember that, whatever you decide, whether you wait or move on, it will be your responsibility and the consequences will be yours to bear! Keep your heart away from hate and regret!

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...