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36 year old woman's longest relationship has been 7 months


barbossa

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I recently started dating this girl. She is 36. Born and raised in the US. Yet her longest relationship in her life has been 7 months. I am confused AF

 

I always ask this question( How long was your longest relationship and what did you learn from it) to see what a girls relationships have been like, what I should be aware of, if we are the same page on relationships, I do not want to waste my time or hers.

 

even MD's and super successful career and business minded people I know have done better, much longer.

 

focusing on a career is not a viable excuse. Though that was her excuse when i asked her about it....She just has a normal white collar Management job.

 

if she was 18-23 I guess I would have more slack for her lack of commitment , maybe she just played around in college......

 

but 7 months?

 

My relationships after age 24 have been

2 years

4 years

1 year

 

Am i seeing red flags for no reason?

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Am i seeing red flags for no reason?

 

Yep. Not everyone is a relationship-y type. Maybe she just enjoyed more being single. Maybe she was preoccupied with other things in her life (doesn't need to be work). Maybe she just didn't date at all.

 

I was single by choice by age of 27.5 and loved it. Eventually biology took its course and I started dating/mating - literally wasted 5 years of my life in 3 relationships (2,1,2 years approximately). Will I do it again - yes, but I'll dearly miss my single times (when I'm single I am Single - not even joking with dates). If I can give an advice to younger people: don't stuck yourself in relationships because you feel you have to. It is a choice that fits some but not all.

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a 36 year old is no longer a girl (or a boy for that matter)

 

Your track record really isn't that much better than hers. At least she's not got a messy divorce, children and marriage debt on her.

 

Would an answer of "20 years and he was very abusive and cheated on me the whole time" be a better answer? Because I'd have an issue with someone who didn't have enough self awareness, preservation and smarts to get out of a relationship where their esteem was being trashed like that.

 

Could be that in that entire time, she didn't want to settle for someone mediocre. I've gone long stretches in my life where I didn't date because I was living in a place where the odds were not in my favor and I wasn't going to settle just to say "I got a man".

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a 36 year old is no longer a girl (or a boy for that matter)

 

Haha I wanted to say it but decided to shut up :D Girl/boy and respective adjectives for a person older than 18-20 always make me giggle, here we're talking about a mature lady double that age...

 

And indeed her situation is so much better than that of a lady with ton of baggage, angry ex-husband, kids from various baby-daddies, or even the simply classic 'aspiring wifey' monkey branching from dude to dude in a quest for The Ring :lmao:

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some_username1
I recently started dating this girl. She is 36. Born and raised in the US. Yet her longest relationship in her life has been 7 months. I am confused AF

 

I always ask this question( How long was your longest relationship and what did you learn from it) to see what a girls relationships have been like, what I should be aware of, if we are the same page on relationships, I do not want to waste my time or hers.

 

even MD's and super successful career and business minded people I know have done better, much longer.

 

focusing on a career is not a viable excuse. Though that was her excuse when i asked her about it....She just has a normal white collar Management job.

 

if she was 18-23 I guess I would have more slack for her lack of commitment , maybe she just played around in college......

 

but 7 months?

 

My relationships after age 24 have been

2 years

4 years

1 year

Am i seeing red flags for no reason?

 

If you want to date yourself then no you aren't.

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some_username1
Haha I wanted to say it but decided to shut up :DGirl/boy and respective adjectives for a person older than 18-20 always make me giggle, here we're talking about a mature lady double that age...

 

And indeed her situation is so much better than that of a lady with ton of baggage, angry ex-husband, kids from various baby-daddies, or even the simply classic 'aspiring wifey' monkey branching from dude to dude in a quest for The Ring :lmao:

 

In the instabook age most of them still think and act like 20 year old girls so it is an appropriate moniker- at least in my experience.

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In the instabook age most of them still think and act like 20 year old girls so it is an appropriate moniker- at least in my experience.

 

Sad, very sad. 30 year old lady acting like a girl may look hilarious but is suggestive for very serious problems...

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I think it depends on why... She might be really shy or inexperienced and it just turned out that way for her.

 

But if she has dated a lot of guys, it's probably a red flag.

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Scarlett.O'hara

I guess we all have different ideas of what stands out as a red flag because personally I found your question more of a red flag than her response.

 

If some guy I went out on a date with asked me, "How long was your longest relationship and what did you learn from it?", I would probably ask if him if he was a hiring agent.

 

It sounds like such a formal question, like something you might be asked during a job interview. It could make some people feel very uncomfortable opening up about their private life. It doesn't sound like a nice way to build rapport and get to know someone.

 

You may be an open book with your dates, however, for some people, talking about past relationships can be an extremely personal question, and not something they feel comfortable revealing to someone they barely know.

 

A better approach would be to ask what your date is looking for in a partner and what type of relationship they would like to have. That should help establish whether you are on the same page and potentially compatible.

 

In regards to the woman you are dating now. She may be very keen to have a long term relationship with the right guy, but you won't know that based solely on her past. The only way you are going to find that out is to get to know who she is and what she wants now.

 

Good luck.

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If some guy I went out on a date with asked me, "How long was your longest relationship and what did you learn from it?", I would probably ask if him if he was a hiring agent.

Exactly. I thought the same thing, OP, after reading this question.

 

That said, and solely responding to your dilemma, I understand what you are asking, but yes - as many on here - also think you are making conclusions on not enough information. Spend some time and get to know her to understand if lack of relationship experience is a point of concern.

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For me it would depend on how many 7 month relationships she had. Was it a dozen and the best was 7 months? That would be an issue. Either she bails or they do.

 

I went out on a date with one girl (for the PC crowd it is meant in the same way you would use “guy” for a dude) and she NEVER had a long term relationship and she was early 40s. NEVER!

 

After a drink I quickly realized why. As for yours, it’s possible she hasn’t met the right person but it’s also possible she runs or is run from often.

 

As with any new girl, keep your eyes and ears open for minimum 6 months before you invest feelings.

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Yup.

 

It would have been my answer, but I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and he says it is the healthiest, happiest, and best relationship he has ever had.

 

There are so many other things to consider when you are looking at someone as a potential partner... It is one, very small piece of the puzzle. So... don't pass judgment because you just never know what someone else's path in life has been...

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Could be 50 reasons but yours doesn't sound much better with all short relationships and you say you always ask this too.

Well that alone sounds pretty rehearsed and way too use to all this dating crap so that'd be a worry in itself also.

 

lf it was me sure you bet if l really liked her of course l'd give it a chance.

Might not even matter anyway because you might not even like each other anymore in a wks time.

bUT on her side that's not that old could've been study or family things , or earlier career stuff , just hasn't met the right guy or a million other reasons.

Edited by Chilli
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Yup, your question about her relationship past and what she learned from it would be a red flag to me. Sounds like a job interview.

 

That said, the fact that she didn't have any long term relationships may just mean that she has a very fulfilling life. The right guy would be the icing on the cake. Not everyone needs to date and have relationships to be happy.

 

How did she react to you testing out 'bro' on her? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/645289-why-do-girls-get-offended-me-calling-them-bros

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Oh my, was that you who was wondering why a woman does not like being called "bro?"

 

I would think the fact that you lack the insight to understand why this is not socially appropriate is more of a red flag than the fact that this woman's longest relationship was 7 months...

 

Yikes!

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She is free to have relationships or not

Age does not equal maturity.

 

 

and some girls/guys like to stay single for a while.

 

Don't judge her over trivial matters, get to know her and see if it works before you build these unnecessary walls from the start!

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Sad, very sad. 30 year old lady acting like a girl may look hilarious but is suggestive for very serious problems...

 

Sad to you, not to them!

 

They are free to do whatever.

 

Why people have to bind by the age boundaries still

 

I mean people now can do whatever they want.

 

Why do they have to act according to what you think is appropriate?

 

Maybe, you matured at age 12 ( good for you) and they will mature after they turn 35.

 

 

So this is the world we live in now with technology.

 

People will not act to the boundaries that once was established, I am sure you cross many other boundaries and I am sure it is sad for other observers.

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I guess we all have different ideas of what stands out as a red flag because personally I found your question more of a red flag than her response.

 

If some guy I went out on a date with asked me, "How long was your longest relationship and what did you learn from it?", I would probably ask if him if he was a hiring agent.

 

It sounds like such a formal question, like something you might be asked during a job interview. It could make some people feel very uncomfortable opening up about their private life. It doesn't sound like a nice way to build rapport and get to know someone.

 

I had the same response. Then, OP, you go on to say that her answers are "excuses."

 

It's fine if you don't want to date her because her relationship history is an issue for you, but no woman you are getting to know needs to justify her life to you. Same goes in reverse.

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I agree with most of the other responses here OP.

 

I don't think that one answer tells you much about her. It wouldn't be a reason for me to date her or not - which also means I am not sure why I would ask it. If it came up in conversation, OK, but to me it would just be part of a conversation, it wouldn't flag anything.

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Eternal Sunshine

If someone asked me "So what have you learned from your longest relationship?", I would excuse myself to go to the toilet and then leave via the back exit.

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OP, i think if your requirement criteria for dating are "you must have been in as long or longer relationship as me".. then you should state that in your opening line and bio or whatever and save yourself time and headache.

 

I can sort of see where you are coming from though. You are concerned that a person that has not been in a long relationship in the past will continue to not be in long relationships (or in a relationship with you) in the future. it seems like a very reasonable conclusion and you will most probably be proved correct in your assumptions.

 

 

where i am coming from is, why do you think you need to use yourself and your relationship history as the yard stick by with other people and their relationships should be measured by?

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heartbrokenlady

I am very wary of people who have had no LTR. My ex was one of those and lo and behold, he had no idea the commitment or compromise needed to work at long term love. And it IS work.

 

I knew this before I got with him but threw caution to the winds. Stupidly.

 

An otherwise nice guy I considered dating is the same. And now I know him better, I can see why. Very judgemental. Wants life EXACTLY his own way. No idea about the need to compromise. No idea about the hurdles LTR may face.

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OP, i think if your requirement criteria for dating are "you must have been in as long or longer relationship as me".. then you should state that in your opening line and bio or whatever and save yourself time and headache.

 

I can sort of see where you are coming from though. You are concerned that a person that has not been in a long relationship in the past will continue to not be in long relationships (or in a relationship with you) in the future. it seems like a very reasonable conclusion and you will most probably be proved correct in your assumptions.

 

 

where i am coming from is, why do you think you need to use yourself and your relationship history as the yard stick by with other people and their relationships should be measured by?

 

if Her past dating history from let us say ages 18-36 ( assuming she started dating at least by 18.... most people start before that especially in the US)

 

Either she was a player, liked to play around, did not want to commit

either she chose really poorly and continued to do so again and again

she had really really bad luck in men,

there is some sort of special circumstances to explain it

 

If I am looking for a long term relationship with someone but i see that their previous pattern of relationships has been extremely short "relationships"

I won't be convinced that she is the correct person for me. It would be a waste of my time and effort and i could forgo a better person

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CautiouslyOptimistic

7 months is around the time in a committed relationship where you start to really see if you want to be with that person forever. So, I'd say she's probably just really discerning and won't settle, so good for her.

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I expect a higher level of commitment than 7 months

 

The answer is inert.. meaning because a relationship has 2 people in it then you can't hold her to the expectation that her relationships don't last because the other person played a role in it's demise too..

 

What if she didn't end them ? maybe she was cheated on and ended it, maybe he turned out to be a drunk or a wife beater..

 

The point is the question isn't something you can properly judge her on..

 

Why not just ask her about her last relationship and why it ended instead.. more info there

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