notrespaZing Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 So as the title says...I've been with my bf for about 6 months. My boyfriend has several friend groups, two of which I get along well, one of which I don't....at all. I've had issues with some people in that friend group before we got together and as a result we don't talk at all. When I'm around they are not invited and the other way around. Which is perfectly fine. A while back my boyfriend told me those friends are gossiping about my sex life. Apparently I harass people sexually, and one of those people told my boyfriend "she knows I enjoy having sex with many men at the same time" (which is not true). I am a bit upset over this. My boyfriend doesn't believe those rumors and says it's not important. I'm still upset about him telling me about it though as it accomplishes nothing and I don't talk to those people anyway. Now I get upset when he hangs out with them. I imagine them telling him horrible stuff about me. It just makes me really really uneasy and I don't know what to do about it... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 I would find it difficult to continue hanging out with people who so horribly badmouthed my partner. They should be keeping their opinions to themselves, so I am as confused as you are about why he, A) Reports their malicious gossip back to you, and B) Still considers these people his "friends." At the very least, he needs to stop telling you what these people are saying about you. As you said, telling you serves no purpose other than upsetting and hurting you. Perhaps he tells you in a roundabout way of verifying if any of this gossip is true, in which case, he's not just brushing it off. Why all the bad blood with this group, anyway? What's the backstory? How old is everyone here? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 Just tell him to stop telling you these things. I would question his integrity if he can't even stand up for you....he's spineless if he can't shut them down. This is something you should discuss with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 10, 2017 Share Posted December 10, 2017 IMO, up to your BF to set boundaries regarding gossip, especially in his presence. If his boundaries and yours differ, plenty of fish in the sea. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author notrespaZing Posted March 23, 2018 Author Share Posted March 23, 2018 So I know this is kind of an old thread, but it's kind of related issue. Like I mentioned a few months ago, I don't get along great with some of my boyfriends friends. It's my boyfriends birthday soon. To avoid any issues between me and those friends he organised several parties, one on his real birthday (which I am invited to) and one with his family (where I'm also invited). He organised a third party with the above mentioned friends and told me I was forbidden to come. Now I'm not exactly bothered about not going, as it would have just been annoying for me, but I feel kind of funny about the fact that he told me I was not allowed to come. I never even asked to be invited. I feel so funny about it I feel like not showing up at all on his real birthday. But I know that would be ****ty so I can't really do that. I don't want to ruin his birthday. I don't know. What do you think? Not exactly sure what kind of advice I'm looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 He organised a third party with the above mentioned friends and told me I was forbidden to come. Now I'm not exactly bothered about not going, as it would have just been annoying for me, but I feel kind of funny about the fact that he told me I was not allowed to come. Oh no, he di'nt... This is not ok. If my boyfriend hung around wih people who spread bad rumors about me and told me I was forbidden to go to his birthday party... Well, he wouldn't be my boyfriend anymore... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 I could not be in a relationship with a man who sat passive while his friends spoke badly about me. And I don't think I would be friends with people that blatantly disrespected my partner infront of me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 So as the title says...I've been with my bf for about 6 months. My boyfriend has several friend groups, two of which I get along well, one of which I don't....at all. I've had issues with some people in that friend group before we got together and as a result we don't talk at all. When I'm around they are not invited and the other way around. Which is perfectly fine. A while back my boyfriend told me those friends are gossiping about my sex life. Apparently I harass people sexually, and one of those people told my boyfriend "she knows I enjoy having sex with many men at the same time" (which is not true). I am a bit upset over this. My boyfriend doesn't believe those rumors and says it's not important. I'm still upset about him telling me about it though as it accomplishes nothing and I don't talk to those people anyway. Now I get upset when he hangs out with them. I imagine them telling him horrible stuff about me. It just makes me really really uneasy and I don't know what to do about it... So called 'friends' of ninety per cent of the guys I've dated have been nothing but complete pains in the you know what. It is my pet PEEVE when they start trying to get in the middle of your relationship, and it always seems inevitable that sooner or later, they'll try. If your boyfriend won't put them in their place, he's a discard. It won't get better. He won't defend you and dismisses your feelings because they're more important to him. Walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Nope, nope, nope. It would be bad enough if he was just forbidding you from a birthday celebration, but when you know these same "friends" say sh-t about you, you have every right to be furious. This isn't just shady, this is completely inappropriate. I can't begin to guess why he still wants to be friends with people who treat you so poorly, but so long as he prioritizes them over you this relationship will go nowhere. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Wow, I feel you. Out of curiosity, how long had you been together before you met this bad group? I was saying to someone the other day that I have made a certain mistake in the past, which is that if you are with someone and you introduce them to friends and/or family too quickly (and I mean a REALLY new relationship - we're talking less than 3/4 weeks), something not good happens. People have preconceived ideas and assume things, and when you show others that you are happy with this person before them, they ... Do not like that. Why? There are a lot of reasons, mostly based on jealousy and not being happy with themselves. Advice what to do? When I had two former women friends lean into me years ago over a situation very similar (although you say you are not / have not been promiscuous, I was ha ha ha) I stopped speaking to them. Their lives turned out to be complete train wrecks after that, but that's another story ... You're with your boyfriend, he's aware of this situation. And HE is okay with it? What does he say when these people tell him bad things about you? And, if I may ask, why does he remain friends with them if they continue to do something to him/you like this? Are you considering saying "it's me or them"? If and when you give an ultimatum like that, get ready for something not good to happen. In the example I gave, I got the impression these two gals leaned into me because one wanted to put down my self esteem to make them feel good about herself, the other was simply a follower. And I made the decision there and then that I wanted nothing to do with either of them ever again. I would suggest that you keep your distance from them. Your bf has his own work to do, but stay out of the relationship and don't ask questions, be involved in any way with that group. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 I thought you had the foresight to dump this chump months ago....seriously this guy has no integrity....and why are you still with him? Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 I would smack the taste of the guy's mouth that talked like that about my GF. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 Somebody's just jealous. Take the high road. Be polite and nothing more. He can't fault you for that. But do tell him if they say something mean or whatever. Be sad not mad so maybe his protective mode will kick in. Link to post Share on other sites
planb1973 Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 f*** him! I'm in a bad mood, excuse my language... Link to post Share on other sites
heavenonearth Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 How old are you guys? This just doesn’t seem right. I could not be happy in a relationship where my boyfriend had such bad judge of character that he would hang out with people who talk such disgusting things about me. No no and no. Why would you even want to be with someone like that? It’s so weak and totally unattractive. But i think when i was 20 i did stuff like that too. Or maybe it was just my abusive boyfriend at the time telling me that others hated me because he wanted me to feel bad - not sure. All i remember is that i often was not allowed at events because of said reason. And it was very painful This is not healthy for a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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